What is your understanding of being married in Thailand?

[Si Thea01]

My wife and I have an excellent relationship, she being Thai and I, the farang. She has two degrees, specialises in and teaches the Thai language and has no intention of being housebound until she retires in 9 years. We have no trouble in communicating and do so in either Thai or English. Her skills have helped me immensely in reading, writing and speaking Thai, while through our communication her English has improved substantially. If there is no communication, then, no matter what the nationality, couples would nearly always experience difficulties in their relationship.

We married because we found friendship, love and the happiness that this brought us. She is a mature woman (51) and being no major age gap we found a lot in common and enjoy being together as often as we can. We share many things together around the home, as she works 5 days, and through this we have established a solid respect for each other.

Even though she works away from our home town, we are only separated two days a week as I join her for three days in the city where she works and we always spend the weekends together at home. We eat out together most nights and if a party is held at home, my wife and the other women, who attend, always cook, following which we all eat together at the same table.

What I've noticed, with many farang/Thai couples, is the age gap. The man is older (55-70) while the women can be quite young. (25-35) With such a huge age gap no wonder they don't have anything in common. I often see couples in these age groups when they are out shopping, they don't walk together, one or the other is in front. It is like they are embarrassed to be seen together.

I know, through my wife, that Thai's, although not saying anything, frown upon these type of relationships I don't know but it could be a reason why they don't walk together. I also notice that when we eat out, many of the couples around us don't talk, whilst the woman is using the mobile. Not only the farang/Thai but Thai/Thai, with the latter covering a wide range of ages.

Most Thai women do not like showing affection when they're out but my wife and I always walk together and hold hands no matter what. Haven't seen many of the age gap couples that I mentioned do this, so is it possible that Costas has also observed this thus giving rise to his post.

If a man elects for his wife to stay at home, then that is up to him and his spouse and should not be frowned upon. Nor should any one indicate that because of certain aspects that the woman is subservient or there purely for the sexual gratification of her partner/husband. We do not live with them so one would not know but to note what one observes, if factual, should not be criticised either.

Hey, Si Thea01, if you see another farang holding the hand of his Thai wife, when you are out, it's me.

Thank you for a very nice post.

Next time I am in Khon Kaen please wear your traditional dress so I can recognise you. Just joking. keep holding hands, I think us oldies can teach some of the young'uns a thing or two. Hopefully we have learnt from our mistakes. I am not talking about the marriage, just some of the stupid things we got up to when we were young.

[KeithM]

Have to laugh when I read these posts....... its all experience...... what is experience ? A Catalogue of screw ups over the years that hopefully we get to learn from..... We have all been there.... Thailand is Thailand .... you cannot change it... and if you cannot handle it then leave... If you love it embrace it

[A1Str8]

People have been conditioned to be the way they are and this is not love. This is possession. The two have nothing to do with each other.

[KeithM]

Cynicism rules supreme it would appear.... I wasted a pot full of cash there in Thailand 8 yrs of marriage blah blah ... but it did me good... Now I am blissfully happy and get on with living a lovely lady who is smart, honest and devoted to me as I am to her .... Not Thai I would hasten to add but I know many Thai ladies that are shrewd business people not bar girls... but even the bar girls have a right to take you to the cleaners. If you are too stupid to see it coming then you deserve all you get....

[Si Thea01]

I stand by what I say.

Most, and I mean nearly all farangs here don't have a genuine marriage.

I'm happy for you mate if you did well with the ladies back in the day.

I say again, most, no nearly every single marriage here in Thailand is a farce.

What an appalling comment. I was married in a traditional ceremony, then at an Amphur in Bangkok and have been happily married for the past ten years. So in you mind, if you have one, this is a farce. What is your claim to fame that enables you to make such an erroneous statement?

[BritManToo]

I stand by what I say.

Most, and I mean nearly all farangs here don't have a genuine marriage.

I'm happy for you mate if you did well with the ladies back in the day.

I say again, most, no nearly every single marriage here in Thailand is a farce.

What an appalling comment. I was married in a traditional ceremony, then at an Amphur in Bangkok and have been happily married for the past ten years. So in you mind, if you have one, this is a farce. What is your claim to fame that enables you to make such an erroneous statement?

The bit where you paid her parents in the traditional ceremony is the farce bit, by my estimation.

Normal people don't buy girls from their parents IMHO.

If you didn't buy her, then it wouldn't have been a traditional ceremony, and therefore no farce.

Edited December 4, 2014 by BritManToo

[khunPer]

Costas, your observations seem to fit a lot of examples – however there are exemptions.

However, what you write make me think of many a marriage in old time in Western countries – from what I have read and also still could be observed when I was a small child – were based on more-or-less “same, same, and not that different”, where a marriage means the husband is the provider and the wife “works at home” taking care of household and children (outcome of being the sexual partner). In older time the better middle class villas had a so-called “gentlemen’s room” or “master’s room” (don’t know the exactly English wording) where the master of the house and his gentlemen gusts were sitting after the dinner smoking their cigars and drinking wine or spirits and talked about “important matters”; whilst the ladies were sitting alone gossiping in the living room or another room – there were of course domestic staff to take care of the kitchen work. In more recent time I observed, that the men often stayed talking in the living room, whilst the ladies assembled in the kitchen and small talked, cleaning the dishes.

Can we presume, from your OP, that many a man is happy with that solution...?

Reminds me of a friend who told me, that having a Thai wife is cheaper than employing a house keeper; and then you also get free sex…

[Si Thea01]

My wife and I have an excellent relationship, she being Thai and I, the farang. She has two degrees, specialises in and teaches the Thai language and has no intention of being housebound until she retires in 9 years. We have no trouble in communicating and do so in either Thai or English. Her skills have helped me immensely in reading, writing and speaking Thai, while through our communication her English has improved substantially. If there is no communication, then, no matter what the nationality, couples would nearly always experience difficulties in their relationship.

We married because we found friendship, love and the happiness that this brought us. She is a mature woman (51) and being no major age gap we found a lot in common and enjoy being together as often as we can. We share many things together around the home, as she works 5 days, and through this we have established a solid respect for each other.

Even though she works away from our home town, we are only separated two days a week as I join her for three days in the city where she works and we always spend the weekends together at home. We eat out together most nights and if a party is held at home, my wife and the other women, who attend, always cook, following which we all eat together at the same table.

What I've noticed, with many farang/Thai couples, is the age gap. The man is older (55-70) while the women can be quite young. (25-35) With such a huge age gap no wonder they don't have anything in common. I often see couples in these age groups when they are out shopping, they don't walk together, one or the other is in front. It is like they are embarrassed to be seen together.

I know, through my wife, that Thai's, although not saying anything, frown upon these type of relationships I don't know but it could be a reason why they don't walk together. I also notice that when we eat out, many of the couples around us don't talk, whilst the woman is using the mobile. Not only the farang/Thai but Thai/Thai, with the latter covering a wide range of ages.

Most Thai women do not like showing affection when they're out but my wife and I always walk together and hold hands no matter what. Haven't seen many of the age gap couples that I mentioned do this, so is it possible that Costas has also observed this thus giving rise to his post.

If a man elects for his wife to stay at home, then that is up to him and his spouse and should not be frowned upon. Nor should any one indicate that because of certain aspects that the woman is subservient or there purely for the sexual gratification of her partner/husband. We do not live with them so one would not know but to note what one observes, if factual, should not be criticised either.

im 54 mt wife is 30,

when we are out having a meal,,,we talk,,

but do you know what else,,,, we laugh,,,

many on here bring the age card out, my wife in the uk was 14 years younger then me, ive never been with a lady older then me,

if you are happy with you wife of the same age as you with her 2 degrees, i really am happy for you,

im more then happy with my 30 year old wife, without degrees, but can deliver a litter f pigs, cut there teath, tails and balls,

then put 30 duck eggs in our incubator and let them hatch,

ive been trying to say we are all different, we look for different things in our ladys,

i was from farming stock in the uk my mum still has a small farm,

so me and my wife are a match made in heaven,

many things make this strange world of ours go round, and there is nothing stanger then people

If you have a younger wife happy for you but the age card and my wife the same age? Sorry, wrong on both accounts. My wife is quite a few years younger then me, I was just highlighting what she has accomplished and her age.

Do you have a problem that my wife is a teacher and has two degrees whilst you wife works a farm? You seem to highlight that point on two occasions? They, I would say, are quite knowledgeable in their respective positions,

Happy that you are from farming stock and that your match was made in heaven. It would be sad world if we were all the same.

[davethailand]

OP, we seem to live in different parts of the Thai society. I can't relate to your statements but assume you live in the a rural village somewhere and your mates being married to rice farmers daughters.

I was thinking the same.

I was in Pattaya so we were out nearly every night either together or separate so different surroundings etc.

[Si Thea01]

I stand by what I say.

Most, and I mean nearly all farangs here don't have a genuine marriage.

I'm happy for you mate if you did well with the ladies back in the day.

I say again, most, no nearly every single marriage here in Thailand is a farce.

What an appalling comment. I was married in a traditional ceremony, then at an Amphur in Bangkok and have been happily married for the past ten years. So in you mind, if you have one, this is a farce. What is your claim to fame that enables you to make such an erroneous statement?

The bit where you paid her parents in the traditional ceremony is the farce bit, by my estimation.

Normal people don't buy girls from their parents IMHO.

If you didn't buy her, then it wouldn't have been a traditional ceremony, and therefore no farce.

What an ignorant an arrogant person you are. Know everything do we? You know SFA. Just because there is a traditional ceremony does not mean money was paid. There are certain situations arising in the Thai culture that does not require payment of a Sin Sod but I won't elaborate because of you vast knowledge you would know.

However, for your benefit, both her parents had passed and her relatives helped with the ceremony without a Sin Sod being required. But then my paying for the food and drinks, in you mind, may be giving a dowry.

What do you class as normal? Certainly not yourself, as you're the one who came on here, then without any knowledge of my wife or myself, wrote as if you had intimate knowledge of what occurred at our ceremony. Hardly the actions of someone normal.

You write utter garbage in your childish attempt to prove a point but then it is only in your estimation, I have an estimation but if I stated what it was I would probably be barred. But maybe, you with your wonderful gift of knowledge would know.

[ChangMaiSausage]

I stand by what I say.

Most, and I mean nearly all farangs here don't have a genuine marriage.

I'm happy for you mate if you did well with the ladies back in the day.

I say again, most, no nearly every single marriage here in Thailand is a farce.

What an appalling comment. I was married in a traditional ceremony, then at an Amphur in Bangkok and have been happily married for the past ten years. So in you mind, if you have one, this is a farce. What is your claim to fame that enables you to make such an erroneous statement?

The bit where you paid her parents in the traditional ceremony is the farce bit, by my estimation.

Normal people don't buy girls from their parents IMHO.

If you didn't buy her, then it wouldn't have been a traditional ceremony, and therefore no farce.

What an ignorant an arrogant person you are. Know everything do we? You know SFA. Just because there is a traditional ceremony does not mean money was paid. There are certain situations arising in the Thai culture that does not require payment of a Sin Sod but I won't elaborate because of you vast knowledge you would know.

However, for your benefit, both her parents had passed and her relatives helped with the ceremony without a Sin Sod being required. But then my paying for the food and drinks, in you mind, may be giving a dowry.

What do you class as normal? Certainly not yourself, as you're the one who came on here, then without any knowledge of my wife or myself, wrote as if you had intimate knowledge of what occurred at our ceremony. Hardly the actions of someone normal.

You write utter garbage in your childish attempt to prove a point but then it is only in your estimation, I have an estimation but if I stated what it was I would probably be barred. But maybe, you with your wonderful gift of knowledge would know.

Si Thea01,

Don't worry he's a DICK.

If you and your partner (wife) happy who gives a F about other people think.

[davethailand]

I stand by what I say.

Most, and I mean nearly all farangs here don't have a genuine marriage.

I'm happy for you mate if you did well with the ladies back in the day.

I say again, most, no nearly every single marriage here in Thailand is a farce.

Nonsense IMO.

[BritManToo]

What an ignorant an arrogant person you are. Know everything do we?

You do seem like one of the smug 'my wife is different' posters on this forum.

And your reply seems to back up this theory (losing it when challenged).

But to be fair, traditional ceremonies tend to be farcical everywhere.

The Thai traditional ceremony being particularly long and tedious.

(Although I have to admit to enjoying the parade with the elephants).

[davethailand]

Everyone thinks they aren't a sucker.

I thought I wasn't a sucker.

But it turned out I was.

50% of married men turn out to be suckers.

So statistically out of you and David, one is gonna get done over.

Please, the two of you keep reporting back, some of us have cash riding on this.

I gather you mean me, not sure why I've been brought up in this.

[davethailand]

If the two people involved are happy, then who, from the outside, should judge them.

Every expert on Thai Visa it seems.

I wondered why I stopped getting involved in some topics on here a while back.

:-

[BritManToo]

If the two people involved are happy, then who, from the outside, should judge them.

So simple and so true well put.

By posting about how happy you both are, you're inviting comments.

Don't want comments you might not like, don't post about you and your wife.

Wonder why none of the wives post how happy they are?

Reportedly they have good English communication skills, so should be capable.

Or maybe said communication skills are slightly exaggerated.

Edited December 4, 2014 by BritManToo

[pigeonjake]

My wife and I have an excellent relationship, she being Thai and I, the farang. She has two degrees, specialises in and teaches the Thai language and has no intention of being housebound until she retires in 9 years. We have no trouble in communicating and do so in either Thai or English. Her skills have helped me immensely in reading, writing and speaking Thai, while through our communication her English has improved substantially. If there is no communication, then, no matter what the nationality, couples would nearly always experience difficulties in their relationship.

We married because we found trust, friendship, love and the happiness that this brought us. She is a mature woman (51) and being no major age gap we found a lot in common and enjoy being together. We share many things together around the home, as she works 5 days, and through this we have established a solid respect for each other.

Even though she works away from our home town, we are only separated two days a week as I join her for three days in the city where she works and we always spend the weekends together at home. We eat out most nights and if a party is held at home, my wife and the other women, who attend, always cook, following which we all eat together at the same table.

What I've noticed, with many farang/Thai couples, is the age gap. The man is older (55-70) while the women can be quite young. (25-35) With such a huge age gap no wonder they don't have anything in common. I often see couples in these age groups when they are out shopping, they don't walk together, one or the other is in front. It is like they are embarrassed to be seen together.

I know, through my wife, that Thai's, although not saying anything, frown upon these type of relationships I don't know but it could be a reason why they don't walk together. I also notice that when we eat out, many of the couples around us don't talk, whilst the woman is using the mobile. Not only the farang/Thai but Thai/Thai, with the latter covering a wide range of ages.

Most Thai women do not like showing affection when they're out but my wife and I always walk together and hold hands no matter what. Haven't seen many of the age gap couples that I mentioned do this, so is it possible that Costas has also observed this thus giving rise to his post.

If a man elects for his wife to stay at home, then that is up to him and his spouse and should not be frowned upon. Nor should any one indicate that because of certain aspects that the woman is subservient or there purely for the sexual gratification of her partner/husband. We do not live with them so one would not know but to note what one observes, if factual, should not be criticised either.

si,

this is the bit i didnt agree with,,quote from above,

What I've noticed, with many farang/Thai couples, is the age gap. The man is older (55-70) while the women can be quite young. (25-35) With such a huge age gap no wonder they don't have anything in common. I often see couples in these age groups when they are out shopping, they don't walk together, one or the other is in front. It is like they are embarrassed to be seen together,

my wife and i have lots in comon,there have been many pictures of us on here and we arnt embarrest to be seen together,

thats all i was saying,

i dont have any problem at all with your relationship, weather your wife has 2 degrees or ten,

but many like to point out that there wife has these and were not from a poor family,ive never made a secret that my wife was from a poor rice farming family,dosnt stop me loving her, and having money hasnt changed her a bit, she still dosnt like to spend it,,lol,

she is very good with money, to the point were,

when we first got together we went to buy a washer, i wanted a front loading auto,, not her, to expencive and to complicated so she got a twin tub, it was only this year that we now have a auto,,now she thinks its great, she can put the washing in and get on with other things,,lol

she works her ass off, i have told her this time to pay her brother to come and clean the pigs for her, we have them on deep litter so it will only be every 2 weeks or so, and she has agreed,,

good ladys/girls come from all backgrounds, same as they do in any country, no one can tell me these hi-so chinees girls are all good, and not all farm girls are good,

some girls just got more opertunity to learn, my wife loves to learn new things, shes a spunge for it,

the same as me, as you will see im not a good speller or good at gramer, i have dyslexia, but i didnt like school also, because i was embarist, we didnt know about this when i was at school, now i want to learn, and wish sometime i could turn the clock back,

but i didnt let it hold me back and i think ive done well for myself, im a CSWIP 3.1 welding inspector and get job offers from all over the world,ive worked in the oil and gas industry most of my working life

i dont judge anyone from were they come from or what they have or havnt got, i take the person for what they are, both men and women

sorry for the long post

[BritManToo]

sorry for the long post

Don't be sorry, it was a good post and well worth reading.

I enjoyed it!

[pigeonjake]

i find it hard to put down what i want to say,

i can talk the hind leg of a donkey,go to meatings and talk all day,, just bloody struggle to write it all down,,lol

[Evilbaz]

If all farang/thai relationships are a farce - thank Buddha I've been farced.

[ggt]

Both the man and the woman know why they are going into the Thai marriage arrangement...he acts as a personal banker for her and her family...helps provide for her children if they are still living at home and she acts as a surrogate wife...providing all the benefits of marriage without having a legal status in many cases...

Both have the option to dissolve the arrangement...She will thro a fit and threaten bodily harm to him and her if he is the one trying to leave the relationship...If She is wanting to leave...he will get lies and threats of personal bodily harm if he does not cough up some extra doe and leave all the worldly goods to her and her family...

There are good loving relationship between Thais and foreigners...by IMHO most do not fall into the category...

Edited December 4, 2014 by ggt

[Costas2008]

i find it hard to put down what i want to say,

i can talk the hind leg of a donkey,go to meatings and talk all day,, just bloody struggle to write it all down,,lol

You must be Greek.......there's no other explanation

[jerome2]

if you're talking of official marriage with embassy papers we do it for:

10% it's more easy than make 1 visa for her to visit your country and you get life visa painless after

30% to get a marriage visa for you to stay here showing only 400.000b

and 60 because she's pregnant and it's a decent thing to do for the child

if youre talking of why we have thai partners,well change 1 of 40 for 2 of 20 i guess without jugement from others

AND I CAN TELL YOU ISARN GIRLS ARE MUCH TOO FIERCE AND MAL EDUCATED TO MAKE GOOD SERVANTS

I can count on 2 hands how many massages i got with 2 wifes in 12 years

I feel like the servant ....who pays,,,worst.......and do massages ,scatching ,family insurance etc........ . but .... im not in freezing chicago or Paris ...in this mess that has no sense for me any more

[Joey J]

there has been many many posts and pics of me and my wife, tails of our life together, building our life and farm together,

notice the word together,, we love to be together and when im at home we arnt apart much, but we both like it that way,

yes we talk, we talk about many many things, my wife likes to look at the news both thai and english we talk about that, we are a normal couple weather in thailand or anywere else for that mater,

there is pics of my wife on the how beautiful is your wife thread,

one with my daughter on her birthday, were david comented that see looked different without wellys on,,lol

so i put one up were she was cleaning our pigs out,

some of us costas have found happiness here mate, i for one have

[Joey J]

there has been many many posts and pics of me and my wife, tails of our life together, building our life and farm together,

notice the word together,, we love to be together and when im at home we arnt apart much, but we both like it that way,

yes we talk, we talk about many many things, my wife likes to look at the news both thai and english we talk about that, we are a normal couple weather in thailand or anywere else for that mater,

there is pics of my wife on the how beautiful is your wife thread,

one with my daughter on her birthday, were david comented that see looked different without wellys on,,lol

so i put one up were she was cleaning our pigs out,

some of us costas have found happiness here mate, i for one have

[Joey J]

there has been many many posts and pics of me and my wife, tails of our life together, building our life and farm together,

notice the word together,, we love to be together and when im at home we arnt apart much, but we both like it that way,

yes we talk, we talk about many many things, my wife likes to look at the news both thai and english we talk about that, we are a normal couple weather in thailand or anywere else for that mater,

there is pics of my wife on the how beautiful is your wife thread,

one with my daughter on her birthday, were david comented that see looked different without wellys on,,lol

so i put one up were she was cleaning our pigs out,

some of us costas have found happiness here mate, i for one have

[jerome2]

I stand by what I say.

Most, and I mean nearly all farangs here don't have a genuine marriage.

I'm happy for you mate if you did well with the ladies back in the day.

I say again, most, no nearly every single marriage here in Thailand is a farce.

What an appalling comment. I was married in a traditional ceremony, then at an Amphur in Bangkok and have been happily married for the past ten years. So in you mind, if you have one, this is a farce. What is your claim to fame that enables you to make such an erroneous statement?

The bit where you paid her parents in the traditional ceremony is the farce bit, by my estimation.

Normal people don't buy girls from their parents IMHO.

If you didn't buy her, then it wouldn't have been a traditional ceremony, and therefore no farce.

The buying is an insurance for the baby if the husband desapear ,i think it's normal, and the thai men pay 200,000 sometimes ,which would be for us 2 millions ,if you compare the salaries , and sometimes the girl desapear with the money even with thais husbands...life is a risk ...even more for them

Edited December 4, 2014 by jerome2

[pigeonjake]

there has been many many posts and pics of me and my wife, tails of our life together, building our life and farm together,

notice the word together,, we love to be together and when im at home we arnt apart much, but we both like it that way,

yes we talk, we talk about many many things, my wife likes to look at the news both thai and english we talk about that, we are a normal couple weather in thailand or anywere else for that mater,

there is pics of my wife on the how beautiful is your wife thread,

one with my daughter on her birthday, were david comented that see looked different without wellys on,,lol

so i put one up were she was cleaning our pigs out,

some of us costas have found happiness here mate, i for one have

?????????????????????????????????

[Joey J]

What a lovely post pigeonjake I hope it continues.

[pigeonjake]

thank you paul

i hope it does too,

we get on so well i sometimes think how lucky i am, to be 54 and as happy as i am,

i have one or 2 plans for the future if all goes well, there is a bit of land 10 rai very near our farm that i would like to buy, dig a big pond in the middle, put a few bungalows round it landscape it beautful and start a farmstay,

were people could come and stay there, but also come to the farm to see if it would be the life for them,

could come and spend a couple of weeks, just sit around the lake or get involved,have a couple of m/bikes to rent out, maybe even a car who knows,

but its something ill try,at the moment im jjst getting ready to go to angola tomorow for 57 days,ill do that for another 4 or 5 years, then hopefully fullfill my dream,#

thanks again

jake