I have finally woke up to reality

[Berkshire]

It sounds like the "reality" of your relationship was that this woman didn't enjoy being alone in the same room with you.

Agreed. If I was a financially desperate woman and met a guy I couldn't stand, but he kept giving me and my family money.....hmmmm, what would I do?

[Aussieroaming]

Well good luck with your decision. It's never easy to make the decision to move on but when all is said and done at least you know exactly why it can't work.

My advise is tell her exactly what you told us so that she understands.

Good for you but even better if you could help her to change.

[hellohello123]

Yes, you must have a white skinned Chinese-Thai Hi-so wife (Don't forget her MBA) whose family is rich and has connections with the army and police. They will support you and treat you as a god. Thats what all the TV members have......

Your were right to leave as it would definitely get worst before it would get better.

Why should you carry their problem's on your back, your free now and probable will learn a lot form this dysfunctional family.

Next time choose someone more wisely and find a lady from a more respectably family and background.

Good Luck.

and dont forget can speak 17 different languages, has never asked you for a cent, and looks 10 years younger then what she is, while she walks down the street and everyone is just oggling her!!!

[Jai Dee]

A number of posts containing personal attacks or "flaming" have been deleted from this topic.

Please keep the discussion civil.

[noteconomicallyviable]

hey dont you guys turn this into a thai lady bashing thing as i recently met a really sweet rich thai girl who studies and works abroad and is one of the most sexy and independent woman ive ever met.

[JaiLai]

This is the story all over rural thailand, they live in squalor and sit about and do nothing about it, this is what the majority of Thai's are used to and think it's normal.

BUT they all have fancy phones which baffles me and even the ones living in metal / wooden huts seem to have a UBC dish outside??

Drive around your local village and see how many are sitting about doing SFA all day long.

[DLock]

I bet it's a weight of your shoulders. Well done.

Do you think that there will be repercussions when they actually wake up and realize they actually have to work now?

Good luck.

[MobileContent]

Here are my 2 cents:

To provide financial support for the family.

Their is nothing wrong with providing some financial support to the family but it should be limited to necessities and not becoming the exclusive banker.

1. She has no job.

She doesn't need a job if you feed her and the family with money all the time.

2. Dad doesn't work or lift a finger to do anything.

You should never have supported him from the beginning.

3. She has one 8 year old she needs to support.

For me that is a big red line already.

4. She needs to pay for her house every month.

I don't understand why you didn't moved in with her in the house but you maintain an apartment. You should have taken the lead.

5. Mom is in jail.

Another red line. Let me guess possible drugs, gambling or cheating?

6. All extended family look to her for support.

You should have set the terms clear from the beginning.

All I wanted was for my girl to stay with me and not sleep everyday with her family.

Looks to me she really doesn't love you and all you are is the Walking ATM.

You can see them often but I want our time alone where were I can occasionally get away from the screams of kids and being surrounded by 100 people.

You have a relation with a woman that have a child of 8 years, a mother in jail so its somehow here situation to keep things together. Her father doesn't do anything so its her job to look after the kid.

I have my own apartment so when I would come home from work I would be alone and the only time I could see her was when she rarely came by or I visited her house.

I think for her family you might not be serious as you didn't married her. Sorry if I overlooked it but I think you are not married.

Anyway its done but why was there no compromise on her part on this. It was I have to be close to my family 24/7 with no exception.

As they often say you get involved with Thai woman you often end up with the whole family which by the way doesn't need to be negative.

I feel like she is being asked to fix every problem that the family has and they sit by and do absolutely nothing.

My friend you picked the wrong girl from the beginning.

Dad would it kill you to clean up a little and not be a slob? Do you have to have your little daughter provide everything for you because your totally unable to do anything?

If you have known this from the beginning you should have ended it.

I am tired of money that I give to her going into lazy money grubbing family hands. They don't deserve her undivided devotion to them.

Don't give. You should have give her a support of 5000-10000 Baht a month and that's it.

Anyway I'm out free at last free at last!

That's the best move, Go on with your life but take your time in finding another lady and if you do find a lady with no children, the parents are still productive and have their own income.

Good luck

[Boxclever]

Wow it took you 4 years to wake up to the fact you were being screwed??

<snip>

Edited October 22, 2014 by Jai Dee
Offensive comment deleted

[Evilbaz]

Sounds like a "friend" without benefits to me.

Run Forrest, run.

[NeverSure]

Do not listen to most of these posts, that sound like you are the problem. I would that there are quite a few of us that have gone through something similar. There will be those that say...my girl never asks for money and tells her family to bugger off after an afternoon of visits. Figure the odds.

You were doing what most of us are trained to do....trying to make the wife happy. Nothing wrong with that. It creeps up on you, and we are almost always, the outsider/financier. I am not set up for that, but I have tried to do that in the past. Cost me a marriage. My children were taught by their mom. Thank goodness two are grown, but I have an inkling that my 15 year old son has been listening to his Asian family (mom passed away). The stories I hear are incredible...but always concern money. He has a second father (long secret from me, but his mom told him to tell me of this in her final days in the hospital). Sometimes things get so dramatic, that they cannot possibly be true.

Give what you can afford. Walk away if you feel you lost your self respect. I did.

4 years and she would rarely visit him? anyone that allows it to go on that long has a problem.

She is the problem.. Not him. Read the first line of my last post.

Yes, she is a real problem.

But the only thing that he can control is himself, not her.

So I ask him this question: OP, what is it about YOU that would tolerate this for 4 years?

That's what you have to fix.

[thailiketoo]

This is a very common story in Thailand, buyer beware..

Especially when told at 3AM Thai time. Who are you guys trying to fool?

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/744320-whats-the-best-gym-in-pattaya-for-serious-bodybuilding/

To the OP did you find the best gym in Pattaya yet?

Edited October 22, 2014 by thailiketoo

[bkkgooner]

Good on you, now go out and have some beers and celebrate your freedom.

There are plenty of lovely, educated, hard working girls in Thailand, best of luck with it in the future.

[Thongkorn]

Why did it take you 4 year to end it ? I am sure this situation / life style started much earlier on.

Been here done that, you think you can change the person, to think outside the box, but years of indoctrination by Thai family's never really go. She is the golden goose Thai family's have children to take care of them in older age, a sort of pension plan, Thats Thai culture i am lucky Like this poster, i decided enough is enough, i met a wonderful lady, honest caring and loyal, never asks for one baht, nor does her mother or brother, her father was killed at sea. I taught her English and every day is a gift with her, All I can say is don't be bitter move on, there are some good lady's out there, maybe don't look so hard and they will find you.

Edited October 22, 2014 by Thongkorn

[Munger]

If the OP's story is to be credible ... then interesting ...

Wish to read sage advice ... read this below then a combination of AYJAYDEE's posts

There are individuals everywhere, the world is full of them.

Good ones and bad ones.

They come in all shapes , sizes, colours, race and creed.

Picking the right person to partner with is essential for longevity.

The 'warning signs' for bad are always visible, one just needs to be aware and look for them.

A leopard rarely changes it's spots & therefore if the warning signs are there at the start of the relationship, don't be fooled to think you can change the person.

FINALLY. A fool and his money are easily parted.

Now you are free.....Go forward, allow the 'little' you to party with all the eager, willing and waiting PYT's, but never allow the little head to lead the big head back into one of these traps. ENJOY.

In case the take-out message (for me) was missed from above ... "Picking the right person to partner with is essential for longevity."

Took me about 2 years to find MissFarmGirl ... but boy, did I enjoy making a few mistakes along the way ...

Don't settle for what is easiest, or the most convenient ... find the lady/partner who is your friend, someone who supports you through the Ups and Downs ... then you know you are on a winner ...

So where did you find "MissFarmGirl then" ? I guess it was on a farm, hence the name. No

[slipperylobster]

Do not listen to most of these posts, that sound like you are the problem. I would that there are quite a few of us that have gone through something similar. There will be those that say...my girl never asks for money and tells her family to bugger off after an afternoon of visits. Figure the odds.

You were doing what most of us are trained to do....trying to make the wife happy. Nothing wrong with that. It creeps up on you, and we are almost always, the outsider/financier. I am not set up for that, but I have tried to do that in the past. Cost me a marriage. My children were taught by their mom. Thank goodness two are grown, but I have an inkling that my 15 year old son has been listening to his Asian family (mom passed away). The stories I hear are incredible...but always concern money. He has a second father (long secret from me, but his mom told him to tell me of this in her final days in the hospital). Sometimes things get so dramatic, that they cannot possibly be true.

Give what you can afford. Walk away if you feel you lost your self respect. I did.

4 years and she would rarely visit him? anyone that allows it to go on that long has a problem.

She is the problem.. Not him. Read the first line of my last post.

Not true. someone who puts up with that for 4 years has a problem. Some call it co-dependence

As you wish. However, she will continue to be a problem, whereas, the OP sees "the" problem, and can walk. She will continue on....as the problem. He will hopefully relieve himself of her.

[AYJAYDEE]

As you wish. However, she will continue to be a problem, whereas, the OP sees "the" problem, and can walk. She will continue on....as the problem. He will hopefully relieve himself of her.

and many folks make the same mistake over and over again.

[slipperylobster]

Ok. Trick me once (call me a fool). Do the same thing twice (call me stupid.)

Some learn...others do not.

I learned the hard way.

[David48]

If the OP's story is to be credible ... then interesting ...

Wish to read sage advice ... read this below then a combination of AYJAYDEE's posts

There are individuals everywhere, the world is full of them.

Good ones and bad ones.

They come in all shapes , sizes, colours, race and creed.

Picking the right person to partner with is essential for longevity.

The 'warning signs' for bad are always visible, one just needs to be aware and look for them.

A leopard rarely changes it's spots & therefore if the warning signs are there at the start of the relationship, don't be fooled to think you can change the person.

FINALLY. A fool and his money are easily parted.

Now you are free.....Go forward, allow the 'little' you to party with all the eager, willing and waiting PYT's, but never allow the little head to lead the big head back into one of these traps. ENJOY.

In case the take-out message (for me) was missed from above ... "Picking the right person to partner with is essential for longevity."

Took me about 2 years to find MissFarmGirl ... but boy, did I enjoy making a few mistakes along the way ...

Don't settle for what is easiest, or the most convenient ... find the lady/partner who is your friend, someone who supports you through the Ups and Downs ... then you know you are on a winner ...

So where did you find "MissFarmGirl then" ? I guess it was on a farm, hence the name. No

Ah, no ... 'MissFarmGirl' is a member here. That is her user name.

She used to post a bit, but we've recently had children, so her time is limited, well, non-existent to post any more ATM.

Actually, it's sort of sad she doesn't post anymore because she was one of the few genuine Thai Woman, who did take the time to answer questions and post responses here.

Thanks to the Mod/Admin who fixed the quote for me ...

.

[Munger]

If the OP's story is to be credible ... then interesting ...

Wish to read sage advice ... read this below then a combination of AYJAYDEE's posts

There are individuals everywhere, the world is full of them.

Good ones and bad ones.

They come in all shapes , sizes, colours, race and creed.

Picking the right person to partner with is essential for longevity.

The 'warning signs' for bad are always visible, one just needs to be aware and look for them.

A leopard rarely changes it's spots & therefore if the warning signs are there at the start of the relationship, don't be fooled to think you can change the person.

FINALLY. A fool and his money are easily parted.

Now you are free.....Go forward, allow the 'little' you to party with all the eager, willing and waiting PYT's, but never allow the little head to lead the big head back into one of these traps. ENJOY.

In case the take-out message (for me) was missed from above ... "Picking the right person to partner with is essential for longevity."

Took me about 2 years to find MissFarmGirl ... but boy, did I enjoy making a few mistakes along the way ...

Don't settle for what is easiest, or the most convenient ... find the lady/partner who is your friend, someone who supports you through the Ups and Downs ... then you know you are on a winner ...

So where did you find "MissFarmGirl then" ? I guess it was on a farm, hence the name. No

Ah, no ... 'MissFarmGirl' is a member here. That is her user name.

She used to post a bit, but we've recently had children, so her time is limited, well, non-existent to post any more ATM.

Actually, it's sort of sad she doesn't post anymore because she was one of the few genuine Thai Woman, who did take the time to answer questions and post responses here.

Thanks to the Mod/Admin who fixed the quote for me ...

.

So you met her on this forum ?

[neverdie]

She sounds like a great girl. Can I have her phone number, as I am looking to ruin my life

You could probably dial almost any number in Thailand and get a girl to help you with that 55555

Thai ladies love buffalo with big wallet.

[neverdie]

If the OP's story is to be credible ... then interesting ...

Wish to read sage advice ... read this below then a combination of AYJAYDEE's posts

There are individuals everywhere, the world is full of them.

Good ones and bad ones.

They come in all shapes , sizes, colours, race and creed.

Picking the right person to partner with is essential for longevity.

The 'warning signs' for bad are always visible, one just needs to be aware and look for them.

A leopard rarely changes it's spots & therefore if the warning signs are there at the start of the relationship, don't be fooled to think you can change the person.

FINALLY. A fool and his money are easily parted.

Now you are free.....Go forward, allow the 'little' you to party with all the eager, willing and waiting PYT's, but never allow the little head to lead the big head back into one of these traps. ENJOY.

In case the take-out message (for me) was missed from above ... "Picking the right person to partner with is essential for longevity."

Took me about 2 years to find MissFarmGirl ... but boy, did I enjoy making a few mistakes along the way ...

Don't settle for what is easiest, or the most convenient ... find the lady/partner who is your friend, someone who supports you through the Ups and Downs ... then you know you are on a winner ...

So where did you find "MissFarmGirl then" ? I guess it was on a farm, hence the name. No

Ah, no ... 'MissFarmGirl' is a member here. That is her user name.

She used to post a bit, but we've recently had children, so her time is limited, well, non-existent to post any more ATM.

Actually, it's sort of sad she doesn't post anymore because she was one of the few genuine Thai Woman, who did take the time to answer questions and post responses here.

Thanks to the Mod/Admin who fixed the quote for me ...

.

So you met her on this forum ?

The answer is NO. They did not meet on the forum.

[mrtoad]

There are individuals everywhere, the world is full of them.

Good ones and bad ones.

They come in all shapes , sizes, colours, race and creed.

Picking the right person to partner with is essential for longevity.

The 'warning signs' for bad are always visible, one just needs to be aware and look for them.

A leopard rarely changes it's spots & therefore if the warning signs are there at the start of the relationship, don't be fooled to think you can change the person.

FINALLY. A fool and his money are easily parted.

Now you are free.....Go forward, allow the 'little' you to party with all the eager, willing and waiting PYT's, but never allow the little head to lead the big head back into one of these traps. ENJOY.

it could be more complicated than that. A counsellor once told me that an abuser and an abusee (enabler) who had never met could walk into a room full of 1000 strangers and find each other in 10 minutes flat!

Hmmm....never really looked at it that way.....500 ok as well ?

Good OP that the signs were easy visible.....dont blame your self for trying.....

In this case it appears like a good old case of codependency.

[umbanda]

In most post about relationships and marriage with Thai, rarely is commented if the Thai partner speaks its farang husband language, or if the farang partner speaks Thai. Without a good comunication before and after marriage, the chances of failure are higher, At one point both parties will feel that something is missing in the relationship and will start looking for "options"...specially by the Thai side. At least....its will miss the interaction with family and friends and alienating its foreigners husbands in same way.....

Edited October 24, 2014 by umbanda

[zoza]

when something like this happens sometimes lots of other things fall into place

like the reason a lot of thai wives/gf's don't encourage their partners to speak thai

and a lot of times these relationships change over time.

so what starts out a healthy partnership becomes a millstone around the partner-

ships neck.

thai people are usually very supportive of family, and are brought up this way

this ingrained loyalty can be played on by family who know nothing of the workings

of the relationship with a "foreigner" and basically don't really care

most of the thai children I have met end up spoilt whether rich or poor.

in Thailand lying is not the same as in other country's/ cultures and you only

get told what they want you to know. This happens to everyone.

so ignore these people who tell you you are at fault I have seen some very

street wise dudes getting into a similar situation as you. and hindsight

is always perfect. enjoy your new life.

[hellohello123]

In most post about relationships and marriage with Thai, rarely is commented if the Thai partner speaks its farang husband language, or if the farang partner speaks Thai. Without a good comunication before and after marriage, the chances of failure are higher, At one point both parties will feel that something is missing in the relationship and will start looking for "options"...specially by the Thai side. At least....its will miss the interaction with family and friends and alienating its foreigners husbands in same way.....

you gotta be realistic, this "love conquers all boundaires" is something that hollywood made up for teenage girls for whatever marketing reason

reality is, relationships are based on trust, compatibility and most importantly communication.

if you cant speak perfect language between two partners, both key and subtle information is going get lost or lost in translation, thats reality

if you think that Ceteris Paribus, that a marriage to someone with a huge age gap, cultural difference and on top that a language barrier, is going work out better or be easier,

then you are seriously deluded!! however, in my observations, a lot of foreigners seem to be

[Berkshire]

In most post about relationships and marriage with Thai, rarely is commented if the Thai partner speaks its farang husband language, or if the farang partner speaks Thai. Without a good comunication before and after marriage, the chances of failure are higher, At one point both parties will feel that something is missing in the relationship and will start looking for "options"...specially by the Thai side. At least....its will miss the interaction with family and friends and alienating its foreigners husbands in same way.....

you gotta be realistic, this "love conquers all boundaires" is something that hollywood made up for teenage girls for whatever marketing reason

reality is, relationships are based on trust, compatibility and most importantly communication.

if you cant speak perfect language between two partners, both key and subtle information is going get lost or lost in translation, thats reality

if you think that Ceteris Paribus, that a marriage to someone with a huge age gap, cultural difference and on top that a language barrier, is going work out better or be easier,

then you are seriously deluded!! however, in my observations, a lot of foreigners seem to be

Agree with both you guys. Communication really is paramount in a real, complete relationship. I recall having this conversation on TV with these same delusional folks that you're referring to who insist that they can have some nonsensical "language of the heart" with their teeruk. These people really need to believe this because they simply don't have the aptitude to learn the Thai language. Nothing wrong with that, but they shouldn't be pretending to have anything more than a very superficial relationship.

[RandomSand]

A counsellor once told me that an abuser and an abusee (enabler) who had never met could walk into a room full of 1000 strangers and find each other in 10 minutes flat!

"Opposites attract"... The wisest phrase I ever heard.

[MAJIC]

Love me love my family? No? on your bike!

[Patsycat]