What does "I want someone to take care of me" mean?

[Gecko123]

If you ask a Thai woman what kind of guy they are looking for, you’re not likely to get a long-winded answer. When asked, Thai women aren’t typically going to rattle off a long shopping list of the characteristics she is looking for in a man. The most I’ve been able to get are things like "I want a guy who is jai dii (nice) or jai yen (even tempered), or mai kii mao (not a drunk)," and, yes, “someone to take care of me.” Whenever I’ve tried to press for more detail, I usually haven’t gotten very far. Maybe that’s just me, but I should add I’m fairly fluent in Thai, so I don’t think it’s a language barrier thing.

I don’t think that when a Thai woman says, “I’m looking for someone to take care of me,” this should be treated as an automatic ‘run-for-the-bomb-shelter’ red flag warning that some have suggested. If I had to distill down what I think most Thai women are saying when they use this phrase, I would say they are saying, “I am looking for a good man who I can depend upon.” I would not automatically conclude that she is primarily looking for someone who will provide her with full financial support. I think the meaning is much broader and includes emotional and psychological support, physical safety, as well as being a good provider for her and her children. At the end of the day, I think they’re looking for much of the same things that a Western woman is looking for.

Of course, there will always be people who approach a relationship with a more singular mercenary focus. This is especially a risk when there is a big gap between the wealth status of the two parties. To sort out whether or not this is the case, the best advice I can offer is, pay attention to what they do, not what they say.

Edited September 11, 2014 by Gecko123

[oldsailor35]

I have seen some good ones and i have seen some bad ones. You pay your money and take your luck, the main thing is that you enjoyed and loved it whilst it lasted. If this happens then you have had your moneys worth don't complain.

[MJP]

You are all wrong,

I've only been here 5 minutes and even I know it's the mans wedding vow.

Traditional Thai wedding

Man swears to take care of woman.

Woman promises to serve man.

They are looking for a husband, sadly foreigner doesn't understand their bad translation.

Well how was it mine were:

Man swears to take care of woman

Man swears to serve woman

Man swears to clean house

Man swears to bring up womans children

Man swears to build house and do garden

Man swears to provide excessive housekeeping each month

Man swears to buy vehicles

Man swears to put kids through private school

Man swears to take shit off woman

Man swears to contine to do all of the above even when woman goes off with other man.

Oh no wait. My Thai was never good. Man actually translated into Idiot.

[AYJAYDEE]

You are all wrong,

I've only been here 5 minutes and even I know it's the mans wedding vow.

Traditional Thai wedding

Man swears to take care of woman.

Woman promises to serve man.

They are looking for a husband, sadly foreigner doesn't understand their bad translation.

Well how was it mine were:

Man swears to take care of woman

Man swears to serve woman

Man swears to clean house

Man swears to bring up womans children

Man swears to build house and do garden

Man swears to provide excessive housekeeping each month

Man swears to buy vehicles

Man swears to put kids through private school

Man swears to take shit off woman

Man swears to contine to do all of the above even when woman goes off with other man.

Oh no wait. My Thai was never good. Man actually translated into Idiot.

have you seen a co-dependency counsellor?

[WonnabeBiker]

Well, which female wouldn't ant some evidence of commitment by a guy?

while not all may want to amass material things, an I-Phone 5S would be a strong indicator of someone's seriousness. As would be a nice used Honda Wave 125 cc bike.

Wham, bam - thank you Ma'am! Can't blame them, really.

OTOH, there are scammers who have no intention of being with swome guy.

[hellohello123]

Well, which female wouldn't ant some evidence of commitment by a guy?

while not all may want to amass material things, an I-Phone 5S would be a strong indicator of someone's seriousness. As would be a nice used Honda Wave 125 cc bike.

Wham, bam - thank you Ma'am! Can't blame them, really.

OTOH, there are scammers who have no intention of being with swome guy.

well then this leads to the good old debate (well it is for me), am I being valued by my bank balance!

so according to all these self righteous "good girls" they would prefer a loser, alcoholic, wife beater male who pays for everything, as opposed to a genuinely nice guy who is willing to support and stand by them , who doesnt pay for everything????

to me comittment is not remotely judged by someones willingess to pay for everything, its chalk and cheese

[Upset]

Lol! It means.. I wanna stupid farang give me all money and then please go and jump from somewhere. Thank You.

[Kwasaki]

Lol! It means.. I wanna stupid farang give me all money and then please go and jump from somewhere. Thank You.

You sound upset.

[pigeonjake]

Lol! It means.. I wanna stupid farang give me all money and then please go and jump from somewhere. Thank You.

You sound upset.

we,ll have to excuse him,

hes a newbie,,,,,,,, hes read a few posts and jumped on the band wagon,,, there all no good,,, there all after money,,, they will all rip you off,,,bla bla bla

[BKKdreaming]

it matters too if you see life as an optimist , a pessimist or a realist

I will go the optimist route myself,,,,,its less crowded around here than the pessimist road.....

[Felixthecat]

Exaclty what you've said....a falung looking after not just her but her WHOLE FAMILY!....& that includes a PR in your country.

[3NUMBAS]

looking for a rich mug so they can chill out and go shopping every day ,for ever

aka a sponsor

who goes home potless

Edited September 13, 2014 by 3NUMBAS

[BillyBobThai]

Rent, Rent,Rent

Never buy when what can be had for rent.

Mostly cars and houses, but always women.

[AYJAYDEE]

Rent, Rent,Rent

Never buy when what can be had for rent.

Mostly cars and houses, but always women.

that would depend on what you expect from them

[balo]

Unfortunately sometimes the sentence "I will take care of you" in Thailand can mean just to rob you and then kill you.

[MJP]

it matters too if you see life as an optimist , a pessimist or a realist

I will go the optimist route myself,,,,,its less crowded around here than the pessimist road.....

Agreed but mix a bit of realism in with the optimism for the best outcomes.

[crazygreg44]

You are all wrong,

I've only been here 5 minutes and even I know it's the mans wedding vow.

Traditional Thai wedding

Man swears to take care of woman.

Woman promises to serve man.

They are looking for a husband, sadly foreigner doesn't understand their bad translation.

Exactly, and that's why they say " I want you take care me" . . as they need your confirmation for your commitment to a future - hopefully everlasting - partnership. Pretty much the norm in a country that lacks of a social welfare network for their working class

. . . and it does not automatically mean that you are expected to support the whole family. Taking care of business and supporting her, includes she will accept that you are the Boss from now on . . . Just make sure face loss is never involved.

Edited September 14, 2014 by crazygreg44

[Gecko123]

You are all wrong,

I've only been here 5 minutes and even I know it's the mans wedding vow.

Traditional Thai wedding

Man swears to take care of woman.

Woman promises to serve man.

They are looking for a husband, sadly foreigner doesn't understand their bad translation.

Exactly, and that's why they say " I want you take care me" . . as they need your confirmation for your commitment to a future - hopefully everlasting - partnership. Pretty much the norm in a country that lacks of a social welfare network for their working class

. . . and it does not automatically mean that you are expected to support the whole family. Taking care of business and supporting her, includes she will accept that you are the Boss from now on . . . Just make sure face loss is never involved.

Will somebody please tell me where I can get a copy of these so-called Thai wedding vows? I've been to plenty of weddings and I've never seen the bride and groom exchange vows, and I sure didn't say any when I got married. When I check on the internet, everything seems to be confirming this.

BritmanToo: You say you knew about this after being in Thailand 5 minutes. Did you pick up a "Thai wedding vow" pamphlet at the Suwannaphum Airport information desk when you arrived?

Edited September 14, 2014 by Gecko123

[Yooyung]

"It means tha in a country where there is no social security net, no pension, and little money they want a stable future with enough disposable income for the kids. No different from anywhere in the world really"

"im pretty sure it means im going to sit on my arse and file my nails while watching thai soaps and talking on my phone during advert breaks ,while you spend all your hard earned money on me and my extended family and you s[t there pretending you are happy wondering how you got in this mess"

It can mean both, but to fall for the second one says more about the idiot mr falang that it does about anyone else. Lets put it this way. If ANY woman in the world had the choice of marrying one of two identical twins, both with very similar personalities.... BUT one worked as a teacher (nice steady job, if not that glamorous) and one was in and out of work all the time with fewer quals...who would she choose? I would say all things being equal, even in this fairly banal example the woman would choose mr teacher. There is nothing wrong with a woman wanting to be with a man that is able to take responsibility, and in this country more than others that means FINANCIALLY as well as emotionally.

My wife works, she works hard, she takes pride in her work. I earn a lot more than her BUT I dont feel as though I am being used. Sure, it had its advantages for her to marry me. The money that I earn gets put away by her, and the rest goes to our son.....I keep a little 'pleasure' money, but it doesnt have to be much. For me (lets look at this all at a fairly base level) I also get stability. I get to sleep with a woman that I find attractive, whenever I want! She is a very good mother and can cook a mean pad prik gaeng, she is responsible, she NEVER gambles and I am also able to have a decently intelligent conversation with her.....So, the reality is that YES any woman will wiegh up a potential partner, using all kinds of criteria. The criteria of 'is he responsible and does he have a decent job' is more important here because, as another poster stated, there isnt much in the way of a social security system here in Thailand. There is a difference however between a woman wanting to marry a man that will help provide for a family, and a woman that sits on her bum all day expecting EVERYTHING to land in her lap! If you are dumb enough to marry one of those ladies ( and yes there are quite a few in Thailand) basically you have no one to blame but yourself.

Edited September 14, 2014 by Yooyung

[laolover88]

I wish to be a gigolo. In other words a แมงดา. Then I can sit on my bike at Soi's End, defoliating my face, waiting for the next infusion of money from the hinterland of the soi. Later my gigolette will take me dancing and drinking and a bit more.

I find it interesting that this 'take care of me' concept does not come up much in the dating sites of cultures other than Thai. Anyway I long ago discovered that my wife with her x000 Rai is far richer than me. It is just that she never seems to have the 50 Baht handy to buy the next portion of Somtam and Gai Yang

Edited September 14, 2014 by laolover88

[Gecko123]

My wife said that when a man tells a woman that he will "take care" of her it means:

"He will listen when she has a problem, and try to help her as best he can."

I thought this captured the essence of the meaning remarkably well.

[takkatan in the land]

mostly means that the woman who think or said that expect that you will support her and her forever, and initialy her family too

in other words it's the most accural portrayal of a thai woman, at least those ones who use to look for or have relationships with foreigners

[AYJAYDEE]

mostly means that the woman who think or said that expect that you will support her and her forever, and initialy her family too

in other words it's the most accural portrayal of a thai woman, at least those ones who use to look for or have relationships with foreigners

nice generalization

[Gecko123]

About 20 people were harvesting prik ki nuu( peppers) in the field next door today. I waded out into the field and managed to get a lively discussion going by asking them what does the term "take care" or "duu lae" mean to them. They said it meant to:

"Love one another (rak gan),

"Be faithful to one another (Seua sat gan) and

"Help one another (chuay gan).

When I asked: "Does it mean the woman expects the man to pay for everything?" every single person, man and woman alike, shook their head in disagreement.

(at least as far as I'm concerned) //Case closed//

[bina]

also in other cultures women do look at a man's profession or style of living as well as the guy looking at the woman's lviing style. all my 3 kids are all in relationships: the youngest just stated that she would never want to be with someone that is in a 'poor' living style/job (she has an army comissioned officer for a boyfriend so he is set for the next few years. she doesnt want to be uber wealthy, she's just tired of livng kibbutz style=money poor land rich. the middle boy has found someone from the 'middle class/white bread style' israeli girl, she is a student of one of the free professions: psychology and business. the oldest chose a poor ethiopian guy with not very good job prospects in spite of his MA due to him being ethiopian (racist country here)... and they live accordingly (she also chose a job for values not for money).

my best friend remarried to a guy and in her dating search (she's an ex doctor from a past wealthy home and also places family values over money before everything, in daily life) she chose to weed out those that were making under a certain salary bracket. in many countries money=education and =good job (unless a drug dealer), or = serious person who commits therefore makes good money.

men still seem to choose beauty/looks/keeping a home, no matter what socioeconomic level. or 'good mother to children' or 'comfortable to be around'. havent met many that chose 'woman in a great active career'. at least not here in israel even among the emancipated strong woman/non chauvanist groups. when push comes to shove, the enevitable is as i stated above.

[meand]

Just run if a girl says this, no need to think about it. I don't think more annoying words can come out of a persons mouth.

[pigeonjake]

About 20 people were harvesting prik ki nuu( peppers) in the field next door today. I waded out into the field and managed to get a lively discussion going by asking them what does the term "take care" or "duu lae" mean to them. They said it meant to:

"Love one another (rak gan),

"Be faithful to one another (Seua sat gan) and

"Help one another (chuay gan).

When I asked: "Does it mean the woman expects the man to pay for everything?" every single person, man and woman alike, shook their head in disagreement.

(at least as far as I'm concerned) //Case closed//

what you have to remember,,

most on here have never met a normal respectable thai lady,, and in the places most hang out,,,,,, never will,,

then they sit on here generalizing all together,,

sad really, there are some very beautiful people in this country, and i dont just meen looks

[Kwasaki]

Loads of sad people on this thread, and have come to there 5 min & 9 and half years conclusions of being in Thailand so to speak !! Oh well so be it.

[eldragon]

About 20 people were harvesting prik ki nuu( peppers) in the field next door today. I waded out into the field and managed to get a lively discussion going by asking them what does the term "take care" or "duu lae" mean to them. They said it meant to:

"Love one another (rak gan),

"Be faithful to one another (Seua sat gan) and

"Help one another (chuay gan).

When I asked: "Does it mean the woman expects the man to pay for everything?" every single person, man and woman alike, shook their head in disagreement.

(at least as far as I'm concerned) //Case closed//

what you have to remember,,

most on here have never met a normal respectable thai lady,, and in the places most hang out,,,,,, never will,,

then they sit on here generalizing all together,,

sad really, there are some very beautiful people in this country, and i dont just meen looks

In fairness, many Thai women don't want anything to do with a foreigner. Or maybe they do and they're just too shy and awkward around em. But there's absolutely stereotypes about foreigners too, first and foremost being that we're all rich. Don't ask the pepper farmers. Ask your trusted Thai friends. They'll tell you what Thais generally think about us, good or bad. Edited September 15, 2014 by eldragon

[pigeonjake]

About 20 people were harvesting prik ki nuu( peppers) in the field next door today. I waded out into the field and managed to get a lively discussion going by asking them what does the term "take care" or "duu lae" mean to them. They said it meant to:

"Love one another (rak gan),

"Be faithful to one another (Seua sat gan) and

"Help one another (chuay gan).

When I asked: "Does it mean the woman expects the man to pay for everything?" every single person, man and woman alike, shook their head in disagreement.

(at least as far as I'm concerned) //Case closed//

what you have to remember,,

most on here have never met a normal respectable thai lady,, and in the places most hang out,,,,,, never will,,

then they sit on here generalizing all together,,

sad really, there are some very beautiful people in this country, and i dont just meen looks

In fairness, many Thai women don't want anything to do with a foreigner. Or maybe they do and they're just too shy and awkward around em. But there's absolutely stereotypes about foreigners too, first and foremost being that we're all rich. Don't ask the pepper farmers. Ask your trusted Thai friends. They'll tell you what Thais generally think about us, good or bad.

again my friend a lot depends on were you live, as to what they think of you