New farang noi on the way. Wife wants baby to sleep in our room

[orosee]

By the way, my girlfriend can sleep in positions that even Chinese acrobats may find to be a challenge. My favourite one however is when I retire to the community bed and find both asleep during breast feeding. There's little else that demonstrates mother-child Union to me like this image, and I'm jealous that I'm stuck with the bottle (milk for feeding, beer for peace of mind).

Don't be disappointed if baby does not share your affections or calm down at the sound of your heart beat. In the beginning they're just mindless feeding-pooping-sleeping machines.

[Jasun]

Same room for the first few months at least, or until it stops night feeds. Unless you like sleep. In which case, you're on you're on in one of the other rooms.

[ebean001]

I did not read the other posts because I bet they ignored your concern.

You have a serious problem!!!!! Don't ever think that you do not. (Here is an offbeat comment - I was sitting in Russia and my girlfriend started to breast feed her 7 year old son).

Back to Thailand. Things are different in each country when raising a kid. She will want the baby to sleep with her for years - maybe even until 7. We had a baby daughter who is now 4 years old. My wife had a son from a previous marriage. She slept with her son until he was 7. Then the grandfather slept with him until he was 11. Then he moved in with us. He sleeps by himself!!!

The daughter is 4. She sleeps with mommy. The bond is so great that me, daddy, has very little relationship with my daughter. You know little girls must have a good father-daughter relationship or they will not likely have a good husband relationship or good relationship with men in general. You know that right?

My wife cannot leave the house without the daughter breaking into a huge crying. In fact, I become the enemy - you go daddy and mommy stay at home.

You have a very serious problem. There will be many more issues. It will cause you to end your marriage - likely. The way a Thai lady raises a kid is very different than farangs. You are in for some serious shock. My wife still spoon feeds our 4 year old!!! For God's sake - stop it. No way. I am the bad guy as far as my wife and child are concern. You will be too. Good luck.

[OmarZaidMD]

I'm impressed. There's a lot of great advice here bubba. Adapt, learn, adjust, become a better man by being a better husband and father. God bless you and grant you patience and wisdom.

[maximillian]

Our son slept in our bed until I don't know when.

I had to get up countless times, had to work next day, flying for an airline.

It was perfect for me, for my wife and for him.

Wish I could reset the clock and start this all over again.

Those were the days, my friend, I hoped they'd never end...

Can't understand how this can be an issue for a dad.

Go sleep in your own room but never deprive the child of the mothers warmth.

[ebean001]

one final comment. thai kids are not taugh independence - and it is not necessarily the fault of the schools. It starts at home and mommy being mommy for a very long time. i actually said to my wife - Honey, eventually our daughter will go off to college and it might be the USA. Her response - I will go with her. Good luck again.

[MobileContent]

Our son is now 19 months and still sleeps in our bed but at times I am getting tired that he keeps want to see the elephant cartoon even at 3 in the morning.

[richard_smith237]

Our boy is Eight months old - I approached the very same dilemma with a very similar attitude.

Eight months later, he's been in our room all the time, mostly in the same bed.

The UK and some other countries don't recommend the same bed due to the risk of smothering the infant in our sleep.

With a large enough bed and a co-sleeper device (a sort of mini-cot which prevents you from rolling over onto your child) there is very little risk.

Its an individual choice and I'd say the mothers opinion carries more weight at this stage as she is the 'feeder'..

Brest feeding every 2-3 hours is tiring, easing the burden somewhat by having the child in the same room seems easier.

We have had our child in the travel cot in the same room, we also have another cot in the nursery. Our little fella sleeps the longest in our bed. He sleeps the least in the nursery. At 8 months old we are about to 'force' sleep him in the nursery (i.e. be a little more persistent that he sleeps there), the reason we haven't so far is that we have been travelling a lots, in hotels, at family and friends, even camping - its easier to keep him with us in the same bed.

An issue now is that he doesn't sleep easily without us in the same bed, which means day time naps for him are not as long as they need to be.

On the Topic of sleep monitors: They are useful, but not necessary, you will hear a cry. One device which is useful is the Angel Care monitor which fits under the cot mattress and monitors for no-movement before an alarm kicks off.

[benalibina]

From personal experience with our 1st born son, i recommend that you be straight and firm after the baby is born. My wife also let him sleep with a light on. Totally offputting. He started to cry heavily when he woke up and their was no light on. It was a nightmare on some occasions the first nearly 2 years to get him to sleep. Eventhough there must be bond created between mother and child it is best to start as you means to go on. I agree with EBEAN001 about the possible downfalls of starting wrong, again IMO. What he has written is not exagerrated. This especially if the mother has no parental skills apart from ...caring...One can say that it is the thai way but you are not thai. Think carefully about how you start. Communicate with your wife about it. Good luck !

[coxo]

You better change your thought pattern quickly, the wife stays at home on holiday blah blah, are you serious man! Wake up to yourself, you sound like the baby.

[no deal]

we have a baby 1 1/2 year old and for day one he sleep in are bed, we never use the nice bed we buy for him,and i think a lot people do that!

[tifino]

one bottom line one fella needs to keep in mind - is that any move by us to get between mum and bub, is seen by the wife as 'hubby just wants a root' and thinking only of himself.

No matter what seemingly helpful (to you) any suggestion you come up with - it will always come back from her as SEX related.

For years'n'years later it will always rebound "you lub me too much"

So - you go down the other path, giving her as much room as you can bear - but she still won't forget the earlier transgressions...

Wifey's latest 'punishment' is to make herself 'unavailable'; by doing repeated, and sometimes extended 9+days of Vegan...

To her, Vegan means no meat, no sex or even hugging, for the entire number of days...

She found this trick from one of her 'helpful' girlfriends, who gave her the idea as a sneaky means of keeping away from intimacy for as long as she wanted...

If only one simply gave in to missus wishes, at the time she demanded her space with bub...

[khundon]

When our child was a baby, he slept in a cot in our room and either the wife or I put him to bed, giving him a cuddle, singing to him, then laying him down in his cot with a night light on, stroking his face until the Sandman got him.

If he woke up during the night, mainly for a bit of breast (lucky bugger) we would then put him straight back in his cot and NEVER took him into our bed

.

At 6 months old, we moved his cot into another room and for the first week it was hell, as he did not want to sleep, but we stuck with it and he soon learnt that he now had another room to sleep in. If he woke during the night we used to pick him up, cuddle him, then put him straight back down into his cot.

If you do this when they are that age, they soon learn and as they get older, you should have no problem when it comes to their bedtime.

By the time he was 2 years old, he knew what bed time meant, and happily had his bath and went to his own room, got into bed, had a story read to him and fell asleep. Watching your child drift off to sleep is a thing to cherish, but so is having "time" with your wife. That won't happen if your kid is around, jumping on your ass as you try to "cuddle" the wife.

Of course most mums, Thai or not, want to be close to their baby, but, if they have their heads screwed on, they see the sense in not sharing the bedroom with a child when they are over 6 months of age.

Now, at 4 years old, he is more than happy to bath himself, put on his jammies and get into bed with his teddy bear, because he knows he is going to be told a story.

Kids need routine and the sooner they are taught it the better and we all get a good nights sleep or

I forgot to mention, we are in UK most of the time, if you are in Thailand, then you not only have the wife to contend with but much worse, the mother in law. Good luck with that one, as no matter what you do, she will undo it.

Edited August 25, 2014 by khundon

[AnotherOneAmerican]

Wifey's latest 'punishment' is to make herself 'unavailable'; by doing repeated, and sometimes extended 9+days of Vegan...

To her, Vegan means no meat, no sex or even hugging, for the entire number of days...

She found this trick from one of her 'helpful' girlfriends, who gave her the idea as a sneaky means of keeping away from intimacy for as long as she wanted...

Off topic,

Some guys are just weak.

Edited August 25, 2014 by AnotherOneAmerican

[thailand49]

Get use to it.. you are living in Thailand so adapt? so you got to work all day and need your sleep? you act like you are the only one in the room! This is Thailand, where she came from? she might have shared a room with a whole family all sleeping on the floor and one room?

It will work out... I did it with my son... loved it I would play with him until he felt a sleep we were all on one big king size bed. Short of breast feeding take the time to find out how to change a diaper too?

Edited August 25, 2014 by thailand49

[nikthekiwi]

Just to add, if you have to work, set up a bed in a spare room. You will reach new levels of tiredness never thought possible before.

Its the being woken in the middle of deep rem sleep that messes you up the most.

[nikthekiwi]

The idea of a newborn being anywhere else than within an arms reach of Mum is inadvisable.

[samuijimmy]

It's defiantly an Asian thing, I remember a Vietnamese friend once telling me, it was not uncommon for kids to sleep with Mama until they are 11 or 12... papa some times gets the "couch"!

I know Thai families now that the kids are about that age and still sleep with parents! It could take the wife a while, to change to western ways!

[luangtom]

My Thai wife and I have two sons, both now adults. It was no problem whatsoever for them to sleep in our room after their births. My wife nursed them both, which made it an easy life for this father. Dirty-diapers, maybe. Feeding a bottle, nope. Baby had a cradle and later bed of its own and when upset or hungry, his mother would bring him to bed, nurse him back to sleep and we all lived just fine. I worked days, afternoons and nights, so had a varied schedule. Having a baby in the room did not

bother much at all. It was an easy life for this father. After the nursing and the during-the-night get-ups, they both had rooms of their own and life went on. Do not make a big deal out of a Thai mother wanting to have a baby in your room.

[gmac]

Children are adaptable

They are also adoptable...

Tell that to the wife!!

[chingching]

Think about how you might feel if you were a baby. Brand new to the world, Knows nothing. Doesn't speak the lingo. Maybe afraid of the dark. Hungry but the only thing it can eat comes from the mom. Who is soft and cuddly, But the thing with the hair on its face, takes the Mom away and locks me away in the dark. Strange because this man although very old and knowledgeable cannot bear to spend one night sleeping by himself, but expects me a newborn to be fine with it.

[Bigfarang1948]

Thanks for the chuckle about the wife being on holiday. Try doing all the things any mom does for a newborn; give yourself a week, and you will gladly eat your words. Parenting is a wonderful addition to marriage but your wife is definitely not having fun 24/7 as you would soon find out if you were changing messy diapers and feeding and holding the newborn day and night for the indefinite future. Just think how nice it will be to reach over to the child;s cot and put it in your arms and nurture it without having to go to the next room to get baby; but it sounds like you are already distancing yourself from parenthood and expect the little Missus to do all the work Shame on you' relax. enjoy and love the child. It will be small and quite tractable for a few short years only.

Just so you know, taking care of a newborn is nowhere near a holiday. Having the baby cot in your room is not an issue you can move it into another room when the baby gets bigger.

[SanSaiExPat]

I think that you maybe be worrying about a non issue. If it makes your wife happy to have the baby sleep in your room, do it. Children are adaptable and can be moved to their own room later. You wife is happy that the baby is close by initially. And hey, you will loose a lot of sleep with a new baby, no matter where he/she sleeps - that comes with the territory.

Welcome to fatherhood. Loosen up a bit and things will be just fine. Congratulations!

This is deadly bad advice. DO NOT!!! listen to this guy he has no idea what he's talking about or he's a masochist. I have been married to a Thai woman for over 12 years. We have two boys, age 11 and 8. I was at the exactly same position and decision point your at 12 years ago. I too was cajoled and talked into letting my Thai wife dictate the terms of where our children slept. I have regretted it ever since. First your Thai wife will inculcate in your child the belief that Ghosts exist. "pee" this and "pee" that and "don't let the gecko eat your liver" etc etc. This belief in ghosts and other creatures from the nether world will be amplified and reinforced by her parents and friends. This belief will be used by your wife and later by your child as an excuse to continue sleeping in your bed and/or room. (Before I was married to my Thai wife. I was married in the USA and raised 3 children (2 girls and a boy) When those children were born they all slept in their own rooms from the day they came home from the hospital until they left home at 21. They are all successful adults now. My two Thai boys are still afraid to sleep by themselves and the jury is out on their potential independence and subsequent success. I have my fingers crossed and hope for the best but they are still in my bedroom. Good luck.

[khunPer]

Congratulations.

Thai way (of thinking) is that babies sleep with mum & dad, even in same bed – or grandma & grandpa, if mum & dad are working somewhere out of village/town; or with a nanny or maid, if the family has in-house help – and often the Thai kids do not sleep alone for quite some time, some not before they are teens.

This is one of the points where you can feel the cultural difference in a relationship – think that the Thai part often win here…

[Acharn]

I know farangs have an irrational idea that everybody should have their own room, but it doesn't make sense to put the baby in a separate nursery. The kid needs to eat all night long. Someone mentioned the first six weeks as the hardest, until a routing is established. I've seen American magazine articles where they strongly recommend putting the baby in another room, but those articles were written by right-wing religious nuts, so I don't put much belief in them. The easiest thing is to string up a kind of hammock in your room with a rope leading to your wife's side of the bed so she can swing the hammock to try to soothe the crying baby.

I'll bet later your wife is going to want to have the kid sleep in the same bed with you. You're going to need to learn to adapt.

[PlastikbinLina]

Yep and our 4 year old still sleeps in my wife's room so I sleep alone in another room.

So, what do you do, keep an appointment book? Three of my five kids shared the cot with us and not one of them complained indeed they slept like logs.

[silent]

I think that you maybe be worrying about a non issue. If it makes your wife happy to have the baby sleep in your room, do it. Children are adaptable and can be moved to their own room later. You wife is happy that the baby is close by initially. And hey, you will loose a lot of sleep with a new baby, no matter where he/she sleeps - that comes with the territory.

Welcome to fatherhood. Loosen up a bit and things will be just fine. Congratulations!

Right. What about a 2 year old boy?

[silent]

one bottom line one fella needs to keep in mind - is that any move by us to get between mum and bub, is seen by the wife as 'hubby just wants a root' and thinking only of himself.

No matter what seemingly helpful (to you) any suggestion you come up with - it will always come back from her as SEX related.

For years'n'years later it will always rebound "you lub me too much"

So - you go down the other path, giving her as much room as you can bear - but she still won't forget the earlier transgressions...

Wifey's latest 'punishment' is to make herself 'unavailable'; by doing repeated, and sometimes extended 9+days of Vegan...

To her, Vegan means no meat, no sex or even hugging, for the entire number of days...

She found this trick from one of her 'helpful' girlfriends, who gave her the idea as a sneaky means of keeping away from intimacy for as long as she wanted...

If only one simply gave in to missus wishes, at the time she demanded her space with bub...

Your wife or mine? I wonder if they're friends.

[silent]

one bottom line one fella needs to keep in mind - is that any move by us to get between mum and bub, is seen by the wife as 'hubby just wants a root' and thinking only of himself.

No matter what seemingly helpful (to you) any suggestion you come up with - it will always come back from her as SEX related.

For years'n'years later it will always rebound "you lub me too much"

So - you go down the other path, giving her as much room as you can bear - but she still won't forget the earlier transgressions...

Wifey's latest 'punishment' is to make herself 'unavailable'; by doing repeated, and sometimes extended 9+days of Vegan...

To her, Vegan means no meat, no sex or even hugging, for the entire number of days...

She found this trick from one of her 'helpful' girlfriends, who gave her the idea as a sneaky means of keeping away from intimacy for as long as she wanted...

If only one simply gave in to missus wishes, at the time she demanded her space with bub...

Your wife or mine? I wonder if they're friends.

[Pattaya Lous]

It's the Thai way for mothers to have offspring sleeping in the same bed, I have seen in the villages Thai mothers and four youngsters all sleeping in the same bed and the father sleeping on the floor next to the bed.

A few years ago when I was viewing houses to buy I remember looking at more than one house that had two and even three beds in the main bedroom, I was so curious one time I asked the Australian guy who was selling the house with his Thai wife why the three beds in the same room when you have two empty bedrooms? is there anything wrong with those rooms?

I put him on the spot a little bit as he was trying really hard to sell his house to me. His reply was my wife's children have always slept in the same room as us.

The kids were nine and eleven and still sleeping in the same room as the parents.

I asked the estate agent is this normal? apparently he see's it all the time.

I would discuss it with your wife and the midwife/hospital in the first instance, but I would say a newborn baby should be in your room from birth but I think you need to set a time scale and agree with your wife when the baby is to be moved into a separate room.