My Thai wife just had a meltdown

[bangkok2013]

I had a girlfriend we terminated last November ,but not because of money,but because of my uncertainty to stay in Thailand ,because of my discomfort about many things about the country ,and the people .We are still good relations ,and If i have any trouble ,she will always be there to lend a hand ,i know.

But i will tell you something . This person was and is the most integral human being i have ever met. She would go out of her way to save us money , and would give you the shirt off her back if you needed it.

Never did she ever do any of the things your wife has been doing with you !

I could give her complete trust at all times , she never changed. A person with such integrity, honesty, and generosity , with an excellent intelligent mind hard to find in this world. Never a lie of any kind . Just a good person all around .

Not a common woman ,and also not pleased by the thinking or behaviors of her own people all around .

A real Thai, but a real outsider at the same time .She was well informed about the dirty Politics of her country, and how corrupted they really are.

This should give you enough food for thought to let you decide what to do next . Good luck

[mercman24]

i think you are very nieve if your wife can "nick / borrow /steal/hoard/hide" about 130,000 baht frrom you my friend you have more money than sense, what have you been doing the last 8 years ? the mind boggles.

[Jungle Jim]

Harsh words but very true. That is why i ask. Where did he meet her? And if he ever bothered to learn Thai. Simple questions. Interesting to see if he is willing to speak the truth. The way i look at it is, if a woman is willing to have kids with a foreigner and then pulls something like this. Dump the dodgy thief and let her deal with the problems including the kids. She should have thought about the outcome first. No Thai man nor future foreigner who is smart enough will touch her with a ten foot pole. Karma sucks.

i think you are very nieve if your wife can "nick / borrow /steal/hoard/hide" about 130,000 baht frrom you my friend you have more money than sense, what have you been doing the last 8 years ? the mind boggles.

[Liquorice]

Thai women have insecurities about almost everything, marriage and money probably the worst.

It's the experiences they grew up with, cheating husband and poverty in old age.

A Thai woman needs to know she has security.

Usually farangs tend to be older and it's expected you will die before she does.

I don't know if you have made a will or not.

This may just be a case of sitting down and talking about the future and how she will be cared for after your not there.

You need to assure her that she will be secure come what may.

There is no need to hide cash or be dishonest.

The business she talked about was probably her plan to secure her future after your gone.

She needs to know there are alternative arrangement in place and she needn't worry about poverty in the future.

Perhaps you treated her really well, but you haven't given her any assurances.

For her, the future is unknown and frightening.

[ggt]

There is an old saying: "A fool and his money are soon parted"...Don't be a fool...

[gemguy]

I had a girlfriend we terminated last November ,but not because of money,but because of my uncertainty to stay in Thailand ,because of my discomfort about many things about the country ,and the people .We are still good relations ,and If i have any trouble ,she will always be there to lend a hand ,i know.

But i will tell you something . This person was and is the most integral human being i have ever met. She would go out of her way to save us money , and would give you the shirt off her back if you needed it.

Never did she ever do any of the things your wife has been doing with you !

I could give her complete trust at all times , she never changed. A person with such integrity, honesty, and generosity , with an excellent intelligent mind hard to find in this world. Never a lie of any kind . Just a good person all around .

Not a common woman ,and also not pleased by the thinking or behaviors of her own people all around .

A real Thai, but a real outsider at the same time .She was well informed about the dirty Politics of her country, and how corrupted they really are.

This should give you enough food for thought to let you decide what to do next . Good luck

Many Thai women are like that and considered wonderful females to have known their acquaintance ...but .......for some reason a notable percent of them do not remain that way after they get married and the years go by.

I have personally known several men who married Thai women just because they were excited, "enthralled" because their Thai women was such a sweetheart and worthy of being married too.

Several years later and after 1 or 2 children the marriage turned into the "wife from hell"...surprise, surprise...while the guy himself, by way of all and or any standards would be considered to be a great guy and not a lout or sleaze ball in any way...rather a right stand up guy, so to speak....but the wife went all mental and destroyed a perfectly good marriage.

Too many of them are like ticking time bombs...and you never know until you are right there in the thick of things.

Just saying....not criticising

Edited November 14, 2014 by gemguy

[samsensam]

some people, not just thai's, over react when they are caught out and try to turn things around and make themselves seem like the victim.

she could have calmly and clearly explained to you why she need the money then you could have discussed ways for her to achieve her objective without secrecy and deception. unless, and i suspect this is correct, there is an arterial motive for her secretly withdrawing and stashing the cash.

dont be distracted by the histrionics, keep calm and use logic to find out what she is really up to.

[benalibina]

I had a girlfriend we terminated last November ,but not because of money,but because of my uncertainty to stay in Thailand ,because of my discomfort about many things about the country ,and the people .We are still good relations ,and If i have any trouble ,she will always be there to lend a hand ,i know.

But i will tell you something . This person was and is the most integral human being i have ever met. She would go out of her way to save us money , and would give you the shirt off her back if you needed it.

Never did she ever do any of the things your wife has been doing with you !

I could give her complete trust at all times , she never changed. A person with such integrity, honesty, and generosity , with an excellent intelligent mind hard to find in this world. Never a lie of any kind . Just a good person all around .

Not a common woman ,and also not pleased by the thinking or behaviors of her own people all around .

A real Thai, but a real outsider at the same time .She was well informed about the dirty Politics of her country, and how corrupted they really are.

This should give you enough food for thought to let you decide what to do next . Good luck

Many Thai women are like that and considered wonderful females to have known their acquaintance ...but .......for some reason a notable percent of them do not remain that way after they get married and the years go by.

I have personally known several men who married Thai women just because they were excited, "enthralled" because their Thai women was such a sweetheart and worthy of being married too.

Several years later and after 1 or 2 children the marriage turned into the "wife from hell"...surprise, surprise...while the guy himself, by way of all and or any standards would be considered to be a great guy and not a lout or sleaze ball in any way...rather a right stand up guy, so to speak....but the wife went all mental and destroyed a perfectly good marriage.

Too many of them are like ticking time bombs...and you never know until you are right there in the thick of things.

Just saying....not criticising

Good post.....to know the....why they go mental....would be interesting.

[smotherb]

I have withdrawn my comments.

[flyingdoc]

A thorny subject indeed, but I see a lot of good advice being offered around!

[manarak]

regardless of the WHY, stealing cash and hiding it away plus lying about it is a major breach of trust.

the first and most urgent step is of course to revoke all her means to access the money - easiest is probably to open another account on just your name and to transfer everything there.

maybe that will stabilize the situation, maybe not.

second step... well, up to you.

[ianf]

To the OP manly100 ... 'a large wad of cash'.

Just what is the sum or quantum of the money are we talking about?

The one she showed me was 70'000 baht and the one I found was 60'000 baht.

She now says the money is for her business that she wants to open, (a coffee shop) She said she needs to save money as I had told her we didn't have money (about 400'000 baht) for her to start a business at the moment.

I have to say see seems to suffer from severe financial insecurities (perceived) Is there a cure for this?

There is a coffee shop on every street corner. Only 1 in 20 have any chance of making money. In my opinion better to find another business that you can both agree about. But to me the biggest issue here is not the money but the lies and deceit. I put up with lies and deceit from my ex and it landed me with a retirement short of capital after she stole so much money.... Problem was that she was a clever liar ...... Your wife, Manly, is not so clever but she is still a liar. A monk told me that you should never let a liar into your house because they contaminate everything.

However we are also dealing with insecurities here at a level that your wife probably doesn't even understand. That is the issues that needs resolving....and if you can't resolve then there is no hope as those securities will always be there.

[cup-O-coffee]

Yes It seems the comments reinforce my view our marriage is doomed.

Pity really as I'm otherwise happy with my little family. I suppose given what I know now I'm probably living in a one-sided loveless marriage.

What a shame my wife does not see things from an us/together point of view instead of a how-much-I-get/got point of view.

I wonder if her thinking is so entrenched she will never allow herself to live in a normal relationship and is simply unable to accept a relationship based on mutual trust and understanding instead of viewing life as if disaster awaits around every corner and one-self is all that matters.

With that in mind...

I wonder how many men here would die for the chance to relive their divorces - where their half-half children were stolen from them and they were left with nothing - and to have the opportunity to be this far ahead in the game as you are?

I guess I can tell you now, if you truly think it is doomed, then do not let on, and make the decisions and preparations you need to now while you are unhindered.

"If I only knew then what I know now."

[gemguy]

I had a girlfriend we terminated last November ,but not because of money,but because of my uncertainty to stay in Thailand ,because of my discomfort about many things about the country ,and the people .We are still good relations ,and If i have any trouble ,she will always be there to lend a hand ,i know.

But i will tell you something . This person was and is the most integral human being i have ever met. She would go out of her way to save us money , and would give you the shirt off her back if you needed it.

Never did she ever do any of the things your wife has been doing with you !

I could give her complete trust at all times , she never changed. A person with such integrity, honesty, and generosity , with an excellent intelligent mind hard to find in this world. Never a lie of any kind . Just a good person all around .

Not a common woman ,and also not pleased by the thinking or behaviors of her own people all around .

A real Thai, but a real outsider at the same time .She was well informed about the dirty Politics of her country, and how corrupted they really are.

This should give you enough food for thought to let you decide what to do next . Good luck

Many Thai women are like that and considered wonderful females to have known their acquaintance ...but .......for some reason a notable percent of them do not remain that way after they get married and the years go by.

I have personally known several men who married Thai women just because they were excited, "enthralled" because their Thai women was such a sweetheart and worthy of being married too.

Several years later and after 1 or 2 children the marriage turned into the "wife from hell"...surprise, surprise...while the guy himself, by way of all and or any standards would be considered to be a great guy and not a lout or sleaze ball in any way...rather a right stand up guy, so to speak....but the wife went all mental and destroyed a perfectly good marriage.

Too many of them are like ticking time bombs...and you never know until you are right there in the thick of things.

Just saying....not criticising

Good post.....to know the....why they go mental....would be interesting.

I have come to the conclusion that many of them run amuck because they have so many outside influences going on in their lives that us foreigners seem to forget about or ignore as something not to worry about or we simply do not understand the mentality and mind set of a Thai....and certainly not a women.

I surmise that many of them do what they do because circumstances going on in their lives, and mostly family related circumstances and events, drives them to near desperate measures, all too often, while they justify in their mind the wrong doing they are doing as being necessary for any number of self serving reasons that suit their personal agenda.....regardless of how it negatively affects you and or others...with the husband being the main person being effected negatively.

That and one other aspect of their female mentality, amongst all women, world wide:

Your money is their money, while their money is their money and not yours.

Cheers

Edited November 14, 2014 by gemguy

[bangkok2013]

I had a girlfriend we terminated last November ,but not because of money,but because of my uncertainty to stay in Thailand ,because of my discomfort about many things about the country ,and the people .We are still good relations ,and If i have any trouble ,she will always be there to lend a hand ,i know.

But i will tell you something . This person was and is the most integral human being i have ever met. She would go out of her way to save us money , and would give you the shirt off her back if you needed it.

Never did she ever do any of the things your wife has been doing with you !

I could give her complete trust at all times , she never changed. A person with such integrity, honesty, and generosity , with an excellent intelligent mind hard to find in this world. Never a lie of any kind . Just a good person all around .

Not a common woman ,and also not pleased by the thinking or behaviors of her own people all around .

A real Thai, but a real outsider at the same time .She was well informed about the dirty Politics of her country, and how corrupted they really are.

This should give you enough food for thought to let you decide what to do next . Good luck

Many Thai women are like that and considered wonderful females to have known their acquaintance ...but .......for some reason a notable percent of them do not remain that way after they get married and the years go by.

I have personally known several men who married Thai women just because they were excited, "enthralled" because their Thai women was such a sweetheart and worthy of being married too.

Several years later and after 1 or 2 children the marriage turned into the "wife from hell"...surprise, surprise...while the guy himself, by way of all and or any standards would be considered to be a great guy and not a lout or sleaze ball in any way...rather a right stand up guy, so to speak....but the wife went all mental and destroyed a perfectly good marriage.

Too many of them are like ticking time bombs...and you never know until you are right there in the thick of things.

Just saying....not criticising

[bangkok2013]

I hear you loud and clear , but this person is out of the Matrix. She already had kids , she was involved in a corruption case,and lost her successful life , She knows What Thailand is really like, helped the homeless in her town . She is a rock. she will never change , and God bless her........

i am just trying to let this man reason and think for himself without telling him what to do.

[Thaijack2014]

I think that you are lucky with her. At least she didn't waste the money on gambling, drinking or relatives.

I told the story to my girlfriend and she thought it funny. We have three accounts. Both of us have our own and one joined. I don't know how much she has in her savings account and she doesn't know what I have. But we have a joint account. That is our household money. She can take what she needs for both of us. It works fine. If she would start taking money for herself, but we manage until the next payment, it is OK by me.

[Robert2006]

When one is planning to get out of a relationship they will sometimes start a slow process of covertly stashing assets for a few years in advance of the split.

[GettingOlder]

Harsh words but very true. That is why i ask. Where did he meet her? And if he ever bothered to learn Thai. Simple questions. Interesting to see if he is willing to speak the truth. The way i look at it is, if a woman is willing to have kids with a foreigner and then pulls something like this. Dump the dodgy thief and let her deal with the problems including the kids. She should have thought about the outcome first. No Thai man nor future foreigner who is smart enough will touch her with a ten foot pole. Karma sucks.

i think you are very nieve if your wife can "nick / borrow /steal/hoard/hide" about 130,000 baht frrom you my friend you have more money than sense, what have you been doing the last 8 years ? the mind boggles.

JJ seems not to understand that a kids future is involved - with that attitude I hope u don't have any yourself...

I would call the wife's action "putting aside", and its not uncommon in this world. Of course the trust have been abused and reaction is required from OP but it has to consider what is at stake here. Get a calm and intimate talk about the situation, where wife has to explain for which purpose would be the very first thing. Sounds easy but perhaps not (speaking of experience).

If no insurance is in place it is already explainable although still not in order doing it behind OPs back.

Then measure out the response which could very well be securing funds and putting wife under allowance scheme. I am using same...

Continuing the marriage will be somewhat uphill the first long time but certainly not impossible, neither illogic when considering their situation.

[gemguy]

I hear you loud and clear , but this person is out of the Matrix. She already had kids , she was involved in a corruption case,and lost her successful life , She knows What Thailand is really like, helped the homeless in her town . She is a rock. she will never change , and God bless her........

i am just trying to let this man reason and think for himself without telling him what to do.

Now that is the type of Thai women we all want to know.

Of course there are many that are saints.

The country has many of them...but most of us will never meet them..... circumstances prevailing.

Cheers

[Alwyn]

It could be for a sunny day, she probably thinks you're going to leave her at some point and protecting herself. More likely to be for cards though. Do you give her an allowance? I know what I would do but I'm not you and you're not me. So good luck. Take into consideration one huge thing. If you leave her you had best leave properly, by that I mean another province or country. Thais don't handle jealousy very well.

[Thanet]

Is it you, or the people around her, that is causing her to prepare for an exit from the marriage?

Either that, or she is feeding a secret addiction.

You might already know the answer.

Edited November 14, 2014 by Thanet

[phantomfiddler]

Are you off your rocker ? Grab whatever cash you can get your hands on and RUN ! as far as you can get and never have anything to do with this woman again !!!

[Travelighlty]

If it was only over the last few months she's amassed 130K, that would be a huge red flag for me. Curious how she would have announced acquiring the money for the coffee shop. If she had planned on taking a run from you, now she might feel trapped to stick around for a while. If an honest conversation can't happen, maybe it would be better to work out some other relationship between the two of you. Prospects for a positive future together wouldn't be looking too good from what you've related.

[Gandtee]

Some posters want to tell you what to do. I want to ask you what do you want? Do you want a partnership? Or do you want an arrangement? IMO, if you stay with her it will be an arrangement.

I love a smart arse!

[bangkok2013]

I hear you loud and clear , but this person is out of the Matrix. She already had kids , she was involved in a corruption case,and lost her successful life , She knows What Thailand is really like, helped the homeless in her town . She is a rock. she will never change , and God bless her........

i am just trying to let this man reason and think for himself without telling him what to do.

Now that is the type of Thai women we all want to know.

Of course there are many that are saints.

The country has many of them...but most of us will never meet them..... circumstances prevailing.

Cheers

You got that one right my friend! Need tons of experience . lying is too rampant in this country ,it's second nature to protect themselves ,but aside that, the temptation for money grows every day stronger, which distorts these people from their true path. Still in looking carefully we can find the good one in the hay stack...

But on a superficial level i have gotten lots of smiles . learning their language is the key.........cheers to you.

[aussiebrian]

Apply for life insurance and take your wife with you so she understands what she will get in the event of your death.

Just be careful to state that she won't get anything if you are murdered.

Farang aren't murdered in Thailand, they suicide. I would not try that plan.

[Loptr]

The only comment I have on this topic is about trust... Trust is a fragile thing that is offered too quickly by many from western backgrounds due to their culture and upbringing... Once your trust has been broken by someone that is supposed to be your closest partner in life, IMO it can never be regained... Not fully anyway... The OP needs to follow his own intuition in the matter, although mine would be to re-evaluate my choice in partners...

[harrry]

I do not condone her sneaking and hiding the money and it is a danger signal worth watching but...

Most thai girls are insecure but they also know that if you end up dead or in hospital the bank accounts are immediately locked (including joint accounts ).

If you are in hospital she will need money for your hospital bill or even to get your body from the hospital. You can have a billion baht in joint savings accounts and it is all worthless until the probate has been given by the court ina bout 6 months in some cases and at a cost.

You may need to work out a way of keeping some readily accessible money (round 100000baht minimum and probably a lot more in reality) in some place she can get access to it if it is needed. this is why Thais use gold.

Edited November 14, 2014 by harrry

[csabo]

Dishonesty or disloyalty is a deal breaker. Its a cancer you cant cut away. Develop an exit strategy first if which should include moving your money to hidden accounts. I sound harsh I know but I've been through it.