Thai Mentality towards Tragedy

[eldragon]

Why does it bother you so much what she thinks or how she reacts ? whatever her opinion or attitude is, does not need justifying to you does it ?

You have to remember that western morals and ideals etc have no place here and are often confusing and even irritating to other cultures etc and are viewed as equally crazy or whatever to them as they are to us.

I have to share space with Thais every day. And I'm happier understanding my hosts reactions, behavoir, customs, etc. than I am thinking they're insensitive <deleted>.

I'm no prude. However, the last two words you use here answers your question. You don't sound like anybody I'd share what is on my mind or in my heart with. Not after you reveal how you think. Your inability to express yourself as civilized person. It is text book sign of lazy when an English speaking or whatever ones language is can't pause and find appropriate means of communicating. CharlieH says it well. Your reply is empty, faceless and filled with holes. No person has to justify anything unless perhaps they are confronted by some tyrant or broken the law. If you've broken the law what you say will hopefully mitigate what your consequences might be. It rarely changes much else.

You and CharlieH (and a few others) are overthinking the issue. Or you just don't follow my rhetoric. It was a simple and somewhat normal exchange between me and my coworker. We discuss a variety of issues on a regular basis, including politics. I've even been to a protest site with her. I just thought the simley face and subsequent nervousness with regards to this issue to be a bit odd. I wasn't bothered. I didn't feel like she needed to justify herself to me. I just thought it was a little strange. And rather than make the assumption that my coworker is insensetive and self-centered (which I'm sure she's not), I came to you people, seeking a better understanding of the Thai mentality and mindset towards tragic events.

So what's wrong with that? How does that make me uncivilized? I'm well aware that we are different. I know for every foreigner wondering why Thais do the thigns they do, there's equally as many Thais wondering the same thing about foreigners. Doesn't mean I and others can't ask the occasional question about our differences.

"Uncovering the layers of culture is one of the fascinating things about living abroad" (Fookhaht).

[willyumiii]

When something is uncomfortable, worrying, or upsetting the Thai way of dealing with it is " don't think about it".

Many times over the years, when something is bothering me and I am acting very serious, my Thai friends tell me " Just don't think about it."

It is a form of defense, a way to protect your emotions.

This is especially so when it is a situation you can not change or control.

I am guessing that this is what she is doing.

[wym]

And IMO a much better way to live.

Keep the focus on yourself and how you can improve your own state.

Try to do right by your family and friends, do what little you can to improve things among those you come in direct contact with day to day.

Sure if there is a chance to actually help effect positive change on a "macro level" then do what you can do.

But focusing the amount of time and energy that people do on abstract and remote issues that have they have no chance of actually affecting, quite right for Thais to think that mental habit is dting dtong.

There is no goal more important in life than our own personal peace of mind.

Edited February 26, 2014 by wym

[eldragon]

actually someone above printed a long blurb which is actually quite true about group vx single person sports.

budhism (theravada budhism) pushes for personal development: u develop and take care of yourself. you are not responsible for others, but if u are responsible for yourself it should ahve a ripple affect.

however, this is carried out in what i call the 'issalat' mentality. meaning freedom, interpreted as ' doing what you want to do when u want to do it and how u want to do it' w/o seeing if it affects others. which is indeed why individual sports are popular. however, in schools thai kids are taught to 'go with the group' and not stick out as individuals.

frankly i dont see one as better then an other. we deem it 'provincial' or 'primitive' but how do they see us? nosey bodies/do gooders getting involved in other peoples' lives, when its the other person's responsibility for him/herself alone.

someone wrote about sentimentality: there is a difference between sentimentality and awareness of the past. i come from a culture that, as far as i am concerned, is obsessive, really obsessive, with the past and doesnt let go and i much prefer the thai attitude.its cleaner. there is no guilt for past actions, or 'what if's...' or why didnt i'... the past really really is not important. not the dead people, nor the 'dead' objects. those rae things we cling to, which , again, is not a buddhist 'trait' (clinging to emotions, things, ideas).

the problem is that thais today have so moved away from any buddhist ideology and yet still maintain cultural aspects with realizing why they ahve them.

btw, there is no real 'past' in thai verbs. you have to clarify everything with 'in the past', or 'in the future' which gives a good inkling as to what is important to the culture. (the here and now).

i think the thais are also very aware of the amount of corruption around them and are a bit cynical as to 'do good' motives among groups, i know my husband always says 'that beggar is part of a mafia, not really needing money' or 'that group is not doing it to help but to get some benefits in some way' which belies his own perception of his culture and placing it on my culture which is really big on the 'helping others' (from a religious /humintarian point of view).

i think that many 'westerners' tend to see things through their own perspectives without taking in to account cultural experiences of the other side.

thais are not an analytical people. they dont have philosophers that write about or analyse life, death and our experiences. its never been in their culture. they dont hvae the language for it. every language is an expression of what is important in a culture and psychoanalyisis is just not it for them.

as far as 'food': food is health. food is wealth. so feeding others at the table/floor is like beduins serving you food. it doesnt mean friends, it means they want /can take care of you. many many societies are like that. jewish society was also built on that in the days of the bible (welcoming guests with water and dried fruits).

in many societies, friendship is a flimsy thing, with family being the strong 'blood is thicker then water'. freindships as we know them are a luxury for a rich western society that doesnt need 'family ties' because we have none.

and in general, the person who wrote the thread: dont think so much.

This is a great post. Thanks. It's a shinining example of how speaking about the differences between cultures doesn't necessarily equate to saying anything negative about either one.

And yeah, I know what you mean about thinking so much. But then again, if you never asked these kinds of questions, would you have the understanding you now possess?

[slipperylobster]

I look at the greiving father, over the loss of his beautiful child, and look at it as being a universal loss, shared by all people and all races, Except for the pitiless morons who thought it was a good idea to get on a truck and kill innocents, I think Thai people feel the loss every bit the same as we would. Why infer that they would not? I see how they love their children...it is no different.

[LindsayBKK]

https://www.asiabooks.com/Book_Detail/9789748303932/bridging-the-gap-pb/

I can recommend this book it has many interesting stories & advice to farang who work in Thailand.

Answer to your question: It's complicated, but Thais don't fear death as in a western world as such and will avoid talking about these subjects so previous posts have said enough.

Edited February 26, 2014 by LindsayBKK

[mochafan]

Why does it bother you so much what she thinks or how she reacts ? whatever her opinion or attitude is, does not need justifying to you does it ?

You have to remember that western morals and ideals etc have no place here and are often confusing and even irritating to other cultures etc and are viewed as equally crazy or whatever to them as they are to us.

I have to share space with Thais every day. And I'm happier understanding my hosts reactions, behavoir, customs, etc. than I am thinking they're insensitive <deleted>.

Good for you. But it doesn't work for everyone. Not everyone wears rose tinted glasses.

[kandi]

..... She didn't bat an eye lid and asked me why i care? Later that evening over coffee I told my friend about this and he said that Thais are strong believers in Karma and what ever we have in this life (good or bad) we deserved it because of how we lived in our previous life. That also applies if we, lets say, are wealthy, not so much jealously because we earned it by the way we lived in a previous life. It does explain something else to me.......I told him it was not unheard of at home for people to be jealous of something like you getting a new car, they might go as far as keying it on their way home from the pub, but strangely enough I never heard of that type of behavior here....even though the majority of people would be much more poorer that people in my country.

In light of the above post, the question comes to mind: From strictly a sociological & Western viewpoint, do you think Buddhist beliefs stifle the development of a society toward more humane attitudes towards each other, and even toward nature/animals?

As an example, I've never in my life seen such schizophrenic behavior toward animals in my life as in this 99% Buddhist culture: One man will catch and imprison a hundred small animals in a crowded cage for hours or days without food or care, while another man will buy one or more of his animals from him to release into the wild in an act of merit. Both consider themselves devoted Buddhists. My Thai friends won't kill an ant, but others will torture baby elephants with gaffs which masquerades as "training." I'm always scratching my head when I regularly observe these contradictions in behavior.

Very true, that's what have I been thinking many, many times as well.

[Hedghog]

OP.

They think YOU are gullible.

Don't tar us all with the same brush,(with the We statement)

As a previous poster stated,Its the company you keep.

[I Like Thai]

It would seem to me that the OP is a lot more upset about not getting kind words from his Thai work colleague for being such a compassionate person, than he is about the actual tragedy that he professes to be upset about.

Why do we as westerners get upset about people we don't know, have never met and will never meet. We see a tragedy on TV and everyone talks about how terrible it is and it should never happen again, then it's forgotten about the next day.

Why do we also get to pick and chose who deserves sympathy and who doesn't. Peoples from one area of the world has a disaster and everyone gets upset and a monstrous relief effort is launched. Then in another part of the world, a disaster occurs, but nothing happens. They are the wrong religion, wrong colour etc. These victims are then left to their own devices.

The sympathy that Westerners show is completely false. It is about making themselves feel better about themselves, rather than having any genuine compassion for strangers.

[wym]

^^^^

This!

Just because someone's the same race or nationality doesn't make their tragedy more meaningful to me personally.

[aveabeeror2]

i've raised the high road death toll every songkran with many thai's and the vast majority response is that its 'sanook' and therefore somehow acceptable.

with so many dying every year it puzzles me why there isnt lobbying from the friends and families of those needlessly killed to promote road safety during the holiday.

It isn't that human life is considered so cheap here, it's that we grossly overvalue it in the west.

Natural selection is rarely allowed to operate on the human species anymore and we're much the worse for it.

There are way too many human beings on this planet, we should be finding more ways to have the less intelligent and otherwise unfit taken out of the picture, not trying to keep so many of us here.

Life would be a lot more interesting if man-eating predators were freely roaming around our population centers, and I'm sure human society would be in better shape too.

Nazi doctrine.But you would be safe Wym. As you demonstrate your superior knowledge of all things on a daily basis.(hourly basis!)