How much do you give to your Thai girlfriend/wife? What % of your income?

[David48]

That's a terrible analogy.

I don't have a Thai gf now. I have in the past but we never moved in together because she had her own condo & job. Now I date a Filippino and she has a condo and job as well.

K Lust ... I'm very happy for you.

.

[2fishin2]

If it walks and quacks like a duck....you guys know the rest.

Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

[Gringogazzer]

What does the Thai farther of child ber ning contribute...??? Haha

[yimlitnoy]

Dump her before more money is asked. She is taking you for a ride. Never give more than she can earn.

[daftboy]

What do you earn a month?are you finding it hard running 2 homes, looks to me like she is slightly avin the kecks off ya, but she is lookin after your child so she's got you by the ham Kai's, gunner be a hard one without it ending in tears, there will allways be somthing that crops up to relieve you of your hard earned disposable income each month..

Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

Exactly feel she's trying to get as much as possible, she wasn't always like this but last few months she's talking so much, a lot of these things I'm not sure I believe, but what can you do she's looking after my child, can hardly say no.

And actually when I have this month she gone ape****

you can arrange for someone to receive money for the kids food and school and medical and tell her youre through supporting her

Thats an interesting idea but I don't have a clue who could receive this (apart from the gf) who would you suggest?

[thrilled]

I give her 10%. She buys gold and jewelry.When I get old,I might end up getting some of it back

[isawasnake]

What is definitely happening is all those people out there in the country are getting in her ear. The reason they do this to the nth degree is that once the money comes in, they now have a new source to mooch off of. And since they were the advice givers......

I laid out what I think you should do in an earlier post, but I would say take it to the next level. When I go out to the country, if somebody asks me for 10 baht, I tell them no immediately. This will kind of establish your view on this type of stuff, and will do you loads of good. You will be branded as the "sticky farang" but who really cares (your wife may). I have some dudes that I actually hang with and like out in the country, they know they aint getting anything from me, and they just enjoy hanging. Genuinely enjoy hanging.

The thing I tell my wife over and over, and she is definitely on my side (you need to get yours there), is "if I get treated like an ATM, I'm done". And I stick to that. Anybody that treats me like that, I don't really acknowledge. Better or worse, that is the type of thing I do. It has worked because you have established a pattern. All you are doing now is setting yourself up to pay more and more each year.

[daftboy]

It's hard to know who's the moving/instigating party here, the lady or her Mom...

But, I would say, there are lots of places in Isaan where farang guys are attached to former or current bar girls, and end up paying (stupidly in my opinion) big money per month (20, 30 or 50K or more) and/or paying for (in local terms) fancy new houses for the lady and extended family. The guys may be living here, but also instead, may be living abroad with future plans to move and for now earning farang salaries in their home country.

I say this because, I've run into personal experience situations in the past where there becomes a lot of pressure felt by the girl herself, or imposed on the girl by her Mom or family, to not lose face/keep up with other families/girls in their village/area who may have a generous farang sponsor. The girl herself may be greedy, but the family may also be piling on since the girl may also be the main source of support for the entire family group.

And, if other girls in the village have hit the farang jackpot, then there's kind of the expectation that your girl and her family ought to be able to do equally well with her farang. And it may be hard for you to figure out whether your girl is simply greedy, or, perhaps her Mom/parents/family are pressuring her, and many Thai women have a hard time saying NO to their Moms about almost anything.

That's not the kind of relationship/arrangement I'd ever want to put myself into, and I haven't, fortunately. I did have an ex-GF with whom I thought I was building a good relationship bail on me after we met her parents for the first time in their home city, and I refused to commit to building a new house for them (this after having known her but a few months, and certainly not married or even talking about it, at that point).

But, I didn't have any children to be responsible for as part of the equation, and that changes the dynamics a bit.

I'm happily married now, my wife works at a full time job, and she sends 10K a month to support her Mom and Dad, who are elderly and have a very simple life, out of her own salary. Our basic agreement is, I support her, and it's up to her how she wants to support her parents and anyone else in her immediate family.

I suspect her mum, her sister and maybe her brother and female 'friends' in the village and at least 1 friend (who's worked as a bar girl for years) are encouraging/instigating this.

It's only fairly recently she has got more demanding, she has been telling me for a while her sister wants her to find a new richer farrang or just go to work a bar.

She has told me about her mother in recent months going to weddings in the village where the farrang has built a house and given 500,000 + to the local girl.

Also she has a bar girl 'friend' from Bangkok who she tells me is getting 30,000 a month as a live in girlfriend.

This isn't a situation I want to be in, but can I take any risks when she has my child?

[daftboy]

You better get back to Thailand and sort this out.. It's not going to end well.

Many problems and the fact that she is comparing her situation to the other bad girls getting xxxx baht says a lot.

You are being taken advantage of like it or not. Either by her oor her family and she cannot say no.. Take your pick. Could be both.

Either move to thaialnd or get her out this will never work as it is now.

I have have a mate who went to the hometown of his wife and spending more in 1 weekend then 2-3 months in Bangkok. Crazy

I'm not surprised about your mate, I spent 1 month together in Isaan in her home village (apart from a few nights) I couldnt believe how much she managed to spend everyday just on food from markets etc... plus the occasional 4 - 5000 for mum.

I remember thinking I can live in Bangkok on less than half what she managed to spend in rural Isaan!!

[daftboy]

To the OP, good luck, you are going to need it...

As I read the OP, what caused the red warning lights to go off for me was when the wife made the comment that 'bad girls' are making big money...

Yes and she is always quick to tell me she is not a party girl so she gets bored at home as she doesn't smoke, drink etc.... She says this usaully at the same time as trying to justify why she needs more.

[daftboy]

20k is more than she would make in a job in Issan.

Is that a reason for not paying it? 20K sounds very reasonable if she's supporting a kid and no doubt some of her extended family.

Why should the OP be responsible for supporting the lazy extended family. Would you do it in your own country?

Then there's the gambling debts etc, this is looking like a train wreck.

Just last month when asking for more she said her mum had told her to give her 5,000 as he had just finished work in a bar.

I think also her sister is encouraging her, so she has told me and I think thats partly because if she has more cash then maybe there is less pressure on the sister to provide money(for mother). Plus also I think the sister sees her has a source of income too.

It appears the mother, her sisters and brother all expect her to be the one who supports the family.

Edited August 4, 2014 by daftboy

[benalibina]

20k is more than she would make in a job in Issan.

Is that a reason for not paying it? 20K sounds very reasonable if she's supporting a kid and no doubt some of her extended family.

Why should the OP be responsible for supporting the lazy extended family. Would you do it in your own country?

Then there's the gambling debts etc, this is looking like a train wreck.

Just last month when asking for more she said her mum had told her to give her 5,000 as he had just finished work in a bar.

I think also her sister is encouraging her, so she has told me and I think thats partly because if she has more cash then maybe there is less pressure on the sister to provide money(for mother). Plus also I think the sister sees her has a source of income too.

It appears the mother, her sisters and brother all expect her to be the one who supports the family.

Yes, and she expects you to be the one to support the whole shambolic lot. If you love and want to be a main influence in ur kids life, get it away from there. Those type of bottomfeeders bring nothing. Only misery. Even upon themselves. Know where i am speaking from. Unfortunately.

[rennagade123]

I have a thai gf. Shes 8 month prego in essan. I send 15 000 a month. I dont mind. I already know she gives alot to her family. She cant work or anything shes pretty big. 15 000 i reasonable. Be alot more here in canada if were the same situation.

[losgrad]

I am wondering how your girlfriend and her mother manage to survive before you met her?

What does the Thai farther of child ber ning contribute...??? Haha

Dump her before more money is asked. She is taking you for a ride. Never give more than she can earn.

You have a big problem on your hands. Taking her to your home country may just make it bigger. Take control. As the provider, you determine how money is spent. You determine how much you can afford for your child and how much for her (she can then give to her family out of her money, not yours).

It sounds like the end is near one way or another - either you go broke or her family convinces her to find a richer provider, then you negotiate to essentially "buy" your child away from these people. Does she know how much you have?

I think also her sister is encouraging her, so she has told me and I think thats partly because if she has more cash then maybe there is less pressure on the sister to provide money(for mother). Plus also I think the sister sees her has a source of income too.

It appears the mother, her sisters and brother all expect her to be the one who supports the family.

P.S. In answer to your OP, 5-10%. Plus, did you actually live with her for 5 years or did you just visit her on your holidays and talk on skype during those better part of 5 years.

Edited August 4, 2014 by losgrad

[krisb]

20k is more than she would make in a job in Issan.

Considering the average daily wage would be not much over 300 baht a day, 20k is too much.

But hey, it's not my money, and if the op is ok to pay that, his choice.

8 to 10k a month max. Little extra for pampers and other baby stuff.

Kris ... you're a richer man then I am ... but it's BallPark for MissFarmGirl and me.

Just cause I'm fatter, doesn't make me richer ok.

10k a month is enough imo for plenty of food, few other bits and pieces. I wouldn't be paying for any other family members except my wife and my child. The rest can get off their asses like I had to and go work. I'd be ashamed asking another family member to support me to sit at home while they go to work. Far as I'm concerned, laziness shows no cultural boundaries and just cause you're Thai, doesn't mean you don't have to work while we pay for that. That in Thai is called 'taking the piss'.

I see plenty of quite old people working hard even just selling produce in the markets.

[Deacon Bell]

None.

She runs her own business from our home.

[Deacon Bell]

I remember a night out in a disco in Roi-Et, the lady at the next table with a btl of Black Label and a Thai guy started talking about her Canadian boyfriend. Made me laugh. There she and her boyfriend are sipping on Black Label on his tab, having a great ol' time while some stiff is working away to provide for them.

They must think we are the stupidist people on the planet. And in many cases they'd be correct.

Edited August 5, 2014 by Deacon Bell

[Bernard Flint]

Depends on circumstances.

My partner actualy works, so i do not have to give her money.Her family actualy work too,so she does not have to support anybody

Another miracle is that my partner is not on her smart phone all the time, she actualy talks to me too.

Do you think she is lulling me into a false sense of security????

[apb1919]

Reading some of these replies makes me wonder why some people bothered to get married!

I would love to see you in the uk / us / az work away for a month or two and send your wife with kids £200-300 for the month even with the bills paid!

Surely you want your wife to be happy, have a nice time, make sure the kids are looked after, eat well have new things etc?

i live in Thailand for about 9 months of the year, we (Mrs, and x2 kids) will be back in the uk for a few months but when i leave for a month or so i am not worried how much money i put in the joint bank account or how much the Mrs is spending on the credit card i worry that they are happy, having a nice time and are cared for!

Typically when i go away i would put:

18,000 bht - Mortgage on the house

7,500 bht - loan on the car

4,500 bht - phone internet water electric

then

50,000 bht for spending on whatever for the month

i never check this and where its gone and ask for receipts etc, some months i come back and its all gone and she's used 30-40k bht on the credit card other months i come back and 10,000 bht has gone, the main thing is my family is cared for and looked after.

My wife would be the last person to start sending money to her family unless they really needed it and if they did then so what! Yes she loves shopping and buying new clothes and toys for the kids but who doesn't.

if you don't trust your wife then really what is the point!

When we go back to the UK we have joint accounts which my salary goes into and she has full access, like any couple we would discuss any big expenditure but other than that she is her own person.

I still pay for everything back in the uk also:

50,000 bht mortgage

25,000 bht car

20,000 bht bills

and always have paid for everything over both countries but its for my family why would i ever be bitter or have any issues over money, it seams to me this is why most relationships fall down, money comes and goes!

When we go back to the uk i will keep paying for the house and car in Thailand but her family won't be in the house / use the car / motorbikes etc they are for us, she understands this more than i do and wants everything nice and new for when we come back!

the only thing she has ever asked me for in terms of money for her family was to buy her dad a 25,000 bht medical policy as her works in bangkok, and it covers any and all medical problems, he doesn't get the money we buy the policy every year and my wife can know in medical terms he is looked after and has peace of mind.

[Amusements]

I have heard it all before.."My friend gets this", "My friend gets that". "My mum needs this", "My son needs that" then they pull a well planned sulk, until you cave in to their greedy scheming demands.

I would tell her to get a job and match what ever she earns.

A good friend of mine use to say (on radio), "You owe your kids everything, and your parents nothing". In Isaan it seems to be the total opposite.

[Deacon Bell]

"Tell her to get a job, then match the income to help"

Good idea.

If you hear 'xxxx gets 50k p/m, yyyyyy gets 40k p/m', start looking at removing your child to stay with you and remove the 'wife' from the equation.

Let her find her dream match and you raise your child.

Edited August 5, 2014 by Deacon Bell

[JacChang]

Not more than 30% of my income. But my income keeps going higher and higher and higher each year.

I don't care what she spends it on, her business.

People need to learn to live within their own means.

[cassde]

My Thai wife has a 10 year old son from a previous Thai relationship residing with her parents in Isaan - the son, not my wife. I send the mother in law 15,000 baht per month - 10,000 for her and 5000 for the boy. We also pay when uniforms etc have to be replaced.I personally think this is reasonable.

[crazykopite]

She is taking you for a ride big time if she worked full time she would be lucky to pick up 10,000 for a months work doing 12 hours a day Thais have one major problem it is called gambling wether it be cock fighting , lottery I am 100 % sure she is gambling ripping you off big time suggest you get a DNA done to make sure that the baby is yours. I apologise if you believe I am being hard on you but in 8 years of living in the Kingdom only to see so many Falangs getting ripped off and going home penniless .

[cassde]

To answer Transam, he did not take any interest in his son after he was born. He has no money in any event, even now and I am quite happy to provide for his gran and him. They have brought him up to be an honest lad and he attends school regularly. He will make a good asset in due course for Thai society.

[Bernard Flint]

My Thai wife has a 10 year old son from a previous Thai relationship residing with her parents in Isaan - the son, not my wife. I send the mother in law 15,000 baht per month - 10,000 for her and 5000 for the boy. We also pay when uniforms etc have to be replaced.I personally think this is reasonable.

Why isnt the 10yo son not with you and the wife

[cms22]

I know a girl (a very beautiful and sexy girl mind) who receives 250k a month from her very rich farang husband. They also have a baby and he visits quite regularly.

[cassde]

It would too much of a disruption for him at his age - we live in Bangkok - all his friends and interests are in Isaan, and he is close to his 9 year old cousin who also lives with him. We are considering bringing him to Bangkok when he is of High School age, but will leave the final decision to him.

[belg]

what did your GF / WIFE do before you met her 5 years ago ????

[crazykopite]

Reading some of these replies makes me wonder why some people bothered to get married!

I would love to see you in the uk / us / az work away for a month or two and send your wife with kids £200-300 for the month even with the bills paid!

Surely you want your wife to be happy, have a nice time, make sure the kids are looked after, eat well have new things etc?

i live in Thailand for about 9 months of the year, we (Mrs, and x2 kids) will be back in the uk for a few months but when i leave for a month or so i am not worried how much money i put in the joint bank account or how much the Mrs is spending on the credit card i worry that they are happy, having a nice time and are cared for!

Typically when i go away i would put:

18,000 bht - Mortgage on the house

7,500 bht - loan on the car

4,500 bht - phone internet water electric

then

50,000 bht for spending on whatever for the month

i never check this and where its gone and ask for receipts etc, some months i come back and its all gone and she's used 30-40k bht on the credit card other months i come back and 10,000 bht has gone, the main thing is my family is cared for and looked after.

My wife would be the last person to start sending money to her family unless they really needed it and if they did then so what! Yes she loves shopping and buying new clothes and toys for the kids but who doesn't.

if you don't trust your wife then really what is the point!

When we go back to the UK we have joint accounts which my salary goes into and she has full access, like any couple we would discuss any big expenditure but other than that she is her own person.

I still pay for everything back in the uk also:

50,000 bht mortgage

25,000 bht car

20,000 bht bills

and always have paid for everything over both countries but its for my family why would i ever be bitter or have any issues over money, it seams to me this is why most relationships fall down, money comes and goes!

When we go back to the uk i will keep paying for the house and car in Thailand but her family won't be in the house / use the car / motorbikes etc they are for us, she understands this more than i do and wants everything nice and new for when we come back!

the only thing she has ever asked me for in terms of money for her family was to buy her dad a 25,000 bht medical policy as her works in bangkok, and it covers any and all medical problems, he doesn't get the money we buy the policy every year and my wife can know in medical terms he is looked after and has peace of mind.

By your calculation you earn over 125,000 baht per month after tax and NI which equates to approx £2,450 per month I do not think there are many on Thai visa who earn that type of monthly salary and I doubt the op is on that type of money , so your wife is extremely lucky in what you provide her.