Is Thai Society Bereft of Social Skills?

[MAJIC]

Fair enough that Thais expect everyone to take off their shoes when entering their houses. But they should also realise it's Socially unacceptable to lay full length on a Farangs Sofa without asking first.

The same applies to going to his Fridge and helping yourself to bottles of beer. Eat as much as you can and then get up and go without a thank you! This is especially socially unacceptable,when the offenders were brought to your/my house as a complete stranger..

[Tmymaimee]

Fair enough that Thais expect everyone to take off their shoes when entering their houses. But they should also realise it's Socially unacceptable to lay full length on a Farangs Sofa without asking first.

The same applies to going to his Fridge and helping yourself to bottles of beer. Eat as much as you can and then get up and go without a thank you! This is especially socially unacceptable,when the offenders were brought to your/my house as a complete stranger..

What is their socio-economic level? And why would you allow complete strangers into your home? You just invite them in off the street?

Farm hand / taxi driver or lawyer / engineer? If I allowed gutter trash into my home in Canada, they would behave in the same manner, or worse (take a few travellers for the road).

Were these people acquaintances of yours? I find normally the higher the income and education, the more considerate and well mannered the individual.

Edited January 28, 2014 by Whereustay

[MAJIC]

Fair enough that Thais expect everyone to take off their shoes when entering their houses. But they should also realise it's Socially unacceptable to lay full length on a Farangs Sofa without asking first.

The same applies to going to his Fridge and helping yourself to bottles of beer. Eat as much as you can and then get up and go without a thank you! This is especially socially unacceptable,when the offenders were brought to your/my house as a complete stranger..

What is their socio-economic level? And why would you allow complete strangers into your home? You just invite them in off the street?

Farm hand / taxi driver or lawyer / engineer? If I allowed gutter trash into my home in Canada, they would behave in the same manner, or worse (take a few travellers for the road).

Were these people acquaintances of yours? I find normally the higher the income and education, the more considerate and well mannered the individual.

No these people were not acquaintances of mine,just friends of my other guests!

[wym]

Yep, have to be careful who you invite into your home. Joe Smith, a Manhattan millionaire, allowed a young addict to move into a spare bedroom in his large three-bedroom apartment. Fast forward a few years, he's no longer a millionaire, all electricity and hot water had been turned off and anything valuable had long been sold to feed habits.

Here's some pics: http://viiphoto.com/articles/the-ninth-floor/

[benalibina]

Fair enough that Thais expect everyone to take off their shoes when entering their houses. But they should also realise it's Socially unacceptable to lay full length on a Farangs Sofa without asking first.

The same applies to going to his Fridge and helping yourself to bottles of beer. Eat as much as you can and then get up and go without a thank you! This is especially socially unacceptable,when the offenders were brought to your/my house as a complete stranger..

What is their socio-economic level? And why would you allow complete strangers into your home? You just invite them in off the street?

Farm hand / taxi driver or lawyer / engineer? If I allowed gutter trash into my home in Canada, they would behave in the same manner, or worse (take a few travellers for the road).

Were these people acquaintances of yours? I find normally the higher the income and education, the more considerate and well mannered the individual.

U must have a hiso thai chinese partner. Well done !!

[Trembly]

Fair enough that Thais expect everyone to take off their shoes when entering their houses. But they should also realise it's Socially unacceptable to lay full length on a Farangs Sofa without asking first.

The same applies to going to his Fridge and helping yourself to bottles of beer. Eat as much as you can and then get up and go without a thank you! This is especially socially unacceptable,when the offenders were brought to your/my house as a complete stranger..

It isn't any more acceptable here than it is in the west.

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

[MAJIC]

Fair enough that Thais expect everyone to take off their shoes when entering their houses. But they should also realise it's Socially unacceptable to lay full length on a Farangs Sofa without asking first.

The same applies to going to his Fridge and helping yourself to bottles of beer. Eat as much as you can and then get up and go without a thank you! This is especially socially unacceptable,when the offenders were brought to your/my house as a complete stranger..

It isn't any more acceptable here than it is in the west.

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

I have seen it in Thailand more than once, but never in the west,and frankly I had no wish to embarrass my guests,had it been the west,I would have promptly shown them the door!

[kannot]

Have you considered that it may be you that has no social skills ? You cling to your home culture and are incapable of even attempting to adapt to another culture. You don't even have any perception that the problems may be caused by you. Try to remember that the way things are done in Thailand by the Thais is the correct way to do things. Your way is not the correct way.

So when I visit a Thai house I must ask for beer immediately on arrival and leave my trash on the ground after Ive asked to borrow their motosy....yep ok Ill try it and let you know.

[kannot]

i get the feeling thai's often dont think or care about others; thai or farang

i was getting some photocopying done this afternoon. the road outside was jammed with traffic but there was plenty of room for motorcycles to pass by the cars. however the motorcyclists were riding up and down the pavement which was also being used by children going home from the nearby school as well as other pedestrians.

when i'm on the bus i can guarantee that i am the first, and often only, person to give up their seat to an elderly or pregnant passenger. i have often seen both having to stand on buses. i've even seen parents carrying babies having to stand.

get doors slammed in my face all the time

people step out of doorways and side street right in front of me; am i invisible?

people, strangely often female late teen/20's, walk straight into me in the street - i make the 50% evasive move they do nothing. crash

dont know whether many thais are deliberately rude, don't know any better, are simply incapable of thinking of/caring about others or lack the confidence/personality to take proactive action.

No you dont understand Thai culture and your glasses just arent rosy enough ( sarcasm aimed at others)

[benalibina]

Have you considered that it may be you that has no social skills ? You cling to your home culture and are incapable of even attempting to adapt to another culture. You don't even have any perception that the problems may be caused by you. Try to remember that the way things are done in Thailand by the Thais is the correct way to do things. Your way is not the correct way.

So when I visit a Thai house I must ask for beer immediately on arrival and leave my trash on the ground after Ive asked to borrow their motosy....yep ok Ill try it and let you know.

Ask for beer......well long way to go for you to adapt.....ask......jeezzzz

[sustento]

Let me translate the OP's question:

I've moved half way round the world and it's different! Why aren't these people just like me???

Edited January 28, 2014 by sustento

[thailiketoo]

My experience differs..

When we get (me & TG) on the Bhat Bus they all start chatting away .. never met before but get straight in there chatting like old pals..

I think this is a universal experience in Thailand and if the bus is crowded one old crone will always tell everyone where to sit.

Not what I was saying at all.

I've never seen an old crone get on a bus and tell everyone where to sit. not once, and I've been on a few. .

They seem friendly enough to me.

Where I come from if you look at a person the wrong way on public transport you'll likely end up in hospital

Source : personal experience..

I was using bus for song tau which I have ridden every day for years and years. No one will mind if you smile and speak to them. One old lady got off the song tau while waiting at a stopping point and bought me a carton of tea. Her granddaughter asked her why and she said because I was a Farang and that was the nice thing to do.

[Yooyung]

I find Thais are only really comfortable in their peer group. Same social class being most important then perhaps age and gender and then regional origin. They just feel awkward like a fish out of water outside of their peer group. Good example is any Thai gone to a foreign country, apart from any foreign spouse, all their friends are Thai and the only place many will work is a Thai restaurant. Their culture only allows them to feel truly comfortable with other Thais. Another example, stick a northerner in a shop with a load of Isaan workers, odds are northerner if alone will not like it and seek to leave. Put a working class Thai in a situation with middle class Thais. Middle class Thais will condescend, the working class Thai will seek an exit pronto. Many examples like this. The divisions in Thai society are quite wide and difficult for Thais to overcome on a personal level.

Totally agree with this post, I think that has hit the nail on the head. I have observed this situation countless times while teaching adults and just more generally living here and interacting with Thais of all walks of life.

Edited January 29, 2014 by Yooyung

[thailiketoo]

I find Thais are only really comfortable in their peer group. Same social class being most important then perhaps age and gender and then regional origin. They just feel awkward like a fish out of water outside of their peer group. Good example is any Thai gone to a foreign country, apart from any foreign spouse, all their friends are Thai and the only place many will work is a Thai restaurant. Their culture only allows them to feel truly comfortable with other Thais. Another example, stick a northerner in a shop with a load of Isaan workers, odds are northerner if alone will not like it and seek to leave. Put a working class Thai in a situation with middle class Thais. Middle class Thais will condescend, the working class Thai will seek an exit pronto. Many examples like this. The divisions in Thai society are quite wide and difficult for Thais to overcome on a personal level.

Totally agree with this post, I think that has hit the nail on the head. I have observed this situation countless times while teaching adults and just more generally living here and interacting with Thais of all walks of life.

I would imagine you don't live in an industrial estate area. In the industrial towns everyone is from somewhere else and interaction is much more frequent and less stressed. I have been to a number of weddings where all levels of a company are represented and they get along easily.

Edited January 29, 2014 by thailiketoo

[draftvader]

Without us providing our Thai counterparts with any clarity on where we stand in society we are quickly relegated to the bottom of the pile. This absolutely no sleight on the Thais concerned at all. It is difficult, at first, to understand how to get across your position within the society and there will always be situations where that is ignored. I have, however, found that in most situations Thai hosts will assume that I am their peer, or higher, until I give them reason to think otherwise. The cues for them can be blatant or subtle. A simple a thing as how you behave when first in a situation, how you dress or how you respond to initial questions holds a lot of sway....much like it does back home. For all the prattle about "differences" I have found there to be a LOT of commonality in Thai social structure as there is back in the UK. Face is NOT a Thai thing, in fact in England there is an expression to "cut off your nose to spite your face" meaning that you are willing to continue a behaviour or action even though it will become detrimental to how others view you. EXACTLY THE SAME THING!!!!!

My only advice is that you might want to consider meeting Thai people on their territory first rather than having them come to your house. Without you providing them with any reference as to your standards they are just falling back on stereotypes that, understandably, don't paint us in a great light. Further to that you might discover that they are boorish people and choose to not have them come to your house. Ever had an "open" party back in your own country? Only if you want your bathroom sink in the garden!

[IMA_FARANG]

Thailand is Thailand.

Like every country there is an unwritten set of rules and cultural norms that those who grow up in the country learn as "normal" while they are growing up.

This applies to all nationalities.

Many people, immersed as they are in those "norms" from birth, are incapable of seeing them as the "learned responses" they are but mistakenly assume what they learned as a child is true for all cultures and all people.

To assume that creates a kind of "cultural arrogance" that many people have.

As an American, I was taught that also as a child.

Fortunately, in my case, I lived and worked in over a dozen countries in my working career.

So I had to "unlearn" my preconceptions.

Not everyone can do that, or can understand why they should.

In my humble opinion the 3 worst at "unlearning" their preconceptions (and I'm not being critical here, I'm just stating what I've seen) are Brits, Americans, and Thais.

Or as a woman once said on a BBC documentary about her "British" accent, "Cor duckie, it's not us what got the accent, it's all those bleeding furriners what got the accent"

Just consider that statement, and see if you can figure out what I'm talking about.

[dcsw53]

Did you ever go on the tube in London ? When did you ever see travellers there chatting or engaging in eye contact.

With my girlfriends family I struggle to get a word in edgeways.

[jacko45k]

When I go to the wife's village, I am surprised how they don't even eat together at a table.

Or on the floor.

Yet when a few visit my place they seem to all congregate around a mat eating and chatting very sociably... although I am left out.

[Kayahammer]

OP - you're missing the whole point of living in a different society with different social etiquette and different cultures.

[Clutch]

'The cutting in line on the BTS'?

I find Thai's rather polite when entering/exiting the BTS. 2 orderly queues formed either side of the doors allowing people to exit first.

Try getting on the MTR in HK.

It's every man for himself!

[simon43]

Or as a woman once said on a BBC documentary about her "British" accent

Pleeese!! Call it a Cockney accent, but please do not call it a British accent. I speak with a British accent, as does HM Queen Elizabeth,as did Lord Mountbatten... That is a British accent - everything else is a regional English (and often unintelligable) accent

Simon

[BudRight]

You're right about Thais lacking social skills. Though after leaving Thailand, I realized non-Thais didn't have them either. Maybe it's a humanity thing.

[orpheus454]

I think you're on to something here. Good work.

As there's quite a high level of unemployment in the States these days, I suggest we do a sweep of all the trailer parks in Oklahoma and see if we can't get some volunteers to come over here and teach these Godless heathens a few social graces.

And as you say, these things need to be taught early, so we could also get a few Roman Catholic priests from, say, Ireland and Australia to come and look after the kiddies. Salvationists from NSW could also have a role to play.

Taking responsibility for one's actions is also very important, and our best bet here, I reckon, would be a coterie of Wall Street bankers spread through the local population.

Forms of address are integral to good manners, and as the word "farang" is considered so impolite, anyone with white skin, including, of course some of the swathier southern European types, should be addressed as "Bwana".

No time to lose, on with your pith helmets and let's all sing "The Star Spangled Brittania of Marsellaise"...!

[orpheus454]

No folks, colonialism never died, it just went online...

[fredKroket]

What is their excuse for not saying thanks, kop Khun khrap or even a nod of acknowledgement when you hold the door open for them? It just reeks of impolite arrogance. These days if they say nothing I usually say Thank you for them, rather loudly, which generally is followed by a "sorry mister". I've gone so far as to help a lady with a pram take it up stairs and received the same treatment, nothing. Personally I think Thais see kindness as a sign of weakness and will often take advantage of it if given the chance.

[thailiketoo]

What is their excuse for not saying thanks, kop Khun khrap or even a nod of acknowledgement when you hold the door open for them? It just reeks of impolite arrogance. These days if they say nothing I usually say Thank you for them, rather loudly, which generally is followed by a "sorry mister". I've gone so far as to help a lady with a pram take it up stairs and received the same treatment, nothing. Personally I think Thais see kindness as a sign of weakness and will often take advantage of it if given the chance.

I've found buying them a little something to eat afterwards helps instead of just holding the door open.

[Halion]

Thing is, we choose to move to Thailand instead of staying in our own heavenly countries where all is so perfect, I wonder why that is ?

Maybe all is not so well in farangland.

You can count on some <deleted> coming in with a facile comment such as yours. The original post merely points out glaring differences in the social culture which are common all over this country..

[Pops]

It would all depend on the class of people involved, the lower the class the lower the social skills, same in every country.

So the behavior of the upper class Thais is perfect for you ??

[orosee]

Yikes guys, if you think Thais lack universal social skills (a judgment based generally on very limited observation), come to Korea. You'll be missing the Thai ways in no time!

[tim armstrong]

Its all about perception. If you saw an Arab man in traditional dress with some Arab women following - what is your first thought -- Money. For many Thais seeing a farlang - same reaction. Many other things follow from that perception. Even my lovely Thai banker lady whose family I know well thinks I am wealthy - and she regularly sees my bank account.