Meeting the parents - what to say?

[alien365]

I live with my inlaws, I still don't know what to say.

You l i v e with the inlaws................ ..................

Jealous?

Absolutely..... .....................

I live with the inlaws too. Luckily I find it works quite well. They cook for me everyday, do the day to day food shopping, do all of the housework, wash our clothes, take care of the garden. The missus, like me, works full time so we don't really have time to do all these bits ourselves.

In terms of conversation my Thai isn't good (I've been here two years) but it tends to revolve around the weather, food and our pet cats.

[POSA290103]

Don't do the dishes,,,, my FIL came in and saw me doing the dishes on one of the rate occasions I do and gave the wife a good tongue lashing,,,

keep smiling, be polite and show an interest in their activities

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

Yeah it would make them feel greng jai if you do the dishes, or they'll sorta lose face, since you're a visitor so should be relaxing and putting your feet up.

Remember that when you visit, you're not just trying to impress them, but they're also trying to impress you with their hospitality. So they might even organise a special dinner just because you've come to visit, and they'll almost definitely cook more food than what you can possibly eat.

@OP Your best guide on what to do/say, would be to ask your gf and follow her lead in regards to the personal pronouns she uses etc. Since she would know what her family is like.

Also I'm sure you already know the different in Thai vs Western culture in regards to food, but I'll say it just in case. In western culture (Or at least NZ culture) we should try to eat everything if possible, to show that we really enjoyed the food, but in Thai culture you should leave a little bit on your plate at the end of the meal to show that you're really full. This will then show the hosts that they've catered well for you.

or, they may just sit there after the introduction and wonder where you are taking them and any nearby relatives to eat/drink. In my village they go for Jack Daniels in a big way. It may be worth your while to bring Scotch and Burbon to cover all bases. Beer can be purchased locally. A couple of bottles of Coke wouldn't hurt. In our village, men are the primary alcohol consumers. The women like clothes. Bring plenty of Baht and even more smiles. Try not to say too much and when you do speak do it calmly. Try not to be a loud mouth farang. That will come later. Good Luck.

[Briggsy]

Consider it work.

Prepare an agenda of points for discussion in advance. Rehearse the meeting in advance (I am sure your local moto-taxi guys would play along for some banknotes). Wear a shirt and tie. Plan your key goals. Have strategies on hand to avoid foreseeable problems.

[slipperylobster]

Only need two words................"Mai Chorp !"

Expected Requests from the family will be:

1. Sin Sot (Mai Chorp)

2. Buy Buffalo (Mai Chorp)

3. Buy House (Mai Chorp)

4. Buy Truck (Mai Chorp)

5. Buy Whiskey (Mai Chorp)

Edited July 29, 2014 by slipperylobster

[slipperylobster]

Other option...bring money (lots) and just be quiet.

[NoshowJones]

Be polite and expect to be relieved of a large wad of cash at some point.

Your sentence only has two decent words, and that's the first two. The rest of it, if the OP does, than he's a mug.

[ggt]

It is likely you will be left out of the conversation...after the obligatory greeting...do not take it personally...it is Thainess to ignore farangs...even if they are guests in ones home...

[NoshowJones]

Consider it work.

Prepare an agenda of points for discussion in advance. Rehearse the meeting in advance (I am sure your local moto-taxi guys would play along for some banknotes). Wear a shirt and tie. Plan your key goals. Have strategies on hand to avoid foreseeable problems.

Don't wear a shirt or tie, wear shorts, a wifebeater, and flip flops, grow some facial hair, and show your tattoos, that way they will know you are a real Farang.

[Thaiberius]

Unless the parents live in Baan Nowhere could you meet on neutral ground such as a very nice hotel restaurant? Get the old man some quality whisky, ask your missus what her mother would like and treat them to a wonderful night. If you then feel confident with them then you can turn up at their abode at least having some idea of what they are about.

[arjunadawn]

Sometimes it's better to pretend you don't know any Thai at all, especially when potential in-laws are involved.

Generally, this is a good idea in most places. I would be cautious though that in hiding your language skills you may then overhear something that would make you displeased, and change your deportment. Also, if they later realized you know thai you might seem deceptive, and undo much desired friendliness.

What would you say to your own parents? With that respect (I assume), and the ease of friend, I would just be myself. If that is not sufficient than nothing you could presume to be would have helped in any event. Its nerve-wracking, isnt it? Good luck to you.

[slipperylobster]

It is likely you will be left out of the conversation...after the obligatory greeting...do not take it personally...it is Thainess to ignore farangs...even if they are guests in ones home...

Yes. Book a room with wifi, a nearby pub and restaurant. Hire a trike to take you to the family house and tell him to wait. Say hello..smile, leave a thousand for some whiskey and bbq, then get a ride back to your comfortable setup and let the family have their fun. You will not be missed. Your legendary existence will begin at that moment. They (at least the real men there) will respect you a bit more.

Edited July 29, 2014 by slipperylobster

[1FinickyOne]

I wouldn't overdue anything - smile, be polite, quiet is better than showy. And don't forget to "fock" her parents and the whole family. Fruit usually is appreciated… They won't have much to say either, but it is a good opportuntiy to learn abt the tree from which the fruit has fallen… be observant, more than talkative.

Good luck.

[Bernard Flint]

You should be very polite, so give them the good Wai.

Also when you speak Thai to them, speak softly, don't kinda "bark" it out, as one of my mates did when he first met his gf's parents (His gf gives him a huge amount of crap about it).

Also you should refer to her mother and father as Mair & Paow (Or Khun Mair & Khun Paow if you want to be super polite, but depending on the situation it might be too much. I'd maybe use that only for the first time I meet them).

Otherwise, just be generally polite (If you've been in Thailand for a while, and have had a Thai gf for a while, I'm sure you know most of the cultural norms already?).

Which region are they from?

What if the gf mother is younger than the boyfriend

[tommytouch]

Depends if their younger than you or not..............................

Surely one of the Thai Visa comments of the week.

Very funny, but sadly quite relevant to many people on this forum, hence some of the ridiculous responses to this topic (also some very good advice given).

[Pinot]

A wealth of misinformation on this post.

My in-laws are wonderful people. They don't drink, they don't ask for money.

I smile a lot, wai the elders, chuck the kids under the chin, sit in a chair while everyone else sits on the floor, throw out my limited Thai phrases liberally and show up with groceries. I buy dinner but Papa doesn't like the family going out wasting money.

My two favorite Issan phrases are "Kin kow la bough?" Have you eaten yet? And Pi condor (see you later). Lot of mileage out of those two.

I've made some improvements around the house. Modernized the toilet to western standards for under 10000 baht. Some of the family uses it. Mama and Papa continue to use the squat toilet and dump water over themselves to bathe.

I don't try and impress. I stay at a hotel down the road. Make appearances at meal times. Go back and play with the Internet when I'm bored.

The whole family has accepted me. I feel the love.

Don't worry about it. Be yourself. Enjoy the experience.

[slipperylobster]

. And don't forget to "fock" her parents and the whole family.

Good luck.

ummmmm? Is it ok if he just does that to the mom? Perhaps she is younger.

[Briggsy]

Consider it work.

Prepare an agenda of points for discussion in advance. Rehearse the meeting in advance (I am sure your local moto-taxi guys would play along for some banknotes). Wear a shirt and tie. Plan your key goals. Have strategies on hand to avoid foreseeable problems.

Don't wear a shirt or tie, wear shorts, a wifebeater, and flip flops, grow some facial hair, and show your tattoos, that way they will know you are a real Farang.

Who said anything about shorts?

[Thaiberius]

Consider it work.

Prepare an agenda of points for discussion in advance. Rehearse the meeting in advance (I am sure your local moto-taxi guys would play along for some banknotes). Wear a shirt and tie. Plan your key goals. Have strategies on hand to avoid foreseeable problems.

Don't wear a shirt or tie, wear shorts, a wifebeater, and flip flops, grow some facial hair, and show your tattoos, that way they will know you are a real Farang.

Who said anything about shorts?

Pat the girlfriends bottom each time she walks past and then laugh like a maniac. Should go down well.

[NoshowJones]

Consider it work.

Prepare an agenda of points for discussion in advance. Rehearse the meeting in advance (I am sure your local moto-taxi guys would play along for some banknotes). Wear a shirt and tie. Plan your key goals. Have strategies on hand to avoid foreseeable problems.

Don't wear a shirt or tie, wear shorts, a wifebeater, and flip flops, grow some facial hair, and show your tattoos, that way they will know you are a real Farang.

Who said anything about shorts?

Me.

[NanLaew]

Depends if their younger than you or not..............................

Surely one of the Thai Visa comments of the week.

Very funny, but sadly quite relevant to many people on this forum, hence some of the ridiculous responses to this topic (also some very good advice given).

The thing that I find most funny about being older than FiL is when MiL clips him around the ear for not waiing me.

But back on topic; the OP would best keep his mouth shut and listen more than speak. If they think you don't understand them, they will chat away freely and you will probably learn more about your girlfriend and her family than you could ever get by asking questions.

[HasipHasip5]

Be nice and respectful. Smile a lot. If they are interested in getting to know you, they will ask questions. No real reason for you to talk other than answering their questions. It will be awkward but that is unavoidable. BTW do not bring them alcohol. Bring them something from your local area. Whatever your area is known for...ie. banana chips, durian, sweets that have packaging from your area...

Edited July 29, 2014 by HasipHasip5

[HOOD Robin]

Ridiculous OP post

Is this forum a Kindergarten ?

[Jaggg88]

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Don't go, the only reason you are invited to meet the parents is for a giant sinsot request.
If you go, you will wish you hadn't.

PS
Unlikely you will understand anything they say, parents always speak funny rural village dialects.

In Thai culture once you have met her parents there is no going back - it is a very significant step in your relationship equal to getting engaged. My mother in-law met me at the airport so I was goosed from the word go

[Gracas]

Don't worry about the dishes or other things. Just take along your Bank statements, this will provide a good discussion point. You will be talking for hours.

[POSA290103]

Consider it work.

Prepare an agenda of points for discussion in advance. Rehearse the meeting in advance (I am sure your local moto-taxi guys would play along for some banknotes). Wear a shirt and tie. Plan your key goals. Have strategies on hand to avoid foreseeable problems.

Don't wear a shirt or tie, wear shorts, a wifebeater, and flip flops, grow some facial hair, and show your tattoos, that way they will know you are a real Farang.

Perfect! I wish I knew that 5 yrs ago.

[SlyAnimal]

Ok guys, I think that the OP has gotten the answer to his question.

As such, you shouldn't need to post any further comments, unless they are specifically related to the Thai Language

[Grindting]

I've made some improvements around the house. Modernized the toilet to western standards for under 10000 baht. Some of the family uses it. Mama and Papa continue to use the squat toilet and dump water over themselves to bathe.

I don't try and impress. I stay at a hotel down the road.

Sounds like an expensive shit

[BanTamo]

Why not start the conversation out with an appreciative comment on their daughter's voracious appetite and stellar performance in bed/on the breakfast table/hanging from the chandelier? No doubt khun paw'll be beaming with pride for weeks

[Greg Nixon]

How about

Pom rak look sou de kun.

Kun me look sou de suay. ( Did you grow her yourselves?)

Your daughter looks like you.

You have an interesting farm. How much rice do you grow? I like your village.

Ask your girlfriend what they are interested in. Ask your girlfriend what you should say.

Give them some gifts. Again ask your girlfriend what to give. Avoid giving over 120,000 THB. You may become married the next day.

Avoid getting in the way of gunfire.

[Greg Nixon]

Do not let them know you speak Thai, although your gf probably already has. If you are in Issan they will be speaking Issan or Lao. Do as several have advised, wai well and show respect. You obviously already know or should know much about Thai customs. Polite and silent might be a good idea, let your gf do a lot of talking for you at least this visit. Did I say do not let them know you speak Thai yet. If they insult you, perhaps that would be the time. You probably wouldn't want to do as I did the first time I met my wife's parents. Very good people, no drunks, self sufficient, sent kids to college/university. Although I had been coming here since early '02 (this in'07) I had never gone to met any parents, ever. To say I was uncomfortable would be a great understatement. At some point after supper the father was looking at me and speaking to my wife to be. She got a 'funny' look on her face and said "My father says only reason farang come to Thailand is for sex". Well, being the smart ass I am, without hesitation I raised my hand and said "khap khun krap, that's me" with a big grin on my face. I don't believe my sense of humor was too well appreciated, but frankly at that point I didn't and still don't care. Her father understood and spoke English although she had neglected to inform me. I didn't get the translation of what he said...lol. To this day, I've never heard a word of English out of him. Meeting the grandparents saved me. Although, there have been times I wished it hadn't...lol. In the end, even if they like you, like you a lot, you are still an ATM and you will never, ever be accepted as anything but the farang husband of their daughter, who should have married a Thai man. Good luck, may the good Buddha bless and keep you.

You obviously missed you chance with your future father - in - law. You should have said, " you are right. Would you like to see my huge pecker? "