difficulties you encounter with your Thai partner

[maidee]

my wife is half hi/so thai chinese (rich parents)

but she is more arrogant than any other women

she became fat & unatracktive (sometimes you read about losing sex drive as a man, i have sex drive, but just not with that one anymore)

is agressive & cannot control her temper (let is all go, even in front of the children)

she speaks very good english (had private english tutor when growing up), and even french & my home country language on top

thanks to the hi-so dad, we live in a nice big house in a nice neighborhood

and thank god, she goes out working for an international company during weekdays (my relax time), till she comes home

can't have everything in life, right ?

could leave any time, but i also love my kids

Edited February 23, 2015 by maidee

[Crazy chef 1]

Hugely stupid of you to stop the hair cutting etc......... VERY IMPORTANT TO THAI. Send her by taxi if you fear mini vans.

You ain't gonna make it....... the signs of permanent strains are already there and all the strains are yours.

YOUR FAILURES....

-talk about HER interests and make your interests vital to her.... most foreigners are silly to Thai and you gotta get over that with incentives to her to listen and learn the language you two have chosen... Pay her for each new word she learns.

-stop putting blocks on her Buddhist and other practices.. are you crazy or self destructive.

Get a clue before she just leaves some day ... fed up with your disparaging and silliness.

read post # 29...

[Just1Voice]

Basically I have only 2 problems with my wife. First, she really does think she's hi-so, and she's not. But don't tell her that. We have a beautiful, expensive home that I purchased 7 years ago when it was me, my wife, her 24 year old son, younger sister, and sister's daughter. Now it's basically just me and her, and we don't really need this big house. She knows I want to sell it, then pay cash for something single story and smaller. She says she understands, but I know for a fact she's told others she doesn't want to sell. This house is her "image", her "face", her "social status", and giving it up to move to a smaller, less expensive one is a major deal with her. But I'm dealing with that in my own way.

The second is money. She has absolutely no concept of how to spend wisely, and actually saving money is a totally alien concept to her. Her philosophy is if you got it, spend it. It finally got to the point where I opened an account for her, and I put xx amount of baht in it each month, and tell her that is hers to do with as she wants, and I'll take care of everything else. That pretty much works for the most part.

Other than that, just about everything else is good and I can't complain too much.

[BKKdreaming]

- Most important thing - listen closely.

I tell Patricia many time: "If it is important to you -- it is important to me".

So, tell me ... what is important to you. I will listen.

I will tell you what is important to me. I want you to look me in the eyes and listen.

This works GREAT!

We have an incredible understanding -- she knows what is important to me. I know for her.

thanks for that , I saved it just to remember later......

[Crazy chef 1]

Basically I have only 2 problems with my wife. First, she really does think she's hi-so, and she's not. But don't tell her that. We have a beautiful, expensive home that I purchased 7 years ago when it was me, my wife, her 24 year old son, younger sister, and sister's daughter. Now it's basically just me and her, and we don't really need this big house. She knows I want to sell it, then pay cash for something single story and smaller. She says she understands, but I know for a fact she's told others she doesn't want to sell. This house is her "image", her "face", her "social status", and giving it up to move to a smaller, less expensive one is a major deal with her. But I'm dealing with that in my own way.

The second is money. She has absolutely no concept of how to spend wisely, and actually saving money is a totally alien concept to her. Her philosophy is if you got it, spend it. It finally got to the point where I opened an account for her, and I put xx amount of baht in it each month, and tell her that is hers to do with as she wants, and I'll take care of everything else. That pretty much works for the most part.

Other than that, just about everything else is good and I can't complain too much.

for us vice versa...i like to spent and she has to control me....she is financially savvy

[masuk]

Similar problem here as the OP: religious logic.

My wife is working in a field that is heavily based on research and knowledge, but she still wants a little buddha in the car, some monk drawings on the hood of the car and the engine, little Chinese statues in the room, and asking some monk for fortune and luck.

It does not bother me as it is all small and gives her peace of mind, but i cannot follow her logic for doing it. When we talk about it she sounds likes she does not really believe it, as in she cannot defend it with logic or sound reasoning and agrees it is silly, but she keeps on doing these things.

I noticed the same thing in the Philippines.

Highly educated, different religion, but statues and paintings and street parades and necklace charms.

[BlackJack]

the divide is to great

it will never be filled

there is the Thai way and the wifes way

so how can you argue with that

whats mine is mine and

whats yours is ours

this is Thailand and I am a guest here

this will not change

[wow64]

Doesn't swallow.

Deal breaker right there.

Not sure how anyone could get married to a person who cannot communicate with them that she doesn't swallow.

[Docno]

There really does not seem, to me, to be any point in being in a relationship where one cannot communicate.

This applies to not only language, but also to common levels of intellect, values, and experiences.

For all practical purposes this is a meaningless relationship...at the very most it is a huge compromise that each person will have to take. For me, I would be the one taking the huge compromise.

It would be a relationship of isolation, intellectually more than anything.

The few that I have had where communication was difficult did me in... they did not last beyond a few months and were held together only because of physical attraction on my part. No clue what she was thinking as I was unable to communicate with her about her thoughts...

Too frustrating for me. I only talk with the girls that speak english well... even then, they are sometimes a struggle.

But, maybe some guys like the little communication, especially the control types or the introverts... I have nothing to support this thinking.

You and DoctorG talk as if communication barriers are permanent. They are not. When I first met my girlfriend of 4 years, her English was as primitive as my Thai, but we could communicate enough to get by and stay interested. I have improved my Thai over time, but the real improvement was with her. She would write by hand every sms or email I wrote into a special book, bought one of those e-dics, analyse what I wrote, learn the words and tenses, etc. Now it's extremely rare that either one of us needs to refer to a dictionary because her English is so good. We met her old high school English teacher at the Tesco-Lotus a few months back, and the lady almost fell over hearing Noy speak English... I'd say her English was better than the teacher's! So these things aren't static.

[ExPratt]

I get on well with the missus mainly , we are both bit fiery and have some great 2 minute arguments but then neither of use are sulkers , so its all done and dusted and then we move on the next flair up. She has looked after me and my kids for 10 years.

[Guitar God]

We usually get along fine. I just need to rembember to give her space (basically stop talking) if she's stressed out or if we get into a discussion, things can escalate and she starts getting frustrated. Leave her be for a few minutes and everything's fine.

She's getting better but she doesn't do very good at picking up after herself. The mae baan comes and the next day the living room sometimes looks like the way you leave a hotel room when you check out, except with more stuff laying around. You can't leave junk on the floor if you have dogs living in the house.

When we're driving to a place I've never been and while underway I ask where we're going she often says "drong pbai". I say "no, what's our destination?" "drong pbai". I'd prefer to hear that it's by the park, or across from Central Plaza rather than directions often given too late to turn.

Her English is fine but I prefer she speaks Thai to me so I get more practice. One annoying thing, half the time she'll say "leo sai" and I'll say " you mean "leo qua?", " oh, hehe, sorry qua". She never mixes up left and right in English but does in Thai.

Coming home and taking off her rings and leaving them in a different place every time annoys me. I would suggest finding one spot and sticking with it. I gave her a place to put them but they still ended up on the sink, or counter of coffee table. She lost one that way before she finally learned her lesson.

[TheFishman1]

I think you need to let her do what she wants

[Crazy chef 1]

how is it actually for you native English guys your vocabulary is much more developed though it must be tough for your partners to follow...and as we all know asking is not the strongest point for Thais...

[orange31]

Jealousy. Excellent timing actually as I've just had an arguement with my wife. We got on the BTS, my wife gets a seat but I don't as the train is quite busy,so I take the next best spot leaning up against the glass partition by one of the doors at look out the window. At Siam I move into the train to take a seat when other people get off to change lines, only to find my wife no longer on the train! She stormed off in a huff believing that the reason I was standing by the door and not in front of her waiting for an available seat was because I must be interested in another woman on the train. I tried explaining that it's more comfortable leaning than standing but it didn't get through. Women!!!

[bazza40]

I think the best policy for both parties to follow is: Don't try to change her, and make it clear she's not going to change you.

[Muzarella]

I found relationships with philipinas more equal and balanced from the start.

I agree, and that's because some common customs with westerners, like religion, and some time language and family values. In my case, Tagalo, Spanish, Italian, French, are similar languages. Philippine women are more direct and spontaneous too.

Edited February 23, 2015 by Muzarella

[xylophone]

Difficulties you encounter with your Thai partner................where to start?

Luckily enough I am now single here in Thailand although I did live with a Thai lady for some five years, and before that I had a six-month relationship with another lady. I have to add to that that I have made a lot of single Thai lady friends, and that's all they are, so I do have some experience.

The difficulties are many-fold: – for example communication is just about a no-no on anything other than a superficial level. If you want to talk about politics then it will end after a couple of sentences either related to the reds or the yellows; the state of the country with regards to anything ranging from GDP to finances, markets etc will draw blank stares; discussions about The Monarchy will get short shrift, after mentioning that so-and-so is liked, and so-and-so is not.

Try to talk about anything that is going on in the world and it will be lost on them......... the state of the US economy, the euro, the GFC and how it could affect Thailand and your income and so on, mean absolutely nothing.

I could go on and on however suffice it to say that any discussion on anything other than the price of vegetables, the local gossip and who is doing what to whom, is totally lost on these people.

Financially, many of them are hopeless and it is all about spend for today, because tomorrow there will be something which will turn up. "Who knows what the future will bring" is a lovely start to a sentence about planning for the future, which basically says they don't bother with it, and that is very true.

If you just want someone who fills up a space in a house and someone to have sex with, then all will be fine PERHAPS, until one of you gets tired with the latter.

So in summary, the difficulties I find are in meaningful conversation, entirely different beliefs and values, the complete lack of understanding how things and the world works, and the fact that they are only really interested in themselves and in doing what they have to do to ensure they come out of the relationship with more than they went in with.

If you are after a superficial relationship, don't like to be alone and think that the hot sex will last for ever, then you are in the right place.

[Gordy Gambino]

My tilak complain about my womanising as I can pick up any chick in Pattaya.

So I give her money.

I tell her I only lub her the others are just roots on the side should she leave.

She say she know as I am hansum man.

[pendingo]

"The second is money. She has absolutely no concept of how to spend wisely, and actually saving money is a totally alien concept to her. Her philosophy is if you got it, spend it. It finally got to the point where I opened an account for her, and I put xx amount of baht in it each month, and tell her that is hers to do with as she wants, and I'll take care of everything else. That pretty much works for the most part."

Yes I can relate to that Just1Voice.

I just wonder whether that is a Thai woman trait or universal where women (not necessarily all women) are concerned.

Incidentally, and I know this might be slightly off topic, but does anyone on here have a wife with a Guman Thong spirit child?

My wife has had one for the past 6 years and I still find it strange that she buys clothes, toys and food for "him."

She does have a real son by the way.

Anyway I'm just curious to see how many TV members have a Thai wife with one and what their take on it is.

[ToddinChonburi]

Yes communication, when to different languages collide you must be very patient which can be very difficult at times but dry to spend time as often as possible talking about everyday life. you will learn fast that most of the things you say she does not understand.

I have a bad habit of talking to fast, she picks out words of my sentence and says okay. Okay to what ? she did not understand me. That dam stubborn pride of I think I understand does not work. Baby steps, she wants to learn English so many nights a week we spend just talking.

You all must understand and except that you will never be number 1. Family , children , brother , sister take your pick . Choose your battles some are not worth winning here and the war goes on a long time.

Change the things you can and except the things you can not. Good luck !!!!!

[Broeno]

Doesn't swallow.

mine either

[pendingo]

Difficulties you encounter with your Thai partner................where to start?

Luckily enough I am now single here in Thailand although I did live with a Thai lady for some five years, and before that I had a six-month relationship with another lady. I have to add to that that I have made a lot of single Thai lady friends, and that's all they are, so I do have some experience.

The difficulties are many-fold: – for example communication is just about a no-no on anything other than a superficial level. If you want to talk about politics then it will end after a couple of sentences either related to the reds or the yellows; the state of the country with regards to anything ranging from GDP to finances, markets etc will draw blank stares; discussions about The Monarchy will get short shrift, after mentioning that so-and-so is liked, and so-and-so is not.

Try to talk about anything that is going on in the world and it will be lost on them......... the state of the US economy, the euro, the GFC and how it could affect Thailand and your income and so on, mean absolutely nothing.

I could go on and on however suffice it to say that any discussion on anything other than the price of vegetables, the local gossip and who is doing what to whom, is totally lost on these people.

Financially, many of them are hopeless and it is all about spend for today, because tomorrow there will be something which will turn up. "Who knows what the future will bring" is a lovely start to a sentence about planning for the future, which basically says they don't bother with it, and that is very true.

If you just want someone who fills up a space in a house and someone to have sex with, then all will be fine PERHAPS, until one of you gets tired with the latter.

So in summary, the difficulties I find are in meaningful conversation, entirely different beliefs and values, the complete lack of understanding how things and the world works, and the fact that they are only really interested in themselves and in doing what they have to do to ensure they come out of the relationship with more than they went in with.

If you are after a superficial relationship, don't like to be alone and think that the hot sex will last for ever, then you are in the right place.

I think this is the case with some Western women as well in my experience. Just go on Facebook and see the similarities. I'm sure there are women out there Thai or otherwise who are on your level.

[Crazy chef 1]

Yes communication, when to different languages collide you must be very patient which can be very difficult at times but dry to spend time as often as possible talking about everyday life. you will learn fast that most of the things you say she does not understand.

I have a bad habit of talking to fast, she picks out words of my sentence and says okay. Okay to what ? she did not understand me. That dam stubborn pride of I think I understand does not work. Baby steps, she wants to learn English so many nights a week we spend just talking.

You all must understand and except that you will never be number 1. Family , children , brother , sister take your pick . Choose your battles some are not worth winning here and the war goes on a long time.

Change the things you can and except the things you can not. Good luck !!!!!

I have a bad habit of talking to fast, she picks out words of my sentence and says okay. Okay to what ? she did not understand me. That dam stubborn pride of I think I understand does not work. Baby steps, she wants to learn English so many nights a week we spend just talking....

exactly what i mean...

[Honkie]

Difficulties? What difficulties? When she speaks , I listen , when I speak , she ignores !!

[Broeno]

my wife is half hi/so thai chinese (rich parents)

but she is more arrogant than any other women

she became fat & unatracktive (sometimes you read about losing sex drive as a man, i have sex drive, but just not with that one anymore)

is agressive & cannot control her temper (let is all go, even in front of the children)

Are you a Isaan man?

she speaks very good english (had private english tutor when growing up), and even french & my home country language on top

thanks to the hi-so dad, we live in a nice big house in a nice neighborhood

and thank god, she goes out working for an international company during weekdays (my relax time), till she comes home

can't have everything in life, right ?

could leave any time, but i also love my kids

[Guitar God]

Too bad there's not a way to make your jizm taste like pla ra, they'd all swallow then. Mine would be after me 3-4 times a day.

<script type='text/javascript'>window.mod_pagespeed_start = Number(new Date());</script>

Doesn't swallow.

mine either

[Daniel Boon]

Threesomes can be sometimes difficult if I am into the other chick too much.

'chick' ... funny name for your right hand

[Guitar God]

Same here, I talk too fast and I never use baby talk (I go market, you come with). Sometimes I'll ask her some thing and get a nod and an "uh ha" but luckily I can always tell if she didn't understand.

Other times I'll tell her something and she'll reply with some non-sequitur. Like,

"If we start building a tiled concrete pool in October it won't be ready until February or March but if we get a fiberglass or liner pool it only takes a few weeks, which one do you think we should get?

"We have to go Bangkok to visit sister Ploy in March".

<facepalm>

Yes communication, when to different languages collide you must be very patient which can be very difficult at times but dry to spend time as often as possible talking about everyday life. you will learn fast that most of the things you say she does not understand.

I have a bad habit of talking to fast, she picks out words of my sentence and says okay. Okay to what ? she did not understand me. That dam stubborn pride of I think I understand does not work. Baby steps, she wants to learn English so many nights a week we spend just talking.

You all must understand and except that you will never be number 1. Family , children , brother , sister take your pick . Choose your battles some are not worth winning here and the war goes on a long time.

Change the things you can and except the things you can not. Good luck !!!!!

I have a bad habit of talking to fast, she picks out words of my sentence and says okay. Okay to what ? she did not understand me. That dam stubborn pride of I think I understand does not work. Baby steps, she wants to learn English so many nights a week we spend just talking....

exactly what i mean...

[Daniel Boon]

I don't understand how you get to the point of marrying someone when you can't effectively communicate with them.

yeah, I couldn't figure that out either ... then I met my (now) Wife ...

I's much rather the broken conversations than a broken relationship where I can understand everything ....

[bazza40]

My tilak complain about my womanising as I can pick up any chick in Pattaya.

So I give her money.

I tell her I only lub her the others are just roots on the side should she leave.

She say she know as I am hansum man.

How much do you give to the roots on the side?