Urgent help needed!

[robkey69]

After more then 150 trips to Thailand in 20 years....this is the same old story told time after time...

She's probably not pregnant...and if she is it's probably some other guys child. Also don't even think about marrying some Thai Esan girl...You as a Farlang are an ATM machine for her and her family nothing more. Sure they are cute and can say in a sexy Asian accent "I love you darling", in 5 languages....:)but realities are this girl probably has a 2nd grade education,and probably can't even speak Thai correctly. So do you want to spend your whole life with someone you can't even have a decent conversation with? Your life with her will be about her desire to accumulate things, money, gold and housing....and then the only thing you will do with her is get together with her other Thai bargirl friends that married Farlangs and listen to them brag who has more money....

If you do marry her be prepared to fork out big $$$ to the family, maybe a new house for her and her family. Emergency medical bills the list of money draining scams is long...

Just remember this...Thailand is Disneyland for Adults, when you go there you ride the rides and go home happy....you don't bring the rides back home with you....The same should be applied with most Thai women.....

For what its worth...

[GOLDBUGGY]

I think you are rushing things Son. Calm Down and be Cool Headed.

The very first thing you want to do is get this DNA Test done ASAP. I am not sure at what stage this can be done, except I know in the early stages is possible. I am sure that there is no point in going down to the hospital and falling in love with a Baby Picture, if the baby is not yours. Unless you really love this woman and she loves you, which you make no mention of here.

Under normal circumstances where you are living with this woman everyday, you may not feel a need to do this. But your relationship is far from normal. Two visits in 2 years since you met her, totaling 5 weeks, is not normal. That gives her a lot of free time away from you. Consider also that there are many other men like you on Thai Love Links. You probably met quite a few Thai Girls yourself, and were still chatting with them after you met your G/F. That is until you settled on her. So what's to say she was not doing the same thing as you, but still hadn't made up her mind fully yet?

So since her Internet is paid for their by you, there is nothing stopping her from contacting more men. Or to charming another man or two in your absence. Not hard for her to do this if she is pretty, and not fussy about being with a man who is 20, 30, or 40 years older than her (for a month a year). Especially so early in your relationship where she may be use to men being liars.

So perhaps while she was checking and testing to see who is the best one, she had an accident and got pregnant. Maybe the next guy or first guy, or third guy, was not as careful as you were. Or, I may add, a Thai Boyfriend, who now does not want anything to do with her. So now, what would you do if you were a scared 20 year old pregnant girl all alone with no means of support? Talk to your friends for advice, like you did here?

Your first step is get a DNA Test done. Get the results done there and sent to you in OZ so you can get yours done their, to check to see if they match. If you can. From their you can move on to your next step. I am not suggesting anything about your Thai G/F as I don't even know anything about her. What I do know is that several Bar Girls (not all or that many) have 2, 3, 4, or more B/F on a string seeing them once or twice a year, and sending them money every month thinking they are the only one. So what I am suggesting is that this would be much easier to do with, 2, 3, or 4 Careless Farangs who all think this child is theirs.

Adding another cent to my two cents worth. I would like to add something about this child getting an Australian Passport. I can't speak for Australia as I am Canadian, but I imagine our laws are very similar when it comes to this. Perhaps you Australian Posters out their can help here. Anyway, I have a daughter who was born in Poland. She never stepped one foot into Canada in all her life. Yet today she holds a Valid Canadian Passport.

My point here is that my daughter did not have to be born in Canada to get this. Or even go their. Her criteria was that she was the son or daughter of a Canadian Citizen. Check within your own country but I would be surprised if it was not the same as Canada. I did provided secondary information to back her claim, like a her Birth Certificate and my Marriage Certificate, but the main document I provided was a Sworn Oath claiming that this was my daughter.

So if I was you I would talk to your Immigration about this right away and start to prepare the documents before this child is born. You were not married like I was or have your name as Father on His / Her Birth Certificate (yet). But what better proof is there out their then matching your DNA to that child? Which gives you another very good and valid reason to get this done and in which you can explain to your G/F why, and that it is not all about that you don't trust her.

.

[Kangawallafox]

She should open a coffee stand, honest as she is.

Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

[Hillman321]

You make several assumptions with your "plan"

1) You assume she is REALLY pregnant.

2) You assume the ultrasound will prove it is yours. (dates are approximate and based on ASSUMPTIONS of size at date)

3) You assume waiting for DNA results (done after birth) will give you any advantage.

4) You assume she really has not had sex with others (the plans to take her away...)

What legal obligations do you incur by your actions that you will need to reverse if the DNA (done after birth) proves it is not yours?

The women at the temple constantly warn me about Thai women looking for farangs to take advantage of.

There is a very old adage: MOMMY'S BABY, DADDIES? MAYBE

[hotrod4098]

ok here is a story that will wake you up..

girl was seeing a bar owner in pattaya,,after 18 months she was seeing a new guy as well as the short times in between...

she finished the bar owner and went with the the younger guy.....

while he went home.she went back to the bar owner and got pregnant just for short times...

so the new boyfriend comes back and she hid it well from him ,that she was pregnant with her previous boyfriends baby...

3 months down the line after he had gone home she has a abortion...

so with every thing clear,,she goes home to the village....money coming from falang land...

being bored ,,she starts playing around...and you can guess what happens...she gets pregnant again by a falang...

now the tricky bit is this..the new boyfriend wanted a baby with her for visa reason..ie marry etc..so he was aware of her

period dates...he comes back and with in a week she had to lie to him about the pregnancy...

she is seeing another falang..when he goes home..she has had her baby..which her now husband thinks is his...

her husband pays for another mans baby....she has fun with the falang as he lives in thailand..

so do not believe any thing ....a hell of a lot of pattaya girls will blame any one as the father to get money..

[balo]

Its not your kid . you pulled out of her before your climax or were you too drunk to remember?

Of course you can ask for a DNA test to find out , do not even think about arranging anything for her , except the DNA test to confirm the kid is not yours and then bye bye.

[khunPer]

After the child is born to have it legally your child in Thailand, you must register not just have your name on the birth certificate.

Until you officially register (I think with the Amphur) and maybe even with your embassy then the child will not legally be yours.

Like I said, you will need to look into the specifics of the laws and requirements.

I think this advice might best be taken under review as I'm not sure of it's veracity.

Married to the mother and name on the birth certificate, I am legally the father. My wife was not allowed to apply for a first passport without me being there in person to sign and wasn't allowed to take her out of the country without me being there (she was initially told she could not exit Thailand without me being there or without a letter, I was in the queue behind her). If we weren't married, I understood the situation to be much more complicated with regards to my rights.

This is another thread, but the OP needs to seriously look up laws on citizenship. For British citizenship, neither birth in the UK nor marriage were necessary for my daughter to get British citizenship in our situation. Rules for Australian citizenship....

I’m not married to my GF, the mother of my now 8 yo. daughter, only my name as father is on birth/name certificate and the child has my family name. So I’m not legally father before approved either by court or at the amphor, where the child of seven years or more of age confirms I am the father (there are other treads about this, especially moderator Mario gives correct answers).

So when applying for a passport that shall be no problem mom and daughter go there alone alone, we believed. But no, they still want me to come and sign – or a letter approved by the Amphor – before issuing a passport. Sound like bad news for single moms with no contact to a father.

My advise to OP:

Don’t rush into marriage because of a child after a light relationship with Internet dating and twice a few weeks visit. If you really love and care for each other, then it can work very well without any paperwork; only case to consider marriage is if needed for a child’s dual nationality; but wait till after the birth.

For no matter what reason you have not been told about the pregnancy before – the posters above have given many good points to think about – a short trip up to visit your girl, ultrasound scanning etc. etc. to confirm your doubts or not, will be a good idea. And just a little remark: there are other ladies working in Pattaya than just the “working girls” – cleaning, restaurants, shops, radio DJ’s etc. etc.

Don’t get into any major financial support before birth if you feel unsure, but the last month or so, where your girl cannot work in the restaurant, it will be fair that a caring father-to-be helps with some level of compensation – however, if the restaurant employment include social welfare, she will be eligible to some three month partly salary compensation from SW due to birth; she will also be in possession of a healthcare card valid for public hospitals, not only the hospital “at home” where she may be registered in a House Book in Khon Kaen.

Giving birth in Thailand is normally Okay, even at a small public provincial hospital, like my daughter were born at – they have done it many times before and are quite used to the procedure – and for a fair amount extra you can buy VIP-room and extended service. Often a Thai lady prefers to give birth in her home province where she have her family back up, so Australia may not be that good a solution; and especially if you are still in doubt if you are the father. When the child is born you can take a blood and DNA test; that might often be a good idea if you have had a kind of loose relationship and feel unsure.

If me and I find out I’ve been scammed, I will end the relationship immediately – and stopping any contact to the girl may be wise also.

Edited January 22, 2014 by khunPer

[thhMan]

If your not capable of working things out for your self,you are too young to have left home. Go back to your parents.

As you can see, I have an idea of what I want to do. I'm just seeking opinions and advice. I live interstate from my family and independent many years so I don't see how moving back to my parents can assist me?

Apart from your idiotic actions... Believing an ultrasound proving your the father would be accurate is another step of your gullibility.

Thailand is a country where you can get elected as prime minister or kill/maim westerners and get away with it is normal.

Of course, is she really pregnant?

You deserve everything you get.. being stupid is your first mistake... Your dick is the second!

[QualityTouristNumberOne]

I don't have a lot to add mate,

there has been some very sage advice here(amongst the inevitable grumpy old gits and trolls )

but I will add a couple of stories of my own from spending 10+years in and out of Thailand and all over S.E.A,(plus being just 10 years older than yourself)

I have three friends who own or manage bars in BKK(and I'm not talking acquaintances here,I'm talking good friends)one English chap,one American man,and one Thai Lady,

and I am constantly amazed at how far a Thai girl will go to "hook" a Farang "fish",

there's a beauty salon just down the road from my Lady friends bar and they have training sessions(as mentioned in another post)in orderr to keep the girls from the BEAUTY SALON(NOT the Bar)up to date with all the latest scams(i.e.-the Buffalo scam doesn't work nowadays,but the sick father one still does,etc)

I was present at quite a few of these "training sessions" and they often got me to "act the Kwai" in the quite detailed and elaborate stories they would act out,

now bear in mind that this wasn't done in a sinister atmosphere,there was drinking,playing,laughing...

the point being,morally there is nothing wrong to these girls about picking and choosing "who gets to be daddy"...

I had to repeatedly explain to ALL of my Thai GF's that I don't want Children(despite the inevitable ohhh,but baby with you will be SO CUUUUUUTE interjections),

christ,I even had a Czech Girl trying to get Pregnant by me in between Thai Gf's!(I got suspicious when she insisted on leaving Pregnancy tests in my house,and us only using "her" Condoms(which I found later on had been punctured)and honestly,she was gorgeous,and looked as honest and pure as the driven snow...THAT was a harsh lesson!

My current Thai GF is a little gem,I love her to bits,but she took me TEN YEARS TO FIND...the chances of it being true love after five weeks of being together,spaced out over what-two years,are as incredibly remote as you really being the Father after two occasions of "Vatican Roulette"(as was very wittily said earlier)

You are condemning all three of you to a life of misery if you bring her to Oz and marry her,WHETHER OR NOT YOU ARE THE FATHER of this "hypothetical baby"

I'll finish with this...

it sounds like your 20 year old,"Naive" Thai EX Girlfriend(I presume she's a beautiful girl too?)who lives in Pattaya,has a GOOD GRASP OF ENGLISH...!

read that sentence back a few times and play it through your "plausibility meter" before you do anything further,

I know somebody already mentioned checking up on her for you,

I would advise taking them up on that offer,

I am in the Security Business myself(20 years now) and know a couple of Farang Private Detectives in Thailand,

if you feel the need,send me a PM and I will recommend one,

whatever you decide chaa chaa(slowly,slowly)as they say in the LOS and(if you're not a successful troll)I wish you all the best,

don't mind the hater's,hater's gonna hate

[VINCENT2012]

you don't need help because now you are going to forget that girl and what's really yours or perhaps not inside..! it could also be another farang, you never know with those girls.today here ...tomorrow there!

so forget about everything and go enjoy yourself somewhere... ...else.!....girls in internet or gogo girls are similar....99, 99% they want your money only, they dont give a shit about love.....up to you now!

i forget to tell you......don't give money.....just change your mobil phone number and hotel.residence.

good day and good luck

[Postmaster]

Varun. I think you are wrong. Its highly likely the child is his and he must stand by her. If its an unwanted pregnancy thenabort if not too late.

[apiwan]

I personally think you should abort it.

Tell her your too young to settle down. And your a broke 20 year old.

If you still want a relationship with her. Tell her you want to take it slowly.

Let us know what you decide

Sent from my GT-I9305 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[wym]

For people thinking abortion is an option, most Thai women would never consider it, the consequences to their karma, retribution by the unborn baby's ghost etc, are just as strong as a traditional rural Irish girl's fear of hell.

The fact that they're illegal here is another wrinkle but good work by NGOs like Condoms & Cabbages help ameliorate that unfortunate situation.

[Seastallion]

OP, there is much advice given here, some of it silly, some of it wise, and some of it contradictory. My advice to you is not to read any advice with rose tinted glasses, not to pick the advice that suits your emotional needs of the moment, but to seriously consider and weigh up all of it.

There does seem to be a trend of scepticism here regarding the integrity of the girl. You may choose to be blind to that. Don't be. Consider all the horror stories and contemplate the implications.

Someone questioned why you would marry when you know so little about the girl. It's a good question regardless of the horror stories, and one that it would pay to consider.

Ultimately, it's your life, but keep in mind that many of the old timers here really do know what they are talking about.

[marquis22]

She finds a new bf whether from internet or Pattaya between August and December 2013.

So stops talking to you in December as new relationship going just fine.

Finds out she is pregnant and tells new bf, he tells her to go jump.

She get back in touch with you hoping you will come to the party.

I think the odds the baby is yours are very long.

Find out when the baby is due and get a test done, then decide what to do.

[blabth]

The DNA test is one side of the medal. If you are the father than what? Marry a one night stand( or 5times) and be married to some body for the rest of your life? Supporting the child knowing the the money may be used by the whole family and your child will not benefit of it? If it's true that you have fathered the child than take the financial responsibly and support the child by paying directly the rent, kindergarten fees etc. but never send cash.

Wish you luck ( hope for you that she is not telling the truth)

Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

[ppmacready]

Keep your fingers crossed its not your baby.

If it is, be prepared for a life of torment.

[NicoBKK]

You can go to Thailand plan for a few weeks holiday and have DNA + scan performed at Bangkok Bumrungrad or Samitivej . No way she can cheat. If kid is your can still have delivered at same hospital, then you get the birth certificate, bring it to Aus embassy and ask citizenship for the kid. With kid documents, your gf will be able to get a visa in no time being the mom of AUS baby, Visa cannot be refused.

[jacko45k]

I want to get the ultrasound done and have the doctor tell me when the baby was conceived and when it is due. This will give me a good idea that the child is in fact mine as they should be able to tell me it is such and such weeks old and was conceived around August.

I want to take care of her and the baby which is why I'm going to fly to Thailand asap to get the ultrasound done. I believe I have enough supporting documents to get the tourist visa (I will likely get help from an agency as well just to make sure).

If I bring her over here, can she have the baby here (she may overstay her visa) and if she does have it here, will we be lumped with a huge medical bill since she has no medicare?

If we get married, is it better done in Australia?

Whoa......

You said, it couldn't be yours but are thinking along these lines over a girl you met on 'Lovelinks' andl who has a room in Pattaya.

Chances are you are being played by a girl who likely got stuffed up by someone else.

Go and see by all means...... but be cynical.

[tartempion]

For people thinking abortion is an option, most Thai women would never consider it, the consequences to their karma, retribution by the unborn baby's ghost etc, are just as strong as a traditional rural Irish girl's fear of hell.

Rubbish comment.

My gf's sister had 2 abortions, 22/21 years ago.

Better should have aborted the third also, now 20, lazy as hell and without brains

[Suradit69]

I'm new to this forum as a member so I don't want to speak awkwardly. But what do you want members to do for you?

It seems you have fallen for the trap while being carless yourself. If indeed she is pregnant, you need to decide what you intend to do to care for it, and of course her and no doubt the family.

A similar thing happened to my friend in the UK. She deliberately became pregnant hoping he would give up the UK, move to Thailand to take care of the family. Needless to say he didn't. She apparently aborted the child on a whim.

"It seems you have fallen for the trap while being carless yourself."

I doubt this is a transportation issue and from the sound of the O/P, he may be too young to drive a car anyway.

[DeeMockMark]

Two things....

1) Make sure it is yours.

2) A sucker is born every second.

[Ulic]

TheMagican post 171 gives you great information on getting paternity resolved. That is, if she is really pregnant.

As for marriage, are you crazy, why would you compound your first mistake. By all means, man up support your

child if the tests show that you are the father. Make no mistake the girl is a bar-girl and has many customers but

it is possible you are the father although it is unlikely. IF you are the father, man up but don't become an ATM.

10K a month for the first year to whoever is looking after the child (probably Grandparents) cutting back to 3k

a month after that plus half of medical bills and school expenses. Make time to visit at least a few days every time

you visit Thailand. The child will not remember until age 5 or so but it is still the right thing to do. Send birthday gifts

and whatever else is appropriate (Christmas etc..) Register the child with your embassy so they can attain your

citizenship and passport. Get that first passport early to get the ball rolling. Could make a huge difference to the

child's future and open many opportunities. You can always give more for education if your child shows academic

aptitude. Don't give lump sum amounts as the money has a high probability of being used for other purposes (scooters etc.)

instead of your child. Steady money every month to the caregiver which is usually the grandparent. If the child is yours

(which I doubt) congratulations, best of luck.

[DeeMockMark]

I think you are rushing things Son. Calm Down and be Cool Headed.

The very first thing you want to do is get this DNA Test done ASAP. I am not sure at what stage this can be done, except I know in the early stages is possible. I am sure that there is no point in going down to the hospital and falling in love with a Baby Picture, if the baby is not yours. Unless you really love this woman and she loves you, which you make no mention of here.

Under normal circumstances where you are living with this woman everyday, you may not feel a need to do this. But your relationship is far from normal. Two visits in 2 years since you met her, totaling 5 weeks, is not normal. That gives her a lot of free time away from you. Consider also that there are many other men like you on Thai Love Links. You probably met quite a few Thai Girls yourself, and were still chatting with them after you met your G/F. That is until you settled on her. So what's to say she was not doing the same thing as you, but still hadn't made up her mind fully yet?

So since her Internet is paid for their by you, there is nothing stopping her from contacting more men. Or to charming another man or two in your absence. Not hard for her to do this if she is pretty, and not fussy about being with a man who is 20, 30, or 40 years older than her (for a month a year). Especially so early in your relationship where she may be use to men being liars.

So perhaps while she was checking and testing to see who is the best one, she had an accident and got pregnant. Maybe the next guy or first guy, or third guy, was not as careful as you were. Or, I may add, a Thai Boyfriend, who now does not want anything to do with her. So now, what would you do if you were a scared 20 year old pregnant girl all alone with no means of support? Talk to your friends for advice, like you did here?

Your first step is get a DNA Test done. Get the results done there and sent to you in OZ so you can get yours done their, to check to see if they match. If you can. From their you can move on to your next step. I am not suggesting anything about your Thai G/F as I don't even know anything about her. What I do know is that several Bar Girls (not all or that many) have 2, 3, 4, or more B/F on a string seeing them once or twice a year, and sending them money every month thinking they are the only one. So what I am suggesting is that this would be much easier to do with, 2, 3, or 4 Careless Farangs who all think this child is theirs.

Adding another cent to my two cents worth. I would like to add something about this child getting an Australian Passport. I can't speak for Australia as I am Canadian, but I imagine our laws are very similar when it comes to this. Perhaps you Australian Posters out their can help here. Anyway, I have a daughter who was born in Poland. She never stepped one foot into Canada in all her life. Yet today she holds a Valid Canadian Passport.

My point here is that my daughter did not have to be born in Canada to get this. Or even go their. Her criteria was that she was the son or daughter of a Canadian Citizen. Check within your own country but I would be surprised if it was not the same as Canada. I did provided secondary information to back her claim, like a her Birth Certificate and my Marriage Certificate, but the main document I provided was a Sworn Oath claiming that this was my daughter.

So if I was you I would talk to your Immigration about this right away and start to prepare the documents before this child is born. You were not married like I was or have your name as Father on His / Her Birth Certificate (yet). But what better proof is there out their then matching your DNA to that child? Which gives you another very good and valid reason to get this done and in which you can explain to your G/F why, and that it is not all about that you don't trust her.

.

You REALLY should listen to goldbuggy. He is giving it to you straight. It really common for girls to have "sponsors". That is what you are.

[petercarr3]

I have learn't so much from these posts.

1) ALL women who live in Pattaya are hookers, HHMMM

2) ALL Thai women are crafty, greedy and dishonest liars. HMMMM

3) ALL Farangs who ask for opions are stupid and deserve to be insulted, (by their peers). HMMMMM

4) There is no such thing as meeting a decent woman on a dating site, and if there is an age difference then you are nothing more than a walking ATM.

Very interesting, Thankyou for enlightening me, I will now tell my Thai Fiance that it is over between us, thankyou all for the good advice.

[oogster8]

Time for op to go eat sushi in PATTAYA!!!!!!!!!!! Find out for himself whats going on.

Edited January 23, 2014 by oogster8

[PilotEd]

Those who recommend getting a DNA test before believing anything are right on.

However, do not let her choose the medical facility.

There are excellent choices in Bangkok. Bumrangrad, Bangkok International and Bangkok Nursing Home are three that I would recommend. The doctors are probably non bribeable.

Then, if the baby is yours - if there is a baby - man up and support it.

But only marry the mom if you really have feelings for her and believe she has for you.

[smileydude]

Lots of advice already given some great, some rather harsh.

From your post you seem conscientious and responsible, more then most guys would be so that is commendable.

You also seem alot less worldy and aware of Thailand's perils, in which your story and all the advice given here may come handy to others.

Though the odds are stacked against her for this story being legit, giving her benefit of the doubt does not have to be painful for you.

Don't do, give or commit anything based on emotions or guilt. If she/he is really your child you have a lifetime to take responsibility and care for her/him so no hurries. As for the girl, well she isn't really your responsibility if she dropped you but it all depends if there are real feelings or not.

As many have already said:

1. Get solid evidence of the pregnancy, eg. certified pregnancy tests, Ultrasounds + visual confirmation(physical exams) from reputable hospitals etc.

2. Prove the child is actually yours through DNA testing.

Once you've sorted that out and by chance it is your child, then you can choose to be a part of the child's life which I hope you will.

This doesn't necessarily mean having to commit to a relationship just out of guilt or chivarly. That would only complicate things and be painful.

You can be a single dad or support the child financially depending upon the agreement. Whats important is the child has a chance to grow up like any other normal kid. I doubt this would happen if you only gave money so you'll have to think that one through.

Best of luck mate.

Edited January 23, 2014 by smileydude

[pantareiyingluck]

I have fallen in this trap 10 years ago. Do nothing! And do not get stressed. Wait till the newborn is there (if any) and have a DNA check AT AN OBJECTIVE INSTITUTION.

If the child is yours you have to take responsibility, not earlier. The worst you can do is sent money and start believing the child is yours at this point.

For me; I paid my lesson. After taking care very well for my GF and her family, the baby was born, it was 'mine', they kept him away from me for 6 months and I paid USD$16,000 for the custody signed.

You could say I know about these things

[zoza]

ok lad first things first why did she stop talking to you, I mean did you have a row, because even thai girls do things

for a reason even if its difficult for us farangs to understand.

the fact that you mention this implies to me you were not totally happy when she stopped communication.

the fact that she is/was not a bar girl is irrelevant, a friend was dating a girl from a laundry who had multiple boyfriends

with names photo's and details pinned to the wall above her computer desk. very well organised and not shy to show

resident farangs how clever she was.

so take nothing for granted and plan for the worst scenario and hope for the best, I have seen quite a few expats get

caught with the baby thing some turn out to be thai some are farang but in a lot of cases it is viewed as a way to tie

down the farang (just like the uk when I was a lad)

a friend up country after spending £200k and nine years on farming confided that if not for the baby he would of been long gone by now, so slowly slowly do not dive in, you have your whole life ahead, there are a lot of things to consider, like

would it be best to pay a decent P.I to check this lady out, if I was at your age in your predicament I would seriously

consider it. but as they say here up to you. good luck.