Losing Face.

[Noel]

The one thing that I can do to seriously p my missus off is to make her lose face in some way with her friends.

Yeah, but what's the point?

To make a Thai lose face intentionally is the opposite of the culture in which we live.

Farangs keep making the mistake of trying to interject their culture and mores on Thais and it ain't never gonna work...

My wife makes my neighbor lose face every day. He puts his trash on the side of our home instead of in front of his house. He refuses to buy a trash bin and uses a small bucket. After one day of trash it overflows in front of our home. I ofered to buy him a trash bin and he got mad, so my wife cleans up his trash every day which in turn makes him lose face.

Do you really believe that?

He is having a laugh at your expense; he is hardly losing face, you are.

Perhaps he will next start putting his dirty laundry on the side of your home...

[barryofthailand]

The one thing that I can do to seriously p my missus off is to make her lose face in some way with her friends.

Yeah, but what's the point?

To make a Thai lose face intentionally is the opposite of the culture in which we live.

Farangs keep making the mistake of trying to interject their culture and mores on Thais and it ain't never gonna work...

My wife makes my neighbor lose face every day. He puts his trash on the side of our home instead of in front of his house. He refuses to buy a trash bin and uses a small bucket. After one day of trash it overflows in front of our home. I ofered to buy him a trash bin and he got mad, so my wife cleans up his trash every day which in turn makes him lose face.

Do you really believe that?

He is having a laugh at your expense; he is hardly losing face, you are.

Perhaps he will next start putting his dirty laundry on the side of your home...

I don't know. This is the way my wife says she will handle it. His kids play with our son, so we have to be careful, but I think he's a real jerk, and i let him know it every day. I talk, and I know he can hear.

Anyway, we will sell our home next year and will be rid of him.

Barry

[OZONE]

Barry - Can't you just politle ask him to come over your house than Bit_h slap him? If the police come just tell him your neighbor was tresspassing . I bet that'll end your problem (or create new ones)

[Boon Mee]

Because, generally, when you try to make another person lose face by being angry or aggressive what really happens is you lose face and everyone feels sorry for the other guy because he has to deal with such an a-hole.

That's a perfect example, sbk.

The hardest thing in my estimation is the ' oot thon' thing.

I know I have to work on my patience 'cause I've spent too much time recently in Farangland...

[Maestro]

In the Thai-Chinese business community, it has been my experience that by not letting someone bullshit me, but being courteous in the process, I actually earned his respect.

With Thai-Thais, I had a face situation once with a middle-ranking government official and got some retaliatory bureaucratic delays for a short while, but in the end I also gained his respect (was even invited to his father’s funeral ceremonies)

---------------

Maestro

[barryofthailand]

This particular guy is Thai trash. He is lazy, doesn't work, had a farrang girl friend at one time, she bought him a house, and a car. When she died, he sold the house and the car and bought a second hand car. He has a wife and three kids, all while he had his Farrang fling. Now he does nothing, his wife sells clothes on walking street at night. If i were her i would get rid of him.

Barry

[scotsman]

Why dont you just put his bucket of trash back to his house or if its all over the place just sweep it down to his house and let him clean it up. There is a big difference between losing face and taking the piss.

[Patex]

My wife makes my neighbor lose face every day. He puts his trash on the side of our home instead of in front of his house. He refuses to buy a trash bin and uses a small bucket. After one day of trash it overflows in front of our home. I ofered to buy him a trash bin and he got mad, so my wife cleans up his trash every day which in turn makes him lose face.

Hm...

cleaning up his trash isn't that creative .

[ben01]

"...your life to be in danger for standing up for yourself?"

Gimme a break. Thais are NOT supermen and they can't/won't fight unless they've got overwhelming odds.

They expect foreigner to back down and this is part of the problem. Talk it out and stand your ground. Stand up if you're right. You don't have to yell, kick or scream, but for Christ's sake, don't be a total pussy... geeez.

Top fellater.....

[terdsak_12]

Personally I think the fact that you let you wife clean someone elses garbage is cowardly and unacceptable.

The reality of the situation isn't that he is losing face, its that you are not man enough to stand up to him, or clean up the garbage yourself.

When to save face - When you are in a potentially violent situation or someone has something of yours (money, loaned object, hotel booking) that you cant afford to lose. In these situations you play along with the rules.

If it is a case of someone throwing their garbage on your land which you let your wife clear up then that is not acceptable. Deal with it Barry. Like a man.

Hear Hear!!!!!

[wilko]

Personally I think the fact that you let you wife clean someone elses garbage is cowardly and unacceptable.

The reality of the situation isn't that he is losing face, its that you are not man enough to stand up to him, or clean up the garbage yourself.

When to save face - When you are in a potentially violent situation or someone has something of yours (money, loaned object, hotel booking) that you cant afford to lose. In these situations you play along with the rules.

If it is a case of someone throwing their garbage on your land which you let your wife clear up then that is not acceptable. Deal with it Barry. Like a man.

Hear Hear!!!!!

MMMMM.....perhaps you should have a BBQ or something. invite as many Thai people as you can especially if they are of "high standing" and then encourage them all to point and speak loudly about his garbage, laughing a lot etc. your neighbour may have a problem respecting farangs and their Thai wives but I'm sure when he gets humiliated by fellow Thais he will rescind his ways.

[baboon]

"...your life to be in danger for standing up for yourself?"

Gimme a break. Thais are NOT supermen and they can't/won't fight unless they've got overwhelming odds.

They expect foreigner to back down and this is part of the problem. Talk it out and stand your ground. Stand up if you're right. You don't have to yell, kick or scream, but for Christ's sake, don't be a total pussy... geeez.

Took your advice on board.Yesterday at Padang Besar station a woman walked straight in front of me at the currency exchange booth.I gently but fimly moved her and her crap to the side and shot her a withering look.Seriously,though,it felt good to stand up and be counted and rollocks to her face.

[qualtrough]

There may be another way to resolve the garbage issue. We had a neighbor who would dump trash over the wall into the empty lost next to our house. Daily trash service costs some like 100 Baht/mo. here so these people were/are just plain slobs. I took a picture of it and the wife went to the local government office to file a complaint. The next day two officials came out, spoke with us, spoke with the neighbor, and the problem stopped. We are still alive two years later.