What is your understanding of being married in Thailand?

[MauiSteveBKK]

Come and "hang" with me and my wife. And our other falang/Thai couple friends.

Same as USA - where men go outside and sit on the car and talk, and the women are in the kitchen yaking.

My Wife and I talk a lot. Some English - Some Thai - Some Hawaiian that I have taught her.

You posted a "Horrible Generalization", My Friend.

Seriously, come hang-out with us and our couple friends, and you will see a completely different world. The only thing I can think of as to why you are experiencing what you are experiencing .... is possibly a very wide age difference between the Falang man and the Thai woman.

I hate it - and almost want to punch people -- who claim "Thai Women Are Servants". And Subserviant.

Shame on YOU!

[villagefarang]

I too notice couples who seem ill-suited and wonder how they put up with each other. I usually feel sorry for one or the other, sometimes the man and sometimes the woman. A well matched couple seems rare yet I see people with seemingly nothing in common, fighting constantly and yet staying together for many years.

While I could not live in that kind of relationship I have since come to realize that many of these couples see themselves as being in the best relationship of their lives. Now I try to accept that people end up in the relationship which suits them best, regardless of how bad it looks to me.

[GarryP]

You see many foreign retirees who get married to much younger Thai women and they can barely have an understandable conversation with each other let alone intellectual discussion. It would drive me nuts, but they seem happy enough. Different strokes for different folks I suppose.

Edited December 4, 2014 by GarryP

[Costas2008]

Come and "hang" with me and my wife. And our other falang/Thai couple friends.

Same as USA - where men go outside and sit on the car and talk, and the women are in the kitchen yaking.

My Wife and I talk a lot. Some English - Some Thai - Some Hawaiian that I have taught her.

You posted a "Horrible Generalization", My Friend.

Seriously, come hang-out with us and our couple friends, and you will see a completely different world. The only thing I can think of as to why you are experiencing what you are experiencing .... is possibly a very wide age difference between the Falang man and the Thai woman.

I hate it - and almost want to punch people -- who claim "Thai Women Are Servants". And Subserviant.

Shame on YOU!

Shame on me? Why?

YOU come and live with me and observe the situation around and then you can open your big mouth and insult me.

[The Usual Suspect]

My wife and I have a great relationship, but it is something we both work on daily. She speaks passable english and is improving all the time. I am doing my best to learn Thai/Lao to improve our communication as well. Our relationship isn't about money....she was doing quite well financially before she met me and would do just fine without me. We are in this for the long haul as life partners because we actually love and care for each other. We share in household duties and I often take on a greater share as she works full time, five days a week and I am retired and have plenty of time. We spend almost all of our spare time together, but know enough to give each other "space" when it's necessary. We don't go out much because neither one of us are party people and it suits us fine. It saddens me to read about Thai/Farang relationships that are not based on love but on financial necessity. They seem so empty and lifeless. My wife and I contribute equally to our finances, but we try our best to keep money as far away from our personal relationship as possible. At the end of the day, it's all about love...not money. As for me personally, I am happier than I have ever been in a relationship. This is my third marriage and it will definitely be my last. I finally found a keeper, even if she is on the other side of the world.

[davethailand]

Come and "hang" with me and my wife. And our other falang/Thai couple friends.

Same as USA - where men go outside and sit on the car and talk, and the women are in the kitchen yaking.

My Wife and I talk a lot. Some English - Some Thai - Some Hawaiian that I have taught her.

You posted a "Horrible Generalization", My Friend.

Seriously, come hang-out with us and our couple friends, and you will see a completely different world. The only thing I can think of as to why you are experiencing what you are experiencing .... is possibly a very wide age difference between the Falang man and the Thai woman.

I hate it - and almost want to punch people -- who claim "Thai Women Are Servants". And Subserviant.

Shame on YOU!

I don't think he's labelling them as servants more like that's how he maybe views them as being treated that way?

[PaulHamon]

you just hang out with the wrong people.

[cbluck58]

As usual Costas - a piece of nonsense.

All relationships are different and work or not for different reasons - mine is certainly not the business of either yourself or this forum

[godden]

Not only do we not eat together we use the toilet separately

[stgrhe]

OP, we seem to live in different parts of the Thai society. I can't relate to your statements but assume you live in the a rural village somewhere and your mates being married to rice farmers daughters.

[csabo]

there has been many many posts and pics of me and my wife, tails of our life together, building our life and farm together,

notice the word together,, we love to be together and when im at home we arnt apart much, but we both like it that way,

yes we talk, we talk about many many things, my wife likes to look at the news both thai and english we talk about that, we are a normal couple weather in thailand or anywere else for that mater,

there is pics of my wife on the how beautiful is your wife thread,

one with my daughter on her birthday, were david comented that see looked different without wellys on,,lol

so i put one up were she was cleaning our pigs out,

some of us costas have found happiness here mate, i for one have

The same with me, Pigeonjake

I have found love understanding and tranquillity here and I wouldn't change that for anything in this world.

As about being an obedient servant, I serve and take care of my wife more than she does for me, as she is a working lady.

I just wrote about my observations with numerous farang/thai couples I've met in my 7 years living here.

Ohhh now I get it. This topic is about gloating about oneself and looking down on other's relationships. Ok, now it's clear.

[Costas2008]

Another pointless troll topic.

PS

Thai husbands and wives often eat separately too.

Men eat together, women eat together, same at parties.

Regardless of who is eating with whom, let the Greek man speak and respect his discursive effort.

He is just in a hurry to get to his 4001 post. Maybe he gets a prize.

As to his discursive efforts he, for a Greek, is no Plato.

I can detect a bit of envy here.

What's wrong with you Saan?

From 2009 and you have only posted 800 odd posts.

Can't you write anything of substance or you keep your eyes shut to what is happening around you?

[Costas2008]

As usual Costas - a piece of nonsense.

All relationships are different and work or not for different reasons - mine is certainly not the business of either yourself or this forum

You have my commiserations for your situation.

[neverdie]

Costas

I've just read this thread. It obviously has something to do with the company you keep. I've never really seen what you are describing. I accept that there may be cases like this, but I've never seen it although I have seen some funny communications between farang Thai couples in the street and I am sure it's probably frustrating for them.

I have no trouble communicating with mrs ND. Unfortunately I hear every word in both languages.....lol.....and if anything I do more of the housework, perhaps I'm the servant ?

I've only been to one event where (Thai) men and women were sitting apart......I sat with the women

Anyway, you keep keeping on with these people, I'll keep avoiding them.....hopefully.

ND, you are very right to say it has to do with the company I keep.

First, I have to tell you that never in my life looked at the background or social standing of people I meet or keep company with.

Second, where I live, is not a cosmopolitan city, just a rural area of Issan where the average age of farangs here is about 65.

Most of them married to much younger wives, build a nice house and pretend to have a wonderful life while being drunk most of the day.

I rarely meet young couples, so I can't have an opinion about them.

Amongst the over 65's there are couples that they have been married to a Thai lady for many years and I can see that they are happy together.

But they are not the majority of the people I met.

Third, I wouldn't avoid anybody, as long as they don't hurt me.

Their marital status is their business and not mine.

Everybody has the right to choose the way they want to live.

You need to come and hang out wth a young couple, like the wife and I. Too much old fart stuff, heart attack and hip replacement stories, drive ya mad.

The wife and I are a team, we share all the duties except cooking....I'm a shocking chef, I could burn water....so I clean up & I do a good job. I also cut the raw material & sometimes one of my right hands. I'm a dangerous man in the kitchen, especially with a knife. Generally I'm told to remain in the corner of the kitchen where the sink is.

I think the wife mainly tolerates me because I can lift heavy things and open the lids on jars.

I also, wash clothes, make beds, sweep and mop the floor, I run the brush around the dunny. I chase the snakes and cattle out of the yard..... If it's technical, forget it....for example I still can't get the iPhone to the screen to make a phone call and all this other updating, transferring, applicating, this and that....naaa, that's her job.

My belief, the secret to any successful relationship is friendship and communication. Without these, your going to be pushing shitt uphill, right from day 1.

Anyway, the types of group gathering you describe are the ones that I avoid.....and your right, it's completely up to other people how they live....but it must be difficult if you can't sit and discuss the important stuff, don't know how they do it.

Adios.

[steven100]

not married .....

[NoshowJones]

Another pointless troll topic.

PS

Thai husbands and wives often eat separately too.

Men eat together, women eat together, same at parties.

It is not another pointless troll topic, the OP has obviously put a lot into this thread, it is always good to read members views on things like this, and you can learn from them.

[neverdie]

not married .....

Fatal last words. 5555555

[Tony125]

Come and "hang" with me and my wife. And our other falang/Thai couple friends.

Same as USA - where men go outside and sit on the car and talk, and the women are in the kitchen yaking.

My Wife and I talk a lot. Some English - Some Thai - Some Hawaiian that I have taught her.

You posted a "Horrible Generalization", My Friend.

Seriously, come hang-out with us and our couple friends, and you will see a completely different world. The only thing I can think of as to why you are experiencing what you are experiencing .... is possibly a very wide age difference between the Falang man and the Thai woman.

I hate it - and almost want to punch people -- who claim "Thai Women Are Servants". And Subserviant.

Shame on YOU!

Shame on me? Why?

YOU come and live with me and observe the situation around and then you can open your big mouth and insult me.

Shame on you ? Why? For making a lot of negative posts in most cases I think just to get attention and have something for you to do in Nakhon Nowhere. "You" made the generalization that from the persons "you" hang out with that "most" farangs can't really communicate with their wives and treat them like servants and that the Thai women are subserviant ( another inncorect stereotype ) I am not saying that your post is complete BS I am sure there are cases of farang and Thai acting that way but I don't think anyone on TV agrees that the "majority" of relationships are with women we can't converse with and are treated like low paid servants.

I didn't come over here to find a subserviant wife I came over to have fun with as many bar girls per day every day while on vacation but in my travels came across regular Thai ladies who were attractive, educated, spoke english and settled down with one.

[NoshowJones]

Costas

I've just read this thread. It obviously has something to do with the company you keep. I've never really seen what you are describing. I accept that there may be cases like this, but I've never seen it although I have seen some funny communications between farang Thai couples in the street and I am sure it's probably frustrating for them.

I have no trouble communicating with mrs ND. Unfortunately I hear every word in both languages.....lol.....and if anything I do more of the housework, perhaps I'm the servant ?

I've only been to one event where (Thai) men and women were sitting apart......I sat with the women

Anyway, you keep keeping on with these people, I'll keep avoiding them.....hopefully.

ND, you are very right to say it has to do with the company I keep.

First, I have to tell you that never in my life looked at the background or social standing of people I meet or keep company with.

Second, where I live, is not a cosmopolitan city, just a rural area of Issan where the average age of farangs here is about 65.

Most of them married to much younger wives, build a nice house and pretend to have a wonderful life while being drunk most of the day.

I rarely meet young couples, so I can't have an opinion about them.

Amongst the over 65's there are couples that they have been married to a Thai lady for many years and I can see that they are happy together.

But they are not the majority of the people I met.

Third, I wouldn't avoid anybody, as long as they don't hurt me.

Their marital status is their business and not mine.

Everybody has the right to choose the way they want to live.

Your last sentence there Costas, yes it's true, but if you marry a Thai girl (or any girl for that matter) it is up to you to chose the right way, taking your wife into consideration, and of course vice versa.

If you are going to live your life drinking every day, morning till night, you do not deserve a Thai wife (or any wife) and if she puts you out or leaves you, and you lose the house and belongings, then it is all your fault.

I have seen it happen where Farangs have drank themselves to death, and others who have lost their marriages because they only live to suit themselves by indulging in drink and drugs.

But in my experience, it is not a majority who carry on like this.

[NoshowJones]

You see many foreign retirees who get married to much younger Thai women and they can barely have an understandable conversation with each other let alone intellectual discussion. It would drive me nuts, but they seem happy enough. Different strokes for different folks I suppose.

About 90% of these foreign retirees only have their wives staying with them for financial reasons, if the money dried up, does anyone think their wives would still stay with them?

[ChangMaiSausage]

I find the topic interesting and I do believe the age difference and where you live impact on the relationship that you have.

I've seen mixed couples sit quietly without a great deal to say to each other all over the world its not unusual same in the UK when same nationality and age.

I think most of the TV members who are married will say that they have a great relationship and this is to be expected. However no one has a perfect relationship there will always be issues at one time or another, this is part of life.

As for parties and Thai wives sitting apart from their farang husbands this is common throughout the world I must admit that I see the Thai wives gathering in the kitchen whilst the men are sat else where. BBQ time I see the guys hanging around the BBQ whilst the wives are sat gossiping (probably about their handsome husband )

As long as both of you are happy that is all that matters, who give a F*kc what other people think.

Edited December 4, 2014 by ChangMaiSausage

[maidee]

you get what you pay for ?

if you marry an (ex ? ) issaan bargirl, you expect what ?

but gladly, most expats here are married with the hiso thai chinese rich family, right ? and have 150.000 baht + per month pensions and live in mansions

[BritManToo]

Let me say first that the foundation of a marriage is built on commitment, integrity, honesty, and COMMUNICATION.

If you think that most of the Farang men married to a Thai, living in a Farang enclave or anywhere else, really knows how to communicate with his loved one, then you're having a laugh.

I haven't met one in 12 years.

I disagree with your first part, marriage is about having babies & inheritance, nothing else.

I agree with the second part, loads of delusional guys.

And you entirely miss a third part, many older guys here got girls in their home countries when young, and buy them here now they're old.

Edited December 4, 2014 by BritManToo

[BritManToo]

you get what you pay for ?

if you marry an (ex ? ) issaan bargirl, you expect what ?

Great sex, whenever I want it!

[recycler]

The nice Aussie lady must have been pretty frustrated, right?

[sanuk711]

I have always thought that my wife's heart is in the right place.....

It's her ar.se and her face that's the wrong way round.................................

[pigeonjake]

First I guess you are referring to Farang men and Thai wives.

Second, I think the company you keep and people you meet are a good indicator of the vast percentage of Farang men that know bugger all of what a real relationship means.

Meaning, since near all were never desirable to women at their home, they came over here with there inept manliness and lack of any great articulation, and you get what you so astutely observed.

I doubt you are a rung higher.

In a previous post, and I reiterate, I look forward to the day when I see more astute, handsome, well to do farangs partnered with same in Thai girls.

I'm beginning to see it a little in BKK but not near the Farang enclaves.

Marriages of well do to Farangs with Thai wives are exactly as what I see in the west but, these are people of the same socio-economic background, appearance and are driven people.

The rest are...well....extremely average.

Think I'm full of shit?

Have a quick glance of the Thai people observing you and your wife and then tell me honestly where your marriage fits.

Ok, I'll tell you;

If you're "Joe Average" with his Thai sweetheart wife, then it doesn't matter how good you think your marriage is, Thai people will look down on you.

Must be a shame, when deep down, the people in the country you call home really, honestly, and truly think your marriage is a farce....and I bet you know it.

im from a place called gainsborough in lincolnshire,

if your ever there, go in any pub,,any,, and ask how jake did with the ladys,,

i was good at it,,

and your other point,

do you really think it bothers me what others think of me, when im out and about with my wife,?

i dont care what you think and i dont care what thais think,

if no bodys got the balls to knock on my door and say it to my face, do you really think im botherd what they think of say?

your one of the ones on here who cant bare to think that some can be happy without having to buy a wife,

back to your bridge,, run along

An arrogant post followed by a very naive post. 1 thing they have in common is lack of respect.

Pigeonjake, what you write as a response to Blackfox is understandable but it seems that you totally do not care or understand of how your Thai wife must sometimes feel what others talk, behind her back probably, about you two. You must know that it happens and to say i do not care shows in my view a lack of respect, and understanding of, to, your wife her feelings. Or do you want to tell us that she is immune for that ?

weve been mattied 8 years,, look at my post history,,

i not onlt love my wife and care about her feelings i repect her as a person,

we dont live in bkk we live in the sticks and have built from the ground a very good prifitable farm,

i still go to work off shore as a welding inspector,

we truely dont see any of what you and others have put,

if we go to the market i have a good laugh with all the market ladys, same in tesco,

im not stupid enough to think that all marriges here are perfect, they wont be, there was times with us when we would have a little row,but after 8 years you really get to know each other,

[pigeonjake]

First I guess you are referring to Farang men and Thai wives.

Second, I think the company you keep and people you meet are a good indicator of the vast percentage of Farang men that know bugger all of what a real relationship means.

Meaning, since near all were never desirable to women at their home, they came over here with there inept manliness and lack of any great articulation, and you get what you so astutely observed.

I doubt you are a rung higher.

In a previous post, and I reiterate, I look forward to the day when I see more astute, handsome, well to do farangs partnered with same in Thai girls.

I'm beginning to see it a little in BKK but not near the Farang enclaves.

Marriages of well do to Farangs with Thai wives are exactly as what I see in the west but, these are people of the same socio-economic background, appearance and are driven people.

The rest are...well....extremely average.

Think I'm full of shit?

Have a quick glance of the Thai people observing you and your wife and then tell me honestly where your marriage fits.

Ok, I'll tell you;

If you're "Joe Average" with his Thai sweetheart wife, then it doesn't matter how good you think your marriage is, Thai people will look down on you.

Must be a shame, when deep down, the people in the country you call home really, honestly, and truly think your marriage is a farce....and I bet you know it.

so everybodys maridge is a failier,no good,,,,,wait for it,,

apart from yours,,??? what you on?

youve got the best looking wife, you look like tom cruze, and everyone looks with envy,,,

well good luck to you,, im glad your happy and long may it last,,,

ive never seen a pic of you on here or your wife for that matter,, you got something to hid?

[spidermike007]

You are making such silly and pointless generalizations, that it is hard to even respond to them. First of all, you cannot have a reasonable discussion about Thai marriage with a Western woman. It is nearly impossible. 99.9% of them have an ax to grind, and are not going to be able to muster up much objectivity. That is the first mistake you made. Now, onto the real facts. Many of us were fortunate enough to meet intelligent, thoughtful, humorous, lighthearted, lovely women here, who speak good english, and can carry on quite a nice conversation. In the case of my wife, she has less emotional baggage than any woman I ever met in the west. And that includes hundreds of friends, family, and other women I have met and known over the decades back there. So, while there are some that have not had the good fortune to meet a woman of this caliber, to say that the average Thai wife speaks little or no english is simply naive, and foolish, and to say that the majority of these mixed couples have little in the way of an ability to relate to one another, is beyond silly. You need to expose yourself to a non barfly crowd. I guarantee you will be impressed with what you see.

In addition to all of those qualities, my woman does not bust my balls, at all. We have a very pleasant daily existence, and give each other alot of kindness and support, without the need for the ridiculous hurdles most men in the West (more than likely including the men your Aussie lady friend is involved with), have to jump over, on a daily basis. I for one, believe in having a very pleasant life. I enjoy being a man, she loves the fact that I act and behave like a man, and she really enjoys being a woman, and possessing all the elegance, dignity, and beauty that goes along with being a real woman, who is comfortable with her femininity, and comfortable within her own skin. For me, a woman who is not comfortable with most aspects of her own femininity, is not a complete woman. Now, if we want to engage in major generalizations, I would say that applies to alot of women in the west. Of course, I realize how subject to criticism I make myself, by making a sweeping statement like that. But, do I care about being politically correct? No, I do not. I am just speaking my own truth. From my own experience. And that is why I am not married to a Western woman. I was once. Never again, thank you very much. It required way too much unnecessary work, and effort, and the reciprocity was not there. So, for me being married to a good Thai woman, can be summarized as having the desire for a higher quality of life, and a fulfilling life. Plain and simply put.

Edited December 4, 2014 by spidermike007

[ttthailand]

I lived in a Thai village for a few years that had about 30 farangs. Most were over 65 with a small retirement package, far from being rich but able to get by ok. I think most of them met their wife's in Pattaya or some other farang tourist area and moved to the village. Normal day was meeting other farangs at a local drinking hole and getting pissed. They spent their time bitching about Thais, telling jokes, discussing how to solve the world problems etc .... Mostly just having a laugh and watching life go by. When the wives were around they would always sit at another table and talk about what ever Thai ladies talk about. Some ladies were sweet but there were some nasty ones that were real nutters. The way they spoke to their husbands was terrible. Zero respect and just down right nasty HOs ...

I always found it amazing what some people will tolerate but " up to them" ... Live and let live .....