See it, want it, take it! acceptable in this culture?

[Giddyup99]

Just get a big dog in your yard and that will stop them from entering.

'Guard Dog' ... that's a novel idea ... why didn't I think of that ...

Well.......my dog stops people from coming anywhere near my place.

Sorry "wise one". I didn't realize that you knew everything.

[pigeonjake]

Just get a big dog in your yard and that will stop them from entering.

'Guard Dog' ... that's a novel idea ... why didn't I think of that ...

Well.......my dog stops people from coming anywhere near my place.

Sorry "wise one". I didn't realize that you knew everything.

if you had read back, you would of seen it had already been spoken about, and how easy poison is to get here,

i think thats what david ment,,,

and i didnt really know you new david the wise one

[4evermaat]

Usually you ask before taking fruit, unless it is on public land or you have permission fron owners. I've always asked. But when passion fruit is in season, wait and see people pick them from the school over the weekends or in the evenings.

I usually dont go into someone's house I do not know and take something.

Edited August 29, 2014 by 4evermaat

[96tehtarp]

Usually you ask before taking fruit, unless it is on public land or you have permission fron owners. I've always asked. But when passion fruit is in season, wait and see people pick them from the school over the weekends or in the evenings.

I usually dont go into someone's house I do not know and take something.

Back during the most recent cold season the ten y/o girl two houses down the soi arrived at my home at dusk dressed in a nightgown & bathrobe, shower cap, slippers, and with a toiletry bag. I was very amused and asked her; "What are you doing Lek"? She announced; "I'm going going to take a shower".

We have hot water at my house, her's doesn't. After she was finished showering and all fixed up I see her looking in my refrigerator. When again, very amused, I asked her; "What are you doing Lek"? She announced, "I'm going to eat some chicken"!

On the way out the front gate she proudly announced, "I'm also coming back tomorrow, see you"!

One has to experience this kind of thing to believe it is possible. Yep, it's sharing all right. BTW this little girl is refereed to as a "Raan" in Thai, which means something along the lines of extended family as I understand it.

[willyumiii]

As the OP, I'd like to thank those who have replied and answer a couple of quick questions that have been raised.

It seems I am not alone in my situation or my frustration.

"Misery loves company" ????

In answer to those questions:

Yes. I am in a village situation, not in the city.

Yes, I do live in Issan.

Somethings I have noticed that are interesting.

They do not take what they are not familiar with.

They have never taken my rake..they have no idea what it is for..

My radial arm saw has never been borrowed...I even offered it to a neighbor building a house and he refused it. "Can't use..don't know!"

I actually have a shovel and a wheel barrow, always buying and spreading new soil around as a response to flooding, the village decided they loved to use the wheel borrow rather than those little plastic scoops they use to move soil.

I provided the shovel, with the wheel barrow, but noticed they did not use the shovel.

They used the plastic scoop to fill the wheel barrow.

When I pointed out that it would be much faster to use the shovel, they started to use the shovel to fill the plastic scoop and then the scoop to fill the wheel barrow!

I was so amused, I did not mention using the shovel to fill the wheel barrow.

I enjoyed watching.

It's been over a year now and they still haven't figured it out!

Damn new angeled farang inventions!!

[YeahSiam]

OK so all the OP really needs to do to begin remedying the situation is to get his wife in line. If she starts respecting his wishes, there's a good chance the neighbours will too. Eventually

[khunjamesjohnson]

My dog understands it just can't walk into my kitchen and eat my food.

[Cuddlycat]

I am Thai and I disagree that this is the way we are. It really depends on the person.

I did not have that problem yet. But if I had the same problem as you and I need my tool back, I'll simply explain that I will be much appreciated if they ask before they take it away from me.

Over the ages it was common for Thai farmers to sleep in their fields as crops ripened fearing theft.

One farmer I know of slept in the fields and gathered the crops -

Then spent the rest of the year distributing his excess to the elderly and needy.

When this humble man died 1800 people attended his funeral in a remote village.

He knew he could have slept at home and been left with enough to feed himself and his family.

He slept in the fields for the needy - for the elderly -

He regarded the theft as being from them - not him.

That's what you call a man.

I just moved to Chiangmai for a month. It's all residential area and people seem to pay someone to take care of their lawn. That's why I did not see any problem about tools. I did not make any friends yet, just talk to several persons who lived nearby. We bought some small tools to take care our yards. Those houses nearby are empty but have someone take care of the lawn every week.

[Gecko123]

Usually you ask before taking fruit, unless it is on public land or you have permission fron owners. I've always asked. But when passion fruit is in season, wait and see people pick them from the school over the weekends or in the evenings.

I usually dont go into someone's house I do not know and take something.

Back during the most recent cold season the ten y/o girl two houses down the soi arrived at my home at dusk dressed in a nightgown & bathrobe, shower cap, slippers, and with a toiletry bag. I was very amused and asked her; "What are you doing Lek"? She announced; "I'm going going to take a shower".

We have hot water at my house, her's doesn't. After she was finished showering and all fixed up I see her looking in my refrigerator. When again, very amused, I asked her; "What are you doing Lek"? She announced, "I'm going to eat some chicken"!

On the way out the front gate she proudly announced, "I'm also coming back tomorrow, see you"!

One has to experience this kind of thing to believe it is possible. Yep, it's sharing all right. BTW this little girl is refereed to as a "Raan" in Thai, which means something along the lines of extended family as I understand it.

Now that's what I call a cute story!

[96tehtarp]

Usually you ask before taking fruit, unless it is on public land or you have permission fron owners. I've always asked. But when passion fruit is in season, wait and see people pick them from the school over the weekends or in the evenings.

I usually dont go into someone's house I do not know and take something.

Back during the most recent cold season the ten y/o girl two houses down the soi arrived at my home at dusk dressed in a nightgown & bathrobe, shower cap, slippers, and with a toiletry bag. I was very amused and asked her; "What are you doing Lek"? She announced; "I'm going going to take a shower".

We have hot water at my house, her's doesn't. After she was finished showering and all fixed up I see her looking in my refrigerator. When again, very amused, I asked her; "What are you doing Lek"? She announced, "I'm going to eat some chicken"!

On the way out the front gate she proudly announced, "I'm also coming back tomorrow, see you"!

One has to experience this kind of thing to believe it is possible. Yep, it's sharing all right. BTW this little girl is refereed to as a "Raan" in Thai, which means something along the lines of extended family as I understand it.

Now that's what I call a cute story!

Thanks. Yea, she's like the daughter I never had. She didn't even ask permission.

[pigeonjake]

that would be great,

sat there having a s""t and the wife shouting hurry up some one up the street wants a shower,,lol,

and yes i have 2 bathrooms

[geronimo]

Most Thais are appalled by it also.

[geronimo]

As the OP, I'd like to thank those who have replied and answer a couple of quick questions that have been raised.

It seems I am not alone in my situation or my frustration.

"Misery loves company" ????

In answer to those questions:

Yes. I am in a village situation, not in the city.

Yes, I do live in Issan.

Somethings I have noticed that are interesting.

They do not take what they are not familiar with.

They have never taken my rake..they have no idea what it is for..

My radial arm saw has never been borrowed...I even offered it to a neighbor building a house and he refused it. "Can't use..don't know!"

I actually have a shovel and a wheel barrow, always buying and spreading new soil around as a response to flooding, the village decided they loved to use the wheel borrow rather than those little plastic scoops they use to move soil.

I provided the shovel, with the wheel barrow, but noticed they did not use the shovel.

They used the plastic scoop to fill the wheel barrow.

When I pointed out that it would be much faster to use the shovel, they started to use the shovel to fill the plastic scoop and then the scoop to fill the wheel barrow!

I was so amused, I did not mention using the shovel to fill the wheel barrow.

I enjoyed watching.

It's been over a year now and they still haven't figured it out!

Damn new angeled farang inventions!!

They do things their way, as you do yours.

[chrisinth]

<script type='text/javascript'>window.mod_pagespeed_start = Number(new Date());</script>

As you said "where I am from, it is called thef" but you are in Thailand. And even where I am from, if a mango is hanging over my fence, i wil take it. Heck, if the mango is reachable from my side, I will still take it.

That's OK for you to say.

You've got a long neck and those antler thingies.......................

Lose a bit of weight and you'll get closer to the fence. Glad I don't grow mangos and live next to you..............................

[thailiketoo]

As the OP, I'd like to thank those who have replied and answer a couple of quick questions that have been raised.

It seems I am not alone in my situation or my frustration.

"Misery loves company" ????

In answer to those questions:

Yes. I am in a village situation, not in the city.

Yes, I do live in Issan.

Somethings I have noticed that are interesting.

They do not take what they are not familiar with.

They have never taken my rake..they have no idea what it is for..

My radial arm saw has never been borrowed...I even offered it to a neighbor building a house and he refused it. "Can't use..don't know!"

I actually have a shovel and a wheel barrow, always buying and spreading new soil around as a response to flooding, the village decided they loved to use the wheel borrow rather than those little plastic scoops they use to move soil.

I provided the shovel, with the wheel barrow, but noticed they did not use the shovel.

They used the plastic scoop to fill the wheel barrow.

When I pointed out that it would be much faster to use the shovel, they started to use the shovel to fill the plastic scoop and then the scoop to fill the wheel barrow!

I was so amused, I did not mention using the shovel to fill the wheel barrow.

I enjoyed watching.

It's been over a year now and they still haven't figured it out!

Damn new angeled farang inventions!!

I have a Chinese friend who can debone a chicken in 18 seconds. I can also think of a hundred other things that Thai or Chinese people can do that you can't do. I think anyone who can't de bone a chicken in 18 seconds is a nincompoop. I have no respect for anyone who can't de bone a chicken in 18 seconds.

The guy in the video also speaks 12 languages and can write 85,000 Chinese characters. Can you?

What I'm getting at is you are evaluating a Thai person by your non Thai culture and that is prime example of ethnocentric behavior.

[kandi]

I think my wife feels that being generous earns good karma and makes for good "face".

That gives an impression on the intellect capacity of your wife.

[96tehtarp]

I think my wife feels that being generous earns good karma and makes for good "face".

That gives an impression on the intellect capacity of your wife.

Using the full capacity of my intellect I fail to see any correlation between intellect and either a belief in karma, the practice of generosity, or the Asian concept of face.

Edited August 29, 2014 by 96tehtarp

[manarak]

The problem with the OP's question, i.e. "acceptable in this culture?" is that a lot of people in Thailand aren't really cultured, many weren't looked after and educated properly when young, and the lower classes make fun of being "polite".

No... the problem is that the Thai riff-raff has no cultural values, same as Western riff-raff.

[MJP]

The problem with the OP's question, i.e. "acceptable in this culture?" is that a lot of people in Thailand aren't really cultured, many weren't looked after and educated properly when young, and the lower classes make fun of being "polite".

No... the problem is that the Thai riff-raff has no cultural values, same as Western riff-raff.

Yes. The problem is many who don't speak the language have no idea they're lying down with dogs.

[benalibina]

The problem with the OP's question, i.e. "acceptable in this culture?" is that a lot of people in Thailand aren't really cultured, many weren't looked after and educated properly when young, and the lower classes make fun of being "polite".

No... the problem is that the Thai riff-raff has no cultural values, same as Western riff-raff.

Yes. The problem is many who don't speak the language have no idea they're lying down with dogs.

Define....dogs....kapom.

[MJP]

The problem with the OP's question, i.e. "acceptable in this culture?" is that a lot of people in Thailand aren't really cultured, many weren't looked after and educated properly when young, and the lower classes make fun of being "polite".

No... the problem is that the Thai riff-raff has no cultural values, same as Western riff-raff.

Yes. The problem is many who don't speak the language have no idea they're lying down with dogs.

Define....dogs....kapom.

Four legged furry things, wag wag, woof woof.

[benalibina]

The problem with the OP's question, i.e. "acceptable in this culture?" is that a lot of people in Thailand aren't really cultured, many weren't looked after and educated properly when young, and the lower classes make fun of being "polite".

No... the problem is that the Thai riff-raff has no cultural values, same as Western riff-raff.

Yes. The problem is many who don't speak the language have no idea they're lying down with dogs.

Define....dogs....kapom.

Four legged furry things, wag wag, woof woof.

Weak.

[MJP]

^^ You know exactly what I'm talking about. Foreigners "getting into bed" with the dregs of Thai society and then casting dispersions on the whole country based on their own negative experiences.

(I don't mean you by the way).

[thaipod]

I've had the same problem as the OP and have lost a lot over the years where people take what they want . Been broken into at least 3 times and have had tools etc taken and even the electric cable on the land and water meter. The fruit off the land goes as well, we have had most of our bananas and coconuts stolen.

Last year I re built a concrete tool / work shed and put steel bars throughout the whole frame and the house has steel on doors and windows and mesh in the ceiling and the locals thought I was going over board . But now have never had a problem with breakins , but still losing my bananas.

[daveAustin]

My observation: this isn't the way Thais are as a whole, though a certain demographic does seem to allude to this when given the chance and when the victim has not already asserted themselves.

[apache9441]

Some People will take advantage of your Generosity anywhere. it's about setting the boundaries. I suspect your wife is happy with the situation for whatever reason. Family do tend to help each other in Villages but taking things without asking is not always the Norm here. I've seen disputes over Thai's helping themselves to another Thai's fish or bunch of banana's worth 20 baht and the Village headman has had to be consulted on appropriate recompense, usually a lot more than that because they've lost a lot of Banana's over the years and have caught someone in the act. It can get pretty serious. I've known people clean out a Neighbours fish pond over night and then have breakfast with them the next day. it's unlikely that accusations will be made lightly in this Culture in my opinion so it's diffiicult to protect your Corn for instance without sleeping with it. If they get caught in the act it's a very different story .

[anthobkk]

Can you please explain ? I don't really understand this post.

You mean strangers goes to your house when you are there (or not) and then take whatever they want ? Then you need to check houses around to get it back ?

If someone do that to me I will just call the police.

But if you do know these people, why don't you just tell them to ask first ?

[telstrareg]

From the OP:

My Thai wife tells me " Don't worry about it. That is how people are here!

This may be your wife's way of brushing aside a deeper issue.

Being married to a Farang and all the trappings that come with it gives her a certain status. If she had to tell people to stop borrowing/helping themselves/stealing, then this would undermine her status as the wife of a Farang. Farang are supposed to be rich and if she needs to put a stop to these activities then it implies that you are not rich.

Obviously I don't know your wife and this is only one possible explanation (maybe your wife is just a generous person).

* * *

What's clear though is you are not pleased with the situation. Perhaps you would like to put some rules in place but you feel your wife is blocking you? Then consider this:

If your relationship is in good balance and by and large the two of can compromise so that each of you gets what they want about half the time; then maybe just let this one be.

However, if the relationship is lop-sided (she is getting her way most of the time) then you will continue to be frustrated. I see too many men give in to their wives on a majority of issues for the sake of "marital bliss". Women are skilled at tilting the balance of power to their favor in a relationship. If this is the case, then you need to act now - you will both be happier in the long run. The longer you leave it, the harder it will be to fix.

Then again maybe you are the one getting your way most of the time.. In that case, please tell me your secret!

[SlyAnimal]

The people in the village can likely see that you clearly have a lot more money than them. So you probably won't miss whatever they take anyway. And they probably don't want to ask first, as then they might have to talk to that scary Farang guy, he doesn't speak Thai anyway so not much point, and they know your wife would say yes anyway, so no point bothering her. Especially as she's out now, and I need that power drill now, not later tonight.

When you come home and get annoyed about it, your wife probably remembers that Ae is Somchai's grandson, and Somchai was grandma's best friend, who helped the family when they were going through a really tough time. Better to not bother Ae, out of respect to Somchai, for what they did in the past. Especially as we have enough money that it's not a problem, and the power drill came back with only a small scratch, so there's not really a problem anyway.

In a small village everyone knows everyone and have generations of history. So they're often very forgiving on account of the respect and greng Jai they feel towards the person's family. Also in general Thai people don't like confrontations, so if they can avoid it that'd be best (especially in a small village where you do have that history and will probably continue to be neighbors for the next 10 generations. In the cities, where everyone is a stranger, they're a lot more like westerners).

[96tehtarp]

The people in the village can likely see that you clearly have a lot more money than them. So you probably won't miss whatever they take anyway. And they probably don't want to ask first, as then they might have to talk to that scary Farang guy, he doesn't speak Thai anyway so not much point, and they know your wife would say yes anyway, so no point bothering her. Especially as she's out now, and I need that power drill now, not later tonight.

When you come home and get annoyed about it, your wife probably remembers that Ae is Somchai's grandson, and Somchai was grandma's best friend, who helped the family when they were going through a really tough time. Better to not bother Ae, out of respect to Somchai, for what they did in the past. Especially as we have enough money that it's not a problem, and the power drill came back with only a small scratch, so there's not really a problem anyway.

In a small village everyone knows everyone and have generations of history. So they're often very forgiving on account of the respect and greng Jai they feel towards the person's family. Also in general Thai people don't like confrontations, so if they can avoid it that'd be best (especially in a small village where you do have that history and will probably continue to be neighbors for the next 10 generations. In the cities, where everyone is a stranger, they're a lot more like westerners).

^^

There is a lot of truth to this. It's not really that bad. It's give and take. Farang husbands are usually self sufficient and never need or even try to "take". Generosity is a two way street, and Thai people in the village will help, and loan stuff if asked. I've never had a problem finding ten male neighbors to do a heavy job for an hour or two. We help each other.

A Thai neighbor told me a long time ago "Thai rak Thai" and he wasn't talking politics. It took me a long time to understand it, as I tend to be a little bit slow on the uptake, sometimes.

All my missing and broken tools and other stuff was taken with my permission. I'm not so extremely rich that i'll never need anyone else's help, and I wouldn't want to live in such an isolated manner even if I was. I would not be doing myself any favors by making a big scene refusing Ae's request to borrow my wrench set and lecturing him and all the neighbors on how people where I come from behave and are "polite". That would earn me pariah status.