Failed expats and the lies they tell others and themselves as to why ...

[Jingthing]

Since I moved to Thailand, I have felt that the rate of "expat failure" must be higher, probably much higher, than is on the public radar.

Yeah, of course we notice the big bang burnouts that make the tabloids, but that must be the tip of the iceberg compared to those that just quitely slither on out.

People are ashamed of failing at anything, including expatriation, and aren't usually thrilled to broadcast about it.

Then there are the public "reasons" failed expats give ... are they sincere or not?

http://cuencahighlife.com/why-do-expats-go-home-why-do-they-seek-new-overseas-havens-a-long-time-expat-takes-a-hard-look-at-the-reasons-why/

Being an expat is hard.

Somehow, that fact is lost in the media hype that seems to suggest that living in a foreign country is easy, cheap, and romantic. As someone who has spent almost half of his life overseas— and happily so, for the most part — I can tell you that the hype paints an unrealistic and incomplete picture.

The linked article covers these issues and more. The more being topics like serial expatriation, moving within target countries, etc.

While the specific focus may be related to native English speakers in Cuenca, Ecuador (a major expat target for Americans) most of the points relate to expats anywhere.

Also there are some specific assertions related to Southeast Asia:

Also from my experience, I believe the average time frame as an expat seems to be shorter in Southeast Asia — at least among English-speakers — but slightly longer in Mexico and Panama.

If you read the article are there details that you can relate to or perhaps that you vehemently disagree with?

Edited December 29, 2014 by Jingthing

[AYJAYDEE]

they go, they try it and find they dont like it! so what? why do you call that a failure?

[Jingthing]

I suppose original intention would make a big difference.

For example, someone who feels I'm moving to Thailand with the intention/hope to live there for life vs. I'm moving to Singapore for a spell to jazz up my professional resume. Different things entirely.

[NeverSure]

Failure? I didn't "fail" as an expat in Thailand. I just decided after a 1 year's retirement extension that I preferred the first world amenities in the US. I don't care for bars, bar girls, or an excess of alcohol and Thailand is a craphole compared to "most parts" of the US.

Thailand turned into a nice place to visit about once a year for a max of 180 days but usually more like 90. Then I get on a plane and return to everything that makes a first world country comfortable, and to weather that doesn't melt me with heat and humidity.

I'm not skint. I can do what I want to do so "cost of living" isn't an issue even though living well in Thailand doesn't seem that cheap to me.

[Jingthing]

I wouldn't suggest getting too emotionally focused only on the semantics of the fail word. But if that's all people want to talk about, Okie Dokie, it's your call.

[AYJAYDEE]

I suppose original intention would make a big difference.

For example, someone who feels I'm moving to Thailand with the intention/hope to live there for life vs. I'm moving to Singapore for a spell to jazz up my professional resume. Different things entirely.

finding you dont like something after trying it out is not failure.

[Jingthing]

Consider this scenario.

Not uncommon.

You tell all your friends and family in the west, I'm moving to Thailand to live for life. I'm selling my house, car, etc.

Then you show up again in two years or even ten.

Don't kid yourselves.

To those people, they will think you did not fulfill your intentions, regardless of the loaded word failure or not.

[AYJAYDEE]

Consider this scenario.

Not uncommon.

You tell all your friends and family in the west, I'm moving to Thailand to live for life. I'm selling my house, car, etc.

Then you show up again in two years or even ten.

Don't kid yourselves.

To those people, they will think you did not fulfill your intentions, regardless of the loaded word failure or not.

anyone that tells other what the rest of his life is gonna be deserves to be ridiculed. and anyone who believes him is equally the fool.

[redandyellow]

One big problem is they don't allow themselves an escape hatch - a bolt hole - when they burn out they are stuck in LOS

In general, Don't sell everything and move to Thailand is the moral.. keep a condo or a suite back home for if- when needed

Some expats cannot have this luxury, the at-risk ones sometimes off themselves as a result, feeling trapped in "paradise"..

[ryanhull]

Consider this scenario.

Not uncommon.

You tell all your friends and family in the west, I'm moving to Thailand to live for life. I'm selling my house, car, etc.

Then you show up again in two years or even ten.

Don't kid yourselves.

To those people, they will think you did not fulfill your intentions, regardless of the loaded word failure or not.

still not a failure, you would have just changed your mind. You do not know if you like something/somewhere until you have tried it.

[Jingthing]

One big problem is they don't allow themselves an escape hatch - a bolt hole - when they burn out they are stuck in LOS

In general, Don't sell everything and move to Thailand is the moral.. keep a condo or a suite back home for if- when needed

Some expats cannot have this luxury, the at-risk ones sometimes off themselves as a result, feeling trapped in "paradise"..

Sure, it's a case by case.

You bring up a dark side of course.

I wonder what percentage of those cases are a matter of can't bring themselves to go back home and face that harsh reality.

I have met many expats here who will openly tell you I can't bear ever going back NO MATTER WHAT.

Anyway, I've always felt it's a good thing for starry eyed dreamers thinking about moving to Thailand to consider that living here (or anywhere) is massively different than being on holiday, even a LONG one.

The same real life problems you had back home, like dealing with plumbers for example, you have abroad, and you probably aren't fluent in the local language and culture, how "romantic" is that ...

Edited December 29, 2014 by Jingthing

[wooloomooloo]

JT, get back to the TVPOTY thread.

redandyellow is about to kill the thread anyway.

[SoiBiker]

I think some expats set themselves up to fail by kidding themselves they're moving to paradise, rather than a real place with its own issues and difficulties.

[MrWorldwide]

I'm here because I cant afford to live in Japan. If I did live in Japan, I expect that I'd be looking at the thermostat and wishing I was in Pattaya - its the human condition.

[David48]

I'd like to know what the OP refers to as 'expat failure'.

What is his/her definition of 'failure' ?

I own a crappy old car, had two sprogs with a Thai woman who I haven't married, I live more of my time in Thailand then I do the West, so fair enough to be classed as an expat ... so ... did I 'fail'?

.

[redandyellow]

JT, get back to the TVPOTY thread.

redandyellow is about to kill the thread anyway.

But I'm not a sheep, where did you get all that wool?

[Jingthing]

I'd like to know what the OP refers to as 'expat failure'.

What is his/her definition of 'failure' ?

I own a crappy old car, had two sprogs with a Thai woman who I haven't married, I live more of my time in Thailand then I do the West, so fair enough to be classed as an expat ... so ... did I 'fail'?

.

I think you are definitely not an expat if you live a large chunk of time in your home country every year.

The roots that real expats have cut, you clearly have NOT cut them.

But you're free to think whatever you like.

I would class thinking you're an expat when you are objectively not an expat as a lie that you tell yourself (and here others).

Not suggesting it is superior or inferior to be an expat or not ... that's your choice how you wanna live residence-wise, just keeping it real.

I pretty much already provided a definition of expat failure ... having clear intentions on foreign residency and backing off from them when faced with reality.

People can go overboard here and try to hijack this thread into being only about the use of the word failure.

That was not my intention in starting the thread, so if that does happen, I would say that's a sign of a failed thread attempt (with a little help from my "friends").

Cheers, dude.

Edited December 29, 2014 by Jingthing

[redandyellow]

I'd like to know what the OP refers to as 'expat failure'.

What is his/her definition of 'failure' ?

I own a crappy old car, had two sprogs with a Thai woman who I haven't married, I live more of my time in Thailand then I do the West, so fair enough to be classed as an expat ... so ... did I 'fail'?

.

not at all. because less is often more..

[bkkjames]

Define failed expat JT.

Ones that have settled down, got married and now have families and careers here as opposed that roll around on baht buses looking for the next great topic to post on TV haha.

Only one more day till your crowning moment - got your speech written yet?

[SoiBiker]

I think if you spend your time comparing yourself to other expats rather than enjoying life, that's a failure.

[David48]

I'd like to know what the OP refers to as 'expat failure'.

What is his/her definition of 'failure' ?

Define failed expat JT.

Everyone is waiting for your answer ...

.

[Jingthing]

Define failed expat JT.

Ones that have settled down, got married and now have families and careers here as opposed that roll around on baht buses looking for the next great topic to post on TV haha.

Only one more day till your crowning moment - got your speech written yet?

No. But anyway ...

[bkkjames]

Define failed expat JT.

Ones that have settled down, got married and now have families and careers here as opposed that roll around on baht buses looking for the next great topic to post on TV haha.

Only one more day till your crowning moment - got your speech written yet?

No. But anyway ...

first half wasn't off topic....

[Jingthing]

I'd like to know what the OP refers to as 'expat failure'.

What is his/her definition of 'failure' ?

Define failed expat JT.

Everyone is waiting for your answer ...

.

I already gave the answer that I want to give.

If you don't like it, that's fine with me.

You and others can ask me the same question 100 times and I will give the same answer, so do yourselves a favor, don't bother, and focus on the topic of the thread which is WELL EXPANDED in the linked article in the OP (and indeed is MUCH BIGGER than kvetching over the definition of expat failure), instead of weird personal baggage you clearly want to vent here that has nada to do with the topic.

Edited December 29, 2014 by Jingthing

[Crossy]

Most of my circle of expat friends have been here (or their chosen Asian country) a long time. I'm coming up on 20 years as an expat, I have friends at nearly double that.

Everyone seems happy with their lot although that may have something to do with having a rather larger disposable income than most.

I wonder how much has changed since the LSE did their survey in 1990, surly the author of the linked article could have found more recent data.

[David48]

I'd like to know what the OP refers to as 'expat failure'.

What is his/her definition of 'failure' ?

Define failed expat JT.

Everyone is waiting for your answer ...

.

I already gave the answer that I want to give.

If you don't like it, that's fine with me.

Just read back through the thread ... definitely no definition by JT of what a failed expat is.

JT ... so this question isn't raised by other members ... please give the post link or # where you have defined it.

Both James and I have missed it.

Thanks ...

[lannarebirth]

I'd like to know what the OP refers to as 'expat failure'.

What is his/her definition of 'failure' ?

I own a crappy old car, had two sprogs with a Thai woman who I haven't married, I live more of my time in Thailand then I do the West, so fair enough to be classed as an expat ... so ... did I 'fail'?

.

Can only be seen in hindsight really. Here's a test for anyone wishing to know if they did or could fail. If you died tomorrow will everyone you care about still be able to live their dreams, with all the options that may entail?

[Jingthing]

I'd like to know what the OP refers to as 'expat failure'.

What is his/her definition of 'failure' ?

Define failed expat JT.

Everyone is waiting for your answer ...

.

I already gave the answer that I want to give.

If you don't like it, that's fine with me.

Just read back through the thread ... definitely no definition by JT of what a failed expat is.

JT ... so this question isn't raised by other members ... please give the post link or # where you have defined it.

Both James and I have missed it.

Thanks ...

This is unbelievable:

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/787836-failed-expats-and-the-lies-they-tell-others-and-themselves-as-to-why/?p=8869421

[Crossy]

OK you lot, knock it off with the snipes.

Holidays are waiting and I'm quite sure a suspended member won't be picking up any prizes, Costas could win yet!

[KittenKong]

Surely the answer depends on whether the expat moved here and found he just didnt like it and left, or whether he moved here to work or for business and just couldn't cut it?

Personally I've been an expat since the age of 20 and have only ever returned to my home country for a few days at a time ever since. But the way I live is exactly the same wherever I am, and I always do the same things that I enjoy doing everywhere so it makes little difference to my happiness whether I'm in Thailand or Europe or even the North Pole.

As far as I can see anyone who enjoys their life has been successful. Anyone who doesn't has failed themselves at least. Of course on top of being successful your life can also be useful and worthwhile, both of which are probably more important, but that's another matter.