How to be a father?

[joshstiles]

troll post

[KhnomKhnom]

Think about your best memories with your father or other senior male you knew, copy them.

 

I definitely know what NOT to do.......  Do not be a low class Thai who makes babies and abandons them and their mothers.

 

One huge problem for Thailand could be addressed by strict, enforced DEAD BEAT DADS laws.

[lostmebike]

 

Treat him as your equal as much as you can whilst ensuring you have authority when you need it.  If you speak to him like you would an adult maintaining a mutual respect and understanding you'll do very well.  Enjoy him and remember to stop and watch from time to time.  Jump on the roller-coaster and enjoy the ride of your life

 

"Treat him as your equal ..."

 

He's not an equal. He doesn't have the education, the experience, the size, the stamina, the ability to reason, the emotional stability, the reasoning skills, any of the learning capacity that comes with the stages of physical and mental development that he's yet to pass through ... that you hopefully have.  He should look to you as a role model and someone who will help him grow into a man like you. He knows full well he's not your equal or he will when he's able to think clearly about such things.

 

Treat him with respect for the individual he is, but he is not an equal. He will rely on you to protect him and guide him until one day he develops into an independent, fully grown man. That doesn't mean you constantly make a point of proving how great or strong you are compared to him. If you behave as you should you'll be the model he wants to emulate and he'll strive to make you proud of him and to became as much like you as he can.

 

Of course, play with him, have fun together, love him, but you still have to be in charge and the one making decisions. 

 

 

Oh and I bet you know always let your kids know this, right Somdit?

 

Can I ask ... do you also punish them for being half western?

[gringo99]

Lol

[Pattszero]

 

 

Treat him as your equal as much as you can whilst ensuring you have authority when you need it.  If you speak to him like you would an adult maintaining a mutual respect and understanding you'll do very well.  Enjoy him and remember to stop and watch from time to time.  Jump on the roller-coaster and enjoy the ride of your life

 

"Treat him as your equal ..."

 

He's not an equal. He doesn't have the education, the experience, the size, the stamina, the ability to reason, the emotional stability, the reasoning skills, any of the learning capacity that comes with the stages of physical and mental development that he's yet to pass through ... that you hopefully have.  He should look to you as a role model and someone who will help him grow into a man like you. He knows full well he's not your equal or he will when he's able to think clearly about such things.

 

Treat him with respect for the individual he is, but he is not an equal. He will rely on you to protect him and guide him until one day he develops into an independent, fully grown man. That doesn't mean you constantly make a point of proving how great or strong you are compared to him. If you behave as you should you'll be the model he wants to emulate and he'll strive to make you proud of him and to became as much like you as he can.

 

Of course, play with him, have fun together, love him, but you still have to be in charge and the one making decisions. 

 

 

Are we talking about a human being or a pet?  This just sounds like an ego trip for an adult.  At what point do you stop believing that about your child?  10, 11, 12, 18, 25?  If you treat your child the way that you would like the world to treat him then he will head out there and demonstrate the behaviours that will ensure the world treats him that way.  Treat your child as anything other than an equal and you are only teaching him that he is 2nd best and you'll raise another generation with a chip on their shoulder.

I am not saying that your word should not be final, it should.  That "final" word should be the last word you say and should be the same words you would use if your best friend climbed up on the sofa and started jumping up and down.  You do not need to show a child how to be a child.  You need to show them the path to becoming a strong adult with a sense of their worth.  I have not met a single person yet that gave me ANY more respect than I demonstrated that I deserved.  I have suffered a lot in my life from being treated as a child when I was a child.  It is my turn to make a change in our world.

 

You really don't have to take my word for this.  It is the foundation of the most cutting edge educational techniques being used in the world's best and most progressive schools today.  Of course you can just do it all the same way that our parents did and watch another generation repeat our mistakes.  Turning on the news today I fear that version of events.  We hold the key to our children's future and we can make that better by demonstrating how they can be respected so they know when to turn away from those that would drive them down.  This is how to change the world for the better.

 

It is your decision for your children....I know I'll continue to offer my child the respect she deserves and treat her as an equal.  I offer her clear boundaries as I would a friend if they behaved like her (i.e drawing on the walls, etc).  If I see her as "lower" then I am not showing her how to grow up and respect herself.  Who will be able to respect her if she can't respect herself?

 

 

You are deluding yourself - the child is not your equal for all the reasons already pointed out.  

 

So lets run with your pet analogy - yes - your child is a "pet" that you are training.   Leave your child untrained and you deserve all you get.  

[tifino]

coming in at the same level as the kid - can work against you...

 

Ex's 4 yr old daughter was trying to have her way, and I responded with a "sooky la la" at her, because that's what she said to me.

Another time, I simply parrot-copied her poking out tongue.

 

Both times had me outside with the pigs when she dobbed me in to her mum

 

 

pigs were friendly

[nithisa78]

It's not an act ...It should come naturally!

 

 

That is figure of speach, tight ass. Clean up your act.

[nithisa78]

It's not an act ...It should come naturally!

 

 

That is figure of speech - tight ass. Try cleaning up your act. Kindness is not part of it. The man is new Father and concern for his child.

Your statement says plenty about your abilities and lack of. 

[nithisa78]

Be patient, have faith. Before our first child, fear was taking on new menaing. Had three. Now all grown doing well. One of them still talks with me. 

Have faith.

[herb59]

google it or buy a manual.

[connda]

Well I guess we don't have to start the discussion talking about the birds and the bees.  Looks like you've got that down. 

4 year old's are a gift.  They start acting like little human beings.  My daughter at 4 was just a charm.  How to be a father?  Kids this age are curious, playful, talkative, mischievous, and will definitely start experimenting with things.  Lot's of energy.   Learn to play again, but at the same time, set realistic boundaries.  You're the adult.  You set the example and you set the limits. 

Have fun!

[kurtramsbottom]

 

It's not an act ...It should come naturally!

 

 

That is figure of speech - tight ass. Try cleaning up your act. Kindness is not part of it. The man is new Father and concern for his child.

Your statement says plenty about your abilities and lack of. 

 

 

 

What on earth are you trying to get at?  

[thongsuknork]

The question you asked is not a sensible question how your father bought you up ots nature the relationship between father and son is not explained in this universe its natural  ,love towards family and children in natural no one can tell u

[connda]

Think about your best memories with your father or other senior male you knew, copy them.

 

I definitely know what NOT to do.......  Do not be a low class Thai who makes babies and abandons them and their mothers.

 

One huge problem for Thailand could be addressed by strict, enforced DEAD BEAT DADS laws.

 

You forgot.  And Dead Beat Moms.  I had custody of my daughter and didn't get a cent of support from my drug addict, alcoholic ex.  And the state I lived in?  The Support Enforcement wouldn't lift a finger for me because I lived outside the state that "Mom" lived in.  And the state she lived in would lift a finger because I live outside of their state.  Double standards suck right along with useless government bureaucracies!  Less government is the best government.
 

[rohlm50212]

Reading this and LMAO, this is why we have such a verity of personalities, all and any of the comments will be fine, but number 1, feed, 2 Clothing, Shelter, a clean warm bed, read to him, love and hug him....And Edcate Him...
.It is what it is, but these he will remember and hopfully do the same when he has children.....

[rohlm50212]

Reading this and LMAO, this is why we have such a verity of personalities, all and any of the comments will be fine, but number 1, feed, 2 Clothing, Shelter, a clean warm bed, read to him, love and hug him....And Edcate Him...
.It is what it is, but these he will remember and hopfully do the same when he has children.....

[connda]

 

Treat him as your equal as much as you can whilst ensuring you have authority when you need it.  If you speak to him like you would an adult maintaining a mutual respect and understanding you'll do very well.  Enjoy him and remember to stop and watch from time to time.  Jump on the roller-coaster and enjoy the ride of your life

 

"Treat him as your equal ..."

 

He's not an equal. He doesn't have the education, the experience, the size, the stamina, the ability to reason, the emotional stability, the reasoning skills, any of the learning capacity that comes with the stages of physical and mental development that he's yet to pass through ... that you hopefully have.  He should look to you as a role model and someone who will help him grow into a man like you. He knows full well he's not your equal or he will when he's able to think clearly about such things.

 

Treat him with respect for the individual he is, but he is not an equal. He will rely on you to protect him and guide him until one day he develops into an independent, fully grown man. That doesn't mean you constantly make a point of proving how great or strong you are compared to him. If you behave as you should you'll be the model he wants to emulate and he'll strive to make you proud of him and to became as much like you as he can.

 

Of course, play with him, have fun together, love him, but you still have to be in charge and the one making decisions. 

 

Suradit69:
Sorry that those TV members with a more 'liberal bias' tend to disagree with you -- personally having raised a daughter as a single parent, I agree with you 100%.  My daughter became a responsible, self-reliant, assertive, compassionate adult.  Kids are not your equal for all the reasons you stated.  When I see other peoples kids who call their parents by the first names, have no boundaries, and end up running their parents lives, I just shake my head. 

 

Edited August 15, 2014 by connda

[kurtramsbottom]

 

It's not an act ...It should come naturally!

 

 

That is figure of speech - tight ass. Try cleaning up your act. Kindness is not part of it. The man is new Father and concern for his child.

Your statement says plenty about your abilities and lack of. 

 

 

 

I'll try again - Nithisa78 can you please explain why you took so much offence to my post?

 

I think you have a problem following the thread and the the context of my post.

[mok199]

 

im 59 retired and have my first he is 3 mnths,i love this boy so much and fathering is comong naturallly to me,but let me warn you about rasing a boy in thailand,keep on top of it,get him speaking your native langauage,communicate and love him,beacuse if you let the thai familly brain wash him,you will have trouble getting him back''mentally''...thier idea of raising a child is sticking a bottle in his mouth and cauddling him until he is smothered,and them teaching how to wai and say ''krap'',is the thai idea of ''becoming a man.....guide him ,teach him respect,and politeness is more than saying ''krap'' it is earned,and not every one deserves respect''esp in thailand''....get him thinking outside the thai box,and watch his freinds closey...they are a huge influence...ther rest comes natural...good luck

What Thai people are you talking about? All 60 odd million?

 

There are millions of fantastic Thai fathers and mothers out there; my wife is one of them. Perhaps you are referring to some family living in a rice field in the middle of nowhere that has never been to school and can barely speak or write Thai themselves, but I assure you this is not the case in normal Thai families. 

 

agreed..when my boy was born,the entire famiily incuding the great granny(99) never seen the ocean ,drove to pattaya to see my boy ( 8 hours one way) and returned that same day as they needed to get back to work,i was so touched,!!!!in my familly of 5 sibblings back in canada, only 1 has ever even emailed me!!!....thais love familly,and i love the culture for that,but  but...side with caution when raiseing a child,i have seen to many men left behind as the child grows up thai...i am glad you are happy with your familly,i know myself i will be a big part of my childs upbringing ,dont trust anyone to make important deciosons for your child ...thanks for the debate...sawadee (no krap)....

Edited August 15, 2014 by mok199

[West1111]

Check out this: very helpful if you really want to be a good father.

http://download.jw.org/files/media_magazines/6f/g_E_201303.pdf

[davidmann]

Get a Rolf Harris DVD and do some painting with him.

he is now in prison for playing with children 

[ALFREDO]

-zierf1-

 

Opens -threads- easy and cares than not much about them. 

[mrfaroukh]

It is easy take him to the park, play with him, buy him some nice toy he likes, kids love ice cream, Just be yourself and pay attention to him.

[Brigante7]

Spend as much time with him as you can, be firm but fair with him, everything he learns from you in the first 5 years has a massive impact on his life, never make promises you can't keep and always carry out any threats of punishment.

[Brigante7]

Spend as much time with him as you can, be firm but fair with him, everything he learns from you in the first 5 years has a massive impact on his life, never make promises you can't keep and always carry out any threats of punishment.

[Brigante7]

Spend as much time with him as you can, be firm but fair with him, everything he learns from you in the first 5 years has a massive impact on his life, never make promises you can't keep and always carry out any threats of punishment.

[krisb]

It's not an act ...It should come naturally!
 
 

Disagree with that. The feeling of protecting your child comes naturally, but being a good parent I think is a learning process, and there's no books out there to teach a parent. Its far to complex to just say it comes naturally.

Back to the op, spend time with your child, help them to stay safe, learn, play. Keep them well fed, clean and healthy. Look after yourself so your around to see them grow.

[toooa]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HivMtmkgG6s

Peaceful Parenting, Bribery and Negotiation

 

[FritsSikkink]

...and so far the best advice comes from the nature of the thread. There is no right or wrong. Nobody knows. None of us got a handbook

Yes they do, it is called education. Funny enough there are books about many subjects including parenting.

[kurtramsbottom]

 

It's not an act ...It should come naturally!
 
 

Disagree with that. The feeling of protecting your child comes naturally, but being a good parent I think is a learning process, and there's no books out there to teach a parent. Its far to complex to just say it comes naturally.

Back to the op, spend time with your child, help them to stay safe, learn, play. Keep them well fed, clean and healthy. Look after yourself so your around to see them grow.

 

 

Yeah and you naturally learn. There is no blueprint.