Sin Sod when parents have passed away

[Chriso12]

Since the parents passed away may they rest in piece You may sent me the money glad i can be of service

I am sure that is what her parents would have wished for!

More comments from people that obviously got ripped off by their Thai gf/wife are appreciated. Plenty of those in this thread alone from what I can tell!

[spiritrace]

Sin Sod is an old business transaction. The parents created the asset, the asset then works with the family and provides financial security for the family as well as taking care of the family effort.

Those days are gone. Daughters leave home and and no longer contribute to the family.

If the parents are deceased there is no longer a reason to pay for services rendered to the parents.H

The brothers and sisters did not create the asset, therefore they are not entitled to sin sod.

Times change.

[sanuk711]

Do I pay Sin-Sod......The parents of her have passed away before I even knew her.---Chiso12

Oh do Come on you have got to winding us up........................

[asdecas]

You should do the right, ethical thing and announce to her whole family that you intend to pay sin sod to your future wife's nearest living relatives. In addition, I suggest a gratuitous, one hundred percent premium should be added to demonstrate that you are not one of those cheap Charlie, Archa-drinking farangs but rather someone prepared to lavish expensive designer gifts on his betrothed.

[Emster23]

Pay just as much sinsod as you would if you married a western woman. Not a penny more nor less. Help them get used to our culture.

Or just simply write a personal check to her parents only. Then with great ceremony, a bit of chanting, burn it.

[Just1Voice]

Went to a wedding over the weekend of a friend. He's 68, she's 27. Tried to talk to this guy many times over the past few months, and always got the standard, and well used phrases:

"This one isn't like that."

"She's different."

"She would never do those things to me."

Has bought a truck, new PCX for himself, one for her, and planning on building their "dream house" on property he is buying from her parents.

It was a nice wedding in a Catholic church, with her wearing an expensive, tailor made white gown. Then the reception for about 60+ people at a restaurant where the food was laid out. Nicest wedding any Hill Tribe girl has probably ever seen. And, yes, she's Hill Tribe. Nice girl, or so she seems. Smarter than most, and had a good job, till he insisted she quit so she could stay home with him all the time.

The whole time I'm wondering which will happen first: his death or the bleeding of his money. I hope it works out for him, but I just have the feeling that in a few years I'm gonna be saying: "Hey, I tried to warn you.".

[meatboy]

Why do you want to give money away...?

Thousands of falangs give away billions of baht every year. Look how many threads are started here and how many posters defend the paying of sinsod.

How many clowns do you know that pay sinsod for their wife who has previously been married or has children?

I can immediately think of six............

... seven if you count the one where the children didn't come out of the woodwork until months after the wedding

and beware of the brother who's been hideing under the bed.

[landslide]

I don´t think that she has family in the rural area. Its strange that people automatically assume that every Thai bride has to be a "poor Isaan village girl".

Dodging the ceremony sounds unlikely thou...I will rent some place in Bangkok I suppose. I would grant any western girl a wedding ceremony...so why wouldn't I do that with my Thai girl? I don´t enjoy these occasions very much myself....but gotta sit it out.

The only condition I have is that I am not gonna wear one of those traditional Thai costumes. I wear a suit and thats it!

While we are at it: Does it matter at which Amphur we make the registration?

Don't the bride's family pay for the wedding in the west?

[maxisrael]

Why do you want to give money away...?

I dont like the sin sod as well...that is why I am asking on whether there is any need for it.

NO i married a women who's parrans die young and the family did not want anything. and this was 12 years ago and the family where nice hard working farmers ( and still are)

[ajarnmarc]

<script type='text/javascript'>window.mod_pagespeed_start = Number(new Date());</script>

You can pay me sin sod and take my wife.....

Now that's ...

and you'll be singing all the way to the bank;

I bet.

[empireboy]

After 6 years together you would know if she expects sinsod.

I highly doubt that she expects it...but I thought that this is not her decision but rather the decision of the family.

I'm sure your gal understands that Falang have customs too... Like taking care of partners and understanding that we're all in life together and that sharing the love is good but getting taken advantage of is not.... especially when there simply is no need to be.

[sae57]

Had a similar situ a few years ago. My wife's neice had been orphaned & we stood in as the parents, accepted the sinsot and promptly turned it over to the happy newlyweds. It's not unusual, by the way, to give the sinsot to the bride as a nest egg (not the groom: remember, the women control the wealth, land, inheritance & the couple lives with the girl's family). Some of the relatives were a bit upset that we didn't share with them, since they'd had a significant hand in raising the girl.

BTW, expecting sinsot for a girl that's previously been married/had children is highly questionable among Thais.

[ggt]

How long have you been in Thailand...how can you be so naïve...?

[atyclb]

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding.

No sin sod is required. If your wife to be doesn't yet have a car buy her one. If you can't afford a car, buy her a new motorbike. Sin sod is all about face. Give her some. You can even buy her a big gold chain and then sell it back to the goldsmith after the wedding. Give her something to show.

May your marriage be a long and happy one!

note: you can drive the motorbike or car you bought for her after the wedding. :-)

You mean her "prize farang husband" isn't enough to show ??

[atyclb]

You can pay me sin sod and take my wife.....

Therefore we can deduce that "suffering with the asset" is comparable to "creating the asset" Not unreasonable.

[sae57]

How long have you been in Thailand...how can you be so naïve...?

Was that meant for me? I said "among Thais". Parents who send their daughters to Pattaya to find a farang husband are looking for the payout. Multiple payouts if possible.

[connda]

My step son is getting married to a gal he when to school with (my wife and I just love her).

We bought both of them rings about two months ago, and last week we bought her a necklace. This is her sid sod. We have already met with the family informally, and we'll meet with them in October to present the sid sod, however, we have all agreed that the gold is for our daughter-in-law to be. This isn't being given to the parents. (The family is solidly middle-class).

In your case, buy your fiancee a ring and whatever you both agree on. This is for her. I doesn't need to go to the family.

Best of luck.

[thaibeachlovers]

Why do you want to give money away...?

I dont like the sin sod as well...that is why I am asking on whether there is any need for it.

NO.

[bahnoo]

My wife parent never ask me any of the sin sod. There is no need to give any.... as other said keep quiet n dont ask.

[bahnoo]

Oh n by the way i dont believe in buy car... motorsai they should have as is their common tool to move around with

[canarysun]

<script type='text/javascript'>window.mod_pagespeed_start = Number(new Date());</script>

Why do you want to give money away...?

I dont like the sin sod as well...that is why I am asking on whether there is any need for it.

You are in control, if you even MENTION sin sod and the extended family hear it, you will get stuffed.

Classic answer but so true! made me laugh - Thankyou! F.J

[otherstuff1957]

My wife's parents both passed away before we met. No Sinsot was asked for or offered.

I did however, pay for a village wedding (actually, my father paid for most of it as a wedding present).

[AnotherOneAmerican]

Had a similar situ a few years ago. My wife's neice had been orphaned & we stood in as the parents, accepted the sinsot and promptly turned it over to the happy newlyweds. It's not unusual, by the way, to give the sinsot to the bride as a nest egg (not the groom: remember, the women control the wealth, land, inheritance & the couple lives with the girl's family). Some of the relatives were a bit upset that we didn't share with them, since they'd had a significant hand in raising the girl.

BTW, expecting sinsot for a girl that's previously been married/had children is highly questionable among Thais.

Very strange idea here "the women control the wealth", that just isn't true.

Until fairly recently, Thai women owned nothing.

When they married, all their assets, and them became the property of their husband.

If someone has been telling you women control the wealth, that's an outright lie.

[Chriso12]

Cool stuff! Thanks for all the info and stories! By the looks of it, I will also be the only donor for the wedding ceremony in Thailand! I havent expected anyone raising their hand to share the costs!

I raised the sin sod topic with my girl and she said that she would be happy, if her parents were still alive, that I would give a "symbolic" sin sod, which would be then returned again after the wedding. However since they both past away there is no need for it. She said if I am fancy I can make a donation at the Father Ray Foundation for Karma points and good luck for our marriage. (gonna need shat loads of those points anyway!!!)

Money topics are unfortunately a bit weird with us. Her family works in banking/ stock exchange of Thailand and my family is a full blood stock trader family including me. The prenuptial agreement was mutual and I felt comfortable discussing it....on the other hand about the sin sod I simply had no idea what the family would expect.

[thaibeachlovers]

Had a similar situ a few years ago. My wife's neice had been orphaned & we stood in as the parents, accepted the sinsot and promptly turned it over to the happy newlyweds. It's not unusual, by the way, to give the sinsot to the bride as a nest egg (not the groom: remember, the women control the wealth, land, inheritance & the couple lives with the girl's family). Some of the relatives were a bit upset that we didn't share with them, since they'd had a significant hand in raising the girl.

BTW, expecting sinsot for a girl that's previously been married/had children is highly questionable among Thais.

Very strange idea here "the women control the wealth", that just isn't true.

Until fairly recently, Thai women owned nothing.

When they married, all their assets, and them became the property of their husband.

If someone has been telling you women control the wealth, that's an outright lie.

http://berkleycenter.georgetown.edu/letters/women-of-northeast-thailand-privilege-and-obligation

In the family structure, daughters are preferred over sons and they receive the advantage in terms of property rights in Northeastern Thailand. Each daughter inherits part of the familys land while sons inherit mobile capital like buffaloes and cattle.

[sae57]

Had a similar situ a few years ago. My wife's neice had been orphaned & we stood in as the parents, accepted the sinsot and promptly turned it over to the happy newlyweds. It's not unusual, by the way, to give the sinsot to the bride as a nest egg (not the groom: remember, the women control the wealth, land, inheritance & the couple lives with the girl's family). Some of the relatives were a bit upset that we didn't share with them, since they'd had a significant hand in raising the girl.

BTW, expecting sinsot for a girl that's previously been married/had children is highly questionable among Thais.

Very strange idea here "the women control the wealth", that just isn't true.

Until fairly recently, Thai women owned nothing.

When they married, all their assets, and them became the property of their husband.

If someone has been telling you women control the wealth, that's an outright lie.

Have lived here for 15 years, involved with Thai culture for years before that, speak the language fluently & am a professional translator--so I do have direct access to information.

Speaking from customs here in Isan. It's quite true. The law may have awarded everything to the husband until recently, but the law isn't how things actually work (that's a whole other topic). It may well be different in other regions (I should have included that caveat) and certainly is different among the Chinese.

There are exceptions, as with everything. But here:

Inheritance goes through the women (so the women own the land and the house)

A newly married couple lives in the girl's home usually in a different village from the guy's. The guy becomes an unpaid farmhand and baby maker, and it takes some time before he earns full acceptance into the new family. (so yes, the girl's family gets both sinsot and an extra worker).

The men often sit around drinking together till their wives tell them to get to work. Time to plant, harvest, sell.

Still: most mayors and township & county council members are men (and incompetant). Gender roles. My theory is that they are allowed roles of nominal authority as a kind of compensation for their actual lack of authority.

Violence: Men are usually bigger & too often beat their wives (but since they live in their wives' villages there's some protection) On the other hand, I've seen women beat their husbands--both bare hands & with a stick--in public, and without being condemned later.

Added note: as already mentioned, it does happen that sinsot is paid when the woman has previously been married, but it's not the rule. Sometimes a little extra pursuasion is needed etc.

[sae57]

Almost forgot: If the husband has a job & brings in wages, he turns them all over to his wife on payday, then asks for cigarette & whiskey money. Fairly strictly observed.

[thejcb]

Why do you want to give money away...?

Thousands of falangs give away billions of baht every year. Look how many threads are started here and how many posters defend the paying of sinsod.

How many clowns do you know that pay sinsod for their wife who has previously been married or has children?

Recently went to a village wedding and the Thai groom gave his previously married wife both cash and gold. It sometimes does happen.

And after the ceremony it was all returned.

[rgs2001uk]

Almost forgot: If the husband has a job & brings in wages, he turns them all over to his wife on payday, then asks for cigarette & whiskey money. Fairly strictly observed.

As someone who lives in Bkk, what you describe is like something form a different country or era.

Most of the Thai couples I know of, either the girl goes to the husbands family house or the newly marrieds get a place of their own.

Good gawd man these days most Thais I know of are paid electronically and they are the provider, they aint handing money over on pay day.

Example, one guy controls everything, pays all the bills, school fees etc, gives his mrs 8,000 baht per month pocket money.

Another guy, his father owns his house and car, if the marriage goes tits up there is nothing to split because the guys owns nothing, and will only own via inheritance laws, which means again the girl will have no claim on inherited property.

If you are talking about alcoholic upcountry labourers paid daily, yes I agree it makes sense for the wife to take control.

[thejcb]

Sin Sod is an old business transaction. The parents created the asset, the asset then works with the family and provides financial security for the family as well as taking care of the family effort.

Those days are gone. Daughters leave home and and no longer contribute to the family.

If the parents are deceased there is no longer a reason to pay for services rendered to the parents.H

The brothers and sisters did not create the asset, therefore they are not entitled to sin sod.

Times change.

Stated another "expert" who thinks he arrogantly knows everything there is to know about this even though he isn't a Thai and has only read a few things on TV but is now the self-confessed Oracle.