Divorce...........a failure or a blessing ?

[kerrysum]

Unfortunately relationships are now based around what women want.

After having babies, many women appear to no longer want a man.

Just the babies, his house, and as much money as they can get from him.

In the past, they couldn't keep the house and money, without also keeping the man.

Now they can, so it's thank's for all your stuff and goodbye.

Broken home,

As the OP stated, in the past, many women hid their dissatisfaction, the children never knew, and grew up perfectly happy.

I take the view for children it's better to have a mother and father (with one or both of them being unhappy), than to be brought up by a single (female) parent (who is nearly always unhappy) and who restricts their access to the other (male) parent.

I understand this is not a popular view, as my view would mean many women are extremely selfish and don't really care about the welfare of their children. Women are always good, men are always evil being the modern philosophy.

@OP

It's not your fault the marriage failed, it's her fault, nothing you could do.

It's not your fault she restricts your access to your children, it's her fault, nothing you can do.

Really no point in agonizing about something which you have no control over.

It's just the way (many) women are.

Great post....

It sums it up pretty much, not only in the LOS, but many countries. Guess I would sum it up as, " conditional love v.s. unconditional love..." But I have learned, that I can not make my wife happy, she has to make her own self happy..... Finding peace of mind, is what I have found as a good answer so far... It used be, for better or worse... Now it is you better, or I will make your life worse...

Have a great day! kilosierra

[kerrysum]

Freedom is a blessing!

Free at last, free at last!

Yes

I'm in the renting mood forever.

A message to our male youth.

MOST, Women worldwide are all the same.

Over time it is impossible to make them happy.

They want more and more and more and as they age they get mean and angry about something that happened years ago.

Most take, but give little to nothing in return and still complain.

They try to grind you down as misery loves company!

Media, the Internet and smart phones have destroyed any hope of harmony of two souls in my opinion.

Amen......

[BadBouy]

OP,

There are a lot of different opinions here I cannot say I disagree with any of them. Whether the marriage is good or bad no to are the same. I have 3 friends that went through 2-3 years of marriage hell but stuck it out 2 of them are still married and happy and now very tight with their wives. The other one lasted 4-5 years till the kids got to college but I was amazed it lasted that long.So there is something to be said for sticking it out. My brother was married for 27 years and stuck it out for his kids, towards the end he was a bad boy and got caught and his wife was vindictive and it really effected his children. He confessed to me a couple of times that he wished he had stayed married because he missed his family being together on holidays and other occasion. You have to consider how you life will be supporting your ex and children and starting a new life for yourself.If all will suffer because of the split you have to weigh the lesser of the two evils. If you stayed together you would at least get to enjoy your children. I've had 2 marriages 1st turned into a drug addict felt I was deserting her but she was totally out of control stole all our money to support her habit we were broke and I had to let her go. Second was bright, talented ,and beautiful, but was one of the most materialistic people I have ever met.I refused to work like a mule just to provide her with stuff, so we parted ways amicably and she found another sucker and now they are divorced. My suggestion is to exhaust all avenues to make it work if it fails you have done all you can.

When I get together with some other guys that have been divorced I always ask, why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it! Always chuckle and no disagreements so far.The view of divorce always looks better in the rear view mirror. If you have done all you can noting more can be asked of you.

Good luck with your decision.

[GreasyFingers]

Sorry, did not read the post above

My solicitor asked me why divorces are so expensive?

[csabo]

Funny how the push is for same sex couples to get the right to marry yet really that's not where society should be going. Same sex couples and hetero couples should be pushing to abolish the concept of marriage altogether. I think it stinks that society says you are not a real couple entitled to tax benefits, health care, travel companionship etc, etc, etc unlesss you have a piece of paper that says "Yes, this woman has my nuts in her purse for life!" You should be able to claim a newly created "Domestic Partner" status and get everything husbands and wives get now. As a man, being forced into a potentially disastrous arrangement with only painful escape routes is a terrible way to impose religious concepts of marriage on people and is antiquated at best and should be abolished.

[4evermaat]

I told my commanding officer and executive officer (1st/2nd in command) when I was checking out of the military "Sir, this was better than a marriage...because at least here every 3-6 years we can decide whether we want to continue or part ways." I started wondering if renewable marriages (6-10 years) wouldn't be such a bad idea. The idea that you own someone indefinitely despite the fact that the person changes is very un-natural. Basic contract law require that people enter into a contract willingly. If there are material changes to the agreement, both parties must continue to agree with the changes.

But that it the point of the credit system....to control the will of the people being issued the credits. It does boil down to control. When you have to prove yourself and your worth, you are likely to do your best to perform well. The current 'forever' marriage system after the marriage and annulment period, what incentive is there (besides the moral one) to continue to perform for your partner?

[mrtoad]

some maladies aren't treatable

[Boo]

I have cleaned up this thread a bit to remove flames & replies, keep civil or suspensions will be issues next

[96tehtarp]

I'm feeling very blessed today for my two divorces from ex Thai wives. The feeling is mutual, I'm sure.

[Boo]

Multiple posts removed & the original post that started the aggro removed too. Suspensions have been issued. Please keep on topic & keep it civil.

[mrtoad]

Divorce shouldn't be seen as a "failure", I think in years gone by people stayed in toxic relationships, just because they din't want to be seen as "failing" in marriage. I look at my divorce as a blessing, as I very much doubt I would be have had the opportunities that have come my way if I had stayed in my initial marriage.

[hotsoup]

There are many mistakes we make in life that cannot be un-done. Divorce, however is one of the great human inventions. Of course you will lose your house, your children, some part of your income and your collection of Rembrandt etchings (because you forgot them in the attic) when she changed the door locks. But then you were free!..........to make the same mistakes all over again in a distant country aka Thailand

[AnotherOneAmerican]

There are many mistakes we make in life that cannot be un-done. Divorce, however is one of the great human inventions. Of course you will lose your house, your children, some part of your income and your collection of Rembrandt etchings (because you forgot them in the attic) when she changed the door locks. But then you were free!..........to make the same mistakes all over again in a distant country aka Thailand

So far, I've managed to avoid making the same mistake in Thailand.

Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose!

(KK)

[spidermike007]

I consider divorce to be a wonderful thing. It is a sign of a healthy mind, and is a smart decision in most cases. I cannot measure happiness, as I consider it a silly concept, but I can measure my own level of fulfillment. If it ever gets to the point where life is unfulfilling, and if you are not making each other better versions of yourself, on a daily basis, then it is time to re-think the relationship.

Quality of life is simply too important to end up with someone you do not really enjoy being with. It happens for a hundred reasons. And if there is no possibility of improvement, get the hell out, as fast as you can. In a case like this, divorce is beautiful, positive, smart, the right thing to do, and a sign of good self esteem. Do not fret. Do as Bond would do. Treat yourself with respect and dignity, as life is just too short for misery.

[AlexRRR]

sadly, over here, once divorced and you are not the retired or the working kind, the government kicks you out ... children or no children ... if the wife is hostile and she does not even give you a copy of the birth certificate .... game over ...

so after several years of marriage, you have to go scratch to find a solution of ED or other dubious course to stay in this country where you relocated all your money after you sold your business & house in your home country...

This might make a thread of it's own. I would never put alot of money in a third world country. Singapore and Hong Kong are the banking centers of Asia. If your money is sitting in a Thai bank, you should be able to wire it elsewhere. If it's tied up in real estate, all you can do is offer it for sale and wait.

I was raised to always buy - never rent - because you accumulate EQUITY when you own. However, now that I am 59, I see that RENTING is often the wiser move. Especially when it comes to women. Always rent - never buy! They must have the fear of financial loss. Otherwise, the smile and cooperative attitude evaporate.

You may not trust yourself.............and you may not be hanging around a better type of woman

[AnotherOneAmerican]

sadly, overhere, once divorced and you are not the retired or the working kind, the governement kicks you out ... children or no children ... if the wife is hostile and she does not even give you a copy of the birth certificate .... game over ...

so after several years of marriage, you have to go scratch to find a solution of ED or other dubious course to stay in this country where you relocated all your money after you sold your business & house in your home country...

Just wondering why you would let someone else control your paperwork.

Got all my kids birth certificates and my previous marriage certificates.

Even though I have no intention of ever seeing any of them again, I paid for them, and I'm keeping them.

[lips]

Is it so difficult to find a nice partner in Thailand, the kind that you want to be for the rest of your life?

[Aldebaran1981]

Is it so difficult to find a nice partner in Thailand, the kind that you want to be for the rest of your life?

depends on what kinda woman u need

[billd766]

Is it so difficult to find a nice partner in Thailand, the kind that you want to be for the rest of your life?

Not for me or many of my friends.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

Is it so difficult to find a nice partner in Thailand, the kind that you want to be for the rest of your life?

Not for me or many of my friends.

They stopped making that style of women in the 1940s.

The ones made after that just want your house, savings and pension.

[NativeSon360]

USA lawyers will recommend the women try to get the kids because there is more money and power in it for them. A single divorced woman will not have the best earning prospects. Coupled with the perception that women are better nurturers. Whether that perception matches more than a stereotype is an ongoing debate. More one of style than substance after children are in school ages.

[lcp0761]

I've been married and divorced twice... Each divorce felt like the end of the world, but after time it was obvious that they were blessings in disguise... Don't beat yourself up over a relationship that has soured and don't stay in a bad relationship due to fears of the future... Make the best of it and move on, you will be happier in the end...

Life is like a book with many chapters. The lessons from our daily life provides us with experiences on what to do or what not to do again.

Through out any personnel emotions and feelings, and focus on what "you" need to do to make yourself better (move forward).

I work in the law enforcement business and basically "don't trust anyone". While I have a lot of friends, I believe all are situational and self fulfilling.

I believe in "karma" - you do good, good comes back to you. You do bad, bad comes back to you.

Lastly, bad things happen to good people. Don't allow yourself to be in a compromising position or environment which you could be "perceived" guilty.