difficulties you encounter with your Thai partner

[Crazy chef 1]

as a wise man said once: divide your rights-double your duties...

all around i am pretty happy with my wife but as in every relationship there are few things which bothers me...

-our communication:my wife is not very talkative in general and in addition there is the language barrier.english is not my first language neither is it hers but this is not the main problem(we use dictionary's).she always listen just to the first few words of a sentence and ignore the rest....the other thing is many topics i would like to talk about she is not familiar or interested...

-her time management and planning...but i think we Germans are anyway over the top with punctuality...

-sometimes her logic:as many of you guys know we had huge problems with our new born and we were happy when he finally came home.three weeks later she was planning to take him IN A MINIBUS back to her home village and when i asked what is the purpose she replied to get him a hair cut and some strings around his wrist by a special witch doctor ...ain't gonna happen honey...

but beside this we are happy with each other.she takes great care of our finances,the baby,her business and our household.

and before some wise members start their usual rant about Issaan women-i am proud she is one...

what about you what are your problems with your partner(wife;G/F,B/F) and how do you solve them..

and don't tell me you don't have any because where fire is there is smoke...

[benalibina]

Undoubtedly....more to come..

[wow64]

Threesomes can be sometimes difficult if I am into the other chick too much.

[DoctorG]

There really does not seem, to me, to be any point in being in a relationship where one cannot communicate.

This applies to not only language, but also to common levels of intellect, values, and experiences.

[pkspeaker]

i think your relationship sucks because you order her around, she wants to take her newborn back to her village for her religious beliefs and culture and whatever and you tell her 'Aint gonna happen.' she doesn't listen to your rambling because your always talking down to her, she most likly with you for the money and your probably too old for her.

Edited February 23, 2015 by pkspeaker

[loong]

My Missus needs a particular document. As per usual, she is pulling out all cupboards and emptying various bags trying to find it. This happens every single time she needs something and drives me nuts.

When she eventually finds it, does whatever she needs to do, she will leave it on a chair, on top of a wardrobe or whatever empty surface is available when she returns. I've given up telling here that she should have a particular place to store all such items and when she finishes with it return it to the proper place. Wasting my breath.

It's not just documents. I need a screwdriver and cannot find it because she has used it for something and simply left it where she used it instead of returning it to its proper place in my toolbox.

[ggt]

My difficulties with my Thai partner were resolved when I gave her a fist full of baht and showed her the door...it was worth the baht to remove the difficulties...

[BudRight]

Mine speaks Thai to me and I speak to her in English. It's like Han Solo talking to a sexy Chewbacca.

The toughest thing is guessing what she'll like and what she won't. I once showed her the film 'Cool Hand Luke,' very well subtitled in Thai and quite sure she would admire the film. She absolutely hated it. When she visited the US I learned she loves turky cold cuts without bread, mustard or anything else. She's fine eating pounds of shaved turky breast from the deli. Weird.

[smotherb]

I realize this is stil early for this thread, except for communication, I see only minor issues. While I imagine there will be more in-depth problems presented, communication is an important foundation of a relationship. One of you needs to learn the other's language.

[Bob12345]

Similar problem here as the OP: religious logic.

My wife is working in a field that is heavily based on research and knowledge, but she still wants a little buddha in the car, some monk drawings on the hood of the car and the engine, little Chinese statues in the room, and asking some monk for fortune and luck.

It does not bother me as it is all small and gives her peace of mind, but i cannot follow her logic for doing it. When we talk about it she sounds likes she does not really believe it, as in she cannot defend it with logic or sound reasoning and agrees it is silly, but she keeps on doing these things.

Edited February 23, 2015 by Bob12345

[Pik]

It looks like there is no a language barrier. She learned quickly how to control finance

Next she will ask you to build house in her issan village so that you have a place to stay when you are there. Just look around and see nice big houses built by farangs that are gone and forgotten

[thejcb]

Why do you have to speak MY language to your wife, use your own or use hers ! NOT MINE !

What I really dislike is when foreigners swear in MY Language. Use your own bloody language to do that !!

Edited February 23, 2015 by thejcb

[MauiSteveBKK]

My 47 Thai Wife From Issan - Nong Khai Province - Village of THA BO.

Here are My Suggestions:

- The Key Is Communication. I am learning Thai. She knows some English. We have started to develop our "Own Language" which is a mix of both. Also: (Example). She can not say "refrigerator" so I say "Tuu Yin". We have fun with our own language mix.

- Respect Her Culture - She Will Respect Yours. 2nd most important thing.

- Make Designated Spots. I have made for her a specific spot for:

+ Keys

+ Glasses

+ ID Card, etc.

+ Many things

She puts them there so we don't always have to be looking for stuff!

- We Have "Thai Night" with only Thai food. She cooks.

Then we have "USA Night" and I cook only USA-type of southern food.

Share. Share. Make it fun.

- Most important thing - listen closely.

I tell Patricia many time: "If it is important to you -- it is important to me".

So, tell me ... what is important to you. I will listen.

I will tell you what is important to me. I want you to look me in the eyes and listen.

This works GREAT!

We have an incredible understanding -- she knows what is important to me. I know for her.

I wish you the very best.

steve

[SoiBiker]

I don't understand how you get to the point of marrying someone when you can't effectively communicate with them.

[marko kok prong]

My communication with my Mrs is okay,i speak enough basic Thai,and she speaks fairly good english,what drives me nuts though,and there have been other threads on this,is when i am speaking to her,and another family member or friend says something and she totally drops our conversation,and talks to the Thai person,i have told her several times this is rather rude,and in fact i have blown up about it a couple of times,i don't know if this is a Thai trait,i have noticed when a group are together,mostly women,they all tend to talk at once,and contrary to the myth of soft spoken Thai ladies,the voices will get louder and louder,a phenomenem my friend calls 'full chicken farm'.

[wowfactor10]

I found relationships with philipinas more equal and balanced from the start.

[jmwpga]

My difficulties with my Thai partner were resolved when I gave her a fist full of baht and showed her the door...it was worth the baht to remove the difficulties...

Love your muse!!!! Is that the one you showed the door to?

[pkspeaker]

I never trash or question people's religion, why bring them down? like you said t gives people peace of mind knowing there is something out there, especially since we don't know what's out there or offer any explanation as agnostics-our whole viewpoint is-we dont know so we don't try to understand it.. also i find the buddhism far less ridiculous than monotheism.

scientific research-knowledge doesn't really disprove religion because we don't understand the concept of infinity and space and time and the whole lot, so you can never know..

Similar problem here as the OP: religious logic.

My wife is working in a field that is heavily based on research and knowledge, but she still wants a little buddha in the car, some monk drawings on the hood of the car and the engine, little Chinese statues in the room, and asking some monk for fortune and luck.

It does not bother me as it is all small and gives her peace of mind, but i cannot follow her logic for doing it. When we talk about it she sounds likes she does not really believe it, as in she cannot defend it with logic or sound reasoning and agrees it is silly, but she keeps on doing these things.

Edited February 23, 2015 by pkspeaker

[Thaddeus]

Pray that she never finds a casino.

[frank0424]

i think your relationship sucks because you order her around, she wants to take her newborn back to her village for her religious beliefs and culture and whatever and you tell her 'Aint gonna happen.' she doesn't listen to your rambling because your always talking down to her, she most likly with you for the money and your probably too old for her.

WOW. Heavy duty reply

I think he was worried about her travelling in a minibus with a newborn and thus no seatbelt.

The other things you mentioned you know nothing about, but you write as if you know them personally.(or maybe you do)

He said their relationship is good. He has mentioned the difficulties and has invited others to share theirs.

Edited February 23, 2015 by frank0424

[Guest]

Similar problem here as the OP: religious logic.

My wife is working in a field that is heavily based on research and knowledge, but she still wants a little buddha in the car, some monk drawings on the hood of the car and the engine, little Chinese statues in the room, and asking some monk for fortune and luck.

It does not bother me as it is all small and gives her peace of mind, but i cannot follow her logic for doing it. When we talk about it she sounds likes she does not really believe it, as in she cannot defend it with logic or sound reasoning and agrees it is silly, but she keeps on doing these things.

Here is an easy solution to that problem.

Sit your wife down and explain how much of the world, and possibly you ... worship a human born from a virgin by the hand of an all powerful God who created everything but in this case, required a virgin, and this son went on to become a carpenter who performed only occasional miracles on only a select few instead of curing ALL the sick and down trodden, and who eventually died nailed to a cross ... a simply horrid and horrifying image if there ever was one but many wear the symbol of around their neck, have tattoos of, and on and on and on.

An image that sports figures attribute to catching (American) footballs, making goals (Futball) hitting home runs, winning the lottery ... I mean, the face of Christ even appears on burnt toast.... so , it is pretty crazy, yes?

I mean, there are Chaplins in the line of fire on battle fields to give the last rites ... are you kidding me? A person risks their life to mumble a last prayer?

Explain the daily prayers, the crossing sign on the chest, and the money poured into Church coffers.

Then ... now wait for the punchline ...

EXPLAIN THE DIFFERENCE TO YOUR WIFE WHO HAS SIMILAR FAITH.

[soalbundy]

There really does not seem, to me, to be any point in being in a relationship where one cannot communicate.

This applies to not only language, but also to common levels of intellect, values, and experiences.

I was told once that for a marriage with a Thai to be successful you must be as superficial about the relationship as her but always remember her birthday

[Pinot]

The woman must be a saint to live with a German.

[A1Str8]

Doesn't swallow.

[i claudius]

My wife is very westernised, she speaks reads and writes english,also works in real estate , we can communicate perfectly ,but when our son was born if she had wanted to take him home so her monk could but a string on his wrist who would i be to stop her ,the same as i dont stop her praying every night for 10 minutes or putting flowers in a vase in front of her favourite monk ,so who are you to stop your wife ,her jailer?

[sunshine51]

My 47 Thai Wife From Issan - Nong Khai Province - Village of THA BO.

Here are My Suggestions:

- The Key Is Communication. I am learning Thai. She knows some English. We have started to develop our "Own Language" which is a mix of both. Also: (Example). She can not say "refrigerator" so I say "Tuu Yin". We have fun with our own language mix.

- Respect Her Culture - She Will Respect Yours. 2nd most important thing.

- Make Designated Spots. I have made for her a specific spot for:

+ Keys

+ Glasses

+ ID Card, etc.

+ Many things

She puts them there so we don't always have to be looking for stuff!

- We Have "Thai Night" with only Thai food. She cooks.

Then we have "USA Night" and I cook only USA-type of southern food.

Share. Share. Make it fun.

- Most important thing - listen closely.

I tell Patricia many time: "If it is important to you -- it is important to me".

So, tell me ... what is important to you. I will listen.

I will tell you what is important to me. I want you to look me in the eyes and listen.

This works GREAT!

We have an incredible understanding -- she knows what is important to me. I know for her.

I wish you the very best.

steve

The missus & I do pretty much the exact same thing as you & yours do MSB.

The only exception is when we do & East & West dinners...the galley gets a bit

crowded with the two of us & 6 dogs...however the grub is fantastic when ready.

That one word...Communication...is what it takes. On both sides, as well as listening

vice just hearing. We started out this way when early in our BF-GF relationship and

have no reason to change nowadays...works for us very well.

[KhnomKhnom]

Hugely stupid of you to stop the hair cutting etc......... VERY IMPORTANT TO THAI. Send her by taxi if you fear mini vans.

You ain't gonna make it....... the signs of permanent strains are already there and all the strains are yours.

YOUR FAILURES....

-talk about HER interests and make your interests vital to her.... most foreigners are silly to Thai and you gotta get over that with incentives to her to listen and learn the language you two have chosen... Pay her for each new word she learns.

-stop putting blocks on her Buddhist and other practices.. are you crazy or self destructive.

Get a clue before she just leaves some day ... fed up with your disparaging and silliness.

[Nowisee]

There really does not seem, to me, to be any point in being in a relationship where one cannot communicate.

This applies to not only language, but also to common levels of intellect, values, and experiences.

For all practical purposes this is a meaningless relationship...at the very most it is a huge compromise that each person will have to take. For me, I would be the one taking the huge compromise.

It would be a relationship of isolation, intellectually more than anything.

The few that I have had where communication was difficult did me in... they did not last beyond a few months and were held together only because of physical attraction on my part. No clue what she was thinking as I was unable to communicate with her about her thoughts...

Too frustrating for me. I only talk with the girls that speak english well... even then, they are sometimes a struggle.

But, maybe some guys like the little communication, especially the control types or the introverts... I have nothing to support this thinking.

[Crazy chef 1]

My wife is very westernised, she speaks reads and writes english,also works in real estate , we can communicate perfectly ,but when our son was born if she had wanted to take him home so her monk could but a string on his wrist who would i be to stop her ,the same as i dont stop her praying every night for 10 minutes or putting flowers in a vase in front of her favourite monk ,so who are you to stop your wife ,her jailer?

the point wasn't to stop her religious believe...the point was to carry a new born(which just came out of ICU) across the whole country.i do really respect her believes though we found a monk who did the procedure here...and as stated before the language barrier is not the main problem the problem is she doesn't listen properly...

and as another member has stated above all of this are minor issues...this thread is not about complaining(because we are pretty happy) it as about difficulties people encounter in mixed relationships...and how to solve them...

[MrBanks]

I am happy to say that I don't have any problems with my wife on personal level, having been together for 15 years we are happy and have learnt the art of give and take.

My problem is more of a general thing that, in a way spoils a part of our life that we would like to enjoy more.

The problem that winds me up the most with having a Thai wife is travelling to foreign countries. I am British and with a British passport (as we all know a British passport is by far the most superior in the world) it is very easy to go in and out of most parts of the world.

My wife, on the other hand, has a Thai passport, she also has a 10 year tourist visa for the UK, however, as most of you will know virtually anywhere we want to go we have to apply for visas.

We go to the UK and decide that it would be nice to use the Chunnel and pop over to France, no can, need to get a schenegn visa. How about a quick trip to the States, no can, need a visa and so on and so on...............

Complete pain in the bottom!!!

Many posters say that communication is a problem, not with us, in fact when Mrs B. gets wound up it is hard to shut her up :-)