My Thai wife just had a meltdown

[Emster23]

welcome to a very very different culture and mind set. I suggest you find and read essay "Why I never marry Thai" (far beyond just that subject). The view of marriage, intimacy and honesty is not universal however much we may wish it. To many husband is sperm donor and provider, and that is it. Frustrating as all get out, but they see as normal. On plus side, she did have the money, so doubt going to boyfriend or other use. Think of it as her "golden parachute" in case you do what many Thai men do as woman gets older: up and split. I am not condoning this, but do try to see it through her eyes. Farangs are just as unfathomable to them in some ways as Thai women are to us.

Hope you can sit down with her, with help from intermediary if a good one can be found, and work through this to some understanding. She is probably right from her side, and you're right from yours. Do you want to be right or happy? It can be worked through.

[realenglish1]

I feel sorry for you but she is preparing to leave you

[NeverSure]

For all you wonderful guys with long time marriages to wonderful Thai any culture women...

It ain't over yet. Don't ask me how I know.

[dcduffy]

Married twenty five years to my Thai wife, we had joint accounts since the beginning of our relationship and she always had access but she wanted her own money to buy what she wished for when he wished without my input, so now she does and she is happy. I transfer money into her account every week, she sends some to her mother, hangs onto some and plans on opening a restaurant or having something if I die. Once trust and respect is gone the marriage is a failure, it is only money.... she is your partner make sure it is shared fairly and as a previous poster mentioned only a Thai lady from a POOR family can ever understand the true value of money compared to our western value...

[KED]

The most important foundation of a marriage is honesty and trust. Explain to your wife your concerns about hiding money in a relationship. Hopefully, she will listen and you too can re-establish your relationship. Maybe even go to couples counseling. I do agree that for now, it is best to put your finances in your name only and work out an allowance for her. Trust but verify.

[DekDaeng]

"I was hoping this marriage would last my lifetime"

Oh, it will, it will.

You should mention in your will if you would like to be barbequed (like the guy in Hua Hin) or dumped in the canal in a garbage bag (1 or 2 japs - to one woman & her Thai ex) or shot by mystery pairs on a mocy without plates - like so many others.

Had daughter DNA tested?

Next time wife goes shopping dump all her stuff in the street & change the locks.

Or up & out yourself.

[MexicanFarang]

Mistake #1: Marry someone who you don't really know.

Mistake #2: Buying a house in Thailand.

Mistake #3: Having a kid with someone you don't really understand.

Classic.

[David48]

Walk away, I put up with this rubbish for 26 years. Last year she sold land at 18 million baht, put the money in her own bank. I found out told her divorce was on the cards if she didn't return it. This led to fights & extreme arguments until I served her with divorce papers, she was shocked & now wants to give it all back, but now it can't see a future, how can you trust her again.

They will do it again if they want to, I've wasted years, don't you do the same

May I ask ... did you buy the land initially? Meaning using your money?

Not having a go ... just asking.

Thanks

Bought the land in 2007 with a vague plan to build something, I had no reason to distrust her, married 19 years at that time. I think she saw it as some kind of insurance policy in case I found a younger model.

Anyway, she wants to give it all back if I stop the divorce, daughter is over 18, so no complications & money can be her settlement

Thanks for the reply ... many don't bother.

I can understand the 'insurance policy' concept. Not saying I agree.

Good luck with it and hope it works out for you.

[MexicanFarang]

"Married twenty five years to my Thai wife...I transfer money into her account every week."

Stop transferring money into her account and see how many more years you're married.

Why do so many men think it's an accomplishment to have, what is basically a Leased Prostitute?

I'm sorry, but in a traditional relationship in Hunter-Gatherer tribes, the woman worked ("gathering") and contributed 70% of the daily caloric intake.

The only people that didn't work were the infirm and disabled.

Tell her to get a job, because it's Traditional...

Edited November 14, 2014 by MexicanFarang

[Jay Sata]

The only comment I have on this topic is about trust... Trust is a fragile thing that is offered too quickly by many from western backgrounds due to their culture and upbringing... Once your trust has been broken by someone that is supposed to be your closest partner in life, IMO it can never be regained... Not fully anyway... The OP needs to follow his own intuition in the matter, although mine would be to re-evaluate my choice in partners...

I am afraid I agree.

I have a friend who has been married for 14 years to a Thai girl and they have a lovely son,nice city house and a farm in the country. They lived happily in the UK and in Thailand until a year ago when the farm became her focus in life.

It now transpires that an old flame has also emerged on the scene no doubt attracted to assets like a mosquito to a light bulb.

Her head is now flooded with the boyfriends promises of untold wealth and happiness from a 17 rai farm.

He has even suggested he will pay for a life insurance policy for her Farang husband!

That reminds me of the murder of a British guy in Banpai last year where the wife was even planning to get the mother in law over from England to bump her off and claim her UK assets.

The OP may well have a similar situation where she is building up a rainy day fund.

Whatever her squirrelling the money it cannot be for his future.

[Beetlejuice]

To the OP manly100 ... 'a large wad of cash'.

Just what is the sum or quantum of the money are we talking about?

The one she showed me was 70'000 baht and the one I found was 60'000 baht.

She now says the money is for her business that she wants to open, (a coffee shop) She said she needs to save money as I had told her we didn't have money (about 400'000 baht) for her to start a business at the moment.

I have to say see seems to suffer from severe financial insecurities (perceived) Is there a cure for this?

This all sounds totally weird.

My advice is; check out her cell phone calls, facebook accounts, emails and online activities, see if you can find any clues as to what she`s up to, but do this discretely so your wife is not aware you are checking up on her.

[sipi]

Are there any other indications that things aren't right with the family? Is she distancing herself or your daughter from you? Does she disappear for hours or days on end? Or are things as normal?

From my experience an unhappy Thai wife will simply tell you it is over, and just leave knowing she will get half of everything anyway.

Is there a cure for financial instability? Yes, talk...

Edited November 14, 2014 by sipi

[Ulic]

She seems to have a rainy day fund (could include leaving you) but at least not a drug or gambling fund. Everybody needs a little

cash set aside especially if she is not working and relies on you for everything. Personally I would put her on a reasonable allowance

to run the house and pay the bills If she can save some money from that for her rainy day/feel a little independent fund, great. She wants to

open up a coffee shop for which she needs 400K. How sound is this plan? In your opinion do the numbers/business plan make any sense?

Of course I would amend access to your bank account to just you, and have her open up her own account, (no credit cards). As

has been suggested keep all important documents of yours, the house and your child's in a bank safe deposit box. (Just being prudent)

Don't read to much into her meltdown as she just got caught, lost face and did not know what to say. Tears are a womans secret weapon

after all. So relax, get your affairs in order and what will be will be. Hopefully she is not planning to bolt, but if she is you have limited

the damage and are at least a little more mentally prepared.

[kinmaew]

This does not surprise me at all. When I had a TGF it was story after story after story, no idea as to the veracity of these claims, Thais seem to live in a fantasy world of lies and deceit. Some of the issues my TGF had:

She had a business providing fresh produce to supermarkets like Carrefor with a few truck drivers. They stole her money or goods and there were huge losses associated with this.

She had written a cheque for a large sum of money and it bounced and in Thailand that is tantamount to theft, the police were after her and she even spent a few weeks in jail. I was out of the country at this time.

She was constantly getting sued or being asked of money from past associates.

She was an educated person with a degree in Science and also worked in marketing then she said she went back to school and became a lawyer and did that for a while and seemed to be doing well. Then the floods hit said she got "scared" of the floods and headed to Ubon to sell "Sai Grok Uwa" Thai sausages working 7 days a week from "Lawer to Mae Ka" I said why, this does not make sense.

Her friend hired a car, then her friends relative took it and didn't return it "Get money", now problem.

Her brothers son and his wife want to start a fresh fruit juice stand at the market need 20k will pay you back that was 8 years ago

On valentines day at midnight she had to leave to "See someone at Kao Tom stand with a problem" and didnt return for 3 days sucker here waited for her to return

Get the picture? you are going through nothing new better to be alone and sane. Thailand is not the place for a middle aged foreign man to "Find Love" - Of course there are plenty of other useful things you can do but finding a suitable partner seems to be almost impossible.

I am so glad to be out of it, yes lonely but what sort of life is the above? You gotta be bloody mad to say the above is "A life" - Good luck and listen to logic.

[jacko45k]

To the OP manly100 ... 'a large wad of cash'.

Just what is the sum or quantum of the money are we talking about?

The one she showed me was 70'000 baht and the one I found was 60'000 baht.

She now says the money is for her business that she wants to open, (a coffee shop) She said she needs to save money as I had told her we didn't have money (about 400'000 baht) for her to start a business at the moment.

I have to say see seems to suffer from severe financial insecurities (perceived) Is there a cure for this?

Wow, this makes my incident look trivial.

Mine was petty thieving from my wallet, but then again she does NOT have access to my bank accounts.

Thieving is thieving and a major breaking of trust that should be in a relationship.

Fortunately it sounds like the money is still 'around', and it is more a case of hoarding, rather than something much worse like passing it on to a 3rd party or the worst thing, gambling.

Don't listen to her obvious lies.

It could be a mental problem stemming from insecurity, but it needs to be stopped.

Recover what you can and take over the finances and block her access to the funds excepting an allowance!

Temptation is to end the relationship and this may be inevitable.....but try to address her insecurities, like having a will (watch your back ) and maybe a trust fund. I put mine in a temple for a week, where she could not even use a phone, she came back a changed person and has been good since. You may consider that or a psychiatrist! Good luck.

Edited November 14, 2014 by jacko45k

[pigeonjake]

Mistake #1: Marry someone who you don't really know.

Mistake #2: Buying a house in Thailand.

Mistake #3: Having a kid with someone you don't really understand.

Classic.

i just new this thread would bring out the newbie experts,

classic example,,

mind you his next post is even better,,

[poweratradio]

Married 8 years with a daughter. I would give her a chance. Maybe she is genuinely worried. She has been caught out and now knows that she can't do that. When she calms down, sit down, have a chat and reassure her. Then start again. I feel sorry for you.

Wow whats all this run don't walk away from her. WOW she is his wife of 8 years and wives and mothers have been salting away money for years. It gives them comfort. If the OP had given her full access to the join marriage funds she would not be doing this.

Seems like a whole lot of LACK of trust in that marriage to say the least.

I would have just searched found and taken all the money and said nothing and then waited for the confession.

[poweratradio]

Withdrawing from your account?

If yes....run.

Major breach of trust.

OP does not say how much was in the wad but wives and mothers have been salting away money for centuries. Some do it from left over grocery money but if she had fee access to the accounts then what is the need for her to do this. Sounds like an escape plan to me.

[David48]

Withdrawing from your account?

If yes....run.

Major breach of trust.

OP does not say how much was in the wad but wives and mothers have been salting away money for centuries. Some do it from left over grocery money but if she had fee access to the accounts then what is the need for her to do this. Sounds like an escape plan to me.

You are correct ... the OP doesn't.

But, if you took the time to read a little deeper, he did take the time to reply to question.

Just saying like ...

[Jungle Jim]

Learning their language is the key ! This guy has a brain. BINGO!

I hear you loud and clear , but this person is out of the Matrix. She already had kids , she was involved in a corruption case,and lost her successful life , She knows What Thailand is really like, helped the homeless in her town . She is a rock. she will never change , and God bless her........

i am just trying to let this man reason and think for himself without telling him what to do.

Now that is the type of Thai women we all want to know.

Of course there are many that are saints.

The country has many of them...but most of us will never meet them..... circumstances prevailing.

Cheers

You got that one right my friend! Need tons of experience . lying is too rampant in this country ,it's second nature to protect themselves ,but aside that, the temptation for money grows every day stronger, which distorts these people from their true path. Still in looking carefully we can find the good one in the hay stack...

But on a superficial level i have gotten lots of smiles . learning their language is the key.........cheers to you.

[poweratradio]

Withdrawing from your account?

If yes....run.

Major breach of trust.

OP does not say how much was in the wad but wives and mothers have been salting away money for centuries. Some do it from left over grocery money but if she had fee access to the accounts then what is the need for her to do this. Sounds like an escape plan to me.

You are correct ... the OP doesn't.

But, if you took the time to read a little deeper, he did take the time to reply to question.

Just saying like ...

Ah gee my humble apologies to you Mr. scrutineer but I would have had to read 9 (nine) pages looking for answers to this troll post and all its following BS Save me the time oh wise one surveyor of the inane.

[PHP87]

She's a theif and a liar.

I would walk and never look back.

[David48]

OP does not say how much was in the wad <snip>

You are correct ... the OP doesn't.

But, if you took the time to read a little deeper, he did take the time to reply to question.

Just saying like ...

Ah gee my humble apologies to you Mr. scrutineer but I would have had to read 9 (nine) pages looking for answers to this troll post and all its following BS Save me the time oh wise one surveyor of the inane.

Actually, if you had taken the time to read the 1^st page ... the OP replied with the info there ... http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/776430-my-thai-wife-just-had-a-meltdown/#entry8669579

Just saying like ...

[benalibina]

To the OP manly100 ... 'a large wad of cash'.

Just what is the sum or quantum of the money are we talking about?

The one she showed me was 70'000 baht and the one I found was 60'000 baht.

She now says the money is for her business that she wants to open, (a coffee shop) She said she needs to save money as I had told her we didn't have money (about 400'000 baht) for her to start a business at the moment.

I have to say see seems to suffer from severe financial insecurities (perceived) Is there a cure for this?

Wow, this makes my incident look trivial.

Mine was petty thieving from my wallet, but then again she does NOT have access to my bank accounts.

Thieving is thieving and a major breaking of trust that should be in a relationship.

Fortunately it sounds like the money is still 'around', and it is more a case of hoarding, rather than something much worse like passing it on to a 3rd party or the worst thing, gambling.

Don't listen to her obvious lies.

It could be a mental problem stemming from insecurity, but it needs to be stopped.

Recover what you can and take over the finances and block her access to the funds excepting an allowance!

Temptation is to end the relationship and this may be inevitable.....but try to address her insecurities, like having a will (watch your back ) and maybe a trust fund. I put mine in a temple for a week, where she could not even use a phone, she came back a changed person and has been good since. You may consider that or a psychiatrist! Good luck.

She has been good since......haha...for now, yes.

[benalibina]

Mistake (1) Marrying a bar girl girl or massage girl. (2) Marrying a Thai woman that speaks bar English. Guess what likely worked in a bar. (HOOKER) (3) Drinking non-stop alcoholism . How many foreign drunks marry a bar girl ? Likely 99.99999 % Dead brain . Who would marry an alcoholic ? Answer a bar girl. (4) Not learning to speak Thai. Really stupid idea. You plan to spend most of your holidays and or your life here and can,t even count to five. Shows a serious lack of common sense and or your a drunk. Foreigner has a big red flashing light on his head. (TOTAL DRUNK BRAIN DEAD SUCKER) Free car, home, and all the money you want. If your stupid enough to marry a bar girl, drink your life away and not learn Thai you deserve what you get. TAKE SOME RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN ACTIONS !

All those capital letters......a note to self ?

[AnotherOneAmerican]

A lot of Thai wives skim. Had a friend who proudly showed me the townhome he was renting for 8,000 baht a month, with his wife handling the negotiation and all payments with the landlord. I later rented (and then bought) from the same folks and we became friendly. I eventually learned that the unit in question had actually been rented for $5,000, with wifey pocketing $3,000/mo. They were there about 4 years, so....

This happens all the time. Seen it myself many times.

[EmptyHead]

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I had a similar thing and ended up wasting another 5 years of my life for the sake of our child. Never getting those years back.....

But your kid probably appreciated it.

2 things come to mind

how do u know when ur wife is lying

when her mouth is open

and

whats mine is mine

and whats yours is ours

That's true. My wife say that is a common mentality with Thai wifes: my money is my money, and your money is my money. lol

Apply for life insurance and take your wife with you so she understands what she will get in the event of your death.

Just be careful to state that she won't get anything if you are murdered.

Worst advice in the world.

There aren't any murders in Thailand anyway, only suicides.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

Apply for life insurance and take your wife with you so she understands what she will get in the event of your death.

Just be careful to state that she won't get anything if you are murdered.

Farang aren't murdered in Thailand, they suicide. I would not try that plan.

Quite a lot die in m/c accidents and hit and run accidents too.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

Married twenty five years to my Thai wife, we had joint accounts since the beginning of our relationship and she always had access but she wanted her own money to buy what she wished for when he wished without my input, so now she does and she is happy. I transfer money into her account every week, she sends some to her mother, hangs onto some and plans on opening a restaurant or having something if I die. Once trust and respect is gone the marriage is a failure, it is only money.... she is your partner make sure it is shared fairly and as a previous poster mentioned only a Thai lady from a POOR family can ever understand the true value of money compared to our western value...

Married 25 years to my US wife. Then she took me for all she could.

Previous performance is no indication of future profits. (as they say in the investment world)

[AnotherOneAmerican]

Are there any other indications that things aren't right with the family? Is she distancing herself or your daughter from you? Does she disappear for hours or days on end? Or are things as normal?

From my experience an unhappy Thai wife will simply tell you it is over, and just leave knowing she will get half of everything anyway.

Is there a cure for financial instability? Yes, talk...

From my experience an unhappy Thai wife will murder you and take the lot.

It's an unhappy US wife that will leave and take half or more.