Is this a real relationship or have I bought a girlfriend?

[Patsycat]

I'm looking for a Toy Boy. Anyone want to subscribe? But you have to be rich and keep me, whilst i learn some sort of strange language like that one that involves tongue clicking. Takes years.

We would need to know your age, so we can decide if we are "toy boy" material.

If you're 80, I'm in.

Im sort of over 49, by about 24 months. Are you an expert in the tongue clicking language? I can only do it to call dogs and cats but i do have experience in badger baiting with my clicks. But the Greeks seem to be better than me.

Its getting around the Aristotle that gets me.

But if you could finance a quick trip for me to click in South Avrikaa would be very well liked. And on the way home a quick nodding lesson in India would be well too.

I tell a lie i am 82,

Edited September 5, 2014 by Patsycat

[canman]

I'm looking for a Toy Boy. Anyone want to subscribe? But you have to be rich and keep me, whilst i learn some sort of strange language like that one that involves tongue clicking. Takes years.

Hmmm, the tongue clicking has me interested but possibly not in the context you intended.

[prakhonchai nick]

I did much the same 16 years ago. Took my girl from Mama noodles factory where she earned 4000baht/month and matched her wages and paid for all our food etc. She did not speak a word of English.. 16 years later we are happily married with 2 great kids, lovely home in her village, and apart from increasing the monthly stipend over time, she has never asked for anything more.

[thailiketoo]

I'm looking for a Toy Boy. Anyone want to subscribe? But you have to be rich and keep me, whilst i learn some sort of strange language like that one that involves tongue clicking. Takes years.

Hmmm, the tongue clicking has me interested but possibly not in the context you intended.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Mwh9z58iAU

[ttthailand]

This topic is not about me and my gf. The OP has a younger gf and wants to know if his relationship is fine or not. I only provide an example of a similar relationship that is doing well.

Age is only a number. I am in my 50s but if I told you I was 40 you would believe me, I look young. So now you need to think is a relationship that is 19 years difference that bad, man 40 girl 21. Then add the handsome factor and the confidence in and you got a handsome, confident, 40 year old looking guy.... Then add in a little class and money and then what is there not to like ??? What woman of any age would not want to be with a guy who looks 40, is handsome, is in shape, is educated, has money, has confidence, speaks Thai, and is fun to be with ?

I close my case

[nanapong]

You've bought a girlfriend the same as the rest of us. Problem is most guys don't want to accept it this way. They tend to believe their girl actually loves them the same as a Western girl would love a man. Unfortunately that's not possible simply because you have absolutely nothing in common and never will.

Any relationship between a man and a woman starts with a mutual sexual attraction followed by conversation which will usually determine any future interaction. Do you think your girl looked at you and thought " wow " he,s a looker , i doubt it with a 25 yr age gap. Did you start with stimulating conversation. Well no , you met on the internet and she can't speak English.

The answer is obvious or it should be.

Yes of course you have a relationship , she might be a great girl who treats you like a Roman Prince for the rest of your life. I hope she is but she's never gonna love you in the way you perceive love. If you can live with that a Thai woman can be the perfect choice.

[Patsycat]

I wasn't making fun at all about the clicking language. I find it fascinating, as i do all of Africa. Knowing more of East Africa from when my parents live there it is great to google around and find other cultures and music etc. From a beautiful continent.

[Patsycat]

Where i come from a 20 year old girl would not look at a fifty year old man unless he was her daddy as in from birth,

What do you have in common? Music comes to mind, movies, tv shows the way you dress. Come on. Nothing,

These are just men trying to relive their youth. And can do, because they take a young vulnerable girl and molds her to his perfect little thing.

Is that bad? Dunno. He gets what he wants and she gets a life that she could only have dreamed of.

But is she happy? I am sure she would rather be out with her friends having a good time and enjoying being 20. But she can't because she has to be with him and follow his rules and stay true to him otherwise she is out back where she came from. And replaced the next day.

Edited September 5, 2014 by Patsycat

[RBOP]

That's very cheap compared to what a Western girl friend or wife will cost you.

[bheard]

You met a woman who was working and keeping herself, perhaps in meager circumstances but nevertheless she was independent.

You've encouraged her to become financially dependent upon you.

It will not end well and she will eventually despise you for the financial control you have over her.

Guesthouse is absolutely correct. Sure, help her out, but do it in such a way so as she is not dependant on you.

You have bought a girlfriend.

Be aware that In Thailand, Love = money.

No money, no honey, at all levels of society (a generalisation, sure, but in the main, true).

Don't sent money to her parents, she will be doing that, your money or hers.

[Patsycat]

Yes, that is because we as Western Women have a say in what goes and what doesn't. Did the OP ever have a nasty Western wife before. Of course he did. He got burned by that nasty Western fat bitch, who may i say he married. He must have loved her, and probably couldn't put Thailand on a map even if it jumped up and bit him on the nose.

So don't put down Western women just because you found a slave to wash your feet and feed you like a baby.

[thailiketoo]

Where I come from a 20 year old girl would not look at a homeless man whatever the age.

To me it has always been a world of reallys. If you are really good looking or if you are really rich you got no problems.

The rest of us make do with what we got and get the best the situation allows. Thailand is the ace in the hole that some of us have the wherewith-all to play and some of us don't. Hence the bickering.........

[ezzra]

She's a keeper, ( I just had to put my 2 cents in )

[Albertosez]

You've bought a girlfriend the same as the rest of us. Problem is most guys don't want to accept it this way. They tend to believe their girl actually loves them the same as a Western girl would love a man. Unfortunately that's not possible simply because you have absolutely nothing in common and never will.

Any relationship between a man and a woman starts with a mutual sexual attraction followed by conversation which will usually determine any future interaction. Do you think your girl looked at you and thought " wow " he,s a looker , i doubt it with a 25 yr age gap. Did you start with stimulating conversation. Well no , you met on the internet and she can't speak English.

The answer is obvious or it should be.

Yes of course you have a relationship , she might be a great girl who treats you like a Roman Prince for the rest of your life. I hope she is but she's never gonna love you in the way you perceive love. If you can live with that a Thai woman can be the perfect choice.

I agree with most of your points - but what is love ? It certainly goes deeper than just " missing someone." My ex wife loved me that much that she kept chasing me for 3 years after we had parted until she got approx £350k worth of assets that she had contributed zero for. After she had got that she decided that she didn't love me anymore and stopped contacting me.

I cannot tolerate cheats and liars......and girls that tick these boxes have to be sifted out. If the OP can be sure that his girl doesn't cheat and lie, then I think they can tick each other's boxes........and without him feeling something is missing. In fact, I think there's a good chance that he will feel more fulfilled than with a western relationship - I certainly do !

[choochoo]

You met a woman who was working and keeping herself, perhaps in meager circumstances but nevertheless she was independent.

You've encouraged her to become financially dependent upon you.

It will not end well and she will eventually despise you for the financial control you have over her.

Every womans dream. A man 25 years older who is cheap..................hahahahaha!

Although a cheap man is better than no man for many poor .

[ggt]

Try not to over analyze the relationship...5000 bath for the family was not overly generous...just enjoy it while it lasts...money is a necessary component of any relationship...anywhere...

[96tehtarp]

I think I was not clear in my original post. Because she started staying with me (I live in the far end of Jomtien) it was costing her much more with motorbike taxis to get to me. Originally she had a room by the hotel. So I got her to give up her job and concentrate on learning English. To compensate I now give her 2,000 baht a week so that she has some independence financially and doesn't need to ask me for money for lunch and song teaws and all the bits that women buy. So she is slightly better off that her previous badly paid job and has the time to spend with me and do her studying. She wins and I get to spend time with her so I win.

The easy solution to her transportation problem is to help her get a motorcycle. Deposit 1000/2000 baht, monthly payment about 2000 baht, problem solved. She can do it in her own name. Tomorrow send her to Mityon shop. She can keep her job. You can make her payments for her and she's still got her job. Win win.

Actually no deposit needed at all. There are 'zero down payment' offers all the time. I recently bought a Yamaha Filano (brandnew, of course) with no (nothing, zilch, zero) down payment and the first installment 45 days later. Only 2150 bahts a month. Gets 50km to a litre. About 40 km to a litre if pottering around town.

And in response to the other post about all those reasons why a young girl would be interested in an old man, let me tell you the real reason, from personal experience. All you have to is to demonstrate that you are genuinely interested in her. The rest is marginal window-dressing. There are lots and lots of young girls who are starved for attention. I know because I face hundreds of them every day.

Well then, there is the solution for the OP's girlfriend's transportation issue. She doesn't have to quit her job and he doesn't have to buy her. All he has to do is help her with the motorcycle payments which is totally reasonable as she's going out of her way to be with him.

[MobileContent]

OP, I think you have found a gem.

[Ronn68]

Kind of an age difference there, eh bud? Does she call you grandpa or just dad?

[ttthailand]

Where i come from a 20 year old girl would not look at a fifty year old man unless he was her daddy as in from birth,

What do you have in common? Music comes to mind, movies, tv shows the way you dress. Come on. Nothing,

These are just men trying to relive their youth. And can do, because they take a young vulnerable girl and molds her to his perfect little thing.

Is that bad? Dunno. He gets what he wants and she gets a life that she could only have dreamed of.

But is she happy? I am sure she would rather be out with her friends having a good time and enjoying being 20. But she can't because she has to be with him and follow his rules and stay true to him otherwise she is out back where she came from. And replaced the next day.

Patsycat, I don't disagree with anything you are saying and I think in most cases you are correct. But all men and ladies are not the same. My gf drinks very little, she is older than her age, she is perhaps more responsible then me, unlike most Thais she knows what is going on in the world, she likes the same music I like, she speaks good English and I speak Thai, we like the same food, we laugh at the same things, we watch the same movies and TV shows, So many things the same.... When we walk down the street she wants to hold my hand, not me wanting to be seen with her. She is the jealous one. She is the one telling me every morning before she shoots off to work that she loves me and gives me a kiss while I am still in bed.

I am a very good cook so perhaps that is the reason she loves me... Hahaha ... We cook together all the time, we shop together, we eat together.....

One thing I do is give her total freedom to do what she wants. She goes out with her sister and brother & wife sometimes and goes with her friends shopping and for dinner sometime. I am not jealous, I don't check her phone or question her in any way. She is the jealous one not me.... If someday she wants to go then it is time to part.

Not all, but I find most older Thai ladies less informed on life and fixed in their ways. It is difficult for them to learn English and they normally carry baggage from past relationships. Young girls are full of energy, want to learn new things, willing to take a chance in life, and have little or no baggage.

Don't judge people you don't know... Not everyone is the same.

[realenglish1]

First what I would do is just pay for her English course. Tell her to keep her job and give her a little extra for traveling

You don't need her to be financially dependent on you . What is a year down the road it does not work out You did not think about this

If you can send her family 5000 baht you can pay for her English class. Give her the Independence that she needs and help along the way.

Think about it She is with you 24 7 Very difficult She needs mind stimulation just like you. Stop thinking with your little head

[Friendly Stranger]

8000 baht a month in a hotel..??

Where is this hotel because that is a very poor wage for a hotel. Plus they normally get monthly service charge bonus !!

Nothing wrong with giving her money for transport and lunch, it's what anyone should do to help their partner out.

Good luck for a happy future together

That's not unusual but it's probably an approx amount as with tips you can add an extra couple thou.

[Dublin]

Just because she is Thai, does not make her any different to any other woman in any other part of the world. man meets woman, man provides for woman ,.

Enjoy it and don't worry go with the flow , what ever make you guys happy , but always good, more so for the woman that she has her own income.

[dg1980]

For 8000B per month, you are not paying much compared to most (yet).

Almost all foreigners in Thailand are paying in one way or another. Cue the my girl is different brigade...

[thailiketoo]

For 8000B per month, you are not paying much compared to most (yet).

Almost all foreigners in Thailand are paying in one way or another. Cue the my girl is different brigade...

Almost all the men in the world are paying in one way or another. Cue the un divorced guys brigade.

[johnno2]

Yes, that is because we as Western Women have a say in what goes and what doesn't. Did the OP ever have a nasty Western wife before. Of course he did. He got burned by that nasty Western fat bitch, who may i say he married. He must have loved her, and probably couldn't put Thailand on a map even if it jumped up and bit him on the nose.

So don't put down Western women just because you found a slave to wash your feet and feed you like a baby.

meow

[PaulHamon]

You met a woman who was working and keeping herself, perhaps in meager circumstances but nevertheless she was independent.

You've encouraged her to become financially dependent upon you.

It will not end well and she will eventually despise you for the financial control you have over her.

I'm not so sure about this statement, my wife (Thai) had a job and was looking after herself when I met her.

Over the past 7 years I definately put more money into the mix as some points.

But today after 7 years of English 'lessons' from me, travelling overseas, and dealing with my friends, and some extra study she now rruns her own business, is licensed tour guide, and has half a dozen other guides working for her.

She now makes the larger portion of the famiy income.

My thougts, if someday this lady is spending your money without any regard, then you'll know something is wrong. Until that point you do not know.

My wife as always treated 'our' money like it is a scarce resource, and never as something she can just spend without discussion and consultation, just like a relatonship back home.

If I was you, I would continue to help her better herself, I would talk about 'our money, our life' and help her to find the confidence and networking so she can get a great job with reasonable conditions.

I always told my wife, aim high. I believe any Thai with the right support can make great living here.

I've never GIVEN her money, we just SHARED what we have.

[sawadee1947]

sounds good, though 3 months is not long. Wish you all the best.

[larsjohnsson]

Hellohello123 and AnotherOneAmerican ... There are some of us guys who are in that 5 or 10% that attracts women of all ages. Handsome perhaps but I would say more like confident, in shape, look smart and fun to be with ... Hopefully it lasts a bit longer as my life has been great so far....

The OP is perhaps also in the same boat and can attract great girls.

Don't be jealous just work on yourself and your game....

Just saying

Yes there exist a few men like that. But they don't pick up girls in Pattaya. Or in dating sites.

[Sigurris]

Thank you all for your contributions. It was much as I expected.

There are some posters here who will never ever see a Thai/Farang relationship as anything but a transaction and others who think it is all one sided. Bitter experience possibly or just bitter. I have met quite a few people like this in bars, they treat Thais like dirt and have nothing but contempt for them. I really feel sorry for them stuck in a country they hate so much.

There are others for whom the age gap is everything. No woman would want an older man yet the evidence to the contrary is overwhelming. As an aside my last gf in the UK was 19 years younger than me and beautiful. We met when I was 40. She was a graphic designer and earnt more than me so it wasn't a money thing. We stayed together for 7 years and only finished because she desperately wanted a child and I didn't. To those posters I would say, get over it. Age is a number. If you met me you would not guess my age correctly so why does it matter? With age comes many things, not just wrinkles. Wisdom, maturity and knowledge.

Because of my experiences I am able to behave in a way that my gf obviously likes. I treat her with respect, I am romantic. Last night as we sat on the balcony watching the sun go down I asked her why she was with me. She told me that she feels like we have been together a long time (in a good way) and that it keeps getting better. She feels loved. She also told me she is looking forward to going back to work when her course is finished.

I said in my OP that I knew the answer and I do. I have bought a gf. But not just with money but with love and kindness, respect and fidelity. If you believe that then good, if you don't I really don't care.