Not fitting in yet, what do you think?

[malt25]

Why do all you people out there in this forum use the word farangs It is such a bad word I am from the western farang is a racial word and thailand should start to teach the kids in the school to stop using that word you see I can't stand the word <deleted> and back home in my country Australia we have stop it some 20 years ago so I think thailand should take a stop and stop that word when I read the people here using it all the time I say get a life and think of how bad it is .

To all TV members. Please, please, don't think this ratbag is an example of a true blue, born & raised, sun burnt Aussie. I'm guessing he's an immigrant with a chip on his shoulder.

[Bluetongue]

Trying to decipher Georgemandm's post. I think he is actually talking about another word, not farang, maybe a term derogatory to black or coloured people that was once used in Australia. I do think however that if he wants to start an argument about racism, he is welcome to start his own topic, not hijack mine, and further he has to be able to articulate and make sense given that this is a predominantly English speaking forum. So George go away please.

Getting back to the topic, I have been here 6 years, came here a lot in the 90s, speak Thai quite well but not quite as well as I would like. Most times I think I'm doing OK, but when 3 odd things like that happen in 24 hours it kind of rattled me a bit. The family are great they defend me to the hilt. And a further shock yesterday talking with the wife about a problem family member she actually admitted that sometimes when we fight she is not in the right. Wonders will never cease.

[klauskunkel]

No worries. It's not even a culture shock, more like a culture pinprick...

[krisb]

Love the cop smacking the guest in the head at a wedding!

Surely a quiet word would suffice, you know as to not cause a scene at someones big day. Then Thais and whiskey are a terrible mix.

Classic village styles.

I'm sure there's a book that could be written, 'Tales from the village'

Op, best way to look at things as I see, is just go with the flow. It makes it easier.

[klauskunkel]

Why do all you people out there in this forum use the word farangs It is such a bad word I am from the western farang is a racial word and thailand should start to teach the kids in the school to stop using that word you see I can't stand the word <deleted> and back home in my country Australia we have stop it some 20 years ago so I think thailand should take a stop and stop that word when I read the people here using it all the time I say get a life and think of how bad it is .

Why do you person on this forum not make use of the many punctuation keys on your keyboard you can google punctuation rules if you have no idea how to apply them to your posts it will make your effluvia easier to read and understand even if you are from Australia and you are typing upside down I think you should take a stop and stop that behavior before it makes anyone here nauseous I say get a life and think how bad your prose is

[ggt]

Loved the story about the policeman taking his job seriously...by knocking the alcoholic upside the head...you can not make this stuff up...This is Thailand...

[TheKnave]

I have no plans to fit in with anyone or thing least of all Thailand its people or culture.............if Im honest.

Trying to "Go native" is not the same thing as making some effort to "fit in." The first is an unrealistic fantasy, while the latter requires some flexibility, which is often difficult for the elderly or others with impaired social adaptability skills.

Your intentions to continue living in a farang bubble oblivious to your surroundings are, unfortunately, rather common ( in at least two senses of the word) here at Thai Visa.

Pomposity, writ large.

When are you going to contribute something positive, as opposed to sniping and pouncing wherever you can find a victim?

Pathetic.

[AYJAYDEE]

I have no plans to fit in with anyone or thing least of all Thailand its people or culture.............if Im honest.

Trying to "Go native" is not the same thing as making some effort to "fit in." The first is an unrealistic fantasy, while the latter requires some flexibility, which is often difficult for the elderly or others with impaired social adaptability skills.

Your intentions to continue living in a farang bubble oblivious to your surroundings are, unfortunately, rather common ( in at least two senses of the word) here at Thai Visa.

Pomposity, writ large.

When are you going to contribute something positive, as opposed to sniping and pouncing wherever you can find a victim?

Pathetic.

you define positive?

[thhMan]

I have no plans to fit in with anyone or thing least of all Thailand its people or culture.............if Im honest.

Amazing honesty....

Ive always said that Thailand is an amazing place.. but the Thais are just the fleas in this country.... Every time I read the news... it kind of reinforces that belief.... Getting in the car and dealing with traffic ... nails it home!

[AYJAYDEE]

I have no plans to fit in with anyone or thing least of all Thailand its people or culture.............if Im honest.

Amazing honesty....

Ive always said that Thailand is an amazing place.. but the Thais are just the fleas in this country.... Every time I read the news... it kind of reinforces that belief.... Getting in the car and dealing with traffic ... nails it home!

what do you mean by fleas?

[NoshowJones]

Why do all you people out there in this forum use the word farangs It is such a bad word I am from the western farang is a racial word and thailand should start to teach the kids in the school to stop using that word you see I can't stand the word <deleted> and back home in my country Australia we have stop it some 20 years ago so I think thailand should take a stop and stop that word when I read the people here using it all the time I say get a life and think of how bad it is .

To all TV members. Please, please, don't think this ratbag is an example of a true blue, born & raised, sun burnt Aussie. I'm guessing he's an immigrant with a chip on his shoulder.

No 'like' button again.

[kwaussie]

Why do all you people out there in this forum use the word farangs It is such a bad word I am from the western farang is a racial word and thailand should start to teach the kids in the school to stop using that word you see I can't stand the word <deleted> and back home in my country Australia we have stop it some 20 years ago so I think thailand should take a stop and stop that word when I read the people here using it all the time I say get a life and think of how bad it is .

I think you must be new here, there is even a newspaper called Farang and magazine called Der Farang.

Why dont you do some more research, it is no different to calling an Aussie an Aussie.

[spidermike007]

The woman you ran into was a super low class woman, with no etiquette skills, no consciousness, and no awareness of the world that exists outside of her own head. An absolute goon, and all your wife has to learn to say for situations like that is "blow me".

The policeman was very obviously drunk with the power of his position. Someone needs to slap the living hell out of that fool. Hopefully sooner, rather than later. Had it been me? Wow. That would have been fun.

As far as the neighbor goes, I would have gotten someone who speaks Thai to tell him it was NOT a gift. Do you have to make friends with every neighbor who wanders along? Why? What is the issue here with saying no, you cannot have it. It was not a gift, and I was just showing it to you.

Not really important to fit in here, from my point of view. Maybe more important to not really stand out, than to fit in. You will never really fit in here. There is such a divide between farang and Thai, I am not sure fitting in is a reasonable goal.

[SoiBiker]

There seems to be two groups of farang here. One group like the OP have married moved into the country areas and hence have to try and fit in with Thai way and mixing with her family and all and sundry.

Of course there are shades in between, but I'm at other end of sprectum.

Basically yes I have the live with gf (for couple of years)

But basically its me and her and any farang friends of mine. Yes on her birthday or whatever we have drinks with couple of her friends , but that's it. Its my way or the highway. I couldn't stand living in some out post area fitting in with all that it entails. Good luck

You know some of us don't even have a Thai partner, right? It's not actually compulsory.

[poweratradio]

I have no plans to fit in with anyone or thing least of all Thailand its people or culture.............if Im honest.

Oh My Buddah! Where do you hang your hat then if not here in Thailand where you write such a distaste of?

[poweratradio]

There seems to be two groups of farang here. One group like the OP have married moved into the country areas and hence have to try and fit in with Thai way and mixing with her family and all and sundry.

Of course there are shades in between, but I'm at other end of sprectum.

Basically yes I have the live with gf (for couple of years)

But basically its me and her and any farang friends of mine. Yes on her birthday or whatever we have drinks with couple of her friends , but that's it. Its my way or the highway. I couldn't stand living in some out post area fitting in with all that it entails. Good luck

I assume it will be the highway for you soon then given your dim view

[poweratradio]

I have no plans to fit in with anyone or thing least of all Thailand its people or culture.............if Im honest.

If your posts are anything to go by, you have an almost pathological dislike of Thailand, its people and culture.

Are you being held here against your will?

It would appear from the writing that he has been done wrong somehow by Thai the country or a Thai person or he is sitting in an armchair in America quarter backing animosity worldwide chat forms...

[Fairynuff]

Why do all you people out there in this forum use the word farangs It is such a bad word I am from the western farang is a racial word and thailand should start to teach the kids in the school to stop using that word you see I can't stand the word <deleted> and back home in my country Australia we have stop it some 20 years ago so I think thailand should take a stop and stop that word when I read the people here using it all the time I say get a life and think of how bad it is .

Really.."we have stop it" use the word farang. Why did you even post this nonsense.

We all know that the literal mean of farang is not racist. How the word is used is what makes it racist and sadly it is all too often used in a negative way. Therefore it HAS become a racist word.

[Gecko123]

Not really important to fit in here, from my point of view. Maybe more important to not really stand out, than to fit in. You will never really fit in here. There is such a divide between farang and Thai, I am not sure fitting in is a reasonable goal.

Can anyone who feels this way articulate what it would take for them to feel like they do fit in here?

When I hear people voice the opinion that it is futile to try and fit in here, I start to wonder if what they are saying is that they don't feel racially or culturally at home here. Can anyone be more specific about why they feel this way?

Not trying to tell anyone how they should feel. Just trying to understand why people feel this way. Would be grateful for any insights people might be willing to share.

Thanks.

[poweratradio]

Why do all you people out there in this forum use the word farangs It is such a bad word I am from the western farang is a racial word and thailand should start to teach the kids in the school to stop using that word you see I can't stand the word <deleted> and back home in my country Australia we have stop it some 20 years ago so I think thailand should take a stop and stop that word when I read the people here using it all the time I say get a life and think of how bad it is .

Since when is farang a bad word likened to a racial word what ever that means. I guess immigrant and alien should also be eliminated Through in stranger while your at it because that is directly translated in the middle east to asghonsbie. I questioned the use of the word farange by Thais who spit it out with venom sometimes making it seem vulgar but I have been assured by family that it is not a bad word.

I recall seeing the Wikipedia version on this forum a while back and it all seemed very politically correct.

[poweratradio]

The OP does not say how long he has been in Thailand....but it does take some time (forever for some things) to really catch on to the nuances of the society, especially if one is in the rural areas. I have been here 10+ years and some days it seems like I stepped off the airplane yesterday.

As described, I think the OP handled things pretty well. One of the understandings my wife and I have is that when things like this happen, I need her to take a bit of time to explain to me <deleted> just happened/is happening.

Learning at least some basics of the Thai language will certainly help.

Re: "farang"...it is just a word, let it go...

So you have been here 10 years good how Good is your thai I have been here of and on for 6 years and I try to lean thai and my thai is very good of what Thai people tell me and I am just saying it is not a good word and it is about time thailand get with the real world I have told my thai I not like it and she understands were I am coming from so why can't peopl out there think the same as her on this forum but not saying all of you are but some of you would like the word <deleted> .

Who ever the Thais are that are telling you this>>> I am afraid to tell you that your getting your legs pulled and the wool pulled over your eyes. They are having their fun with you> Laugh with them you 6 year Thai speaking veteran.

[ongchart]

Because the farang should first learn how to use punctuation marks before he gets any respect from non-farangs.

Why do all you people out there in this forum use the word farangs It is such a bad word I am from the western farang is a racial word and thailand should start to teach the kids in the school to stop using that word you see I can't stand the word and back home in my country Australia we have stop it some 20 years ago so I think thailand should take a stop and stop that word when I read the people here using it all the time I say get a life and think of how bad it is .

[poweratradio]

Love the cop smacking the guest in the head at a wedding!

Surely a quiet word would suffice, you know as to not cause a scene at someones big day. Then Thais and whiskey are a terrible mix.

Classic village styles.

I'm sure there's a book that could be written, 'Tales from the village'

Op, best way to look at things as I see, is just go with the flow. It makes it easier.

I loved that smack in the face part too. Reminded me what an open handed slap can do to the hearing. In Beirut one time I had a translator who thought it would be funny to teach me wrongly some Arabic as I wanted thank the host of an embassy welcoming party. I told him he was a pimp and his daughter and wife were his prostitutes. He smiled patted me on the shoulder walked past me and laid one mach 10 slap om my translators head. He complained for weeks of hearing loss.

[joecoolfrog]

I dont mind being called Farang at all , been called far worse over the years back home in England. Some Thais may spit the word out as an insult but who cares , its their problem , taking away the word wouldn't eliminate the bigotry.

[Jip99]

The OP does not say how long he has been in Thailand....but it does take some time (forever for some things) to really catch on to the nuances of the society, especially if one is in the rural areas. I have been here 10+ years and some days it seems like I stepped off the airplane yesterday.

As described, I think the OP handled things pretty well. One of the understandings my wife and I have is that when things like this happen, I need her to take a bit of time to explain to me <deleted> just happened/is happening.

Learning at least some basics of the Thai language will certainly help.

Re: "farang"...it is just a word, let it go...

So you have been here 10 years good how Good is your thai I have been here of and on for 6 years and I try to lean thai and my thai is very good of what Thai people tell me and I am just saying it is not a good word and it is about time thailand get with the real world I have told my thai I not like it and she understands were I am coming from so why can't peopl out there think the same as her on this forum but not saying all of you are but some of you would like the word <deleted> .

Grow up - you are making yourself look a prat!

Farang is a common word used generically to reference a western foreigner. You quickly get used to being referred to as a Farang when someone is speaking to your wife about "Your Farang".

It is only offensive when used offensively - that would usually be in Pattaya and maybe Bangkok.

Me grow I am grown up you get a life and lean a bit about it on the way it is not a thai word ok it was mad up so grow and lean a bit about thailand before you open your mouth

Quality post .... I have been 'leaning' a fair bit about Thailand during the last 10 years.

Oh well, at least today I discovered that I am not the only one who thinks you are a moron.

[ChrisB87]

Fitting in is no fun. You got to play the farang card more wisely.

[stephen tracy]

OP, the bit about the policeman slapping his mate at the wedding is hilarious, really made me laugh. It sounds like it could be part of a novel. Maybe not entirely fitting in could be a good thing for you. You ought to record these experiences and turn them into a novel or maybe a book of short stories. Brill, thanks for cheering up my otherwise crap day so far!

[villagefarang]

Not really important to fit in here, from my point of view. Maybe more important to not really stand out, than to fit in. You will never really fit in here. There is such a divide between farang and Thai, I am not sure fitting in is a reasonable goal.

Can anyone who feels this way articulate what it would take for them to feel like they do fit in here?

When I hear people voice the opinion that it is futile to try and fit in here, I start to wonder if what they are saying is that they don't feel racially or culturally at home here. Can anyone be more specific about why they feel this way?

Not trying to tell anyone how they should feel. Just trying to understand why people feel this way. Would be grateful for any insights people might be willing to share.

Thanks.

For me, fitting in is more of a comfort level, where one neither labels things as Thai or Farang nor judges one as better than the other. It means going about your life without drama or conflict, knowing how to live your own life and allowing others to live their’s. Personally I see it as moving scale that changes as you gain experience and language proficiency, depending also on where you live, I suppose.

I might find I fit in with some levels of society better than with others but that is normal, I think. Since I don’t drink, my way of fitting in is to avoid situations where people drink excessively. That way I don’t need to change by doing something I don’t want to do and they don’t feel like I am trying to change them.

For me fitting in is more about acceptance and understanding and has little to do with change.

[phetchy]

I behave like I have been here for a few days and that suits me and the Thais just fine.

Spot on. Best way to suss out if, or to what extent, you are going to be ripped off in many retail outlets/vehicle repair workshops/VG shops etc. Also feigned naivety makes you a far more attractive proposition for those employed in the entertainment sector of the licenced trade (apparently).

As for the copper clouting the potential trouble maker - the only difference between that and what used to happen 40 years ago in the good old UK, is that the copper in LoS now gives you a clip round the ear before you've done anything wrong (but probably will) rather than after you've nicked some apples from someones garden (or something equally heinous) and you got a thick ear and taken home to face the wrath of your dad. Bring back the birch - that's what I say (and handcuffs perhaps? Oooh).

[Gecko123]

Can anyone who feels this way articulate what it would take for them to feel like they do fit in here?

When I hear people voice the opinion that it is futile to try and fit in here, I start to wonder if what they are saying is that they don't feel racially or culturally at home here. Can anyone be more specific about why they feel this way?

Not trying to tell anyone how they should feel. Just trying to understand why people feel this way. Would be grateful for any insights people might be willing to share.

Thanks.

For me, fitting in is more of a comfort level, where one neither labels things as Thai or Farang nor judges one as better than the other. It means going about your life without drama or conflict, knowing how to live your own life and allowing others to live their’s. Personally I see it as moving scale that changes as you gain experience and language proficiency, depending also on where you live, I suppose.

For me fitting in is more about acceptance and understanding and has little to do with change.

Villagefarang:

I think your comments touched upon several things which are quite profound. You are right that it has a lot to do with what your expectations are about what it means to "fit in." Ultimately, it does get back to how comfortable you feel, and fitting in is a gradual process of adjustment. Thank you for helping me to put into words some things I have been struggling to articulate myself.

About expectations. A person might measure whether they "fit in" based upon how many ngan liangs they are invited to. But to tell the truth I really don't enjoy these parties that much and only attend them occasionally. I measure whether I fit in by whether people are friendly and open to conversation. I also felt like a social outcast back home, so when Thais return a smile, or approach me and engage me in conversation I am tickled to death and my threshhold for feeling socially accepted is probably a lot lower than many other people's. I am a fairly quiet person, and by no means a social butterfly, but I would give my neighbors really high marks for accepting me for who I am. So I agree expectations are important when it comes to whether you feel like you fit in or not.

I also agree with you that an absolutely necessary component to successfully fitting in in a rural village is the ability to speak the language. I used to have a friend who lived nearby. He would make the rounds driving around in his pickup truck, stopping here for a beer, there for a bowl of noodles, here to pick up a kilo of pork for his wife. He was out and about all day long every day. Compared to me, he got around ten times more than me. But because he didn't speak Thai, his relationships with Thais rarely progressed beyond the "What's your name? Where you from? How long you stay Thailand?" stage. I studied Thai intensively for 10 years before moving here, so even though my social contact in terms of number of people was much lower than his, I always felt that the quality and depth of the few relationships I had was much deeper. I don't think I could survive in a small Thai village if I couldn't speak the language.

Edited October 25, 2014 by Gecko123