Inverse Correlation Between Age And Sex Drive?

[OxfordWill]

I'm not gay - I'm also not straight, so I hope I am permitted to post this here. I do so because I'd appreciate some considered responses from some posters I respect in this section.

Lucretius, one of the poet philosophers, once wrote that he was glad to have been freed from the 'man's burden' upon reaching the age of about 60. He wrote that his lack of sex drive upon reaching that age had given him a freedom - not only of thought (i.e. not being bothered by having to think of sex every few minutes/seconds) but also of action. He felt no need to 'go after' sex as he had done in his youth.

Personally I have what I would consider a very high sex drive. This can cause problems for relationships, especially when they reach the stage that is being discussed in another thread here about 'How to keep a long term relationship healthy'.

My question is therefore: from your personal experience (particularly if you 'enjoyed' a high sex drive in your youth) does the drive and desire for sex on a physiological level (or psychological if you are not sure what the root cause may be, and frankly who is sure) wane as the years go on, or do I have to put up with this 'burden' for the rest of my life until I hit 60 and can finally relax?

Just hoping for some sharing of thoughts from older (and no doubt wiser) members, thanks.

[britmaveric]

Will is BI???

Actually think sex drive gets stronger as you age.

[jdinasia]

Brit is __?

Well we certainly arn't living in ancient times ... and life does change .... what was the life expectancy during the time of the quote?

I am only 42 ... but I see my sex drive go up and down all the time ....

However with maturity comes the ability to practise some restraint! If I go a week without getting laid it is no big deal now. In the past I'd be frustrated and bitchy ... life changes However there are times when it still is a compulsion ... but now when it is I'll either take advice from "There's Something About Mary" or not HAVE to act on the compulsion ... I assume moving down to Kamala will step that down even more

[britmaveric]

Brit is Straight!!

[PeaceBlondie]

There are some excessively, nearly meaningless statistics, but the general trend appears to be, probably, maybe, generally, that the sex urge goes down with age. At least, for men, the frequency of emissions goes down by a large degree.

But oh my, the exceptions!! Be sure to have your emission controls checked.

But if the psychological drive wasn't still there in old age, Pfizer stock (Viagra) would now be almost worthless.

[ProThaiExpat]

Once one "weeds out" the many factors that affect sexual frequency, such as vacation time, frequent opportunities with different highly attractive partners, long term monogamous relationships with same partner, compulsive sexual behaviours and looking for love in all the wrong places, to mention only a few, all bodily functions slow with age as a matter of natural law. The rate varies between individuals, but it is one of the inevitable of life.

Likewise we must separate sexual desire from sexual ability to perform. In my youth, I often performed four times in as many hours when the partners changed and I was unsatisfied, and yet, in the same setting, when encountering a warm and loving encounter, once or twice a week was satisfying.

U.S. statistics put the average rate of sexual frequency among loving monogamous long term partners at about two a week. That was my experience as well. Its once a week these days, but I am one of the oldies!!!

[Guest endure]

I'd rather have a nice cup of tea

[farang prince]

I'm not gay - I'm also not straight, so I hope I am permitted to post this here. I do so because I'd appreciate some considered responses from some posters I respect in this section.

Lucretius, one of the poet philosophers, once wrote that he was glad to have been freed from the 'man's burden' upon reaching the age of about 60. He wrote that his lack of sex drive upon reaching that age had given him a freedom - not only of thought (i.e. not being bothered by having to think of sex every few minutes/seconds) but also of action. He felt no need to 'go after' sex as he had done in his youth.

Personally I have what I would consider a very high sex drive. This can cause problems for relationships, especially when they reach the stage that is being discussed in another thread here about 'How to keep a long term relationship healthy'.

My question is therefore: from your personal experience (particularly if you 'enjoyed' a high sex drive in your youth) does the drive and desire for sex on a physiological level (or psychological if you are not sure what the root cause may be, and frankly who is sure) wane as the years go on, or do I have to put up with this 'burden' for the rest of my life until I hit 60 and can finally relax?

Just hoping for some sharing of thoughts from older (and no doubt wiser) members, thanks.

Considering that I am nearing Lucretius' "magic" deadline, I can tell you that my sex drive has waned as I got into my 50's and I'm sure that will continue as I get older. But it is still very satisfying.

That said, I think everyone is a little different. Some people have very little sex drive when they are in their 'teens. Often this is psychological, not physiological. For me, the period of highest sexual activity was my 40's. According to the so-called "experts" in this field, a man's peak sexual period is late 'teens through his mid-20's. But there has to be opportunity as well as desire. Many young men find difficulty creating the opportunity when they are young, because they lack experience and resources (i.e. money). When I was in my late 'teens, I was in Vietnam. The only "opportunities" I had were with the boom-boom girls. Good experience but a drain on resources.

For me, the best thing that happened was when I was in my 40's I rediscovered my joy of men...and that certainly expanded my opportunities.

[OxfordWill]

Thanks for your replies. No Brit I am not Bi. Buy me a beer and I can indulge you! (not literally you understand!)

Warning: This post contains the word 'orgasm'. Shock!

Also interesting to hear from a couple of other people via PM. Glad I'm not the only one who has given this some thought.

Thinking more about this, I tend to be more bothered/distracted by the period of time in which I would rather be doing something (originally wrote 'someONE' - freudian slip!) wholeheartedly, such as working, but find myself easily distracted by sex-related thoughts. It can be frustrating; not sexually (this definitely is not about being sexually frustrated), but psychologically.

The life expectancy of Lucretius' world was around 65 I think, but if you didnt suffer health problems you could live to 80. They led, on the whole, very healthy lifestyles. I thought it was an appropriate quote for this forum as men in those days did not consider it usual to have 'true' love between a women and a man, only men could love one another - women were mainly for making more men! Lucretius himself didn't really 'believe' in love. Sorry, off topic.

Not that I want to get crass, but there is a period of time for many men, immediately after an orgasm, in which they often report a feeling they describe as 'clarity'. Women sometimes say this brief moment of time is the only time you can ask a man a question and be guaranteed an honest answer. Whatever it is described as, is it right to consider this 'clarity' as 'how life might be like without darwinian urges' or indeed how we might feel if we simply didn't experience testosterone induced sexual urges?

Hm.. I've heard there are drugs used to 'calm' sex-addicts and people who have fetishes about farmyard animals etc. I wonder if use of these drugs can bring this 'clarity' (such as men report experiencing post-orgasm) on a longer-term basis and if so, I wonder what that is like?

Am I the only poster who feels alot more could be achieved without having to pander to our hormones? Or is this perspective uniquely mine? I am by no means sex-crazed, just trying to be honest about the day to day goings on in my head. My friends are absolutely no less concerned about where the next 'satisfaction' will be coming from and from the looks of it, you who replied identify with what I wrote on the whole.

Edited June 24, 2006 by OxfordWill

[DUMPSTER]

If you are not sexually attracted to men, women or both then what are you. asexual? If you are not attracted to humans, maybe bestiality?

[OxfordWill]

Yes Mate, I like soi dogs. Something about the matted fur just drives me wild.

[DUMPSTER]

and don't you find mange a rather attractive feature on a soi dog?

but seriously and forgive my ignorance, I'm a little confused. You say you are not gay, straight or bi but you have a high sex drive. What is driving your sexual appetite? btw Is Will short for Wilma?

Edited June 25, 2006 by DUMPSTER

[OxfordWill]

Sexual appetite is normally the result of chemicals.. whether you are gay or bi or straight is likely to be the result of several different factors. The reason I didn't answer the question is because my tastes seem to change on a cyclical basis. I also don't agree with the idea of pidgeon holeling sexuality. I can't accept that anyone is 100% gay or 100% straight. Attraction, based as it is on so many factors, cannot be that straightforward. So there might be some men who I find attractive and some women. This need not be sexually.

The reason I avoided saying that is that in my experience there is one thing gays/straights/everyone shares and that is a dislike of people who can't make up their mind! I would guess I am 90% straight and 10% gay. My partners over the past few years would reflect that statistic.

What about you? Don't leave me hangin' here bud.

[britmaveric]

10%??? Will now you have me confused mate. I know your hetero lad, but I suppose your point is not being labeled.

Edited June 25, 2006 by britmaveric

[DUMPSTER]

Well, i'm not very keen on labels myself so I take your point.

As for the high sex drive I also have this problem. I've been regularly jerking off and or having sex 2 or 3 and up to 5 times a day for 24 years now. It's been the major cause of most of the problems in my life. The best time of my life was when I was celibate for 6 months. Such clarity and peace of mind.

You see that is why abstinance is the key. All the time you/we are having thoughts of sex you/we are causing ourselves suffering. Chasing that sensation of ejaculation is suffering. Of course once you have had the ejaculation the suffering ends briefly until the next time or the suffering changes roles to guilt and that sets in. Why did I shag that bird she's so ugly or why cant I stop myself. You become blinded to what reality is. You/we get caught up in a world of ejaculations and the pursuit of the next shag or relief session.

The thoughts come and the egos job is to pursue that thought, that is part of its power. Simply put you/we keep giving into the ego, we just cant say no to it. Even if we know we shouldn't go for the sensation because we know this causes suffering the all powerful ego encourages us to continue the chase. One more shag and i'll stop or i'll cut down to once a day.

You /we are just kidding ourselves.

The only way is to watch our thoughts and let them pass. Once you attach to them and follow them you are following a path of suffering. Waiting for our sex drives to die down isn't really the answer. Doing it while in our prime will reap great benefits to us.

Ego has control of our minds. We are weak. we cant say No

If you look/ open your eyes for a path to end this suffering one will open up for you to follow but will you want to walk it? When you are ready you will.

Edited June 25, 2006 by DUMPSTER

[ratchabuild]

You are what you are and better get used to it. A high sex drive can be channeled into other things than a constant search for sex. Any way there's no such thing as statistics about who did what to whom and how many times being meaningful they are useless. The other thing about wishing for those sublime moments of clarity extending into months is that sometimes you get what you wish for and I don't think anyone with a high sex drive would like it a bit. For a start you would feel sick and abnormal as you get used to certain levels of hormones and the routine of certain activites. Fighting your own nature isn't going to work. Better find a partner or partners with similar drives and live happily ever after. Even if the drive stays the same the sheer throughput of faces and bodies means they merge into the same fuzzy shape and experience, the mental weakening comes before the bodies relentless hormones slow down. I dont care how good a hamburger tastes you can't eat five a day in five different restaurants for thirty years and keep the same appetite, you feel hungry but sometimes you go without rather than do the same ###### thing you've done too many times.

[papillon]

It's a very interesting question, but there must be thousands of different viewpoints on the matter(based on personal experience) and it doesn't seem to me likely that one person's answer can be found in the answer of someone else.

Take me for example. I am not young. I am well-read and have been thinking about sexual matters and how to deal with them since I first discovered myself. Most of what other people have to say never seems to have applied to me. What's all this about sex and sex-drive as suffering? I ask myself. (Shall we say I'm not a natural Bhuddist?) I've always loved every, every moment of it. To want sex is a joyous feeling, energising, revitalising. I still need the various forms of sexual satisfaction as much as I did xxxxx years ago - I ain't spilling no beans! Of course, I came across the idea of re-directing sexual energy (sublimation, Freud would have called it, I suppose) in my mid-teens, but I've never been able to make anything of the strategy for myself - which is not to deny the fact that millions prove by their lives that it can work. I decided early on that when I want to play some music, read a book, climb a mountain, have a meal with friends, write about something that I care about, then THAT is what I want to do. (You can see I never proposed to myself to go into a monastery!) When I want sex (which has been, and still is, very often!) there is no point in climbing a mountain or writing my heart out. I still want sex. I find it a bit of a puzzle that sex is, commonly, the only part of themselves that people ever want to sublimate. Why not sublimate mountain climbing? (I have a suspicion it's because, underneath it all, even today, sex is a bad thing, whereas mountain climbing is OK.)

I find the idea that sexual urges should be put aside as not part of you at your best or most useful, extremely unnatural; and to be waiting, hoping for them to die out, is a bit sad. The moralists are no doubt right when they tell us that to give in completely to any one of the so-called sensual pleasures (who can say the mind is not involved?) to the exclusion of everything else is to be less than what we are humanly capable of. But I can go on for hours like this.... it probably won't equate with the reader's experience - and why should it?

The point is: my answer can't be your answer - which doesn't mean that discussing the matter can't be helpful, useful and fun!

Edited June 25, 2006 by papillon

[Ijustwannateach]

This topic's attracted quite a bit of attention... welcome to new posters.

I'd have to say it's a relief not to be 17, for example- I no longer experience too many embarrassing spontaneous boners at inconvenient moments, nor do I need to get off at least twice a day, nor do I constantly think about sex.

It's also a relief not to be 25 any more- with sex being so commodified on the basis of appearance and attitude and tainted by lack of maturity, jealousy, and obsession.

Things have calmed down a bit, but I'd say that now, in my 30s, sex is as good and balanced as it has ever been.

"Steven"

[Scott]

Most specialists and scientists will tell you that your sex drive diminishes as you get older--that is a fact. The decline can be quite slow, however and people can easily be sexually active until well into their 80's and beyond. There is, however, less research done on people in their 90's and older.

The ability to get and maintain an erection becomes increasingly difficult (or perhaps less frequent is a better way of putting it) as one ages. Also, the time between getting erections, which is known as the refractory period, gets longer. If you may remember as a teenager, you could reach orgasm and have an erection within minutes. This time increases dramatically as one gets older (that is one reason why Viagra is such a popular drug).

There are also numerous physical factors that can affect ability.

So, if you think there is a magic age you are wrong. People with a high sex drive will probably maintain it until quite old--certainly well past 60. People with a low sex drive will likely have lost interest long before then.

[ChrisP]

First, WELCOME to the new members/posters here!

Then, congratulations guys on the informative posts AND staying on track for 2 pages with SUCH a provocative topic..!!

ThaiVisa has SUCH a classy membership..!

ChrisP

Moderator.

[papillon]

Yes, well,I spoilt the classiness a bit with 'Bhuddist', didn't I? Let's say it was a bit late at night.

So - BUDDHIST.

[DUMPSTER]

Most of what other people have to say never seems to have applied to me. What's all this about sex and sex-drive as suffering? I ask myself. (Shall we say I'm not a natural Bhuddist?) I've always loved every, every moment of it. To want sex is a joyous feeling, energising, revitalising.

I'm not Bhuddist either.

If you have urges for food sex whatever and that urge is not satisfied then that is suffering. Why?Because you get angry, upset, jealous or whatever feeling that disturbs you.

To say you have loved every moment about sex and your sex drive cannot be true even if you do believe it.

You have fantastic sex, the best ever, but next time it isn't quite the same. Are you happy or do you feel despondent because you wanted to repeat that last experience? What about wanting to do something to someone or it be done to you, but your partner refuses, is that joyous? What about the time you were not satisfied by your partner, joyous occasion? What about the time you pre ejaculated, couldnt get an erection, got a std, joyous? The time you wanted someone but he didn't want you. You get the idea?

Seems to me your mind has done a very convincing job telling you what you what you want to hear. But then again that is its role.

It is very easy to make a statement like " I've always loved every, every moment of it. To want sex is a joyous feeling, energising, revitalising" because not a lot of thought went into it which is why I guess you say you are not a natural bhuddist!

Edited June 27, 2006 by DUMPSTER

[PeaceBlondie]

Well, I just wish to add that, whilst I enjoy eating a hamburger, the experience is nothing like having an orgasm.

[ratchabuild]

Well, I just wish to add that, whilst I enjoy eating a hamburger, the experience is nothing like having an orgasm.

You look forward to it, the biggest are usually the best, the juice runs down your chin and you mop it up with your tongue. Feels afterwards like you could never manage another and yet you know you will be wanting another one soon. Now what am I talking about hamburgers or orgasm?

[Guest endure]

Well, I just wish to add that, whilst I enjoy eating a hamburger, the experience is nothing like having an orgasm.

You look forward to it, the biggest are usually the best,

If that's true, what are you doing in Thailand

[papillon]

Dumpster, sorry you had to get so picketty about my attempt to be a bit celebratory and over-the-top. The context is the whole of my post, in which I was trying to convey my attitude to sexual activity. The original poster asked for personal perspectives. Of course we have bad moments and experiences (yes, yes, I know I said 'every', but see above), but those I can usually cope with, with a bit of will. True, I don't find it difficult to say that to want sex is a joyous feeling - but that's because I'm reporting my own experience, as I stated at the end of the post; to want sex puts a bit of spring in my step, and to say not a lot of thought went into the statement is merely curmudgeonly. It never occurred to me that it would be YOUR experience or way of seeing things, or anyone else's. Clearly, you didn't like reading what I wrote, but I've no doubt you will recover from it and push along the path of life guided by your own insights. In fact, it's bloody certain, isn't it?!

[OxfordWill]

Thanks for your perspective, papillon - much appreciated from over here. Completely agree with your undertones regarding christian based morality and sex as a 'bad thing' being something to do with things.

PeaceBlondie stop trying to derail the thread - moderators are just the worst! .

ratchabuild - Im not sure the old chestnut of being able to channel sexual energy into other things really works. On the contrary, it's a positive distraction and I might be able to go and lift weights for an hour but afterwards I am still going to want to give Louise/Lek/Somchai/Whomever a call.

[DUMPSTER]

to want sex puts a bit of spring in my step, and to say not a lot of thought went into the statement is merely curmudgeonly.

I think the full quote was 'I've always loved every, every moment of it. To want sex is a joyous feeling, energising, revitalising."

And again, I will say that not a lot of thought went into that statement. To want sex and not be able to get it, Joyous? I don't think so. That is suffering. I know you think that's being picketty but if you actually think about that statement then you would realise it.

Clearly, you didn't like reading what I wrote,

Not a matter of liking or not liking. It just didn't make alot of sense to me.

Of course if I knew you were being celebratory and it was an over the top piece, I would have scrolled on by. Now I know where you are coming from I guess it is better do that next time as interpretation is getting very difficult for me on this forum of late.

Maybe with all your joyous sex and my lack of any kind of sex is getting me too frustrated.

[PeaceBlondie]

A couple of my friends have been serious sex addicts. Yes, believe it or not, desiring too much sex can ruin your life: jealous partners who don't appreciate cheating; diseases; the costs, measured several ways; making your pursuit of the thrill and the thrill itself more important than family, job, partners, friends, faith, whatever. So they say.

Gnerally, the desires lessen with age. I expect that age 99 will be anti-climactic.

[moebius]

I'd rather have a nice cup of tea

Hey! Is that a 'whistling' icon or the same as my response to this whole thread:

"I'd rather have a nice cup of tea and a blowjob.'