One Observation Where I Admire Thai Culture Over My Own

[bonobo]

There tends to be quite a few posts in the forum about differences in Thai culture when primarily compared with Western cultures. Yes, there are also the threads where posters write about what they like here, but not as many. For me, as I live and work here, there are quite a few things I like about the country and people. But while driving to the gym today, though, I had a long and interesting conversation with my wife on one difference, and I have to admit the Thai way is vastly superior, to my mind.

I am in the process of getting married. We had one ceremony in Narathiwat last weekend, and we will have another this coming weekend in Bangkok. The one down south was for her family and school friends, the one up here for our friends.

Aside from ThaiVisa, I am a belong to two expat organizations that regularly meet. I socialize with the other members on occasion as well. For the ceremony next weekend, I invited approximately 250 expats, expecting maybe 60 to accept. Those 60 comprise the people I know well and would consider friends. The results? Three people responded that they will be out of the country and wished us well. Three people from ThaiVisa accepted, people I mostly know from the internet. And one person accepted from all the rest. That's it.

Of the 26 Thai friends I invited, 24 said yes.

Of the 100 friends my wife invited, 120 said yes. The extra 20 heard about it and contacted her asking to come. For example, she has had three jobs since I've known her, and when she went to drop off an invite with her old boss from that third job, someone she's kept in contact with, others heard about it and asked to come. One woman said that since we had gone to her wedding some five years ago, she should support ours.

For argument's sake, lets ignore the possibility that I'm a jerk and people don't really like me and that my wife is a paragon of personability (all probably true). Even with that, I think that there is a stronger community spirit among Thais than in many western countries. For the wedding in Narathiwat, the entire village worked for two days butchering the pigs, cutting the veggies, etc in order to feed 600 people. They started at 5:00 AM the day before the wedding and 4:00 AM the day of the wedding to get the work done. One Bangkok police officer got on a bus after work, rode all night to Narathiwat, to attend the ceremony, then got back in a bus to ride back the next night to be at work the next day. I asked him why didn't he just come to the Bangkok ceremony, and he said he wanted to give his respects in front of my new mother-in-law.

I thought it was surprising, to be honest, that out of one of my organizations, not one person is coming, and only two gave their regrets. These are the guys with whom I am supposed to be close. Yet my Thai friends, even a few whom I haven't seen for four or five years, they pretty much all are coming.

To be frank, I think this aspect of Thai cohesion is rather noteworthy, and one I admire. I wish my own culture had more of this concept of community support.

[beachproperty]

Don't know about the community spirit thing ....BUT I for one enjoy a good party ....especially if the drinks and food are on the house !

[krisb]

More beer for those who do attend!

[Thai at Heart]

Care of elderly. That said that is an chicken and egg issue. They care at home for them because there are lots of family not working. The family not working means they can't afford hospital or nursing

[sirineou]

There is no doubt Thais are more social, and community oriented than westerners, one of the things I also really enjoy and appreciate about Thailand. this difference with the west can be exemplified with the following observation.

Homes in the west are build in the front oh the property leaning a back yard where the occupants can live in privacy. Homes in Thailand are for the most part build in the back of the property, with the occupants living in the front where they can socialize with their neighbors and community.

[bonobo]

Care of elderly. That said that is an chicken and egg issue. They care at home for them because there are lots of family not working. The family not working means they can't afford hospital or nursing

That is a big one that I admire, and while the financial aspect has some legs, many of my Thai friends are frankly very wealthy. Yet all of them care for elderly family members in the home or within a family compound. They just cannot conceive sending them off to a nursing home.

I see this same community spirit elsewhere, too. One of my friends is flying to New York in June with his wife and kids. Why? Because a classmate's son is graduating from Columbia, and they were invited to the graduation ceremony.

[Costas2008]

Not sure about Thai culture, but Thais will be very glad to go at any party.

And if you invited 120, I bet you will have 250 coming to you.

Anyway, congratulations for your wedding and wish you a happy life together.

[I Like Thai]

They're not your friends, they are just people you met in Thailand.

[bonobo]

They're not your friends, they are just people you met in Thailand.

I am not sure your point. My Thai friends are mostly people I met in the US at school, people with whom I've studied, cooked dinner, gone on vacation at Yellowstone together, gone to movies. Other Thais were introduced to me, and my wife and I have gone on vacation to Europe and the US with them, we've gone to their home for dinner, we've hit the gym together and gone to the movies. I'm not sure how that doesn't come under the definition of friend.

Of the expats, those were all people I've met here, but all with some sort of binding aspect, primarily military experience. And while going out for the evening with the boys or going to a funeral for others together doesn't really mean we are "friends," it certainly means we are "friendly acquaintances."

[transam]

My PC must have virus or something cos my invite hasn't appeared...............

[Costas2008]

There is no doubt Thais are more social, and community oriented than westerners, one of the things I also really enjoy and appreciate about Thailand. this difference with the west can be exemplified with the following observation.

Homes in the west are build in the front oh the property leaning a back yard where the occupants can live in privacy. Homes in Thailand are for the most part build in the back of the property, with the occupants living in the front where they can socialize with their neighbors and community.

I wish you were living here and not just sample Thai life once in a while.

Then you would experience this socialization with your neighbours being drunk, having the music blowing till 4 in the morning and shouting at the top of their voices.

Then you would have appreciated Thai culture better.

Don't think the OP lives in Isaan where I live and you sometimes visit.

[thailiketoo]

They take care of kids. Two girls, twins parents killed in a car accident. No problem just like the brother's children. My next door neighbor has an extra 9 year old in his house from the family. She is treated like his own. I have also met adults who were raised this way or by grandparents and they take care of them just like birth parents when they get old.

[sirineou]

There is no doubt Thais are more social, and community oriented than westerners, one of the things I also really enjoy and appreciate about Thailand. this difference with the west can be exemplified with the following observation.

Homes in the west are build in the front oh the property leaning a back yard where the occupants can live in privacy. Homes in Thailand are for the most part build in the back of the property, with the occupants living in the front where they can socialize with their neighbors and community.

I wish you were living here and not just sample Thai life once in a while.

Then you would experience this socialization with your neighbours being drunk, having the music blowing till 4 in the morning and shouting at the top of their voices.

Then you would have appreciated Thai culture better.

Don't think the OP lives in Isaan where I live and you sometimes visit.

Yea, me too brother, (wish I was living there)

I try to be honest and make it no secret that I only spend a couple of months a year there, perhaps if I spend more time there my views would be different. Some times, the fact that I am not there all the time helps see things from a different perspective, you know, Trees from the forest, and notice changes, negative and positive.

When there, I live in a very quiet area, but even when staying with the in-laws who live in the village(wall to wall houses) I never had a problem with the negative elements others seem to have a problem with in Thailand, perhaps this is unique to me, but I am a Bonobo also, and play and work well with others.

Having said that, my observation on how Thais and westerners set their living arrangements stands, I make no value judgement by it, it is simply an observation.

And being a Bonobo, I do enjoy my social interaction when there.

My father (bless his soul) an other Greek, so you should appreciate this, used to say " Steve you will live for ever, for you it always rains elsewhere" (esi alou vrehi) It is part of my personality and I cant get away from it.

[Ricky from Brisbane]

You take it well mate. I'd be dirty if i invited that many people I knew who i thought were mates and only 3 people showed up. I got not excuses to make for them but where you had your wedding is it a hard place to get to or not have accomodation or something? what reason did some of these friends of yours give for not coming along to the wedding?

[Costas2008]

There is no doubt Thais are more social, and community oriented than westerners, one of the things I also really enjoy and appreciate about Thailand. this difference with the west can be exemplified with the following observation.

Homes in the west are build in the front oh the property leaning a back yard where the occupants can live in privacy. Homes in Thailand are for the most part build in the back of the property, with the occupants living in the front where they can socialize with their neighbors and community.

I wish you were living here and not just sample Thai life once in a while.

Then you would experience this socialization with your neighbours being drunk, having the music blowing till 4 in the morning and shouting at the top of their voices.

Then you would have appreciated Thai culture better.

Don't think the OP lives in Isaan where I live and you sometimes visit.

Yea, me too brother, (wish I was living there)

I try to be honest and make it no secret that I only spend a couple of months a year there, perhaps if I spend more time there my views would be different. Some times, the fact that I am not there all the time helps see things from a different perspective, you know, Trees from the forest, and notice changes, negative and positive.

When there, I live in a very quiet area, but even when staying with the in-laws who live in the village(wall to wall houses) I never had a problem with the negative elements others seem to have a problem with in Thailand, perhaps this is unique to me, but I am a Bonobo also, and play and work well with others.

Having said that, my observation on how Thais and westerners set their living arrangements stands, I make no value judgement by it, it is simply an observation.

And being a Bonobo, I do enjoy my social interaction when there.

My father (bless his soul) an other Greek, so you should appreciate this, used to say " Steve you will live for ever, for you it always rains elsewhere" (esi alou vrehi) It is part of my personality and I cant get away from it.

Yes, I wish also you were living here and be able to speak our mother language again.

I know it was my fault we didn't meet when you came to Thailand but one day I will try to explain to you the reasons.

As about the (alou vrehi), you don't sound to me as a person with that mentality, judging from your posts.

I consider you to be a serious person with your feet, well, on the ground.

Have my doubts as to what social interaction you have with the Thais when here.

You don't speak their language, you can't communicate with them.

Having a beer and give smiles all around is not social interaction.

As about Bonobo, that you say he plays and works with others well, I would still like to know why the others do not acknowledge his friendliness.

And I don't believe that this has anything to do with Thai against farang culture.

[benalibina]

There is no doubt Thais are more social, and community oriented than westerners, one of the things I also really enjoy and appreciate about Thailand. this difference with the west can be exemplified with the following observation.

Homes in the west are build in the front oh the property leaning a back yard where the occupants can live in privacy. Homes in Thailand are for the most part build in the back of the property, with the occupants living in the front where they can socialize with their neighbors and community.

I wish you were living here and not just sample Thai life once in a while.

Then you would experience this socialization with your neighbours being drunk, having the music blowing till 4 in the morning and shouting at the top of their voices.

Then you would have appreciated Thai culture better.

Don't think the OP lives in Isaan where I live and you sometimes visit.

Yea, me too brother, (wish I was living there)

I try to be honest and make it no secret that I only spend a couple of months a year there, perhaps if I spend more time there my views would be different. Some times, the fact that I am not there all the time helps see things from a different perspective, you know, Trees from the forest, and notice changes, negative and positive.

When there, I live in a very quiet area, but even when staying with the in-laws who live in the village(wall to wall houses) I never had a problem with the negative elements others seem to have a problem with in Thailand, perhaps this is unique to me, but I am a Bonobo also, and play and work well with others.

Having said that, my observation on how Thais and westerners set their living arrangements stands, I make no value judgement by it, it is simply an observation.

And being a Bonobo, I do enjoy my social interaction when there.

My father (bless his soul) an other Greek, so you should appreciate this, used to say " Steve you will live for ever, for you it always rains elsewhere" (esi alou vrehi) It is part of my personality and I cant get away from it.

Yes, I wish also you were living here and be able to speak our mother language again.

I know it was my fault we didn't meet when you came to Thailand but one day I will try to explain to you the reasons.

As about the (alou vrehi), you don't sound to me as a person with that mentality, judging from your posts.

I consider you to be a serious person with your feet, well, on the ground.

Have my doubts as to what social interaction you have with the Thais when here.

You don't speak their language, you can't communicate with them.

Having a beer and give smiles all around is not social interaction.

As about Bonobo, that you say he plays and works with others well, I would still like to know why the others do not acknowledge his friendliness.

And I don't believe that this has anything to do with Thai against farang culture.

This site has a PM mode.

[ravip]

They're not your friends, they are just people you met in Thailand.

The Oxford dictionary define a Friend as --- A person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically one exclusive of sexual or family relations:

What is your definition of a friend?

It might be two different friends.

[Costas2008]

They're not your friends, they are just people you met in Thailand.

The Oxford dictionary define a Friend as --- A person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically one exclusive of sexual or family relations:

What is your definition of a friend?

It might be two different friends.

Well done to the Oxford dictionary.

A person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection.

A little bit like Love, I think!

[bonobo]

You take it well mate. I'd be dirty if i invited that many people I knew who i thought were mates and only 3 people showed up. I got not excuses to make for them but where you had your wedding is it a hard place to get to or not have accomodation or something? what reason did some of these friends of yours give for not coming along to the wedding?

I didn't expect people from the Bangkok area to go to Narathiwat given both the distance and situation down there. But the ceremony this next weekend is in Bangkok, and it was to that that they were invited..

[wym]

Thais are certainly more socially-minded, and not just because they like a good party, but simply fulfilling social "obligations that our "more modern" cultures now feel free to completely ignore.

There are hundreds of ways that I think Thai culture is far superior to back home.

None of them have to do with business, efficiency, profits or productivity, and treating those things as being less important than personal relationships is one of the most important ways Thais are superior AFAIC.

[Thai at Heart]

Care of elderly. That said that is an chicken and egg issue. They care at home for them because there are lots of family not working. The family not working means they can't afford hospital or nursing

That is a big one that I admire, and while the financial aspect has some legs, many of my Thai friends are frankly very wealthy. Yet all of them care for elderly family members in the home or within a family compound. They just cannot conceive sending them off to a nursing home.

I see this same community spirit elsewhere, too. One of my friends is flying to New York in June with his wife and kids. Why? Because a classmate's son is graduating from Columbia, and they were invited to the graduation ceremony.

Thais are not unique in it, but it is important to them. That said, there are many lonely elderly because the kids are in bangkok. Its getting to be.closer to the west with time.

[Thai at Heart]

To the op, sorry to be cynical, but its some times difficult to see the line between obligation and friendship.

[Beetlejuice]

They're not your friends, they are just people you met in Thailand.

I am not sure your point. My Thai friends are mostly people I met in the US at school, people with whom I've studied, cooked dinner, gone on vacation at Yellowstone together, gone to movies. Other Thais were introduced to me, and my wife and I have gone on vacation to Europe and the US with them, we've gone to their home for dinner, we've hit the gym together and gone to the movies. I'm not sure how that doesn't come under the definition of friend.

Of the expats, those were all people I've met here, but all with some sort of binding aspect, primarily military experience. And while going out for the evening with the boys or going to a funeral for others together doesn't really mean we are "friends," it certainly means we are "friendly acquaintances."

Firstly it is nice to see a thread that gives some of the positive aspects of the Thais for a change rather than the negatives that are all too common on Thai visa these days. I would like to add; I’m glad it`s you also and not only me, (not being sarcastic) because like you I was beginning to believe perhaps I have become boring and uncool as I’ve grown older.

I can see our I Like Thai’s point exactly and believe he has hit the nail right on the head.

Been living here for over 30 years and over the last few years went into permanent retirement, so have found myself with a lot of time on my hands, plus I am the type who enjoys socialising and interacting with people rather than just doing the online thing.

Had many farang friends who I met over here in Thailand. Over the years some had died, some had returned to their home countries, others had moved on, lost contact and simply faded away or disappeared off the scene. This left me with 4 how I would describe as hardcore close friends, the one’s who between us met on a regular basis and always remained in contact. Then over a period of time I began to notice that their emails and phone calls became less frequent, they would make excuses why they were not able to meet socially and so on. Rarely got invited to their homes any more and their visits to me became a rarity or ceased completely. It seemed that their situations had changed, they either found other activities to occupy them or decided they had better things to do and just couldn’t be bothered to continue on their friendships any more. I still see a couple of them on less frequent occasions but they seem more distant and then it`s a case of, see you sometime maybe, if I don`t have anything’s better to do.

I conveyed my disappoints to my wife and she said the words as our I Like Thai; They're not your friends, they are just people you met in Thailand and concluded that my wife is right, even though these so-called bosom buddies and I go way back to our early days in Thailand, the many years it seems, sharing adventures together, our joys and our problems has not made them any closer but rather seems the opposite, they have drifted further apart into their own little worlds. Yet, and this is the strange part, some of my closest and dearest friends from the States, the UK and my old work colleges in Spain have always kept in contact but unfortunately it is now only online because I’m over here and they are over there.

So perhaps bonobo, it is you who are quite normal, but the other so-called farang friends are not as true and sincere as you first thought and at the end of the day, it is as my wife said; just people you know in Thailand and certainly cannot be considered as friends in the true sense, but do admit it can feel as a bitter disappointment and am at a lost to understand them.

[Thai at Heart]

They're not your friends, they are just people you met in Thailand.

I am not sure your point. My Thai friends are mostly people I met in the US at school, people with whom I've studied, cooked dinner, gone on vacation at Yellowstone together, gone to movies. Other Thais were introduced to me, and my wife and I have gone on vacation to Europe and the US with them, we've gone to their home for dinner, we've hit the gym together and gone to the movies. I'm not sure how that doesn't come under the definition of friend.

Of the expats, those were all people I've met here, but all with some sort of binding aspect, primarily military experience. And while going out for the evening with the boys or going to a funeral for others together doesn't really mean we are "friends," it certainly means we are "friendly acquaintances."

Firstly it is nice to see a thread that gives some of the positive aspects of the Thais for a change rather than the negatives that are all too common on Thai visa these days. I would like to add; Im glad it`s you also and not only me, (not being sarcastic) because like you I was beginning to believe perhaps I have become boring and uncool as Ive grown older.

I can see our I Like Thais point exactly and believe he has hit the nail right on the head.

Been living here for over 30 years and over the last few years went into permanent retirement, so have found myself with a lot of time on my hands, plus I am the type who enjoys socialising and interacting with people rather than just doing the online thing.

Had many farang friends who I met over here in Thailand. Over the years some had died, some had returned to their home countries, others had moved on, lost contact and simply faded away or disappeared off the scene. This left me with 4 how I would describe as hardcore close friends, the ones who between us met on a regular basis and always remained in contact. Then over a period of time I began to notice that their emails and phone calls became less frequent, they would make excuses why they were not able to meet socially and so on. Rarely got invited to their homes any more and their visits to me became a rarity or ceased completely. It seemed that their situations had changed, they either found other activities to occupy them or decided they had better things to do and just couldnt be bothered to continue on their friendships any more. I still see a couple of them on less frequent occasions but they seem more distant and then it`s a case of, see you sometime maybe, if I don`t have anythings better to do.

I conveyed my disappoints to my wife and she said the words as our I Like Thai; They're not your friends, they are just people you met in Thailand and concluded that my wife is right, even though these so-called bosom buddies and I go way back to our early days in Thailand, the many years it seems, sharing adventures together, our joys and our problems has not made them any closer but rather seems the opposite, they have drifted further apart into their own little worlds. Yet, and this is the strange part, some of my closest and dearest friends from the States, the UK and my old work colleges in Spain have always kept in contact but unfortunately it is now only online because Im over here and they are over there.

So perhaps bonobo, it is you who are quite normal, but the other so-called farang friends are not as true and sincere as you first thought and at the end of the day, it is as my wife said; just people you know in Thailand and certainly cannot be considered as friends in the true sense, but do admit it can feel as a bitter disappointment and am at a lost to understand them.

Don't be shocked. They surveyed thousands of 50 year olds in the uk about how many genuine true friend they had. The average was 2.6

So having 3,in a completely foreign land is good going.

[Neeranam]

People from my country, Scotland have a concept of community support the same as here. Probably they do where you come from too. The guy I meet in Khon Kaen from Aberdeen is not the same as the guys who live in Aberdeen. 40,000 people travelled to Glasgow to watch Aberdeen win the League cup today. Pretty good for a city of 250,000.

Where I come from they have community centres, libraries, local pubs etc. They also welcome foreigners into their community, unlike here.

Bonobo, ask yourself why these foreigners came to this country. Would they be part of the community where they came from or are they outcasts, rebels or social misfits. Many of the farang I meet here are, including myself.

[Neeranam]

So perhaps bonobo, it is you who are quite normal, but the other so-called farang friends are not as true and sincere as you first thought and at the end of the day, it is as my wife said; just people you know in Thailand and certainly cannot be considered as friends in the true sense, but do admit it can feel as a bitter disappointment and am at a lost to understand them.

I have some friends that I met in Thailand that I consider very close in the true sense.

Most of them have been through similar experiences as I, enjoy similar pastimes, like the same music, etc.

[wym]

People from my country, Scotland have a concept of community support the same as here. Probably they do where you come from too.

Upper east side NYC not so much, very common for people to live in the same house for decades and to never have even met the neighbors.

[Beetlejuice]

They're not your friends, they are just people you met in Thailand.

I am not sure your point. My Thai friends are mostly people I met in the US at school, people with whom I've studied, cooked dinner, gone on vacation at Yellowstone together, gone to movies. Other Thais were introduced to me, and my wife and I have gone on vacation to Europe and the US with them, we've gone to their home for dinner, we've hit the gym together and gone to the movies. I'm not sure how that doesn't come under the definition of friend.

Of the expats, those were all people I've met here, but all with some sort of binding aspect, primarily military experience. And while going out for the evening with the boys or going to a funeral for others together doesn't really mean we are "friends," it certainly means we are "friendly acquaintances."

Firstly it is nice to see a thread that gives some of the positive aspects of the Thais for a change rather than the negatives that are all too common on Thai visa these days. I would like to add; Im glad it`s you also and not only me, (not being sarcastic) because like you I was beginning to believe perhaps I have become boring and uncool as Ive grown older.

I can see our I Like Thais point exactly and believe he has hit the nail right on the head.

Been living here for over 30 years and over the last few years went into permanent retirement, so have found myself with a lot of time on my hands, plus I am the type who enjoys socialising and interacting with people rather than just doing the online thing.

Had many farang friends who I met over here in Thailand. Over the years some had died, some had returned to their home countries, others had moved on, lost contact and simply faded away or disappeared off the scene. This left me with 4 how I would describe as hardcore close friends, the ones who between us met on a regular basis and always remained in contact. Then over a period of time I began to notice that their emails and phone calls became less frequent, they would make excuses why they were not able to meet socially and so on. Rarely got invited to their homes any more and their visits to me became a rarity or ceased completely. It seemed that their situations had changed, they either found other activities to occupy them or decided they had better things to do and just couldnt be bothered to continue on their friendships any more. I still see a couple of them on less frequent occasions but they seem more distant and then it`s a case of, see you sometime maybe, if I don`t have anythings better to do.

I conveyed my disappoints to my wife and she said the words as our I Like Thai; They're not your friends, they are just people you met in Thailand and concluded that my wife is right, even though these so-called bosom buddies and I go way back to our early days in Thailand, the many years it seems, sharing adventures together, our joys and our problems has not made them any closer but rather seems the opposite, they have drifted further apart into their own little worlds. Yet, and this is the strange part, some of my closest and dearest friends from the States, the UK and my old work colleges in Spain have always kept in contact but unfortunately it is now only online because Im over here and they are over there.

So perhaps bonobo, it is you who are quite normal, but the other so-called farang friends are not as true and sincere as you first thought and at the end of the day, it is as my wife said; just people you know in Thailand and certainly cannot be considered as friends in the true sense, but do admit it can feel as a bitter disappointment and am at a lost to understand them.

Don't be shocked. They surveyed thousands of 50 year olds in the uk about how many genuine true friend they had. The average was 2.6

So having 3,in a completely foreign land is good going.

It used to be, that if I did not contact them for a period of time, they would get in touch with me asking; are you all right? Nothing wrong I hope? How about going to such and such place on Friday night? Or would ask my advice on business or domestic matters and vice versa, we were very close. Then it appears they find alternatives in their lives and you`re dropped. And this is one of my main reasons that on Thai visa I have always defended the Thais and Thailand from the Thai bashers and those that seem to have nothing but criticisms of the Thais and the country as a whole.

I firmly believe that many of the farangs who plonk themselves here are different from the Westerners in the home countries, they seem to be the odd balls, the misfits and those that have their own strange sorts of individual lifestyles, they are sort of deeply into themselves and actually befriending them and trying to keep in with them can be extremely hard work, no matter how long we know these people.

Back in the home country as a married couple my wife and I had married friends. They would invite us to their homes, for social and dinner and we would reciprocate by doing the same. To me that was normal. Over here I have noticed that in most cases this doesn`t seem to apply, it`s either meet out at a restaurant or a bar and some seem to be very territorial and possessive regarding their homes, that`s their space and a please don`t come around too often attitudes. This doesn`t bother me too much because that`s the way it is, only they all appear so strange to me and even my Thai wife who has experienced the more what I describe as normal people back in the States and the UK thinks these people over here are rather odd.

Give me a good old Thai community any time and although there is the hurdles of the language barrier, at least my neighbors and friends seem to be normal, so for these reasons I have tried my best to adapt into Thai culture the best I can and consider my farang acquaintances as people that are only good to have the odd English conversation and a pint with on occasions. Those who expect any more of these people and believe friendship wise and socially that things are going to be similar just like they were back home, are going to be disappointed. I think this is another good reason for making a decision to either do or not to move to Thailand, because it takes a lot of getting used to.

Edited March 16, 2014 by Beetlejuice

[Thai at Heart]

They're not your friends, they are just people you met in Thailand.

I am not sure your point. My Thai friends are mostly people I met in the US at school, people with whom I've studied, cooked dinner, gone on vacation at Yellowstone together, gone to movies. Other Thais were introduced to me, and my wife and I have gone on vacation to Europe and the US with them, we've gone to their home for dinner, we've hit the gym together and gone to the movies. I'm not sure how that doesn't come under the definition of friend.

Of the expats, those were all people I've met here, but all with some sort of binding aspect, primarily military experience. And while going out for the evening with the boys or going to a funeral for others together doesn't really mean we are "friends," it certainly means we are "friendly acquaintances."

Firstly it is nice to see a thread that gives some of the positive aspects of the Thais for a change rather than the negatives that are all too common on Thai visa these days. I would like to add; Im glad it`s you also and not only me, (not being sarcastic) because like you I was beginning to believe perhaps I have become boring and uncool as Ive grown older.

I can see our I Like Thais point exactly and believe he has hit the nail right on the head.

Been living here for over 30 years and over the last few years went into permanent retirement, so have found myself with a lot of time on my hands, plus I am the type who enjoys socialising and interacting with people rather than just doing the online thing.

Had many farang friends who I met over here in Thailand. Over the years some had died, some had returned to their home countries, others had moved on, lost contact and simply faded away or disappeared off the scene. This left me with 4 how I would describe as hardcore close friends, the ones who between us met on a regular basis and always remained in contact. Then over a period of time I began to notice that their emails and phone calls became less frequent, they would make excuses why they were not able to meet socially and so on. Rarely got invited to their homes any more and their visits to me became a rarity or ceased completely. It seemed that their situations had changed, they either found other activities to occupy them or decided they had better things to do and just couldnt be bothered to continue on their friendships any more. I still see a couple of them on less frequent occasions but they seem more distant and then it`s a case of, see you sometime maybe, if I don`t have anythings better to do.

I conveyed my disappoints to my wife and she said the words as our I Like Thai; They're not your friends, they are just people you met in Thailand and concluded that my wife is right, even though these so-called bosom buddies and I go way back to our early days in Thailand, the many years it seems, sharing adventures together, our joys and our problems has not made them any closer but rather seems the opposite, they have drifted further apart into their own little worlds. Yet, and this is the strange part, some of my closest and dearest friends from the States, the UK and my old work colleges in Spain have always kept in contact but unfortunately it is now only online because Im over here and they are over there.

So perhaps bonobo, it is you who are quite normal, but the other so-called farang friends are not as true and sincere as you first thought and at the end of the day, it is as my wife said; just people you know in Thailand and certainly cannot be considered as friends in the true sense, but do admit it can feel as a bitter disappointment and am at a lost to understand them.

Don't be shocked. They surveyed thousands of 50 year olds in the uk about how many genuine true friend they had. The average was 2.6

So having 3,in a completely foreign land is good going.

It used to be, that if I did not contact them for a period of time, they would get in touch with me asking; are you all right? Nothing wrong I hope? How about going to such and such place on Friday night? Or would ask my advice on business or domestic matters and vice versa, we were very close. Then it appears they find alternatives in their lives and you`re dropped. And this is one of my main reasons that on Thai visa I have always defended the Thais and Thailand from the Thai bashers and those that seem to have nothing but criticisms of the Thais and the country as a whole.

I firmly believe that many of the farangs who plonk themselves here are different from the Westerners in the home countries, they seem to be the odd balls, the misfits and those that have their own strange sorts of individual lifestyles, they are sort of deeply into themselves and actually befriending them and trying to keep in with them can be extremely hard work, no matter how long we know these people.

Back in the home country as a married couple my wife and I had married friends. They would invite us to their homes, for social and dinner and we would reciprocate by doing the same. To me that was normal. Over here I have noticed that in most cases this doesn`t seem to apply, it`s either meet out at a restaurant or a bar and some seem to be very territorial and possessive regarding their homes, that`s their space and a please don`t come around too often attitudes. This doesn`t bother me too much because that`s the way it is, only they all appear so strange to me and even my Thai wife who has experienced the more what I describe as normal people back in the States and the UK thinks these people over here are rather odd.

Give me a good old Thai community any time and although there is the hurdles of the language barrier, at least my neighbors and friends seem to be normal, so for these reasons I have tried my best to adapt into Thai culture the best I can and consider my farang acquaintances as people that are only good to have the odd English conversation and a pint with on occasions. Those who expect any more of these people and believe friendship wise and socially that things are going to be similar just like they were back home, are going to be disappointed. I think this is another good reason for making a decision to either do or not to move to Thailand, because it takes a lot of getting used to.

Well yes. My problem living where I lived was that there were few married couples our age, so we just hung out with thai couples our age.

At the end of it, finding completely like minded friends in your home country is hard. Thailand even moreso. I find that most of the friends we had were through our kids school or kids playing together as friends.

Making friends in a new country once ur of an age is hard anywhere. I came to thailand at 21 working full time. In didn't fit with anyone on town. No one. Thank god I learnt thai.

Edited March 16, 2014 by Thai at Heart

[vtjforyou]

Respect but I understand all the farangs you invited, all these ceremonies are ridiculous and boring in Thailand, even more than in EU or US !