Viz Top Tips Repository

Following on from Costas’ ‘some great ideas’ thread, post your favourite Viz Top Tips here.

I will start the ball rolling with these tips:

• PREVENT burglars stealing everything in the house by moving everything into your bedroom when you go to bed. In the morning, move it all back again.

• BOILED EGGS cut in half vertically, and with the yolk removed, make ideal miniature porcelain-style urinals for hamsters and guinea pigs.

• CINEMAGOERS: Have consideration for pirate DVD viewers by using the toilet before the film starts.

• RAPPERS: Avoid having to say: "Know what I'm sayin'" all the time by actually speaking clearly in the first place.

• Lighten the mood if you are ever in a car crash by replacing your air-bags with confetti today.

• A POST-IT Note stuck beneath the nose is an ideal way to foil lip-readers.

• AMERICANS: Save valuable time by not pending "God bless America" to your every sentence.

• TOWN COUNCILS: Reduce litter problems by issuing blind folk with pointy sticks.

• HORSE whisperers: Speak louder. The animals will hear you more clearly, thus speeding up training times.