Is Thai Society Bereft of Social Skills?

[ccarbaugh]

Is Thai Society Bereft of Social Skills?

I have noticed that the vast majority of Thais don't seem to know many of the basic "social-skills" that are commonplace throughout the rest of the world. I'm referring to basic social graces such as introducing yourself, starting a light, mutual 2-way conversation, (either in Thai OR in English,) looking at people in your immediate vicinity,.... It's not just with farangs- frequently, they don't even converse or recognize each other. Busses, trains, vans, songteows, planes,...- are generally silent.

Last night I went to dinner with my live-in girlfriend in order to meet 3 of her co-workers. One spoke to me-once, and one played on her telephone the entire time.

At my girlfriend's periodic (large) family get-togethers there's drinking, karaoke singing, laughing, joking, - but no actual conversations.

The cutting in line at the BTS, the banks, the 7-11s, the avoidance of eye-contact or any recognition whatsoever after holding the door for someone with full arms- also indicate a lack of social awareness and common courtesy that seems more prevelent in Thailand.

I've heard it said that "Thais, generally, haven't gone anywhere and haven't done anything- so all they know is to work 6 or 7 days a week."

I know there will be "defenders" that will point out that THEIR Thai friends are socially-perfect and I agree that there are exceptions to every generalization. I try though, to not discount the 95% validity because of the 5% exceptions. I have met a lot of farangs that, after being here for some time, also adapt this antisocial attitude so as to fit-in with the society and not interact with people that they don't already know.

Just wondering what is missing from Thais environment in their youth to not become aware of others and caring about others. I think I learned "social-graces" by being around loving parents and grandparents, a small town, close friends,...

What do you think would help Thais to learn to be a little more social, a little more courteous, a little more polite, - ???????

Edited January 28, 2014 by ccarbaugh

[kannot]

Had some come to my house yesterday to do a small job, 7 turned up, one kid ran around shouting throwing stones jumping on things and being a nuisance, the others asked me for beer the asked to borrow my motorbike, they got neither, in the end they went an bought their own and threw the bottles on my land............yep they have no social skills whatsoever no appreciation of the fact this isnt their own yard.

[howerde]

It would all depend on the class of people involved, the lower the class the lower the social skills, same in every country.

[10Yen]

Thing is, we choose to move to Thailand instead of staying in our own heavenly countries where all is so perfect, I wonder why that is ?

Maybe all is not so well in farangland.

[benalibina]

Thing is, we choose to move to Thailand instead of staying in our own heavenly countries where all is so perfect, I wonder why that is ?

Maybe all is not so well in farangland.

in other words...if you dont like it go home....easy again....but a predictable post.

[thailiketoo]

“A wise man question himself, a fool, others.”

[10Yen]

Thing is, we choose to move to Thailand instead of staying in our own heavenly countries where all is so perfect, I wonder why that is ?

Maybe all is not so well in farangland.

in other words...if you dont like it go home....easy again....but a predictable post.

So what would you suggest, stay and suffer ?

[cooked]

So it seems you don't drive a car? That really gives you an insight into this. There are occasions, when 'my' rural extended family is together, that I can sense a very strong unity. Difficult to explain but despite the fact that these people just walk in and sit down, I occasionally feel very much at home here. Probably a way of life that is dying out now but which may explain the origins of this kind of behaviour.

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[I Like Thai]

Have you considered that it may be you that has no social skills ? You cling to your home culture and are incapable of even attempting to adapt to another culture. You don't even have any perception that the problems may be caused by you. Try to remember that the way things are done in Thailand by the Thais is the correct way to do things. Your way is not the correct way.

[prestburypark]

Rubbish, social skills are paramount here, its how people rub along as in most places. especially as social control is really the substitute for law and order to a large degree.

Observe and learn! There are louts and rude buggers of course, but most Thais I come into contact with are very polite.

It may well be that it is shyness and not lack of social skills that are is happening in the situations that the OP refers too, I find having a crack with the people and not taking yourself too seriously goes a long way to easing situations.

Mind you lots of faults too, but that is so back home as well, sometimes more boorish than here.

[Prbkk]

Some of the issues are generational rather than specific to Thailand. The whole mobile " thing" , needing to stop everything, anywhere in order to check messages, chat, play games, look "kool" etc, seems to be equally prevalent in other countries. It could be more obvious here and certainly there appears to be little backlash against it , in contrast to some other countries.

But isn't this more to do with Gen X worldwide? An absolute lack of awareness of how their mobile obsession impacts on others. I am hopeful that Darwin will kick in and a sufficiently high number of them will fall down stairs, step into the path of buses, walk off cliffs, etc , etc to limit their breeding and any capacity to pass on this behaviour to offspring

[Somsrisonphimai]

OP, have you tried to interact with them? Most Thais are kind of shy and will not initiate conversation first. So you might want to act as you were interested in getting to know them first. That way it might help you and them have any kind of interaction.

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[Briggsy]

I find Thais are only really comfortable in their peer group. Same social class being most important then perhaps age and gender and then regional origin. They just feel awkward like a fish out of water outside of their peer group. Good example is any Thai gone to a foreign country, apart from any foreign spouse, all their friends are Thai and the only place many will work is a Thai restaurant. Their culture only allows them to feel truly comfortable with other Thais. Another example, stick a northerner in a shop with a load of Isaan workers, odds are northerner if alone will not like it and seek to leave. Put a working class Thai in a situation with middle class Thais. Middle class Thais will condescend, the working class Thai will seek an exit pronto. Many examples like this. The divisions in Thai society are quite wide and difficult for Thais to overcome on a personal level.

[wym]

Thais are EXTREMELY polite, but for those not familiar with OUR definitions of "polite", less educated less worldly, are only polite according to the Thai social definitions.

Within their social network, especially people that are above them in status, that is the context where it is most important.

Higher-ups can be rude as they like with them below, but even by Thai definition that is rude.

Among strangers or with foreigners, anything goes, remember we are aliens here and most of us have little idea of how to be "polite" according to their social rules.

These rules are unique to each society/culture.

Just because the historically farang social definitions have become "global" doesn't mean they are really human-universal, globalization hasn't penetrated into every corner of the developed world just yet.

Thanks and praise be to the lord, may I die before it does.

You certainly aren't going to change anything, so why complain about it?

But you can "enforce" what you want among those you deal with, especially where you are paying for services rendered. Just try to do so with as little conflict as possible, honey catches more than vinegar etc. . .

[jackr]

Op, they don't really talk on public transport, etc, for reasons touched upon. No-one knows the status of the next and for fear of embarrassment. If you do manage to get someone talking, you'll likely hit greng jai mode and won't learn much.

Anyway, with something like 80% of the spoken word (anywhere in the world) being superfluous, fingers-down-the-back-of-the-throat gossip, I personally prefer silence.

[thailiketoo]

Op, they don't really talk on public transport, etc, for reasons touched upon. No-one knows the status of the next and for fear of embarrassment. If you do manage to get someone talking, you'll likely hit greng jai mode and won't learn much.

Anyway, with something like 80% of the spoken word (anywhere in the world) being superfluous, fingers-down-the-back-of-the-throat gossip, I personally prefer silence.

One thinks you are in receipt of your preference most of time.

[MrTee]

My experience differs..
When we get (me & TG) on the Bhat Bus they all start chatting away .. never met before but get straight in there chatting like old pals..

[MrTee]

I think some of you see what you want to see.

If your attitude is to go round finding fault in others, sure you'll find it .. every where you go you'll find it, it'll be with you every step of you life.
All the things you hate will keep jumping up and smacking you right in the face..

give some hate fell some hate.


/thread.

[thailiketoo]

My experience differs..

When we get (me & TG) on the Bhat Bus they all start chatting away .. never met before but get straight in there chatting like old pals..

I think this is a universal experience in Thailand and if the bus is crowded one old crone will always tell everyone where to sit.

[Tmymaimee]

No social skills in comparison to what cultures? Ever been to south-east Chicago? Some of the rudest, non-stop swearing, ghetto trash in the entire world.

I find Thai social skills are closely related to their place in society. The poor, dirty Thais working in a local market (many times from Isaan) have a loud, harsh, angry voice and swear often while the higher class, Mercedes driving people are soft spoken, polite and clean.

Same in many other countries. The wealthy are the clean, well spoken and well mannered set while the poor are the angry, dirty and prone to violence.

[thailiketoo]

No social skills in comparison to what cultures? Ever been to south-east Chicago? Some of the rudest, non-stop swearing, ghetto trash in the entire world.

I find Thai social skills are closely related to their place in society. The poor, dirty Thais working in a local market (many times from Isaan) have a loud, harsh, angry voice and swear often while the higher class, Mercedes driving people are soft spoken, polite and clean.

Same in many other countries. The wealthy are the clean, well spoken and well mannered set while the poor are the angry, dirty and prone to violence.

Jerry Springer, Jermy Kyle anyone from the countries of those two has no room to speak of .......rude.

[MrTee]

My experience differs..

When we get (me & TG) on the Bhat Bus they all start chatting away .. never met before but get straight in there chatting like old pals..

I think this is a universal experience in Thailand and if the bus is crowded one old crone will always tell everyone where to sit.

Not what I was saying at all.

I've never seen an old crone get on a bus and tell everyone where to sit. not once, and I've been on a few. .

They seem friendly enough to me.

Where I come from if you look at a person the wrong way on public transport you'll likely end up in hospital

Source : personal experience..

[samran]

Just because you can't see them doesn't mean they don't exist. Indeed, as others have said, negotiating Thailand requires an acute sense of social awareness. But you are probably stuck in your ways, judging by your post, that you'll never see them.

[Sam Gold]

They have their own social codes which differ greatly from the West.

They don't speak on public transport for fear of being scolded by someone older and/or of higher social standing, which would cause massive loss of face with nowhere to run and hide to.

On the other hand, waiting in line just doesn't exist here, and you may have been waiting for 5 minutes at a market stall only to see someone walk past you and ask what he/she wants, to which the vendour complies without acknowledging that you even exist.

Just a question of undertsanding and acclimatising.

However, Thais do lack social awareness and skills, this is an issue the country has been facing for some time:

http://www.talent-technologies.com/new/2012/08/emotional-quotient-thailand-eq/

[kimbathewhitelion]

Only read the the first two sentences or easier said...read Ning-noi.

If you're educated, learn the culture, however if before Bush, stop being ignorant. If your not "educated", then google 'Culture' & 'Society' for the country you wish to visit.

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[wym]

no idea what you're on about mate, might be better off working through google translate

[sam sen]

i get the feeling thai's often dont think or care about others; thai or farang

i was getting some photocopying done this afternoon. the road outside was jammed with traffic but there was plenty of room for motorcycles to pass by the cars. however the motorcyclists were riding up and down the pavement which was also being used by children going home from the nearby school as well as other pedestrians.

when i'm on the bus i can guarantee that i am the first, and often only, person to give up their seat to an elderly or pregnant passenger. i have often seen both having to stand on buses. i've even seen parents carrying babies having to stand.

get doors slammed in my face all the time

people step out of doorways and side street right in front of me; am i invisible?

people, strangely often female late teen/20's, walk straight into me in the street - i make the 50% evasive move they do nothing. crash

dont know whether many thais are deliberately rude, don't know any better, are simply incapable of thinking of/caring about others or lack the confidence/personality to take proactive action.

[Sam Gold]

dont know whether many thais are deliberately rude, don't know any better, are simply incapable of thinking of/caring about others or lack the confidence/personality to take proactive action.

I'd say 2 out of the 4 options you gave:

Don't know any better and lack the confidence/personality to take proactive action.

[Thai at Heart]

You wai and respect your elders. Simple really.

[Soutpeel]

Just because you can't see them doesn't mean they don't exist. Indeed, as others have said, negotiating Thailand requires an acute sense of social awareness. But you are probably stuck in your ways, judging by your post, that you'll never see them.

Having worked with and socialised thai nationals for last 13 years, they are no different from people in the western world, all the same hopes, fears etc etc....one suspects the perceived issues are in the op,s head