Sleeping arrangements with GF and daughter

[petermik]

Sleep on the sofa until the gf sorts it out....deny sexual privileges for as long as it takes.

Maybe this is what the GF has been hoping for

[benalibina]

With issues like the OP has it is clear that this is the start of a downhill relationship.

It is all part of the mouldingprocess which started since kids birth.

IMO those parents have nothing more to offer than physical bonding to the kid which leads to emotional bonding from the kid to the parent. A very soft form of manipulation.

Result is lack of societal responsability which is enhanced by the educationsystem....read lack of critical thinking.

Kids are a god to most parents and pleasing the child comes high on the list.

If i were you OP...dont play it softly and make clear that this is unacceptable for you.

Good luck.

[thailiketoo]

With issues like the OP has it is clear that this is the start of a downhill relationship.

It is all part of the mouldingprocess which started since kids birth.

IMO those parents have nothing more to offer than physical bonding to the kid which leads to emotional bonding from the kid to the parent. A very soft form of manipulation.

Result is lack of societal responsability which is enhanced by the educationsystem....read lack of critical thinking.

Kids are a god to most parents and pleasing the child comes high on the list.

If i were you OP...dont play it softly and make clear that this is unacceptable for you.

Good luck.

It is a lack of critical thinking on the part of the OP. I wonder where he went to school?

Look at what happened to that 90 year old guy in Chiang Mai.

The OP might be 90 years old when he gets out of the slammer.

Edited May 11, 2014 by thailiketoo

[bina]

in many families ther eis a bolster pillow down the middle to separate. i noticed in hubby's family the single males from about age 13 sleep outside in makeshift shacks with hammocks and do their own thing, the younger kids, from three mothers all living with grandma, all sleep on a large mattress. the grandmother sleeps with one very young child.

i think also at a certain age the child tends to move out on his/her own to an other mattress/bed/room sleeping area. but she might not want to sleep alone and if no siblings than it wont work. i know lots of grown thai men that, although allocated a single room in a communal workforce living quarters, will move in to a room with an other person ; or will mvoe from a hut/caravan at one end of a village here to join with a few more guys even if sleeping on a mattress on the floor just to be with other people. thais dont like being alone too much...

maybe really a small dog to sleep with...

btw, in israel that occurs a lot that a single mother will sleep with her child/dren because she doesnt want to sleep alone.

on htat note, hubby is in thailand, my three dogs have moved in to the bed with me..

[Chonburiram]

Many Thais are REALLY afraid of ghosts. So sleeping alone in a closed room, maybe forced to shut down all electric devices and lights (farang style) is hard to bear for those who fear the ghosts.

You could invite a niece to stay with you and let the girls sleep together in the 2nd bedroom, problem solved.

[nidieunimaitre]

European families used to sleep together in 1 bed, later in 1 room.

That was NOT because of European culture, it was because of POVERTY.

Same goes for Thais, and thanks to you, that family does not live in poverty.

When old habits remain, it is not culture, it is ignorance.

OP, stop being so PC, stand up for yourself and for progress.

As a compromise, do what was suggested by other posters: bribe them!

[telldem]

Children are usually passed on to the grandparents to look after. Why is this not the case in your situation?

[sustento]

You need to introduce the daughter to the delights of the dutch oven. She'll be in her room like a shot.

[vtjforyou]

Don't be a buffalo !

You decide or they leave !

[Thongkorn]

or eats lots of beans and fart in bed.

Maybe that's what his girlfriend and Daughter do.

[arjunadawn]

I think you are managing an uncomfortable situation as best you can. Sounds like the problem solved. It's unlikely you'd be able to explain the cultural more that you come from; I just don't think they'd get it, certainly not the child. I am aware that large portions of the world sleep like this and life is more intimate and family cohesiveness improved. I think we agree however, that such proximity could be unhealthy. Kudos to you for navigating this with sound judgement.

[benalibina]

Many Thais are REALLY afraid of ghosts. So sleeping alone in a closed room, maybe forced to shut down all electric devices and lights (farang style) is hard to bear for those who fear the ghosts.

You could invite a niece to stay with you and let the girls sleep together in the 2nd bedroom, problem solved.

The nonsensical fearness of ghosts is most likely true. But nonsense it still is. If OP wants to take on a parental role with the kid he must stamp his foot down. If he cares jackshit...your option is a good 1.

[MonkeyLoo]

I was in a similar situation. My wife suggested that her daughter sleep with us but i just said no. I suggested she sleep with her daughter (aged 12) until she was settled.

Her Son came to stay hes 14 and cant sleep alone for fear of spirits he says. He wanted to sleep in the same room as the daughter but again i said no. Not at that age.

If you put your foot down they listen.

It seems they just get used to sleeping all together, its just the thai way. But you need to think about your relationship and your own wellbeing. Its your house so make some rules.

Good luck

Sent from my GT-N7100 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[Thaiberius]

A totally unsatisfactory arrangement. Bin the girlfriend before you find yourself in a lot of trouble.

[MonkeyLoo]

A totally unsatisfactory arrangement. Bin the girlfriend before you find yourself in a lot of trouble.

Or just put your foot down. If she says no then what are your options?

Sent from my GT-N7100 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[Forethat]

Should solve the problem, indeed...

[Tmymaimee]

Had the same issue with my ex girlfriend's 8 year old son. Told her née that he will not be sleeping with us. Second time I told her to pack her stuff and get out. Easily solved...

[mrtoad]

Had the same issue with my ex girlfriend's 8 year old son. Told her née that he will not be sleeping with us. Second time I told her to pack her stuff and get out. Easily solved...

Which one was this? The make believe one , or the one that sweats?

[David48]

When I am in Thailand I live in a Household with many Thai Adults. Three generations.

A variety of kids.

Until recently there was only one bedroom in the main house in which the Grandmother slept.

The adults and their children sleep where they can.

[David48]

Following on ...

What I would ask the Forum is would it change the perspective if this House the OP mentions is in Thailand or in the West?

At what age do you feel comfortable sleeping in a bed with a child? From a perspective that less then 1 year old is a baby, but maybe 1 year plus is called a child.

Does it make a difference if the child is yours or hers or a child from your (and her relationship)?

[Thaiberius]

Just one of many scenario's.

You and the girlfriend decide to part and the girlfriend is sore about this. She decides to set you up by saying you've tampered with her daughter unless you pay her xxxx baht. You decline to pay. She goes to the police and they come to have a word with you. How can you deny you have slept with the daughter? You can't. You are off to the monkeyhouse to join the queue of other farangs set up in a similar way. Don't be a mug, put a stop to it.

[krisb]

I never knew there was 57 varieties of baked beans! Fascinating.

Op I would prefer my own bed. I sleep much better.

You can't sleep with a 12 yo.

[Carmine6]

I never knew there was 57 varieties of baked beans! Fascinating.

Op I would prefer my own bed. I sleep much better.

You can't sleep with a 12 yo.

If that's a real comment about the 57 varieties, it's actually an old marketing slogan of Heinz, rather than a statement of fact. They actually sell, or used to sell, a Heinz 57 steak sauce.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heinz_57

[AussieSteve]

Thanks guys, a few good suggestions there and some good explanations of why this occurs.

Yes it is a fact that she is afraid to sleep by herself, although she is out of our bed and in her own now , it is still in the same room which I want to change.

I think a combination of bribery and putting my foot down should work.

[nanapong]

Just bought 5 tins from Villa Mart in Patters. On toast i think with a splash of Hendersons Relish !!!

[Showbags]

Just bought 5 tins from Villa Mart in Patters. On toast i think with a splash of Hendersons Relish !!!

nah....thick sliced toast, cooked crunchy....in the beans cut a few small frankfurt type sausages, some cheese, black pepper, tobasco sauce.....mix well...mmmmmm.....oh and some halved small cherry tomatoes also go well in it.

[thailiketoo]

Thanks guys, a few good suggestions there and some good explanations of why this occurs.

Yes it is a fact that she is afraid to sleep by herself, although she is out of our bed and in her own now , it is still in the same room which I want to change.

I think a combination of bribery and putting my foot down should work.

Interesting take. You don't know you might be in jail for 20 do you? I'd go to another country and change my name. If she can find you, you might have to explain to the authorities in Thailand or Australia why you allowed a 12 year old to sleep in your bedroom. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Thai women are not different. Your Thai woman is not different.

[barryofpattaya]

This is Thai culture. The kids always sleep with the adults.

[Showbags]

He should get some video evidence of him repeatedly asking the girl...and the mother...to get the girl to sleep in her own room and the responses from it.

Then make copies of it and put away for safe keeping....email one copy to yourself.

[h90]

Now it doesn't look good and if you are ever in a fight with your GF or daughter it can be nasty, they could tell you did something you didn't and how to proof otherwise?

On the other hand, 10 years from now it might be nice....