Sinsod or Dowry.. why the big deal ?

[brewsterbudgen]

If you were married to a western woman and you loved your in laws, would you give them money? If not, why not?

If you don't love your Thai in laws, does that make it OK to not pay them?

No, because sinsod is not part of western culture, although if they were dirt poor I would do what I could do help them financially.

Yes, if my Thai in-laws were objectionable I wouldn't give them anything, except maybe a token sinsod for show at the wedding.

[mania]

1. It is a Thais culture. (Normal for Thais)

2. It will show your stable life.(your back ground)

3. It can be guarantee for your future wife's family.(make sure you can look after their daughter)

4. It shows how much value of your future wife.(her basic life and job)

5. For the face if your future wife's family rich. (social life)

:-)

I understand this thinking/tradition & it is what it is but..............

#1 ok tradition

#2 an interview/questioning getting to know the groom will show the same

#3 is a real misnomer...I mean suppose the guy has 1.5 million to his name?

How has given 2/3rds of his life savings away to a girls parents to guarantee their daughter

can now be looked but given the fact the groom just took a big hit? Is it less true or more true now?

#4 also questionable to some degree since her value in liquid assets that she will share with her husband has

just been seriously reduced

#5 Face/Ego is something very non Buddhist isn't it?

I was fortunate I guess because years ago when I met my wife I had in fact heard of this

tradition & when before marriage we went to her parents house. I sat down with her mom & dad & asked what would be expected

of me in this sinsod tradition.

My wife's mother told me we are not selling our daughter & all I hope is that you both will have a nice life together.

Please take care of our daughter.

Her family is not wealthy but rice farmers up north. They have shown me many times since then

what truly good hearts these folks have & makes it obvious to me why my wife is also such a nice person.

Even now when we visit I like to take a gift or two & am always scolded by Mom & told we should save not waste

money as in the future we may need it. Pretty much exactly the same as my mom always told me when I bought her something.

[TSF]

Seems the ladyboys are jumping aboard the sin sot wagon as well. Seen a couple recent reports of wealthy farang paying staggering sin sots to go through some mickey-mouse ceremony with a LB they got out of Boyz Town or Soi 6.

[David48]

My Thai Partner and I are happy to pay a Sin Sot.

We will save up for it together ... $ for $.

I don't give a rats ass what others think. I am my own man.

This is my promise to her .. I don't break my promises.

She gave up her job as a manager with an International Company of 12 years to come stay in my country.

Real Love is in play now.

We have kids together.

It is is what is it is.

Start hurling stones on us about now ... frankly, I don't give a <deleted>.

.

[how241]

Happy to pay sin sot, in 1,000bht installments.

No need for any ceremony or monks.

+1...Pay as you go is always safer.

[WhamBam]

Age old topic.

But, if I am paying the bills for food, accommodation, electric, water and such, I would never ever pay sin sot for any woman.

If she is working she can pretty much keep what she gets and do with it as she pleases.

Thailand or not. Up to them to see what side of their bread is buttered. If they do not like it, tough. There are plenty of women out there you can live with as common law wife for a couple of years at a time. And a change is often as good as a rest, so they say.

[lensta]

F the sin sot , it's out of date old fashion a waste of my hard earned money, which I could be using for the future . Why Thais think that money grows on trees in western country's is beyond me...

Nobody thought money grows on the tree. How can thai guys get married then?

Most of my Thai friends married Thai guys got minimum 1million baht sin-sod excluded gold and etc.

I dont understand why some farang agaisnt to pay SinSod if they want to marry thai woman and this is a thai culture.

;-)

[/quote

I don't understand why Thai women want a sinsot if they want to marry a foreign man. Works both ways!

[WhamBam]

My Thai Partner and I are happy to pay a Sin Sot.

We will save up for it together ... $ for $.

I don't give a rats ass what others think. I am my own man.

This is my promise to her .. I don't break my promises.

She gave up her job as a manager with an International Company of 12 years to come stay in my country.

Real Love is in play now.

We have kids together.

It is is what is it is.

Start hurling stones on us about now ... frankly, I don't give a <deleted>.

.

Saving together $ for $. That is how I have heard many Thai on Thai do it. Seems far more sensible.

[rgs2001uk]

My Thai Partner and I are happy to pay a Sin Sot.

We will save up for it together ... $ for $.

I don't give a rats ass what others think. I am my own man.

This is my promise to her .. I don't break my promises.

She gave up her job as a manager with an International Company of 12 years to come stay in my country.

Real Love is in play now.

We have kids together.

It is is what is it is.

Start hurling stones on us about now ... frankly, I don't give a <deleted>.

.

Saving together $ for $. That is how I have heard many Thai on Thai do it. Seems far more sensible.

I know of Thai couples who saved for years with a joint bank account that they both paid into, as you say appears to be the norm on Thai/Thai marriages.

[inbangkok]

My Thai Partner and I are happy to pay a Sin Sot.

We will save up for it together ... $ for $.

I don't give a rats ass what others think. I am my own man.

This is my promise to her .. I don't break my promises.

She gave up her job as a manager with an International Company of 12 years to come stay in my country.

Real Love is in play now.

We have kids together.

It is is what is it is.

Start hurling stones on us about now ... frankly, I don't give a .

.

Do as you want. I am not hurling stones at anyone. However, posts like this highlight everything that is wrong and illogical about sin sot. You proudly proclaim "real love is in play now" and "we have kids together". When do either of these equate to handing over gobs of cash and gold to the women's parents? Maybe you should take that cash and put it in a college fund for the kids..... Just a suggestion........

And she gave up her job to come live in your country. OK, well, again, what in the world does this have to do with giving her parents money.

Again, I don't care if you are paying sin sot....

However, you have done nothing as to explain why. Your post is full of random things that have nothing to do with handing cash to the women's patents.

[Bernard Flint]

1. It is a Thais culture. (Normal for Thais)

2. It will show your stable life.(your back ground)

3. It can be guarantee for your future wife's family.(make sure you can look after their daughter)

4. It shows how much value of your future wife.(her basic life and job)

5. For the face if your future wife's family rich. (social life)

:-)

Not a western trait, most families work,so dont need a freebie

[Bernard Flint]

Long time ago when i got married here. First time i heard of it was when ferangs started to arrive.Just as well, ide never pay it. Later asked Chinese FIL about it,just got told Not Your Culture,rather snappy he was too i recall.....,basically stuff your money.Rare by Thai Ways.

My chinese future FIL, Has promised me money, house and mia noi, his daughter very fat and ugly, but i love her for her heart

[Ace of Pop]

Known to His FIL as Skin Flint. ...many old crumblies like me never got "had over" back then. Up to You.

[recycler]

Calling it culture doesn't make it right.

Sinsod puts woman in a position to be negotiated over by family and in many poor families girls are simply sold.

[makkam]

If the bride to be is a girl you met in a bar, massage parlour or similar you'd be mad to get involved in this.

Proper thais ( ie decent people with normal backgrounds ) don't do the sin sot thing.

Keep well away. If the girl insists the marriage cant go ahead then do yourself a favour and run like hell

[frollywolly]

No big deal.

Never paid sinsot.

Paid for the wedding.

[Ace of Pop]

My Dear old English Friend who died recently after 30 years married to a Thai Lady who had no Parents.So he supported the Orphanage where she was cared for.Thats Caring.

[Shiver]

Who dont want money? My answer is maybe animal.

Having "enough" is as good as a feast.

[Robert24]

no big deal in my opinion. It's part of Thai culture. Some strong minded people on here are absolutely for it, others completely against. Same as some people tell you don't ever get married, others are happy to get married 4-5 times in their life. Questions like this, do you want to get married, do you want to have kids, do you want to pay sin sod etc, everyone has to decide for themselves. Plenty of information about sinsod on TV if someone wants to do some research and come up with the key pros and cons.

[fish fingers]

"little envelopes will make much or all of it back."

in your dreams.....

300,000 baht already in envelopes from the engagement; Im guessing more on wedding day so put that in your pipe etc

I dont know what type of women you guys who complain are marrying but Im guessing your level.

[fish fingers]

Plus i would never marry into a family who expect a monthly retainer. maybe thats one difference between Issan and chinese thai

[Emster23]

I wonder if the Thai families ever consider that groom may also have family back home and he might need to help them out? Or do they assume we are all orphans, and why else would we come here?

[WhamBam]

I wonder if the Thai families ever consider that groom may also have family back home and he might need to help them out? Or do they assume we are all orphans, and why else would we come here?

^^^

Not only sin sot related but related to a Thai woman and her family in general.

I have always told them I have financial responsibilities back home. I have grandchildren. A house to take care of. They soon get the message I am not an general ATM fund.

On the other hand, as I have pointed out in the past here on tv I am not such a tight-ass that I will not help out in genuine cases, like a death or genuine sickness.

I would be more than happy to do things the Thai on Thai way that I have seen friends do and that is to share the costs of life.

Back home, getting married to a British or European woman I would not pay for the wedding or pay her parents.

Yes, it is a different culture here. But when it is Farang on Thai the Thai should also understand and respect our ways of doing things.

[superdome]

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thais think money grows on trees in western countries....it does if you own the orchard....

F the sin sot , it's out of date old fashion a waste of my hard earned money, which I could be using for the future . Why Thais think that money grows on trees in western country's is beyond me...

[rotary]

"Traditionally, what might be called a dowry is paid by the groom to the bride’s family. If your fiancée is Thai, this is an issue you may have to come to terms with and it is often a bone of contention for non-Thai men."

Well thats an opinion we do not share I assure you. Treat that Sin Sod like drugs, Just say NO.

[senor123]

Once u let go of your predispositons of sin sod u move on. I couldnt ask for a better wife. 200k is jack shit to me nyway. Have a beautiful young girl on a very good salay who is drop dead gorgeous. If u are too tight to part with that kinda money u arent gonna find ny decent women.

Lol.... These types of posts are hilarious. So you bought a young gorgeous girl for 200,000. Congratulations!

I am far more impressed when individuals find "drop dead gorgeous" women to become their wife when money isn't involved.

And make no mistake buddy..... Maybe YOU can't find a decent women without spending money...... But plenty of us can.

To claim one can't find a decent girl unless they spend money on her..... Well... That would imply the girl in question is a hooker/gold digger..... And the man in question is a straight loser with nothing to offer but money....

Although I understand your point it seems to me that you are a little tough on your perceptions of other people's point of view. I paid sin sod for my wife who had been married before and really had not ever been able to enjoy a wedding where she could just say "I really enjoyed the day" I am not sure what it cost but most of it was returned less expenses. It was a Buddhist commitment ceremony with nothing to sign but terrible and loud music from 4 am in the morning. I have no doubt you will find someone who loves you for your handsome and practical self but, on the other hand, maybe not. As for me, 3 years down the track, I have no complaints.

[nithisa78]

F the sin sot , it's out of date old fashion a waste of my hard earned money, which I could be using for the future . Why Thais think that money grows on trees in western country's is beyond me...

Hey happy , F for your life, values and system too. Maybe you're the one out of date and lost of words that matter. There is much more in this world than small minded selfish creatures. Now happy go out and do something for somebody besides yourself.

That will nul your sin. We're in the future. enjoy it.

[schvonsky1]

F the sin sot , it's out of date old fashion a waste of my hard earned money, which I could be using for the future . Why Thais think that money grows on trees in western country's is beyond me...

Nobody thought money grows on the tree. How can thai guys get married then?

Most of my Thai friends married Thai guys got minimum 1million baht sin-sod excluded gold and etc.

I dont understand why some farang agaisnt to pay SinSod if they want to marry thai woman and this is a thai culture.

;-)

it is Thai culture but you should respect a foreigner if he does not have a great deal of money as he has to pay his mortgage for him and his wife to live in when they both go back to his home land and then they can look at there finances and both help and send some money per month or the girl stays at home back in thailand and stuck doing nothing and not having the ability to earn good money so which way is it to be ?

[schvonsky1]

F the sin sot , it's out of date old fashion a waste of my hard earned money, which I could be using for the future . Why Thais think that money grows on trees in western country's is beyond me...

Nobody thought money grows on the tree. How can thai guys get married then?

Most of my Thai friends married Thai guys got minimum 1million baht sin-sod excluded gold and etc.

I dont understand why some farang agaisnt to pay SinSod if they want to marry thai woman and this is a thai culture.

;-)

it is Thai culture but you should respect a foreigner if he does not have a great deal of money as he has to pay his mortgage for him and his wife to live in when they both go back to his home land and then they can look at there finances and both help and send some money per month or the girl stays at home back in thailand and stuck doing nothing and not having the ability to earn good money so which way is it to be ?

[forrwhat]

All of my Thai friends (all are well off) say they paid a face saving dowry. In other words they all paid an agreed upon amount at the time of the wedding, it was promptly given back to them the day after. They all said that modern Thai families all realize that it is better to allow your Son or Daughter and your spouse good start in their life instead of burdening them from the beginning of their life together.

Maybe it is better to marry from a good family than a poor one.