Should I be worried?

[felicitous]

Hi TV

Had something taking up my mind and need ask if any have some experience regarding this. Maybe its just silly me, but will ask anyway.

My wife got a new job few month ago, kind a freelancing driving around with her boss to governments offices buying right to do projects.. Its not important go deep in that.

Not long ago she came home with a wristband she got from her boss saying now she is like his daughter. Maybe it is correct, but I have no clue of Thai tradition on this part. Its the same kind of wristband you get from the monks, red/white strap on your arm.

Thank you.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

She is having an affair with him.

Now seriously, you know her, we don't.

Up to you to decide what's going on.

You clearly suspect something.

[Costas2008]

I don't think you should be worried.

If she had an affair with the boss he would have bought her something gold.

Otherwise she would have called him a cheap Charlie and get away from him.

I don't think there is any significance in Thai culture and probably what he gave her he's got it from the Wat and wanted to show her, his appreciation for doing a good job for him.

When you start seeing new dresses and jewellery coming in then you better get worried.

[Pomthai]

Only worry if she doesn't get a receipt for buying the rights to do projects?

Let me guess, does she work for a construction company and her job is to pass out the brown envelopes?

[DeaconJohn]

Try to get to know your wife's boss.

Then maybe you can find out what's going on if you are clever enough.

[mrtoad]

Whereustay, is that you???????

[felicitous]

I don't think you should be worried.

If she had an affair with the boss he would have bought her something gold.

Otherwise she would have called him a cheap Charlie and get away from him.

I don't think there is any significance in Thai culture and probably what he gave her he's got it from the Wat and wanted to show her, his appreciation for doing a good job for him.

When you start seeing new dresses and jewellery coming in then you better get worried.

No probably not. As I said was just a silly thought. So if it was a symbol for something, would be nice to know.

Just sometimes you know something is not correct but could be many other things like the type of work they do.

I recall a comment from here mom about being in the fire if someone try get rid of her boss.

And honestly I should be a shame thinking bad about her as she is good as the day is long and always think about my well.

My best friend and partner and greatest love in my life.

Thanks for your comment.

[ThePlant]

If she comes home with her hair matted with spunk or dripping in gold, waving a brand new iPhone around and yakking on it for hours in the garden then start to worry....

[felicitous]

Only worry if she doesn't get a receipt for buying the rights to do projects?

Let me guess, does she work for a construction company and her job is to pass out the brown envelopes?

Nothing like that. Its the government them self need paperwork done on land, building projects and use like freelances to collect all documents, check up land, negotiate price with land seller. Then deliver the complete project and document well organised back. They buy the right for a project and get paid when delivering.

[arjunadawn]

It is certainly unclear that she is having an affair or not but... In my previous lives I always behaved in a way that held the woman, and the man, were responsible for that invisible fence we keep around us, which keeps our love in, and others out. It was naive and foolish. It is so true that we are the last to figure out what is so obvious to others. We actually act as our lover's defense attorney making rationales and excuses where, quite frankly, none suffice. I did not know Heather was screwing others. I did not realize when she dropped me off at George's house with a 12 pack on Fridays because she had to work Sat that she was actually screwing her boss, Brian. Others delicately tried to tell me something was amiss; I rejected it out of hand.

Here's the deal: any act which seems to even suggest impropriety is improper= period! These rules are actually universally true, especially in older generations. Why? because they are not dumb asses like us.

Certain situations are just wrong, wrong, wrong, even when there is no overt appearance of bad. The number one and two stalking horses of men upon other men's women are 1) "We are just friends" and 2), "its just work." Too much proximity to someone of the opposite sex may, today, be meaningless but tomorrow, when you are at each other's throat over some row in the home, that "friendship" or "work buddy" that he or she turns to easily escalates into more- easily. Why? "Because you are so thoughtful and kind to listen to me; [John] never has time to listen to me..." and other related crap.

Never allow your woman to be alone with a man for any extended period, regardless of the pretense. If a man cant understand that, he is a liar or deceitful. No man would approve of being the man making another man uncomfortable as no honorable man would want their woman in such a position either. Even if there is no foul play, only bad can come of this arrangement. If the only bad so far that has come of this is your wounded heart and fretful thoughts, than that alone is already too high a price to pay! Stop it now! If she cannot see the wisdom in this; if she protests you exaggerate or fear where there should be no fear, than she is either already gone, loving the freedom, or lost otherwise to mature reason. People in love should abide by sound judgement and if one cannot see reason at first, and cant be made to see, they are a danger to their beloved. It is never good to have a woman spend extended time with another man, even gay! I generally hold this is true the other way around as well.

Edited December 11, 2014 by arjunadawn

[benalibina]

Whereustay, is that you???????

Those nightmares, those nightmares....let them stop....pleaseeee

[nottocus]

Yes…u should be worried.

[Squeegee]

OP this could be an early sign or it may be perfectly innocent. We can't help you based only on what you've said so far. Thus, you need to ask yourself honestly if a bracelet is all that's making you suspicious. If this is the first thing that's made you think like this, I would suggest you keep your mouth shut (to her or anyone she knows) and your eyes and ears open.

Either these thoughts in you will blow over in time because it's clear she only has thoughts for you... or other odd things will begin to give cause for concern.

The key at this point, and somewhat afterwards, is not to say anything about these thoughts to her: firstly it could mess up a perfectly good relationship with a good woman; secondly it could put her on her guard if she is indeed playing the field, and that will make it harder for you in the long run to get to the bottom of it or even make it more difficult for you to amass evidence if it ever came to be a legal or financial issue as well.

So be honest with yourself, be smart not paranoid, and try to give her a chance but without being a sucker.

Good luck!

-

Another thought: be wary of advice from previous posts along the lines of "Don't worry too much unless it's gold...." That is extremely simplistic and based on stereotyping. Relations between two normal people, especially if they are Thai, are not going to be clear examples of common cliches like in the beer bar scene with unsophisticated prostitutes looking to milk falang. Sure Thais gift gold sometimes, but if they are just 'normal' Thais it can be quite likely things might be a bit more subtle than that, especially at the beginning.

Edited December 11, 2014 by Squeegee

[felicitous]

OP this could be an early sign or it may be perfectly innocent. We can't help you based only on what you've said so far. Thus, you need to ask yourself honestly if a bracelet is all that's making you suspicious. If this is the first thing that's made you think like this, I would suggest you keep your mouth shut (to her or anyone she knows) and your eyes and ears open.

Either these thoughts in you will blow over in time because it's clear she only has thoughts for you... or other odd things will begin to give cause for concern.

The key at this point, and somewhat afterwards, is not to say anything about these thoughts to her: firstly it could mess up a perfectly good relationship with a good woman; secondly it could put her on her guard if she is indeed playing the field, and that will make it harder for you in the long run to get to the bottom of it or even make it more difficult for you to amass evidence if it ever came to be a legal or financial issue as well.

So be honest with yourself, be smart not paranoid, and try to give her a chance but without being a sucker.

Good luck!

-

Another thought: be wary of advice from previous posts along the lines of "Don't worry too much unless it's gold...." That is extremely simplistic and based on stereotyping. Relations between two normal people, especially if they are Thai, are not going to be clear examples of common cliches like in the beer bar scene with unsophisticated prostitutes looking to milk falang. Sure Thais gift gold sometimes, but if they are just 'normal' Thais it can be quite likely things might be a bit more subtle than that, especially at the beginning.

Thank you for your advice. I will follow it and go quiet and observe.

[neverdie]

Yesu should be worried.

On the other hand....don't worry too much, ladies are a dime a dozen in LOS.

[wooloomooloo]

Definitely little wife wrist band. My ex ran off her with boss two months after the same occurrence.

[ExPratt]

If the boss is driving to every job , why does he need a bird with him, I'd say he does the talking for contracts , so why is your missus there ?

Not trying to be a knob , but it doesn't make sense to me

[Gecko123]

Worth monitoring. Closely.

[PaullyW]

Of course it is worth paying attention to very closely.

It would be useful to know some background about you and your wife.

For example, how did you meet? What is her educational background? What is her work history? What socioeconomic class would you say she and her family are (middle class, lower middle class, ect.)?

How long have you been married? How long have you been in Thailand? What kind of work do you do if you are employed? Do you speak Thai? How close are you with her family and how accepted by them do you figure you are?

All these things would help us guess better.

One thing that Thais seem to be less pretentious about is sexuality. There is a good reason that many "normal" Thai men and women will generally try to avoid even being alone in a room together if they are not intimate or very close friends. Thai guys know the score and don't waste time being liberal about such matters because... they are men and know the score.

One thing that has not been mentioned is that generally (not always) Thais are considered to be quite promiscuous. That goes for men and women. The other thing is that in a society entirely dominated by social hierarchy, status and patronage, the person who can provide those things to a woman is necessarily attractive or at least in a position to manipulate her. You should be exceptionally careful with men in your wife's life who hold any power over her as it is a almost a cultural expectation that the power will be used and abused.

Good luck

Edited December 12, 2014 by PaullyW

[pgrahmm]

It is certainly unclear that she is having an affair or not but... In my previous lives I always behaved in a way that held the woman, and the man, were responsible for that invisible fence we keep around us, which keeps our love in, and others out. It was naive and foolish. It is so true that we are the last to figure out what is so obvious to others. We actually act as our lover's defense attorney making rationales and excuses where, quite frankly, none suffice. I did not know Heather was screwing others. I did not realize when she dropped me off at George's house with a 12 pack on Fridays because she had to work Sat that she was actually screwing her boss, Brian. Others delicately tried to tell me something was amiss; I rejected it out of hand.

Here's the deal: any act which seems to even suggest impropriety is improper= period! These rules are actually universally true, especially in older generations. Why? because they are not dumb asses like us.

Certain situations are just wrong, wrong, wrong, even when there is no overt appearance of bad. The number one and two stalking horses of men upon other men's women are 1) "We are just friends" and 2), "its just work." Too much proximity to someone of the opposite sex may, today, be meaningless but tomorrow, when you are at each other's throat over some row in the home, that "friendship" or "work buddy" that he or she turns to easily escalates into more- easily. Why? "Because you are so thoughtful and kind to listen to me; [John] never has time to listen to me..." and other related crap.

Never allow your woman to be alone with a man for any extended period, regardless of the pretense. If a man cant understand that, he is a liar or deceitful. No man would approve of being the man making another man uncomfortable as no honorable man would want their woman in such a position either. Even if there is no foul play, only bad can come of this arrangement. If the only bad so far that has come of this is your wounded heart and fretful thoughts, than that alone is already too high a price to pay! Stop it now! If she cannot see the wisdom in this; if she protests you exaggerate or fear where there should be no fear, than she is either already gone, loving the freedom, or lost otherwise to mature reason. People in love should abide by sound judgement and if one cannot see reason at first, and cant be made to see, they are a danger to their beloved. It is never good to have a woman spend extended time with another man, even gay! I generally hold this is true the other way around as well.

In the US when they started sending man/women teams to places for work assignments and studied/tracked - it was found the divorce rated jumped up among these groups....Didn't deter the companies as they were getting their work completed....but was a disaster for the individuals - puts them in roles they are familiar with but with people they should not be familiar with.....got that from a management seminar quite a ways back.....we were told - never - if possible.....

Here in Thailand the lines are even blurrier - out in the fields the men and women work side by side and are viewed as fellow workers ...... away from work it's a free for all...

Edited December 12, 2014 by pgrahmm

[n210mp]

Definitely little wife wrist band. My ex ran off her with boss two months after the same occurrence.

You never mentioned that before Tony.

Commiserations or was it like my previous situation the best thing that ever happened?

[steven100]

now the wristband ...... next the gold neckless .........

contracts in one hand and ?? in the other ..................

[pgrahmm]

I know of one government district manager that made his home in the office....turned one room into a bedroom and added a shower...walking around always in a state of habitational living....what do you think the next step is? The guy he replaced was tranferred because he got an office worker pregnant.....

[wooloomooloo]

Definitely little wife wrist band. My ex ran off her with boss two months after the same occurrence.

You never mentioned that before Tony.

Commiserations or was it like my previous situation the best thing that ever happened?

It's too painful to talk about, Harv.

[felicitous]

Is there anyone here who can translate Thai to English in here?

I just found a very disturbing Line-chat between my wife and one of her friends lasting over a period of 6 month. And I must say that I can not even recognize that that is my wife speaking.

I hope by God the Google translation is at fault, but I have my doubts. Much of the talk is going on investing time for later profit and put plans for future, like "getting my own house", was fun being single, good to have alternatives,,,Stuff like that.

Especially there is a two day old chat concerning my wife's new job where she explain about it. I did not like the part where someone none-named are mentioned as we did it in his office.

So please if some can help me the truth out I can send you the transcript.

Thanks!

[mrtoad]

I think you all ready know the answer. Your wife is playing away from home

[neverdie]

Is there anyone here who can translate Thai to English in here?

I just found a very disturbing Line-chat between my wife and one of her friends lasting over a period of 6 month. And I must say that I can not even recognize that that is my wife speaking.

I hope by God the Google translation is at fault, but I have my doubts. Much of the talk is going on investing time for later profit and put plans for future, like "getting my own house", was fun being single, good to have alternatives,,,Stuff like that.

Especially there is a two day old chat concerning my wife's new job where she explain about it. I did not like the part where someone none-named are mentioned as we did it in his office.

So please if some can help me the truth out I can send you the transcript.

Thanks!

I can help, pm me if you want. I will be discrete.

[neverdie]

I think you all ready know the answer. Your wife is playing away from home

It may seem that way mrt, but it would be good for a Thai reader to check what's written as Google translate is hopeless imo

[felicitous]

I think you all ready know the answer. Your wife is playing away from home

yes I do, so now I want the fact to present for her

Now I need to make up a plan and confront her with the facts.

[Scott]

Since some of this is being handled by PM, I will close this topic at this time.

//Closed//