The wife and I have just had a second bout of "putting up a battered and Verbally insulted (a big deal!) woman friend of ours"/her's.

She has now gone back - again.

She is Thai. He is English. The farang/Thai miv, is an Exotic one, either way.

Interesting to hear the Womans' side of things...Refreshing strains of logic abound.

The sister in law was confronted by a Swedish girl, saying "You Thai women all want money for sex."

The reply..."Whilst you farang girls lie on your back for flowers.'

Good luck, all of you. I hope you gained something from the new perspective.

And your point is?????????

Well, he did manage to follow the thread in the first half of his post but the second half certainly leaves alot to be desired

I do agree with the above postings about it being easier to get help in the UK, however it's not so much getting help as deciding to leave him in the first place. I am planning to return to Thailand next year, with or without my husband to work in teach. I guess I agree with many of the earlier posts as it would be so much easier for me to do this with my husband. However, I do worry about how I would cope in Thailand without him depsite having lived there for several years and having many friends. My main worry being how I would cope being a single mother in Thailand.

Deal with the first problem first? Stay within your safety net? Be responsible! Make sure you have have full direction for you & child before you run away back to Thailand? Think about it!!!!?

I agree with Khall. Actually, the single mom aspect is easier in Thailand than the west due to the greater affordability of domestic help -- but the big problem is, will your husband also return to Thailand and bother you there? Because you won't have the legal protections you have now.

You say the problem is "not so much getting help as deciding to leave him", but that is exactly what the various places Boo listed for you would do -- help you decide for yourself what to do and give you the support of others who have lived through the same thing and benefit of their experience.

There are things you can do short of permanently leaving your husband as a first recourse. You can summon the police and press charges the next time he hits you. The court will probably require that he attend anger management classes and he'll have a brief stay in jail. If you think he's likely to seek revenge or do it again after he gets out, you can get a restraining order preventing him from going near you.While most wife beaters never change, it is possible that -- especially in a case where the behavior was socially conditioned -- the experience of being arrested and censured by authority figures, along with the shock value of being in jail and denied acess to wife and child, may provide the necessary wake up call that this is NOT normal or acceptable behavior everywhere. You know your husband and we don't so you are best placed to preduct whether he might react like that or just become uncontrollably angry and venegeful as a result. If you think the latter is what would happen -- or if you give it a try and that is what happens -- well then the situation is hopeless and you already know what to do.

BTW, is alcohol a factor in this? If so then besides the resources suggested, contact Al-Anon and try to get your husband to AA. Doesn't matter how much he drinks, if he becomes violent when he does and is unable/unwilling to not drink, that qalifies as an alcohol problem.

One thing is certain: without action on your part, thesituation will not improve and may well worsen, full stop. And yes, he will almost certainly beat your child, causing lifelong emotional damage. Of course it is hard to give up on a marriage but life as a battered woman and an emotionally damaged child is NOT what you got married and starting a family for, is it?

What about domestic violence where the perpertrator is female?

Where does a male victim go for help?

Where does a father go for help protecting his children from an abusive mother?

Last week,a neighbour of mine gave his poor wife a real good kicking.I wanted to intervene but I did not want a dose of what he was dishing out and was also worried about coming between a man and his wife.Tell me the truth;was I wise to keep out of it or am I just a coward?

Last week,a neighbour of mine gave his poor wife a real good kicking.I wanted to intervene but I did not want a dose of what he was dishing out and was also worried about coming between a man and his wife.Tell me the truth;was I wise to keep out of it or am I just a coward?

I think a lot depends on the circumstances. If what he was doing might have seriously injured or killed her then yes, you should have intervened -- preferrably by summoning police or a group of neighbor men rather than on your own. I know Thai police have a bad rep on this but there are programs underway to train them to respond better and if nothing else it might shame the guy that the neighbors called the cops. If it was pretty clear that she wasn't going to be killed or maimed, then not intervening on the spot was probably wise but depending on your relationship with the couple some intervention later after things calmed down might be good. But give how you do it some thought. Enlisting other Thai males, monks etc to talk to the man privately, or Thai women to talk to the wife and advise her of the various groups & shelters at hand in Thailand would be one way. Letting her know she can come over & stay with you if things get bad (preferably before it reaches the violence stage)...and if your relationship with the man is such that it would help, privately man to man you could let him know that what you saw struck you as unmanly. But this last only if you have reason to think he would value your opininion...

Fortunately,the lady in question decided one bashing was enough and she has left him-permanently.