Murphy0608 Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 Good Morning Ladies, I'm currently working in a rural part of Thailand and this morning I was yet again shouted at (I love you white woman) and when I write this I will go to the market where everyone will look at me like I have two heads. At first I thought it was funny and felt me a celebrity, but now I am just drained from being aware that everywhere I go there is people staring and talking. I have always been polite, a smile, a laugh, a thank you or a I don't understand but sometimes I just wanna say ' I've been here for 4 months now what is your problem' I understand that people are curious or think I don't understand when they speak Thai directly in front of my face ( my favourite was something along the lines of 'lots of milk' referring to my breasts) and a few times I have said 'I don't understand' or 'can you repeat that'.But saving face I never want to cause conflict or embarrassment to myself or them. I know it was my choice to come here and I will be moving to a bigger city in the next month where I hope it will be better but for now any advice?!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2fishin2 Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 Sorry but Thailand is in the zone of sexual harassment. In fact, "white women" in all Pacific countries are worshipped by asian men. Its something you will have to live with as long as you are here. Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halfie Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 Nothing you can do to get them to stop. Just hang in there until you get to the city. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2fishin2 Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 Nothing you can do to get them to stop. Just hang in there until you get to the city. But, dont hold your breath, it wont stop Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Totster Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 I don't feel this is just a sexual thing. I have been here for a number of years, even in the village I live in I still get stared at, and they talk about me not realising I understand, they soon realise when I reply in Thai and it stops. Same in the market in town, lots of stares, guys saying Manchester United! and 'I love you' (I'm male). Don't forget, most of the time people aren't saying things to embarrass or humiliate, I have noticed that Thai's don't have the same restrictions as some of us from western countries when it comes to talking about bodies etc. For Example, you wouldn't dream of calling a fat person (that you don't know ) fat, as a nickname.. but here it's fine. Personally I don't find this behaviour as harassing, I think to the most it's curiosity and the want to be able to communicate. I'm sorry that you feel uncomfortable with it, I certainly don't think moving to the city will remove this behaviour from your life entirely. totster Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuddlycat Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 Hi I understand your frustration. Nothing you can do but ignore them. Or else whenever someone mention about your breast, just say "Mai supap" which means its impolite or inappropriate. People always look at me as if I was prostitute when I walk with my husband. There is nothing I can do but ignore them. It's all about attitude people had towards you. You can only change your attitude towards them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy0608 Posted September 4, 2014 Author Share Posted September 4, 2014 Thank you all for your replies, I appreciate them. I do appreciate that the Thai people in general are only being friendly and culturally there is less social boundaries around taking about somebody or their appearance right in front of them and I guess maybe I do just need to grow a thicker skin! Literally just after I posted, a Thai friend told me 'I love your hairy face and arms' (cheers!!!!!) I just laughed because she like a majority of Thai women want to alter their appearance and I like this is crazy for it and I realised that it was ok because my friend had said it, but if someone at the market say had said it I would have gotten upset immediately. Gonna have a fresh view point from here on in and not let others dictate how I feel. Thanks again Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuddlycat Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 You sound optimistic now which is great. Life is too short to care a reckless words. Have a nice evening Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WitawatWatawit Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 I have also noticed that Western women who don't behave in an off-putting manner tend to be rather well treated by Thais on a more personal level. As you now seem to realise, nothing is going to change with the males and some women among the great unwashed, but I bet you gain a lot of face on a personal level by being more positive. Best of luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bina Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 i found that making jokes about it and laughing is what they are expecting and what a thai woman would answer; or she would tell them not to nicely to get lost... depening on the joker and situation... or answer with something similar back... (what? dont have those at home? remember, at least in villages, the sense of humour is broad, slapstick, with cunning puns and playing with words (even if many westerners seem to think village thais have childish humour, it is often very sly humour)... once someone mentioned the 'hair' thing to me and i offerred to shave it, save it and glue it on them... it made every one hysterical and they never forgot it and it was a sharp reparte to their comment, and i was upped a notch in their eyes for being clever... just getting all embarrassed or annoyed will give you a 'not friendly' or 'snooty' reputation and they wont understand why. as for the talking about you as if u are air, i love to wait and then at the properly timed moment, asnwer something is a way that allows them to know ive understood everything, and have chosen to ignore some of what they said.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sheryl Posted September 12, 2014 Share Posted September 12, 2014 The looking and staring, as well as innocous remarks, the best thing to do is to say something pleasant in Thai, the sooner the better, it will stop them from talking about you and also remove some of the mystery --- Thais do tend to assume westerners can't speak their language. Outright inappropriate remarks of a sexual nature (and unlike some of the men who replied here I do not for one second doubt that you are running into some 100% sexual harassment) - the best thing to do in my experience is to look outraged and disgusted and say very loudly: "Thamai mai supob?!" or "mai supob mak mak!". That will usually embarrass them into shutting up. Essentially you need to assert that it is no more appropriate to ay such things about you than it would be to say them about a "decent" Thai woman. Some men, especially those of low education, assume that the normal social conventions don't apply to foreign women, and will do and say things they would never try with a Thai woman. Your task is to let them know the same rules do apply. Speaking Thai will help, as will letting other by-standers hear the exchange. If there are any older Thai women nearby, you can turn to them and complain about the rudeness as well. This will often mobilize some assistance on your behalf. Failing to express any outrage may in fact feed wrong impressions. You'd be amazed at some of the things uneducated Thai men believe about Western women. Note that this advice all pertains to public settings with plenty of people about. Alone on a dark street, best to just get out of there fast. BTW I live in a remote rural area and have for many, many years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Posted September 12, 2014 Share Posted September 12, 2014 Sheryl is spot on with regards to inappropriate sexual comments. Admonish them loudly & if possible near old ladies, they have got me out of a few situations in the past, usually by joining in with their own choice words. Don't smile sweetly in an attempt to appease EVER. Look cross & tut & if you don't feel brave enough to tell them off, turn away & move out of their area. Smiling will give the impression of compliance. That can & usually will lead to increased harassment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aforek Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 Murphy , is it you on the picture ? I normally never go to the lady forum, but I came here to look at a new thai woman message ( I am a male ); I can't answer to your problem ( better to speak of it with other women ) , but I just want to say that on the picture you are beautiful and exactly the type thai men like ( they dream of western women, even if ( for me ) thai women are the most beautiful in the world ) sure, living in a city where Thai people are more accustomed to see white women, will be an answer to the harassment ( if you live in India, they are worse: crowds of men get crazy when they see attractive white women ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Totster Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 Outright inappropriate remarks of a sexual nature (and unlike some of the men who replied here I do not for one second doubt that you are running into some 100% sexual harassment) - I guess that was aimed at me.. please note that I didn't say it wasn't sexual harassment, just not all of it is. No need to stoop to gibes. totster Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 I think that it is quite hard for blokes to know when a women is feeling harassed, a lot of it is very subversive but it is a threat & a worry to women none the less. We have all learned to deal with it as we've grown up, the looks, comments even physical contact, the stress it can cause walking past a group of men. Even if they are not a threat, some group of men may be & we learn early on to be weary. It's something we live with all the time. The OP should be aware that her only defense is herself & the way she reacts to it. Smiling isn't the answer. Outrage & a strong reproach is. It has to be shut down & the word has to get around that she isn't a simpleton willing to accept rude & threatening behavior from local men. Mr Boo had to step in once when a friend was visiting us in Issan from BKK, we were waiting for her night train back to BKK when a couple of very drunk thai men stumbled along making comments about the 2 farang women, I immediately turned my back & ignored them but she, thinking to appease, smiled, this was the wrong thing as they took it as an invitation & after a brief but fierce standoff with my husband, lots of very harsh swords & a couple of shoves from Mr Boo they were sent away but she got a telling off for smiling & an explanation of how some of these guy think. I've been followed round 7-11 by the local cop in mil's home town & even once had another cop turn up at the house demanding I open the door, Mr boo & friends were off playing golf & after playing dumb & getting a call through one of the Mr's mates screeched up on his motorcy less than 2 mins later & dealt with it, making the cop know that I was protected & known & to be left alone. 5 mins later a pickup with mr boo & several mates rolled up & there they stayed all afternoon & night to make a statement. Just in case. I never get bothered in his town now as a message was sent, I wasn't fair game & I wasn't to be treated as such. The OP needs to send that message too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnotherOneAmerican Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 Stop smiling, it's an invitation to approach in thai culture. (I see Boo has already posted this, Boo knows what she's talking about) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goinghomesoon Posted September 24, 2014 Share Posted September 24, 2014 Thumbs up Boo, Bina and Sheryl, great advice ladies. I feel lucky I've not had to deal with it in our village as fierce mother-in-law got the word around early on that I was not to be messed with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
recycler Posted September 25, 2014 Share Posted September 25, 2014 Try not to bother, it happens to Thai woman too. It happens to my wife like you say in a market or shop. It happens at work among colleagues, many places I've seen and heard it. Let's say it's part of Thai culture... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BThomack Posted September 25, 2014 Share Posted September 25, 2014 Oh honey, I've been here for 14 years. It's not that they are trying to embarrass you it's Thai culture has no boundaries, it is what it is. They are still a very real village thinking people. Don't worry about it. Just nod and say nothing. There are NO boundaries so I hope you will try to just embrace this culture.... Stay safe... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
parmo2 Posted September 25, 2014 Share Posted September 25, 2014 Deleted Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kabula Posted September 25, 2014 Share Posted September 25, 2014 Ignore them and if they get no response and see you again they will probably say nothing knowing you don't respond. You should learn basic self defense and carry pepper spray, which is illegal. If caught there is a THB 100 fine and seizure. If you have to defend yourself and the other party has a weapon the Police do nothing and that is the rule of law. It is recommended not to walk alone at night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sheryl Posted September 25, 2014 Share Posted September 25, 2014 Oh honey, I've been here for 14 years. It's not that they are trying to embarrass you it's Thai culture has no boundaries, it is what it is. They are still a very real village thinking people. Don't worry about it. Just nod and say nothing. There are NO boundaries so I hope you will try to just embrace this culture.... Stay safe... Are you a woman? Because she is not just describing the stares and comments all farang get in a village. She is describing much more than that, and potentially dangerous stuff at that. I have lived here almost 30 years, as a woman, and I know what she means. It is not "nothing" and failing to take a stand on it is, frankly, an invitation to rape. And there are boundaries in Thai culture, particularly as to what can properly be said to a "decent" woman. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nemesis7 Posted September 25, 2014 Share Posted September 25, 2014 You will eventually learn and get used to all these things and at times just ignore things that upsets you, look at the positive side, it will help you to develop more patience capacity with your personality.... Enjoy Thailand, but PLEASE PLEASE DO Look after yourself and dont be too naive or go trusting every one. cheers... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JDGRUEN Posted September 25, 2014 Share Posted September 25, 2014 Buy a cheap real camera - with protruding lens - so it cannot be mistaken for anything but what it is... Wear it around your neck on a little colored fiber rope, same with a miniature clip board with a pen attached... When your are ogled and cat called or just plain insulted by these sexual 'overtures' - pause - talk a photo of the guy, his car or motorcycle license plate (if they are in or on the vehicle, next make a note on the clipboard - then take your phone - make a phone call - a fake one - have a short conversation - with some body language thrown in -- a nod of the head and a Thank You in Thai said fairly loudly ... And look serious as you walk away.... the numbers of cat calls and verbal insults will die away quickly ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
herb59 Posted September 25, 2014 Share Posted September 25, 2014 you could implant a third breast. this was announced from another lady in the news. she said it would help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suetape Posted September 25, 2014 Share Posted September 25, 2014 Speaking from experience - learn the language will make a world of difference in your life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
louse1953 Posted September 25, 2014 Share Posted September 25, 2014 Very sorry to hear about your problem,sexual harrassment will wear you down and is not on,but hard to change a 1/2 the nation.Have you got some Thai female friends that can speak to a few people on your behalf,introduce yourself to these people Harder to slag you off if they know you. I got sick of being called farang in my village,so i told them"you know my name,use it" and they did. Hang in there mate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sheryl Posted September 25, 2014 Share Posted September 25, 2014 Speaking from experience - learn the language will make a world of difference in your life. Impression from the post is that she speaks it. Seriously, guys...I realize this was picked up in the newsletter but please consider that she posted this in the ladies forum for a reason. She is not talking about the typical "you, farang!" stuff. She is talking about things that men do not experience. Which is probably why she sought out female advice by posting in this specific forum. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cooked Posted September 25, 2014 Share Posted September 25, 2014 I walk around the village with the dogs twice a day. I am male. I have had 'harassment' from both females, when they are in larger groups / drunk,and also from males who assume that I don't understand them, same category as the ladies but different comments about my physical attributes. A lot of the kids shouted out Farang when they saw me,that has died out. I can't say I really care about this stupid behaviour, but then again I don't think anybody wants to rape me. The worst harassment I have seen has been by Kosovo construction workers in Switzerland. I can't repeat their rubbish here, but racism really did raise its ugly head in my mind. Stay cool. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KhnomKhnom Posted September 25, 2014 Share Posted September 25, 2014 Well, if you are sensitive, do not walk past a construction site in any large city, especially NYC. Cat calls are standard and in English. I enjoy the rock star status of my foreign face at the Lotus, but then I do not speak Thai to hear what they may call me. My only advice it to talk loudly in good Thai often where you shop and word will rapidly get around to shut up in Thai around you..... the clerks at Lotus will be great ones to spread the news. Otherwise, just grin and endure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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