Serious And Disturbing Email

[Tippaporn]

Many of you folks know me, some better than others. I have a serious situation which I need to deal with and I know there's much good advice to be had here on TV. So help me out if you can.

This will be a long story as it needs to be in depth for anyone to truly understand and help. So I'll begin with some background information.

I met my Thai wife in '01 on my first trip to Thailand, precisely 18 hours after my plane touched down. We have been together ever since in what I consider to be a blissful relationship. I've mentioned before on other threads that we have in all of this time not had a single fight, argument or bad word between us. It's been little else but fun and laughter and I consider myself to be quite fortunate, indeed.

As an independent businessman I travel back and forth to the U.S. I am currently in the U.S. and have been here for an almost solid year, other than a brief 3-1/2 week return to BKK last Nov/Dec. This current trip has been much prolonged due to my decision to sell my house here along with the necessity of making new business contacts. My wife thoroughly understands my business needs, never complains about the fact that I need to take leave now and again, and has always been supportive although she does let me know that she misses me.

It's been 8 months now since I've been back home. I call regularly and insure that her and our financial needs are met without undue extravagance. While she does not work herself she has never abused our finances. Neither does she ever ask for money beyond what I allot her. She is also of an extremely generous nature to her fellow compatriots and she has, IMHO, one of the biggest hearts I've ever experienced in either a man or a woman.

Today I received the following emails, approx. 15 min. apart, from an unknown addressee by the name of Steven Narome with a Yahoo account at 1 AM Thai time:

(my name)

(my wife's name) she have husband [he is police man] she use you money with him

pelase keep your money for you son & family they to lie you don't love they love

you money

and

now you car[pic up[ had accident sent to repair at cash repair

now she go to live with husband sometime she carry him live

at you condo

Upon initial reading I felt absolutely devastated since I assumed that these emails were cluing me in on the truth of what has been going on in my absence. After regaining my composure I began analyzing the entire situation. The first of my observations was that the addressee has a western name but the email is written in extremely poor English. While it could be a non-native English speaking foreigner the verbiage and writing style strikes me as being written by khon Thai. I think I can safely assume this.

If my wife was out for just my money then why hasn't she taken advantage of me throughout the years? Even now she has access to an account I set up here in the States expressly for the purpose of providing her cash via an ATM. This is a controlled account in which I regulate the available balance. Over ฿10,000 has been sitting in this account untouched for weeks.

Her father is down from Loei and has been staying in our condo for over one month. I find it unusual that he would approve of another man spending nights with my wife. I've talked with him just a few days ago and he gave me his usual "kit tueng me mak mak." My feeling about him, and from the conversations I have with him, is that he's always respected me greatly. He's a very down-to-earth Thai gentleman. My wife's family has never approached me for money, neither does my wife send them money regularly.

From the time I've first met my wife I had been aware of the potential for being fleeced in Thailand by women who are gifted at acting the part. Due to this awareness I have mulled over and scrutinized countless times in my own mind my wife's behaviour, attitudes and actions. I'm aware that love has a tendency to blind and I've strived to be objective. I've always felt to be a good judge of the human heart. I recognize sincerity and genuineness and my wife has more than satisfied me over the years.

I know that I could relate much more and that this outline of the current facts is less complete than I would like. But I may as well go with the above and fill in more information as the replies and questions come in.

Personally, I believe these emails to be a hoax. Perhaps it may be true that our pick up had been involved in an accident. But at this point, considering all that I know I highly doubt that she has been seeing another man. Until I learn the truth I must approach this situation with great caution and level-headedness.

If these emails were sent by a good Samaritan then I could not mention having knowledge of them to my wife as she could quite easily clean out the condo in a midnight move while I am still in the States. And again, if they were to be believed I could be in a potentially dangerous position as her new man would be a rogue cop. It would not be difficult to set me up on a charge of possession of drugs. If I do not learn the truth before my scheduled return in mid-September I will take the precaution of informing both the police and the German embassy of the situation immediately upon my return.

If these emails are a hoax then it would be obvious that someone close to and trusted by my wife is out to do her very great harm. In which case she needs to be informed as quickly as possible. But how to determine who the originator of the email truly is? It would be quite easy to create a free Yahoo account with a fictitious farang name and therefore may well be impossible to determine the true owner. Can the origin of the email be determined? Might it be possible to know whether or not these emails have been sent from my computer at the condo?

The idea of hiring a detective, while perhaps being the most practical thing to do, is rather revolting to me since it represents the ultimate mistrust of another where I believe that a relationship such as ours is predicated on trust. Heaven forbid these emails turned out to be false and my wife got wind of the fact that I had her tailed! Would she ever be able to feel comfortable with me again? While this route may provide the truth to me I am loathe to go down this road.

And again, if these emails were unfounded then who and why would anyone want to maliciously destroy something as beautiful as what my wife and I have? The pain inflicted would be beyond cruel. I can't begin to imagine who among our friends or her friends would possess such a black heart. I do not doubt the existence of people such as this but find it extremely disturbing to know that there is one within our midst.

Well, let the replies come now. I'm certain that I will hear the entire spectrum of opinions ranging from "dump her" to those who believe that she is true blue. I'm not really interested in personal opinions and quick assumptions from fellow posters. What I would like to hear are approaches to handling this situation properly and with integrity. I'll repeat integrity. I would not be willing to sacrafice mine, even in such a grave instance as what is before me now.

[britmaveric]

I think best bet is to tell her about the emails your received and see what she says. Or perhaps a surprise visit????

[Mr Jones]

why don't you tell your wife that you have been getting these emails.

then, as i suspect, she will know who is sending the emails and sort it out.

[Axel]

now you car[pic up[ had accident sent to repair at cash repair

Try to check this out, as well.

[kurgen]

1st question, how did he/she know your E mail address?

[tourleadersi]

Wow Tip, what a nightmare. I really feel for you mate.

One quick question. Have you tried replying to the emailer, asking who they are and what do they mean?

Good on you for wanting to keep your integrity, the temptation to assume the worst is often too much for most people.

Good luck

[Firefan]

Sorry about this. Agree a tough situation for sure. You mention the private detective yourself - there is really no other way to find out I think. Good luck.

[Sunbelt Asia]

Two options...

Tell her about the e-mail. Ask your wife who would ever send a e-mail like this and why did they?

Second option...

Forget about it. But you can't, can you?

so you are left with the first option

Tell her about the e-mail. Ask your wife who would ever send a e-mail like this and why did they?

Good luck, Tippaporn.

[britmaveric]

Or if you have mates near by - perhaps you could have them take a look for you. I wouldn't think it would be that hard if a supposed husband were living at your condo.

[t.s]

come home and find out once and for all.

tell her wahtever you want is the reason, but why not just find out?

if it is a hoax, so much the better, if not.... well up to you.

Edited August 22, 2006 by t.s

[Tippaporn]

I think best bet is to tell her about the emails your received and see what she says. Or perhaps a surprise visit????

I'd love to tell her, Brit, but until I know the truth there remains the very real possibility of being cleaned out if the emails are true. If I cannot determine what scenario is the real one before I leave then it will most definitely be a surprise visit.

[chuchok]

very sorry to see you in this situation Tip.

The only thing I can suggest, is for you to find out as much info as you can, before you do anything.

[tourleadersi]

I think best bet is to tell her about the emails your received and see what she says. Or perhaps a surprise visit????

I'd love to tell her, Brit, but until I know the truth there remains the very real possibility of being cleaned out if the emails are true. If I cannot determine what scenario is the real one before I leave then it will most definitely be a surprise visit.

Have you tried replying to the emails?

[britmaveric]

I think best bet is to tell her about the emails your received and see what she says. Or perhaps a surprise visit????

I'd love to tell her, Brit, but until I know the truth there remains the very real possibility of being cleaned out if the emails are true. If I cannot determine what scenario is the real one before I leave then it will most definitely be a surprise visit.

Well transfer your funds to another account and leave a minimal amount of dosh in the old account. This certainly would be a wise move - and just dole out dosh to the account as needed.

Tough situation - I hope its just a windup for your sake.

[Tippaporn]

now you car[pic up[ had accident sent to repair at cash repair

Try to check this out, as well.

This is something I could do, Axel. But it may well be that these emails are part truth, part fictious. The fact that our pickup was damaged would not prove out that the second part of the email were true. Knowing her she would be afraid to inform me of an accident. It's not because she fears me due to my potential reaction.

She had lost ฿13,000 early this year and could not bring herself to tell me. I learned of the fact through a friend and called. She cried and cried lamenting her error and repeatedly denounced herself over it. I was not upset at all and chose to comfort her. I seldom get angry with her, and I mean seldomly. In truth she gives me very little reason to ever get upset.

[Tywais]

Her father is down from Loei and has been staying in our condo for over one month.

Is her father a policeman or someone with a uniform? Perhaps someone sees him and is making assumptions.

I realize the idea of a private investigator goes against your grain but it may be the best solution for either your protection or hers (if someone has ill intentions against her).

[kurgen]

For peace of mind, just buy a ticket and walk through your own door, un-announced

[chippie]

Do you speak thai?

Maybe you could find out the nearest body repair shops to your wifes home and ring them to see if any of them had your truck in.

Ask your wife inocently if every thing is ok, is the truck ok, make a joke saying you hope she's not crashed it.

And as said before, maybe a surprise visit.

Is there anyone you could get to pop round to the condo?

[Tippaporn]

Have you tried replying to the emails?

Yes, tl, I did. Here was my brief response:

Your email is very upsetting to me. If I may ask, who are you and how do you know this?

It has not yet been 24 hours since I received the emails and I suspect I will not get a reply. I thought the time they were sent, 1 AM Thai time, was a little unusual. It indicates that they were sent from a personal computer. As I know that the majority of our friends do not own a computer I suspect it was sent from our condo by someone staying there.

[migrant]

I've been involved in the past with a long distance relationship (not Thailand). Not married, as you, but I sure wish you the best.

I understand what you say about a detective as a betrayal, but look at it this way, what will satisfy you that this is not true?

If you ignore it, you will always wonder about what she is doing when away from your side

If you confront her, her reaction could satisfy you, but (playing the devils advocate) if she is guilty, fooling you that it is untrue should be no problem.

You could engage the sender in conversation, but will that satisfy you?

It sure sounds like you have a wonderful, faithful wife, but you will have to live with these worries, so I would suggest the detective route and (I believe) when confirmed the e-mails are a hoax, ignore the whole thing and enjoy your life together peacefully.

I truly believe in full disclosure, and honesty, but I am also a realist

Best of luck!!!!!!

[withnail]

Have you traced the ip address to find out if the emails were even sent from a Thai computer?

[thaigene2]

Ask yourself which other Thais know your email address. Do you have a girlfriend - self evident but needs to be asked? Or is there someone who is trying to get even with you? Have you crossed anyone - made them lose face? The email address could belong to a Thai woman's boyfriend. Maybe a google search?

I think your best option is a surprise visit. If there is a guy there, she'll make up some excuse - which you would be wise to go along with. Then close everything down - and split.

[Mr Jones]

Have you tried replying to the emails?

As I know that the majority of our friends do not own a computer I suspect it was sent from our condo by someone staying there.

Ah, ah you do suspect it is true.

Now why would someone living in your condo want to kill the milch cow?

Your being wound up bro and its working.

[Tippaporn]

1st question, how did he/she know your E mail address?

I'm truly touched at the immense outpouring of concern. You all have my most respectful and heartfelt appreciation

I'll try to reply to individual posts as quickly as possible. Just know that I'm reading each and every one of them.

That's another point I've considered, Kurgen. This sender is unknown to me. Yet how did they obtain my address? Two possibilities occur to me - 1) it is someone close to us who has access to our condo and quite possibly my computer, and 2) it was discreetly obtained by someone removed from us from a member of our household.

My opinion thus far is No. 1.

[TBWG]

Hi Tippaporn

Nobody knows your relationship with your wife better than you, follow your instincts.

However, what about calling your wife in normal way, see if mention of a pick up accident comes up. After all not an everyday occurence so should get a comment. At least that way you will know e-mailer has inside knowledge.

I am not into IT myself but there are plenty of knowledgable guys on TV that should be able to tell you if it is possible to trace e mail pathway.

One final thing you worry about the condo being cleared out, that would suggest money is at the root of things, however that fact that money is not immediatley withdrawn from your communal bank account indicates otherwise.

Good Luck keep a clear head and take care.

TBWG

[Thaddeus]

Have you traced the ip address to find out if the emails were even sent from a Thai computer?

Indeed, it can be quite difficult to trace the actual computer, a large amount depending on it's connection type to the internet.... but it is fairly easy to find it's rough location.

[Blake7]

get a Private Investigator. It will give you peace of mind and could potentially stop you worrying for years to come "what if???". I would suggest that the uncertainty would have a more damaging effect on the relationship.

[taxexile]

difficult to know what sort of advice to give , do you have a trusted friend here in Thailand who could "take a look" and see if your wife is leaving and returning to the condo alone , and if is she where she says she is when you call her.

hopefully , and if the relationship is as strong as you say , this will just turn out to be a malicious e-mail from a jealous acquaintance , but after 8 months away you should realise that there is a possibility that these things do happen.

dont torture yourself with visions of police set ups and double jeopardy situations , keep a clear mind and think all your actions through before doing anything.

[tourleadersi]

Have you tried replying to the emails?

Yes, tl, I did. Here was my brief response:

Your email is very upsetting to me. If I may ask, who are you and how do you know this?

It has not yet been 24 hours since I received the emails and I suspect I will not get a reply. I thought the time they were sent, 1 AM Thai time, was a little unusual. It indicates that they were sent from a personal computer. As I know that the majority of our friends do not own a computer I suspect it was sent from our condo by someone staying there.

One thing to consider is that perhaps someone left a computer in an internet shop and didn't log out of their email account. Someone might have then been able to send emails out from that account. I appreciate that this doesn't explain how that person then got hold of your email address. It is virtually impossible that they stabbed in the dark and not only guessed the address of someone in Thailand, but that they had a pick up and were away at the moment.

We can therefore deduce that the email was sent by someone who knows you, but they may have used the internet cafe as an opportunity to stir things up. If that is the case then you may receive a reply from the true owner soon saying 'What??!!!' Is there someone out there that has your email that perhaps has it in for you? An ex, someone who fancied you but you knocked back, an employee that you upset?

With regards you flying over and surprising her, that may be an option. One thing for certain though is it will be the LONGEST flight you have ever taken. The taxi will crawl at 120kmph on the expressway and the lift will move more slowly than the stairs! By the time you get to knock on the door with flowers in hand I should imagine you will be a nervous wreck.

Personally asking a friend to check in on her might be the best option. Perhaps someone she knows that you trust could 'call in' with a bottle of wine/movie as they were in the neighborhood. Need to use an approach that will allow said person to get into your appartment and stay there for a while (hence the wine/movie).

Once again, good luck

[daleyboy]

An easy way to track emails, is with a program called read notify. This program tells you when the mail was opened how may times, who it was forwarded to and where it is being read and for how long.

I would write to the emailer using read notify and then you will at least see if someone is reading the mails that you send and where they are. I would also suggest tracking the ip address, if you know te address already, then put it into his program and it will tell you where it is

http://www.geobytes.com/IpLocator.htm

I know this may sound a bit sneaky, but it is best to be prepared, and like others have said, just pay a surprise visit. Turn up a week early, on a late flight so you arrive late at night then if something is going on then you will catch them at it.

At the end of the day mate, imho this is a sick windup by some prick that wants to do you harm. I had a similar situation when my wife was still in Thailand and i was in the uk sorting out visa paperwork. I was told my wife was with her ex while i wasnt there. I almost recked our relationship, but luckily i had a friend out there who discreetly checked out what was going on. As it turned out this person was emailing me telling me she was out partying with her ex when my friend knew she was at home with his wife.

I hope it all works out mate, and dont jump in too early with both feet, test the water first, if theres anything i can do, i am just a pm away