Urgent help needed!

[laobali]

Very easy, when born DNA test that's it.

And when yours take responsebility.

And do not go back to Thailand until some time after the baby (if it's real) is born. And don't send money.

Edited January 22, 2014 by laobali

[thai4me]

Whatever the outcome, you have my utmost respect for taking responsibility.

Surely do a conclusive test, and if it is yours, your kid is lucky to have a dad like yourself.

Good on you mate.

Edited January 22, 2014 by thai4me

[abrahamzvi]

I know I'm going to get a lot of "You've fallen for the trap.... You are careless comments...." But this will not help my situation. I have a problem and I'm trying to talk about it with others in an open forum rather then keep it to myself. Any advice is greatly appreciated.

It is very honourable of you to make sure that both your GF and her (your??) child are being taken care of. Obviously, if it appears to you it is your child after the ultrasound examination, you have to decide how to proceed. What looks to me as a most sensible way is to start with, is to ask yourself if you really love the young lady and if you think you can spend the rest of your life with her. If you do, marvellous, go ahead and take her to Australia if you can. However, if the answer to both questions are not in the affirmative, it would be a mistake. What I would suggest then is to leave her in Thailand and SUPPORT her financially. I don't really know your financial situation, but even an amount of BHT10K is not a fortune in Australia. Such a solution would be fair and good for all 3 of you. A child can't really grow up in a positive way if the parents can't really get along. This applies worldwide, irrespective of cultures and races.

[recycler]

Did you ask her how many other potential fathers she contacted?

Hospitals get confused on crowded deliveries, even in Thailand ;-)

[Kangawallafox]

I'm guessing she works as a cashier or something, the only cashier in the joint.

Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

[BlueSkyCowboy]

I know I'm going to get a lot of "You've fallen for the trap.... You are careless comments...." But this will not help my situation. I have a problem and I'm trying to talk about it with others in an open forum rather then keep it to myself. Any advice is greatly appreciated.

I want to thank all of you Gents for the entertainment. I am over 60 ( and still so good looking I just can't believe it ) hahaha btw way, my wife does not agree with me LOL. I spent a few years here and there and in LOS and I have to say that there is absolutely noting new or wrong with this story, but it is entertaining

[lucjoker]

"I met her on Thai love links website"

"I met her on Thai love links website"

''I met her on Thai love links website"................................went to Thailand to meet her for 1 week ,1 week ,umm?

I buy her an ipad.........help her with some little money(mmpf hi hi,sorry had to sneeze)

pay for her monthly internet so we can talk every night,......well then by now you speak thai or she speaks fluently english ?

Did you ask her ,during these long talks , how many children sche has ? (never ask if they have any,always ask how many,they will never lie (lol),

Ask her if her husband drank himself to death or died in an "motosike" accident( 2 choices are more then sufficient)

"Her mother doesn't want her family to know? (I think it will bring shame? wrong again ,the mother will be happy ! Her daughter hooked a farang fish!

Yep ,maybe you better go live with your parents for another 30 years .

[tullynagardy]

alternatively (if she is really pregant) and you want to kiss your life as yuo know it and all future peace of mind out of the window. run to her have the kid, worry about it for 20 years and more and ive with some bird that you will hate or despize but you will have to pay for - for ever and a day

Regardless of how shit the situation is I could never just abandon a child that was genetically mine. Id spend the rest of my life wondering and the freedom it would give me would be ruined by the guilt Id have.

Really simple advice to the OP - If the DNA says its yours dont be a <deleted> and take care of the child. If the DNA says otherwise delete numbers and forget about it and laugh at your lucky escape.

[BlueSkyCowboy]

Whatever the outcome, you have my utmost respect for taking responsibility.

Surely do a conclusive test, and if it is yours, your kid is lucky to have a dad like yourself.

Good on you mate.

How would I know this, but it might just be a matter of money. Love we don't need, but money we do. I am planning to start an "All Saints Church" in the Holly Land of Pattaya, anybody interested and help me save some souls?

[BlueSkyCowboy]

alternatively (if she is really pregant) and you want to kiss your life as yuo know it and all future peace of mind out of the window. run to her have the kid, worry about it for 20 years and more and ive with some bird that you will hate or despize but you will have to pay for - for ever and a day

Regardless of how shit the situation is I could never just abandon a child that was genetically mine. Id spend the rest of my life wondering and the freedom it would give me would be ruined by the guilt Id have.

Really simple advice to the OP - If the DNA says its yours dont be a cun_t and take care of the child. If the DNA says otherwise delete numbers and forget about it and laugh at your lucky escape.

My guess is that you would get over it as soon as a new pussy comes around

[SOTIRIOS]

...get a DNA test...and don't take her word for anything.....

[BlueSkyCowboy]

"I met her on Thai love links website"

"I met her on Thai love links website"

''I met her on Thai love links website"................................went to Thailand to meet her for 1 week ,1 week ,umm?

I buy her an ipad.........help her with some little money(mmpf hi hi,sorry had to sneeze)

pay for her monthly internet so we can talk every night,......well then by now you speak thai or she speaks fluently english ?

Did you ask her ,during these long talks , how many children sche has ? (never ask if they have any,always ask how many,they will never lie (lol),

Ask her if her husband drank himself to death or died in an "motosike" accident( 2 choices are more then sufficient)

"Her mother doesn't want her family to know? (I think it will bring shame? wrong again ,the mother will be happy ! Her daughter hooked a farang fish!

Yep ,maybe you better go live with your parents for another 30 years .

U heartless user of virgins. Did u ever hear of the Virgin Mary, protectress of Pattaya's virgins??

[Showbags]

Whatever the outcome, you have my utmost respect for taking responsibility.

Surely do a conclusive test, and if it is yours, your kid is lucky to have a dad like yourself.

Good on you mate.

How would I know this, but it might just be a matter of money. Love we don't need, but money we do. I am planning to start an "All Saints Church" in the Holly Land of Pattaya, anybody interested and help me save some souls?

If you change it from a church to a cult...I'm in.

[laobali]

"I met her on Thai love links website"

"I met her on Thai love links website"

''I met her on Thai love links website"................................went to Thailand to meet her for 1 week ,1 week ,umm?

I buy her an ipad.........help her with some little money(mmpf hi hi,sorry had to sneeze)

pay for her monthly internet so we can talk every night,......well then by now you speak thai or she speaks fluently english ?

Did you ask her ,during these long talks , how many children sche has ? (never ask if they have any,always ask how many,they will never lie (lol),

Ask her if her husband drank himself to death or died in an "motosike" accident( 2 choices are more then sufficient)

"Her mother doesn't want her family to know? (I think it will bring shame? wrong again ,the mother will be happy ! Her daughter hooked a farang fish!

Yep ,maybe you better go live with your parents for another 30 years .

U heartless user of virgins. Did u ever hear of the Virgin Mary, protectress of Pattaya's virgins??

She wouldn't be overworked, though, would she?

[RichBKK]

Vatican Roulette is always a high risk method

Don't part with any serious money till you are sure, and even then...still, at 30 would think most would know means tend to be more modest though so....

[Gowolfpack77]

1. Get her on internet chat web camera and have her strip naked from her chest to butt allowing you to see firsthand that she is really pregnant. Do not take no for an answer and do not send her any money, especially if she asked or implied she wants you to send her money or other financial assistance when she notified you 4 months after the last time together. If she balks on any part of this.... tell her to get lost! You might follow up with an offer to accept photos of her naked midsection instead of doing the internet chat webcam view... but only if the photos are nude shots from both the front and side of her.

2. If she is not clearly showing pregnancy after over 5 month... tell her to definitely get lost with finality!

3. If yes she is showing pregnancy... ask her for the name of her doctor, phone number and the hospital or doctor's clinic...

4. Indicate your willingness to help pay all doctor bills and clinic/hospital bills only if the girlfriend fully cooperates by doing the above and directing the providers to cooperate with you to protect your interest as follows.

5. Contact the doctor and clinic/hospital and verify she is a patient and obtain the approximate date of initial pregnancy with an accounting of the dates she visited doctor or clinic/hospital all formally written with her doctor's signed letter under official letterhead and mailed directly to you by certified mail.

6. Cut the girl out of your research and communication loop in regard to your actions at this point while you obtain valuable legal advice and possible investigative services in Thailand to verify her activities during the last five months and during the months just prior to your last visit with her.

7. Once you know for sure that she has been with other men since 2 months prior to your last visit with her last August, contact her and tell her that you are going to wait until the baby is born to render any financial assistance and only communicate cooly from a distance on occasion.

8. Tell her in advance to arrange with the doctor to make a copy of the birth certificate, record the blood types of the baby and the girlfriend nupon birth, then forward directly to you.

9. Have the girlfriend send clearly visible pictures of the baby in her arms taken in the hospital and again at home with the family.

10. If everything still appears to be legit and the girlfriend has cooperated fully with all the above, you have sufficient reason to go to Thailand and take the girlfriend and the baby with you to an unnamed clinic/hospital which is highly reputable among farangs such as Bumrungrad International Hospital in Bangkok.

11. Have blood draws done on all three of you with blood typing and DNA tests. Then you know with certainty and your girlfriend has passed the test of dependability and steadfastness with trust in your leadership. If she did not do that... then you have already told her to get lost!

12. Any refusal to cooperate to get step by step information with you in control of the process means... tell her to get lost!

[ableguy]

Highly likely she will not be granted a visa for oz not on such a short time relationship.

[sunshine51]

"She is 20 and lives in Pattaya".....

Matey....I hate to break the news to you but don't get too worried

about her predicament. The old "I know it's ours" trick just don't

cut it here. Then again...if you feel responsible...up to you...

[Scottythai]

August - Today 6+ months. And she is just telling you now. Poor troll or dumb guy. She would not be able to pay for the doctor stuff on her own. She is taking you for a ride and not the enjoyable kind

[MND]

Hi Jayme83,

Relax ! From what you tell it is very unlikely she is pregnant with your baby if even pregnant.

If she is pregnant at age 20 living in Pattaya it is most likely that she is pregnant with a Thai BF who fled the scene, or a "customer". She didn't contact you so it is obvious she don't want to live with you otherwise it would have been "bingo" being pregnant with your baby. Don't send money for Utrasound, Utrasound can't tell you precise enough when the baby was done. Wait and see if there is really a baby , have a DNA test done and decide then what you want to do. Marring a girl age 20 you hardly know living in Pattaya, who does contact you when pregnant with "your baby" seems a very clear NO GO ! - It will cause you a lot of headache and you properly end up without your baby any way or alone with your baby. If there is a baby and it' s yours you can consider sponsoring in different ways, just make sure the money ends up in the right place. "shame on family" ? Many Kong Kaeng families with daughters in Pattaya would love their 20 year old daughter to be pregnant with a farang - sad but true.

The most likely scenario is that you are not involved, right now nothing you can do anyway , so relax and wait.

I speak from more than 20 years experience in Thailand

Cheers

[leosuntime]

If your not capable of working things out for your self,you are too young to have left home. Go back to your parents.

Go back to the source of all incapability???

yeah good idea! maybe his parents can teach him a lesson by beating him!

Baby boomers are too busying flipping houses to figure out how things really work and pass it onto their children!

[Sam Gold]

If you indeed pulled out well before as you said it can't be yours.

Do the test out of principle but take a step back and think straight: it isn't yours and she is lying to you.

Relax, go have a few beers with your mates and laugh it off. Those Thai ladies will try anything but we read them like open books and they crack us up.

Cheers.

[RtotheC]

The pregnancy trick isn't exclusive to Thailand, but in fact is very common the world over. Some pregnant women even sell positive pregnancy tests in the US, especially near military bases (Fort Bragg, looking at you).

All that aside, i've heard that there are dna tests that both of you can take and mail in to see if the DNA matches. If it does then cool, congrats. If not then you won't be played like a sucker, congrats.

[David48]

Highly likely she will not be granted a visa for oz not on such a short time relationship.

Now that's some smart advice

[mickjn]

What's Mum look like and is there a Dad if not I might step in and you will be calling me Dad before long

[tetleythedog]

If your not capable of working things out for your self,you are too young to have left home. Go back to your parents.

Thids is an age old scam here. Look at the facts:

You met her on the internet

She wanted money as soon as you met her

She must have been seeing other guys

She's living in Pattaya

She's 20 years old so no education

Does she or has she ever worked? (excepting bars)

Do the right thing:- forget her, if she is pregnant wait until the baby is born (i doubt if she is she just wants money to pretend she will have an abortion). If she does have the baby get a DNA test from a reputable place. This is Thailand after all mate and thousands of guys have been given the same story that she's probably been told to say by other girls. This may seem harsh, but please believe me, it happens all the time. You cannot judge these girls like you would an Australian girl.

Lastly .............learn by this !!!

[Toscano]

You are judging everything as if the girl were in Australia or some other advanced country .

Thailand is not the same at all . What the girls mother may fear is having the baby dumped on her , which is the usual practice .

Isaan girls go to Pattaya and other resorts to earn money , whatever job they may have , sex on the side can earn more money which may be sent home to

mother . Isaan families have no scruples as to where the money comes from , even prostitution . Girls in places like Pattaya need to be on the

contraceptive pill or a contraceptive implant . You need to conduct yourself as Thais do , otherwise you will give yourself longterm trouble .

Our immediate neighbours have their son's two boys from a previous marriage and now a baby girl from his present marriage/liason . Parents work in Bangkok or resorts and send money home . Your former girlfriend can do the same , many grandparent or aunts bring up children here .

My advice is to stay in Australia , get on with your life , let this be a lesson to you .

[Showbags]

If your not capable of working things out for your self,you are too young to have left home. Go back to your parents.

Go back to the source of all incapability???

yeah good idea! maybe his parents can teach him a lesson by beating him!

Baby boomers are too busying flipping houses to figure out how things really work and pass it onto their children!

I can read between the lines Leo...I feel your pain.

Isolation on a remote mountain may help.

[RandomSand]

I find all these suggestions that you make this young woman "prove" she's pregnant on web-cam rather heartless.

It would seem sensible to fly out there now, stay for around a week, and then maybe come-back for the birth.

1. The first thing is to tell her that you're an honourable man and would like a prenatal DNA test to be done. I suggest out of politeness; you put it like this "I want to be sure about my, or our, future (together)".

.

2. Assuming you are the father; you need to make sure that this girl is properly cared for. Now and after the baby comes. If she stops works then she'll need an income.

3. She might have to return to her parents pretty soon. You should certainly discuss about meeting her family before the baby is born. If you're planning on taking care of this girl and baby; then you're already making a commitment and to show this commitment via marriage would be appropriate and appreciated.

4. Now; will she stay in Thailand or whatever? You need to communicate with her. You need to spend time with her and decide if you can from a relationship together. You need to be calm, show leadership and act pragmatically in whatever you do. Perhaps she won't want to be with you. Perhaps you'll fall in love. Perhaps in a few years you might wish to move to Thailand. Who knows? You certainly can't decide all this now. The more time you have together, and the better you know each other, the more that events will naturally take their course.

Please keep us updated on the outcome.

Pictures of the baby would be nice.

Take care.

[xtof2]

You care, so you're a nice guy.

My main advice would be : don't trust her. Be - a bit - selfish because today you have no clue if is she is honest with you

Based on what you said with : 90% chances that she doesn't give a shit about.

Why? Many reasons?

Living in Pattaya is a bad signal, why there? Probably sent by her parents to send money back home.

Working in a sushi bar does not mean anything, many girls do that + free lancing.

Why to wait for 4 months to tell you? She knew well before December she was pregnant. Why she didn't told you right away? Did she try with another naive befoie you? Maybe.

All girls on TLL have have several relationships (unless it took you months chatting with her to hook her).

I'm sure you understand that being a father is one thing, being an husband is another. Don't commit yourself for the later unless you're - almost - sure she do care about you. It might take years. And even if she cares about you, it will probably still be difficult for her to live in Australia.

Trap her !

Get in touch with her on TLL with another name, even IP ... and see what happens.

If you can afford it, give some bucks to a guy to follow her for a week.

It's not nice but it's the only way to figure out.

The good point for her is that she brought you to her family. If they leave in a village, it means marriage in many cases. Since you spent 4 weeks there, you should have a pretty good idea if her family tries to get as much as possible from you (Paying local whiskey and beers all the time doesn't mean that !).

This last point is very important. In most cases, just be aware that you never marry a Thai girl, you marry her family. In other words, her mother say will always be more important than what you say.

As said by many others, don't bring her to Oz.

Good luck... and keep in mind it's your life first and you're only 30 !