What Is Appropriate Amount For Sinsod?

[Donz]

In Thailand women are valued and payment is asked for a bride whatever the condition of the female.

In India a dowry is paid to the male.

In India female children are killed before birth because they are a burden to a poor family.

I would suggest that paying some sin sot is continuing to support the value of women in Thailand and is a good idea.

In the West sin sot is paid at the end of the marriage but the principle still applies.

In another post didnt you say its selling your daughter etc etc, or have i got you mixed up with someone else

Oh, heck no Donz, not me. I got an quite a good offer for one of my daughters that would have put me on easy street for the rest of my life. It was a hi so VIP in Thailand. But I couldn’t convince my daughter to even talk to the guy.

Oh ok sorry, must be my mistake, first one ever i must add

[Norrad]

200000 and you are complaining?!

I just got back from Khon Kaen (well Ban Nang Yong to be exact) after visiting my girlfriends family. I made the mistake of spending a small fortune in gifts and food etc for the whole village. Next thing I knew I got hit with a 2 million Baht dowry request

I really love my girlfriend but there is absolutely no way in hel_l I'm paying 2 million.

[Chang_paarp]

In Thailand women are valued and payment is asked for a bride whatever the condition of the female.

In India a dowry is paid to the male.

In India female children are killed before birth because they are a burden to a poor family.

I would suggest that paying some sin sot is continuing to support the value of women in Thailand and is a good idea.

In the West sin sot is paid at the end of the marriage but the principle still applies.

Well sumised Kerry. Sinsot is paid somewhere in the equation. Some times blatently other times it has a different name.

To the O/P tell the prospective in-law you have Indian relatives and they want to see what the bride's family is giving to have such a fine catch marry into the family. It is your tradition after all. The current traditional gifts are whitegoods. see how they react to that concept.

[SamuiJens]

200000 and you are complaining?!

I just got back from Khon Kaen (well Ban Nang Yong to be exact) after visiting my girlfriends family. I made the mistake of spending a small fortune in gifts and food etc for the whole village. Next thing I knew I got hit with a 2 million Baht dowry request

I really love my girlfriend but there is absolutely no way in hel_l I'm paying 2 million.

YOU LIE, Reads you ONLY paid 200.000/ 4Lines down its 2Mill.LOL Sorry Norad mistakes can happen, now back to the subject; it depends on the family and in how much the brides value=can she speak English, does she hold a degree(education) & probably how big the family she has. This is been told to me from my gf.

[udon]

When I met my gf's family, they gave me 2000B to piss off.

[ray23]

200000 and you are complaining?!

I just got back from Khon Kaen (well Ban Nang Yong to be exact) after visiting my girlfriends family. I made the mistake of spending a small fortune in gifts and food etc for the whole village. Next thing I knew I got hit with a 2 million Baht dowry request

I really love my girlfriend but there is absolutely no way in hel_l I'm paying 2 million.

YOU LIE, Reads you ONLY paid 200.000/ 4Lines down its 2Mill.LOL Sorry Norad mistakes can happen, now back to the subject; it depends on the family and in how much the brides value=can she speak English, does she hold a degree(education) & probably how big the family she has. This is been told to me from my gf.

I think you better read that just a little closer

[SamuiJens]

Too many Changs yesterday, Thanks ray23, I retrack my last statement, since I made a reading error, to be honest don't even remember it!

[alexth]

When I met my gf's family, they gave me 2000B to piss off.

Give me the formula, please, please give me the formula I'd piss off for free

Edited August 17, 2006 by alexth

[kerryk]

When I met my gf's family, they gave me 2000B to piss off.

Give me the formula, please, please give me the formula I'd piss off for free

Teach them how to read English and point them to your posts on Thai Visa and you will be off the hook.

[markuk]

i wouldnt pay anything.

I know its cultural but i cannot get my head around it, if two consenting adults wish to marry then get on with it, should be no need to involve anyone else.

[Donz]

When I met my gf's family, they gave me 2000B to piss off.

Give me the formula, please, please give me the formula I'd piss off for free

Teach them how to read English and point them to your posts on Thai Visa and you will be off the hook.

big kerry has a sense of humor, what a surprise

[Introspection]

maybe i just don't 'get it' but whats the problem with paying sinsot if you get it back, surely if you get it back it doesn't matter how much it is if you got the dough?

i appreciate there was a few 'if's' in there though

[ray23]

OK let me splian most of the time you don't get it back

[kerryk]

OK let me splian most of the time you don't get it back

OK, let me splain. About half the time when the parents promise you the sin sot back you get the sin sot back.

Some times the sin sot is invested in a home.

When the bride’s parents pay for the wedding, in middle class families in the West that can run up to $20,000 and you don’t get any of it back.

[gburns57au]

Sinsod 200,000THB plus money every month to the father....

IMHO....you are being set up as a cash cow...walking ATM...whatever

I could handle the sinsod on its own....but to ask for a monthly payment as well...thats pushing the limits of what is tradition and what is a rip off.

Once married of course it is expected that you will help out the family if help is needed, but not just you as a farang but all the family including the Thai side.

But in the end it is upto you.....if you feel that you are being taken for a ride then bail out...if you feel that you are comfortable with it then go for it....you are the one that has to live with it in the long run.

[Jessy]

The agreed amount that you arrange to give her father each month will be the real problem. He will be constantly trying to up it, and there will often be some problem - emotional blackmail - requiring you to pay more. eg when he is ill and needs treatment, when his car or motorbike breaks down, when he needs new clothes, when the house needs work done on it etc. There is always something extra to pay for. And the emotional blackmail will be passed from him onto your wife, and will cause stress in your relationship. I hope I am wrong, but I have been down this line before as have many others. Be careful. You have got to be strong on this. Stick to you offer, and make it clear to him and her. It is obviously very easy for me and others to hand out advice. The same happened to me in a simular situation with a Thai girl, and it is very hard to think straight when you love the girl and don't want to lose her. I really wouldn't pay more than 120,000. Her family should be happy that you are going to take care of their daughter and help the family with a monthly allowance, but Thai logic doesn't always work like that. It is painful I know, but make an offer and stick to it. If you lose your girlfriend, then it's very tough, but you will have done so with the best intentions, and believe me, it's better than losing your sanity further down the line.

[kerryk]

I set the father up in a small business, minimal cost. If he wanted to work it, he made money if he didn’t, up to him.

I don’t go the village for holidays. I don’t like village life. I don’t accept favors from the family to drive me somewhere or provide services of any kind.

If my lady wants to leave? Up to her.

I don’t really see the purpose of getting married in Thailand from a Farang point of view unless you are a young guy and really want children.

I have had my children and am content with the results. I don’t want any more.

The business is in my name the house is in my name and the bank account is in my name.

This is not a negative post about Thai women. Most of my experience has been with Western women.

Maybe I will die alone but I won’t be jumping off of a balcony because I ran out of money because of a scam.

Young guys like Donz, you pays your money and you takes your chances.

Heck I had three wives before I added up the bill.

[Neeranam]

YOU LIE, Reads you ONLY paid 200.000/ 4Lines down its 2Mill.LOL Sorry Norad mistakes can happen, now back to the subject; it depends on the family and in how much the brides value=can she speak English, does she hold a degree(education) & probably how big the family she has. This is been told to me from my gf.

What has speaking English got to do with it?

What if she speaks Chinese, Spanish or Greek?

Maybe your gf says this as she has a degree, speaks English and has a big family

[chippie]

In the west we traditionaly buy an engagement ring for the fiance, by tradition also it is suggested that it should be worth about 2 months wages. This was brought about as to show the girl and the future parents in law that you were serious about the commitment and that you had the means to support her.

Up untill the 1930's in America it was a still an unlawfull act of breach of contract to break of the wedding as the girl would then be percieved as tainted goods.

It's not too different really to the sinsod, the girl and the girls family want to know that you can look after their little girl.

Just think of their values as similar to ours 70 years ago.

[Donz]

I set the father up in a small business, minimal cost. If he wanted to work it, he made money if he didn’t, up to him.

I don’t go the village for holidays. I don’t like village life. I don’t accept favors from the family to drive me somewhere or provide services of any kind.

If my lady wants to leave? Up to her.

I don’t really see the purpose of getting married in Thailand from a Farang point of view unless you are a young guy and really want children.

I have had my children and am content with the results. I don’t want any more.

The business is in my name the house is in my name and the bank account is in my name.

This is not a negative post about Thai women. Most of my experience has been with Western women.

Maybe I will die alone but I won’t be jumping off of a balcony because I ran out of money because of a scam.

Young guys like Donz, you pays your money and you takes your chances.

Heck I had three wives before I added up the bill.

Well I guess when your older thats the best thing to do if you had the kids already etc.

I only pay 150000, but the wedding cost will be 10 times that which ive been told will be paid by the father in-law. Win win situation for me.

[Donz]

Sinsod 200,000THB plus money every month to the father....

IMHO....you are being set up as a cash cow...walking ATM...whatever

I could handle the sinsod on its own....but to ask for a monthly payment as well...thats pushing the limits of what is tradition and what is a rip off.

Once married of course it is expected that you will help out the family if help is needed, but not just you as a farang but all the family including the Thai side.

But in the end it is upto you.....if you feel that you are being taken for a ride then bail out...if you feel that you are comfortable with it then go for it....you are the one that has to live with it in the long run.

Depends, i actually give my mother $100 a month to help out with bills etc, and it comes out our joint account, i done it even before i met her, if my gf asked the same i would not hesitate one bit.

But I value my immediate family the most and will always help out, besides its only money. and your helping out immediate family which are your closest relatives

[mrbojangles]

In the west we traditionaly buy an engagement ring for the fiance, by tradition also it is suggested that it should be worth about 2 months wages. This was brought about as to show the girl and the future parents in law that you were serious about the commitment and that you had the means to support her.

Up untill the 1930's in America it was a still an unlawfull act of breach of contract to break of the wedding as the girl would then be percieved as tainted goods.

It's not too different really to the sinsod, the girl and the girls family want to know that you can look after their little girl.

Just think of their values as similar to ours 70 years ago.

Good post Chippie. Puts a different perspective into the discussion

[leftcross]

200,000 is a ridiculous price and the talk of giving dad a monthly wedge should be setting off BIG RED WARNING LIGHTS.

i didn't pay a sin sod, in fact when i met the parents for the first time the wife's mum said 'we are not isaan we do not want a sin sod', which saved me telling them i wasnt going to pay them anything anyway!

for the record she was a recent uni grad and hadnt had a boyfriend before.

as for the costs of the wedding .... mine cost around 40,000 total and i got 30,000 back in the envelopes. i offered to pay more but her dad told me not to waste the money so that we could use our finances for our new life together.

all this talk of large amounts of money changing hands points to one thing doesnt it???

[kerryk]

200,000 is a ridiculous price and the talk of giving dad a monthly wedge should be setting off BIG RED WARNING LIGHTS.

i didn't pay a sin sod, in fact when i met the parents for the first time the wife's mum said 'we are not isaan we do not want a sin sod', which saved me telling them i wasnt going to pay them anything anyway!

for the record she was a recent uni grad and hadnt had a boyfriend before.

as for the costs of the wedding .... mine cost around 40,000 total and i got 30,000 back in the envelopes. i offered to pay more but her dad told me not to waste the money so that we could use our finances for our new life together.

all this talk of large amounts of money changing hands points to one thing doesnt it???

Interesting point. Are you saying sin sot is strictly an Issan phenomenon?

[number6]

I would be very worried about monthly bit – I’ve never heard of that asked for in Thai society. Id be very careful but having said that 200,000 is not a lot even for Thais. My Wife’s best friend got married recently – I was a best man for him (I think they liked idea of a forang but whatever). Anyway I was as usual the only forang at wedding. I watched the negotiations with interest for several months. In end it was agreed the groom who was Thai but not rich and does not earn so much would pay 300,000 baht and 20baht gold (about 220,000). He had to borrow the money and no it was not returned under table as sometimes happens (I know this I know the brides father well and he would not do that). Anyway my wife’s best fiend told her boyfriend when they were married he could no longer help family because it would take everything to pay of debt.

When my Thai wife and I decided to marry she told me id have to pay a dowry to her family. Even though id been coming to Thailand for 10 years then id not heard of that. I said ok how much. She said what do you think. I replied I don’t know I’ve never bought a wife before 10 baht. After a bit she said what about 1 million Bart. I said I’m not negotiating whatever ill pay it. She said 3 million I said ok but no more and I’m not negotiating. She laughed and said 300,000 is plenty its just for show anyway and that’s high because your a forang and as an aside don’t forget 20 baht gold. That was over 3 years ago, her family (except for one uncle who has never received even 1 baht) have never asked for anything and half gold was given back on wedding day to my wife for luck for her future. And her family are poor but where really happy shed found someone who cared for her. The money was just a silly Thai for show thing. How could her family be proud of her if she was worth less. Although it did help her mum get a washing machine and a few bits. Rest was saved for rainy day.

Hope that helps.

Hope your not another Sion troll

[number6]

i didn't pay a sin sod, in fact when i met the parents for the first time the wife's mum said 'we are not isaan we do not want a sin sod', which saved me telling them i wasnt going to pay them anything anyway!

Absolute xxxxx see my reply above she is not issan and i know plenty of thia families not issan who expect a dowry sorry your talking xxxxxxxxxx

[JimsKnight]

When I was courting my wife in CM about 30 years ago not only was sinsod never mentioned but on various ocassions I was so broke I had to borrow a couple hundred baht from her to get by until a bank transfer came through! I guess easy money wasn't the only thing she was interested in.

I spoken both nothern and central Thai fluently for 30 years and never heard the term sinsod until I saw it in a post on this forum.

Try this: tell them you have hit some hard times and you can't afford the sinsod right now AND you might need to borrow a few baht from them in the short term.

After she dumps you, you can go find yourself a woman who loves you for yourself not your money, they do exist even in LOS.

My apologies for being so negative, I just don't know any other way to put it.

Yo! Thats the way, there are girls who are not part of the money thing (but they hide very well! ).

[kerryk]

I would be very worried about monthly bit – I’ve never heard of that asked for in Thai society. Id be very careful but having said that 200,000 is not a lot even for Thais. My Wife’s best friend got married recently – I was a best man for him (I think they liked idea of a forang but whatever). Anyway I was as usual the only forang at wedding. I watched the negotiations with interest for several months. In end it was agreed the groom who was Thai but not rich and does not earn so much would pay 300,000 baht and 20baht gold (about 220,000). He had to borrow the money and no it was not returned under table as sometimes happens (I know this I know the brides father well and he would not do that). Anyway my wife’s best fiend told her boyfriend when they were married he could no longer help family because it would take everything to pay of debt.

When my Thai wife and I decided to marry she told me id have to pay a dowry to her family. Even though id been coming to Thailand for 10 years then id not heard of that. I said ok how much. She said what do you think. I replied I don’t know I’ve never bought a wife before 10 baht. After a bit she said what about 1 million Bart. I said I’m not negotiating whatever ill pay it. She said 3 million I said ok but no more and I’m not negotiating. She laughed and said 300,000 is plenty its just for show anyway and that’s high because your a forang and as an aside don’t forget 20 baht gold. That was over 3 years ago, her family (except for one uncle who has never received even 1 baht) have never asked for anything and half gold was given back on wedding day to my wife for luck for her future. And her family are poor but where really happy shed found someone who cared for her. The money was just a silly Thai for show thing. How could her family be proud of her if she was worth less. Although it did help her mum get a washing machine and a few bits. Rest was saved for rainy day.

Hope that helps.

Hope your not another Sion troll

Is she from Issan?

[rishi]

100,000 Baht is what we agreed on. Her value has proven itself to be in a class where 100,000 Baht or 5 baht appears to be at the same level.

[alexth]

I set the father up in a small business, minimal cost. If he wanted to work it, he made money if he didn’t, up to him.

I don’t go the village for holidays. I don’t like village life. I don’t accept favors from the family to drive me somewhere or provide services of any kind.

If my lady wants to leave? Up to her.

I don’t really see the purpose of getting married in Thailand from a Farang point of view unless you are a young guy and really want children.

I have had my children and am content with the results. I don’t want any more.

The business is in my name the house is in my name and the bank account is in my name.

This is not a negative post about Thai women. Most of my experience has been with Western women.

Maybe I will die alone but I won’t be jumping off of a balcony because I ran out of money because of a scam.

Young guys like Donz, you pays your money and you takes your chances.

Heck I had three wives before I added up the bill.

200,000 is a ridiculous price and the talk of giving dad a monthly wedge should be setting off BIG RED WARNING LIGHTS.

i didn't pay a sin sod, in fact when i met the parents for the first time the wife's mum said 'we are not isaan we do not want a sin sod', which saved me telling them i wasnt going to pay them anything anyway!

for the record she was a recent uni grad and hadnt had a boyfriend before.

as for the costs of the wedding .... mine cost around 40,000 total and i got 30,000 back in the envelopes. i offered to pay more but her dad told me not to waste the money so that we could use our finances for our new life together.

all this talk of large amounts of money changing hands points to one thing doesnt it???

Finally somebody who is sane. Seems you got a pretty good family there, Leftcross. That's the way a mom and a dad should be handling a marriage for their son/daughter. I mean, you get married, you start your life as a real adult and the loved ones are contributing to it by making a hole in your budget?!?!?! Does this makes sense?