Pressure to marry

[SateliteDish]

I've been visiting the Kingdom for over 10 years now. In the past I've used the facilities in Pattaya, Soi Cowboy, Soi Bangla and so on. More recently I embarked on a quest for something more meaningful and met a non bar girl on line.

We've know each other about 18 months (online), I've probably spent about 2 months with her in Thailand and she has visited my home country and family.

She's getting pressure from family to marry me immediately (she is late 30's) and while I like her a lot feel that it's a bit early to tie the knot. I don't want to marry her yet but don't want to loose her and dont want to head back towards lower Sukumvit either.

Any board members had this experience and got any suggestions on how I can progress ?

[Costas2008]

OP, you can't have your cake and eat it too.

If you like her and you are compatible you don't want to loose her.

Commit yourself.

She is late 30's not a spring chicken.

When is she going to have kids?

A bit early for you....can go on for years.....

Think of her also and not only yourself.

Go on......be a good boy and make the decision.

We will be glad to see photos of your wedding and later your kids.

Edited October 24, 2014 by Costas2008

[johnnynmonic]

Always a risk. If you're asking, you must be considering going ahead with it. Of course from her side, her family knows she's not getting any younger, so they try to "help" by putting on some pressure.

[jacko45k]

Mine was subject to pressure from her mother.

But I didn't see why my decisions should be forced by what in reality is a poorly educated and superstitious old woman.

I think a phrase I once heard was that her daughter not being married, yet living with someone, brought her mother shame, or shall we call it loss of face.

I decided doing something I was not ready to do to give her 'face' was not going to happen.

Still not married.

[recycler]

Don't give in to pressure, what's the hurry, she's late 30ties already?

Live with her at least a year or more and than see what you have. Being single at this age is often a sign already that something might be wrong.

It may look all rosy at the beginning, but some bags are not unpacked right from the start and they may be filled with nasty surprises.

What do you know about her past? Previous relations, children, etc... she may be mad as a hatter, not nice to find out if you're married with kids.

Sod the family, are they also talking about a dowry? Would not surprise me, there in a hurry before you find out what's wrong.

[canarysun]

Well i personally do not understand " the rush to get married " In any part of the world these things should never be rushed! You met the lady online ( nothing wrong with that ) but why not build on the friendship / relationship for at least another year or 2 years first then perhaps try living together! also you need to " put her to the test " that this is not all about money! tell her you are going through " severe financial problems " and see how she reacts ( if she really likes you she will stay by your side if not let her go ) Why rush things? you need to learn more about each other first!

There are many farangs that meet a Thai lady and then " move them in " in a matter of weeks! This is a recipe for disaster it takes time to get to know each other and you have " all the time in the world " ( HG Wells - The Time Machine )

Farang Jaidee

[johninbkk]

She's getting pressure for 2 reasons.

1. Dowry money. (sin sod)

2. In Thailand once married she owns 50% of everything you have. Living de-facto, she's entitled to nothing.

Give it time, she's going no where.

Think logically. Western way. It's no different to Thai way.

Don't rush anything in life.....

Best of luck

[borisloosebrain]

Do you mean loose her or lose her ?

[johninbkk]

Good spell check Boris..

[jacksam]

Don't marry her. Give her a sort of a super/long service leave payment plan.

Meaning (and these figures for demonstration purposes only).

If your only together 6 months payout 40k

12,..........................80k

Etc ..........right up to say 10 yr where you buy her cheapish condo.

She wants security. Reasonable...... But DO NOT MARRY

[FrankOff]

it will be a match made in....er.. heaven

[dotpoom]

With the greatest respect....are you really going to let complete strangers decide your future and that of your lady's.......she must deserve better than that....

[georgemandm]

Why get married I have been with my thai 6 years and still not married by paper and never ever will I but have the village thing witch is good because I can walk away and so can if she likes most of the thai man do it village way to and when not work out walk away good up to you but tell her ok village way and one more thing not sure on how long you have been coming here but I say thai woman are like mango on a mango tree if not what that mango go and pick a new mango you get what I mean .

[lockman]

OP, you can't have your cake and eat it too.

If you like her and you are compatible you don't want to loose her.

Commit yourself.

She is late 30's not a spring chicken.

When is she going to have kids?

A bit early for you....can go on for years.....

Think of her also and not only yourself.

Go on......be a good boy and make the decision.

We will be glad to see photos of your wedding and later your kids.

Spot on. Late 30's, just "maybe" she might want a child. Your continued delays are taking away her chance for real happiness. I know nice Thai women like that. Either move forward, or let her go look for a real commitment.

[MobileContent]

I've been visiting the Kingdom for over 10 years now. In the past I've used the facilities in Pattaya, Soi Cowboy, Soi Bangla and so on. More recently I embarked on a quest for something more meaningful and met a non bar girl on line.

We've know each other about 18 months (online), I've probably spent about 2 months with her in Thailand and she has visited my home country and family.

So out of 18 months you have lived with her 2 months in Thailand?

She's getting pressure from family to marry me immediately (she is late 30's) and while I like her a lot feel that it's a bit early to tie the knot. I don't want to marry her yet but don't want to loose her and dont want to head back towards lower Sukumvit either.

I guess she too feels like you might be straying in bars again to look for younger chicks so the family might say you better marry him quickly. IN your postings it looks like you looked for relationships in those bars.

Any board members had this experience and got any suggestions on how I can progress ?

GO for a traditional wedding and offer Sinsod for 30k

[realenglish1]

Heck I have lived with my girlfriend for 7 years now and she still does not want to marry Thats OK with me

[12DrinkMore]

She's getting pressure for 2 reasons.

1. Dowry money. (sin sod)

2. In Thailand once married she owns 50% of everything you have. Living de-facto, she's entitled to nothing.

This is simply not true.

Everything you own before marriage remains yours.

Even if you buy stuff, then provided you can show the funds came from your assets before marriage, you retain ownership.

Only assets earned and purchased after marriage are considered joint property and subject to being split 50/50 on divorce.

[Tony125]

Why not do just the Buddah Blessing thing sometimes called a village wedding witch is not recorded at the amphor. That way the family is satisfied and if things don't work out you can walk away. If you get her pregnant please do the right thing and take resonsiblity of your child.

Edited October 25, 2014 by Tony125

[Saan]

If you are concerned about loosing her and feel you are not ready for marriage yet why not try an engagement. After all that is what an engagement is really about, a chance to get to know each other better and a commitment without taking the final step. It might also quieten mum down too if she sees you are moving in the right direction.

[Pinot]

If you actually lived here the relationship wouldn't last long. You would soon be off with someone else, younger, better looking, better in bed, whatever.

Correcting something from above, if you did marry, she doesn't automatically own half of whatever you have. Whatever you have now is yours. Best to sign an agreement before marriage, however.

I don't see any reason to marry. You might give her a monthly allowance if you want to keep her. Or do nothing...doing nothing in this case is probably the right path.

[Ming Mueng]

Never bow to pressure, be your own man.

[expat_4_life]

Pressure has got to be the worst reason to make such a decision, it should be a decision that you
both reach together.

Think about it - 2/18 months together and basically vacations at that is simply not enough time.

Then take some time to think about what you're going to do once you've landed this fine catch. There
are only 2 ways it goes.

1. You give up your life as you currently know it and move to Thailand. Have you done your research on all
that entails? Funds for marriage extension, work permit, etc. Do you have any reasonable expectations
of getting work here? How well would you adjust? Is she going to support you here if you have no work?
What's required to recover from a decision to move here if it all goes badly?

2. She makes the move to your country having sacrificed her family/career and friends. What will be her
expectations, will she want to work? Are her language skills sufficient for anything any better than a
low paying job in the service industry, think Thai Restaurant, maid, etc. - think she'd be happy with that?
Maybe she wants to go to language school, perhaps she just wants kids and to be a housewife. Are you
prepared to support her? What financial obligations would you have to her family here that she maybe
takes care of now?

The list goes on and on .... is 2 months of vacations together enough time to make such a life changing
decision? Honestly, that's a question only you can answer.

[bushwacker]

What would you do if you were living in your native country and the same situation presented itself? Do the same thing here.

Too many farang come here and are told this is Thailand and Thais do it this way.... I always say ... But I am not Thai and if you want a relationship with a farang then you need to accept other ideas, perspectives and traditions. Else, go get a Thai man. Up to you!

I am amazed at how easily they change there demands when they realize that I really am not Thai and will not be pressured into silly things.

Really, it is like going to the fish market and crying because the guy ahead of you bought the pink fish that you had your eye on. Really guy, pick one of the other 100 fish in the bucket if the first one disappears.

You are in the drivers seat, why are you worried about the old ladies in the trunk or in your case the boot?

[thhMan]

Perhaps you should dump your girlfriend and marry the family if you lack the balls to think for yourself and need this forum for answers.

Cmon ... Think a bit... You know whats going to happen... You will be destitute before you know it... while they smile at you .... and laugh and mock you when your back is turned.

[robertthebruce]

There is doubt for sure, as you have posted on here...

That to me, means move on until you do find True Love...

[Calach]

Don't make such an important decision for your life because of "pressure". Seriously.

Behave like a free man, say what you want or not want to do, and you'll see if your realtionship is genuine, but do not marry if you have to ask on a forum if you should do it or not.

It's obvious to everyone that you shouldn't.

Please do not marry, for your own sake.

[jomcondo]

You make the rules, not them.

Don't be pushed around.

[saakura]

it will be a match made in....er.. heaven

I hope that he has told her that he has been visiting Thailand since 10yrs for using the "facilities" at Pattaya, Nana, Cowboy etc

[NoshowJones]

She's getting pressure for 2 reasons.

1. Dowry money. (sin sod)

2. In Thailand once married she owns 50% of everything you have. Living de-facto, she's entitled to nothing.

Give it time, she's going no where.

Think logically. Western way. It's no different to Thai way.

Don't rush anything in life.....

Best of luck

No2. She only owns 50% of everything that is aqquired after the marriage.

[georgemandm]

What would you do if you were living in your native country and the same situation presented itself? Do the same thing here.

Too many farang come here and are told this is Thailand and Thais do it this way.... I always say ... But I am not Thai and if you want a relationship with a farang then you need to accept other ideas, perspectives and traditions. Else, go get a Thai man. Up to you!

I am amazed at how easily they change there demands when they realize that I really am not Thai and will not be pressured into silly things.

Really, it is like going to the fish market and crying because the guy ahead of you bought the pink fish that you had your eye on. Really guy, pick one of the other 100 fish in the bucket if the first one disappears.

You are in the drivers seat, why are you worried about the old ladies in the trunk or in your case the boot?

Spot on mate that is how it should been you are the boss a thai would say you Huua-naa