difficulties you encounter with your Thai partner

[connda]

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i think your relationship sucks because you order her around, she wants to take her newborn back to her village for her religious beliefs and culture and whatever and you tell her 'Aint gonna happen.' she doesn't listen to your rambling because your always talking down to her, she most likly with you for the money and your probably too old for her.

OUCH

I certainly am...6 years her senior....holy mackerel...

Yeah, I'm in my 60s and I have her by 8 years, as she struggles through freaking menopause. Yep, I robbed the freaking cradle. Yeah, her Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader hot-to-trot bod made it almost impossible for me to say no to being her walking ATM.

/sarc off

[notmyself]

Difficulties you encounter with your Thai partner................where to start?

Luckily enough I am now single here in Thailand although I did live with a Thai lady for some five years, and before that I had a six-month relationship with another lady. I have to add to that that I have made a lot of single Thai lady friends, and that's all they are, so I do have some experience.

The difficulties are many-fold: for example communication is just about a no-no on anything other than a superficial level. If you want to talk about politics then it will end after a couple of sentences either related to the reds or the yellows; the state of the country with regards to anything ranging from GDP to finances, markets etc will draw blank stares; discussions about The Monarchy will get short shrift, after mentioning that so-and-so is liked, and so-and-so is not.

Try to talk about anything that is going on in the world and it will be lost on them......... the state of the US economy, the euro, the GFC and how it could affect Thailand and your income and so on, mean absolutely nothing.

I could go on and on however suffice it to say that any discussion on anything other than the price of vegetables, the local gossip and who is doing what to whom, is totally lost on these people.

Financially, many of them are hopeless and it is all about spend for today, because tomorrow there will be something which will turn up. "Who knows what the future will bring" is a lovely start to a sentence about planning for the future, which basically says they don't bother with it, and that is very true.

If you just want someone who fills up a space in a house and someone to have sex with, then all will be fine PERHAPS, until one of you gets tired with the latter.

So in summary, the difficulties I find are in meaningful conversation, entirely different beliefs and values, the complete lack of understanding how things and the world works, and the fact that they are only really interested in themselves and in doing what they have to do to ensure they come out of the relationship with more than they went in with.

If you are after a superficial relationship, don't like to be alone and think that the hot sex will last for ever, then you are in the right place.

Best comment I have read so far.

When I finally moved over here full time in 2009 it was with full knowledge that I would almost certainly end my days single. I lost count years ago of the number of 'potential partners' various friends have tried to hook me up with but do still go on the odd one or two. These days, anything less that a PhD means I am not interested in even meeting them. Such abysmal standard of education I find off putting (massively) but what I really find so objectionable is the near total absence of inquisitiveness. However, it does give me a huge amount of time to spend on research rather than being pestered by a dullard in a skirt.

Life is great and I love it here.

[sipi]

My wife is perfect. I am occasionally the problem.

[Crazy chef 1]

My wife is perfect. I am occasionally the problem.

Nobody is perfect except maybe Pam Anderson in younger years....

[benalibina]

Difficulties you encounter with your Thai partner................where to start?

Luckily enough I am now single here in Thailand although I did live with a Thai lady for some five years, and before that I had a six-month relationship with another lady. I have to add to that that I have made a lot of single Thai lady friends, and that's all they are, so I do have some experience.

The difficulties are many-fold: for example communication is just about a no-no on anything other than a superficial level. If you want to talk about politics then it will end after a couple of sentences either related to the reds or the yellows; the state of the country with regards to anything ranging from GDP to finances, markets etc will draw blank stares; discussions about The Monarchy will get short shrift, after mentioning that so-and-so is liked, and so-and-so is not.

Try to talk about anything that is going on in the world and it will be lost on them......... the state of the US economy, the euro, the GFC and how it could affect Thailand and your income and so on, mean absolutely nothing.

I could go on and on however suffice it to say that any discussion on anything other than the price of vegetables, the local gossip and who is doing what to whom, is totally lost on these people.

Financially, many of them are hopeless and it is all about spend for today, because tomorrow there will be something which will turn up. "Who knows what the future will bring" is a lovely start to a sentence about planning for the future, which basically says they don't bother with it, and that is very true.

If you just want someone who fills up a space in a house and someone to have sex with, then all will be fine PERHAPS, until one of you gets tired with the latter.

So in summary, the difficulties I find are in meaningful conversation, entirely different beliefs and values, the complete lack of understanding how things and the world works, and the fact that they are only really interested in themselves and in doing what they have to do to ensure they come out of the relationship with more than they went in with.

If you are after a superficial relationship, don't like to be alone and think that the hot sex will last for ever, then you are in the right place.

Best comment I have read so far.

When I finally moved over here full time in 2009 it was with full knowledge that I would almost certainly end my days single. I lost count years ago of the number of 'potential partners' various friends have tried to hook me up with but do still go on the odd one or two. These days, anything less that a PhD means I am not interested in even meeting them. Such abysmal standard of education I find off putting (massively) but what I really find so objectionable is the near total absence of inquisitiveness. However, it does give me a huge amount of time to spend on research rather than being pestered by a dullard in a skirt.

Life is great and I love it here.

Why is it possible to understand your post and at the same time....pity your mindset......maybe ...growth....good luck.....

[HenryC]

She doesn't listen to you because you are not Thai, never will be, and you are completely irrelevant to her in any other way than to support her life plan in terms of financing/face. Sorry to say it. Mine is exactly the same - switches off completely. Even basic common sense I try to teach her isn't acted on unless it is reiterated by a Thai (say her mother). Hard being in a relationship when you know you're not given any due consideration.

Same as when posters have stated they ignores them or cuts them off when her friends are talking. You're a farang - what do you expect.

It is incredibly sad situation considering the level of education they get in this country. They've been brainwashed into thinking there are far superior than us. I pity them sometimes. I guess it would be too hard to compute for them the reality of the real world. Ignorance is bliss they say, well i guess that has some weight in Thailand.

I'll be gone as soon as my kids have a good grasp of English, and I can explain things to them properly.

[Nowisee]

You are correct. I was replying one dimensionally.
Your GF sounds very smart and analytical (rare I think).
IF you have the right person for you, it is worth trying and making it work.

I stand corrected. I am jealous because I am still looking for the right person.

There really does not seem, to me, to be any point in being in a relationship where one cannot communicate.

This applies to not only language, but also to common levels of intellect, values, and experiences.

For all practical purposes this is a meaningless relationship...at the very most it is a huge compromise that each person will have to take. For me, I would be the one taking the huge compromise.
It would be a relationship of isolation, intellectually more than anything.
The few that I have had where communication was difficult did me in... they did not last beyond a few months and were held together only because of physical attraction on my part. No clue what she was thinking as I was unable to communicate with her about her thoughts...

Too frustrating for me. I only talk with the girls that speak english well... even then, they are sometimes a struggle.

But, maybe some guys like the little communication, especially the control types or the introverts... I have nothing to support this thinking.

You and DoctorG talk as if communication barriers are permanent. They are not. When I first met my girlfriend of 4 years, her English was as primitive as my Thai, but we could communicate enough to get by and stay interested. I have improved my Thai over time, but the real improvement was with her. She would write by hand every sms or email I wrote into a special book, bought one of those e-dics, analyse what I wrote, learn the words and tenses, etc. Now it's extremely rare that either one of us needs to refer to a dictionary because her English is so good. We met her old high school English teacher at the Tesco-Lotus a few months back, and the lady almost fell over hearing Noy speak English... I'd say her English was better than the teacher's! So these things aren't static.

[i claudius]

She doesn't listen to you because you are not Thai, never will be, and you are completely irrelevant to her in any other way than to support her life plan in terms of financing/face. Sorry to say it. Mine is exactly the same - switches off completely. Even basic common sense I try to teach her isn't acted on unless it is reiterated by a Thai (say her mother). Hard being in a relationship when you know you're not given any due consideration.

Same as when posters have stated they ignores them or cuts them off when her friends are talking. You're a farang - what do you expect.

It is incredibly sad situation considering the level of education they get in this country. They've been brainwashed into thinking there are far superior than us. I pity them sometimes. I guess it would be too hard to compute for them the reality of the real world. Ignorance is bliss they say, well i guess that has some weight in Thailand.

I'll be gone as soon as my kids have a good grasp of English, and I can explain things to them properly.

I do not know what is wrong with my wife,she speaks English very well ,chats to me about what is happening in the world,does not think it ends on the boarders of Thailand listens to what is say ( and not in baby talk) speaks to me about business and loves me,as well as her family,what have I done wrong?

Perhaps it's because her family although not rich are educated and I didn't marry the first rice farmers daughter I met in a bar that told me she loves old falangs. That said I know there are many lovely ex bar girls I have friends who married them,and have no problems because they were not the first pretty girl they met when they got off the plane

[HenryC]

She doesn't listen to you because you are not Thai, never will be, and you are completely irrelevant to her in any other way than to support her life plan in terms of financing/face. Sorry to say it. Mine is exactly the same - switches off completely. Even basic common sense I try to teach her isn't acted on unless it is reiterated by a Thai (say her mother). Hard being in a relationship when you know you're not given any due consideration.

Same as when posters have stated they ignores them or cuts them off when her friends are talking. You're a farang - what do you expect.

It is incredibly sad situation considering the level of education they get in this country. They've been brainwashed into thinking there are far superior than us. I pity them sometimes. I guess it would be too hard to compute for them the reality of the real world. Ignorance is bliss they say, well i guess that has some weight in Thailand.

I'll be gone as soon as my kids have a good grasp of English, and I can explain things to them properly.

I do not know what is wrong with my wife,she speaks English very well ,chats to me about what is happening in the world,does not think it ends on the boarders of Thailand listens to what is say ( and not in baby talk) speaks to me about business and loves me,as well as her family,what have I done wrong?

Perhaps it's because her family although not rich are educated and I didn't marry the first rice farmers daughter I met in a bar that told me she loves old falangs. That said I know there are many lovely ex bar girls I have friends who married them,and have no problems because they were not the first pretty girl they met when they got off the plane

Yeah, another self-righteous TV armchair judge. How lucky you are. Should you not be called - i jump to wrong conclusions?

I had 10 years of bachelorhood in Thailand and over that time I dated what I think to be a fair cross section of Thai society from bar girls to Hi-So entitled idiots with so-called education.

I makes me chuckle when people talk of Thais with education like that means anything, it's an oxymoron. You do realise there that plagiarism is inherent and an accepted practice in schools here? My wife never worked in a bar, had a fairly decent job prior to the children and is not from Essan. She has a degree and a masters in business. She did all this not being able to add 2 numbers together without a calculator and can't run MS Office with any level or proficiency. In teaching my children about the world outside Thailand I bought a blow-up beach ball of the world. My 5 year old is now better than her at picking out where countries and continents are.

Bottom line my friend is your doing a miss-justice to many a decent bar girl. How does a worthless certificate change the reality that a very high percentage of Thai woman who end up with farang have made a conscience decision that they would likely be better off marrying a farang than a Thai. You would be a hypocrite, or naive at best if you think their agenda was any different to a lowly bar-girl. I make no such distinction.

Edited February 24, 2015 by HenryC

[Oziex1]

It's all Up2U all the time.

[dotpoom]

I'm blessed she choose to partner with me....faults and all.

[Guitar God]

Taking everything personally. Nothing can go wrong without her thinking it's her fault she did bad I complain about somebody not doing something they were supposed to she thinks that I'm yelling at her.

Two days ago our 6 month old refrigerator stopped working and I asked her to call and have someone come out to fix it it's still under warranty.

So this morning the repair man comes in it's 10° above in the freezer and 7° in the refrigerator.

The repair man comes when I'm asleep Mae baan lets him in without telling me . He sees liquid water in the freezer compartment where there should be ice, he sees mushy vegetables in bags that should be frozen solid. In the refrigerator that should be 1° it's 7°. He leaves without saying anything.

I text my wife and say I've been waiting all day for the repair man to come could you call and see when he's going to be here so I can leave if he's not going to show up. She comes home from work at 6 o'clock and tells me that he already came and already left and he said that the problem is because we don't have enough power coming into the house. The only thing on in the house are two lights in the fan.

Upstairs I have a 6000 W heater for the Jacuzzi and a 2000 W heater for when it's cold at night. We can run five air conditioners at the same time use a cook plate and two microwaves. Not not enough power to a refrigerator that works fine for three months untill it started making noise and then stopped working is a bullshit excuse from an idiot repair man and yet she is offended when I ask her to call the guy back to come and repair it properly.

Edited February 24, 2015 by Guitar God

[micmichd]

What a waste of electric power.

Are your bodies already that cold?

[Guitar God]

I said I could as in" I turned a bunch of appliances on once a the same time to test the capacity of the mans supply, breakers and wiring". Not that I have heats running all day. I have a 6kw max demand heater for the and, shower and jacuzzi. I tried the 2k heater once with the tub and heater in at the same time one night it was 13 C.

When he came there were two lights and a fan on in the entire house. The kitchen is on a 32A breaker. I have a degree in electrical engineering, I've metered the outlets, we have normal voltage at every outlet no matter the current draw. His excuse why the refrigerator stopped working three months after the compressor starting making noise was incorrect and a lazy diagnosis.

[benalibina]

I said I could as in" I turned a bunch of appliances on once a the same time to test the capacity of the mans supply, breakers and wiring". Not that I have heats running all day. I have a 6kw max demand heater for the and, shower and jacuzzi. I tried the 2k heater once with the tub and heater in at the same time one night it was 13 C.

When he came there were two lights and a fan on in the entire house. The kitchen is on a 32A breaker. I have a degree in electrical engineering, I've metered the outlets, we have normal voltage at every outlet no matter the current draw. His excuse why the refrigerator stopped working three months after the compressor starting making noise was incorrect and a lazy diagnosis.

Toshiba ??

[micmichd]

I said I could as in" I turned a bunch of appliances on once a the same time to test the capacity of the mans supply, breakers and wiring". Not that I have heats running all day. I have a 6kw max demand heater for the and, shower and jacuzzi. I tried the 2k heater once with the tub and heater in at the same time one night it was 13 C.

When he came there were two lights and a fan on in the entire house. The kitchen is on a 32A breaker. I have a degree in electrical engineering, I've metered the outlets, we have normal voltage at every outlet no matter the current draw. His excuse why the refrigerator stopped working three months after the compressor starting making noise was incorrect and a lazy diagnosis.

[micmichd]

Sorry, I overread that it was just a crash test.

Guess I get overloaded sometimes...

[jdinasia]

Our problems are first world problems.

Both working professionals. So time together free from the demands of work

[WhamBam]

The best communication I've had so far in Thailand is with a Filipino.

She can talk about most subjects. We can watch English speaking movies / tv together. Like the same style of music.

No tantrums.

We have many things in common that I never found with a Thai woman.

No need to teach her English as I've had to do (and done quite successfully with my previous Thai women).

It is like a breath of fresh air.

[Guitar God]

Samsung. I've always distrusted them and thought they were junk. In the 10 years since I'd owned anything from them they've become the biggest selling brand in Asia and in the top of the list of worldwide sales and placed well in consumer tests so I figured they evolved into making better products.

It was the only model I found that had all the features I wanted and since it had a 10 year guarantee on the twin compressors I thought I'd give it a try. First thing I noticed was that it made more noise than I expected, then 3 months ago it started episodes where it would get really loud. Not buying any more Samsung stuff.

Bakck on topic, does anyone elses spouse or gf respond like that? We were at the beach and I took my new iphone out of the two plastic ziplock bags I had it in so it didn't get wet on the boat to take some pictures of her surrounded by fish we were feeding bread to and I dropped the f-ker in the water. I fished it out saw it was ruined, I couldn't turn it off and knew I was out 28k so I said GDI! and threw in in the beach chair where our stuff was. She was 3 meters behind me but she was absolutely certain that I blamed her and was mad at her because I dropped my phone in the water. I heard about that for months even though I told her the thought never entered my mind that it was her fault. She thought I was showed anger because she was there. I was angry because I should have left it in the bag, felt stupid and was out 28k, she didn't enter into the equation. If I'd been alone I would have broke the thing in half and thrown it in the sea.

Idiot repairman sneaks in and out, doesn't talk to anyone, doesn't fix it, makes a lame excuse and we're without a refrigerator for at least another day, more frozen food probably needs to be thrown out and I'm not happy about it. I don't blame here for a single thing, tell her that and she says "same I did something wrong".

I want to discuss how to make sure it gets fixed tomorrow,: maid wakes me up if he comes before I'm up, I explain that I unplugged it/plugged it back in twice, let it off once for over an hour, show him the actual temperature in the freezer and refrig using my IR thermometer, show him how it's not even close to what's shown as the displayed temp (not the set temp), show him the 32A breaker, meter the outlet, turn on stuff that draws a couple dozen amps in the house, show him the line voltage again and if he still doesn't realize that it's broken, call my wife and have her translate.

"Better we not talk about it, not talk about it okay?, same you leave shit in the air" "same you mad at me like I did something wrong".

(of for Christ's sake...) Go eat some somtam and go to bed.

I said I could as in" I turned a bunch of appliances on once a the same time to test the capacity of the mans supply, breakers and wiring". Not that I have heats running all day. I have a 6kw max demand heater for the and, shower and jacuzzi. I tried the 2k heater once with the tub and heater in at the same time one night it was 13 C.

When he came there were two lights and a fan on in the entire house. The kitchen is on a 32A breaker. I have a degree in electrical engineering, I've metered the outlets, we have normal voltage at every outlet no matter the current draw. His excuse why the refrigerator stopped working three months after the compressor starting making noise was incorrect and a lazy diagnosis.

Toshiba ??

[redandyellow]

I had trouble and much difficulty convincing my Thai partner that it was okay for one of us ( me ) to drink beer every frickin' day. For some ridiculous reason it irritated her.

So I gave up boozing it up, after about 7 years of marriage..

Signed,

the 7 year itch

[micmichd]

Lap fan di, mai pen rai

[ScarpoFongness4U]

My wife is very westernised, she speaks reads and writes english,also works in real estate , we can communicate perfectly ,but when our son was born if she had wanted to take him home so her monk could but a string on his wrist who would i be to stop her ,the same as i dont stop her praying every night for 10 minutes or putting flowers in a vase in front of her favourite monk ,so who are you to stop your wife ,her jailer?

the point wasn't to stop her religious believe...the point was to carry a new born(which just came out of ICU) across the whole country.i do really respect her believes though we found a monk who did the procedure here...and as stated before the language barrier is not the main problem the problem is she doesn't listen properly...

and as another member has stated above all of this are minor issues...this thread is not about complaining(because we are pretty happy) it as about difficulties people encounter in mixed relationships...and how to solve them...

The communication isnt the problem, the problem is, she doesn't look listen properly?

Wow

[ScarpoFongness4U]

Clue:

She doesn't understand you.

I am not sure I do either

[Crazy chef 1]

Clue:

She doesn't understand you.

I am not sure I do either

And vice versa...

[notmyself]

Difficulties you encounter with your Thai partner................where to start?

Luckily enough I am now single here in Thailand although I did live with a Thai lady for some five years, and before that I had a six-month relationship with another lady. I have to add to that that I have made a lot of single Thai lady friends, and that's all they are, so I do have some experience.

The difficulties are many-fold: for example communication is just about a no-no on anything other than a superficial level. If you want to talk about politics then it will end after a couple of sentences either related to the reds or the yellows; the state of the country with regards to anything ranging from GDP to finances, markets etc will draw blank stares; discussions about The Monarchy will get short shrift, after mentioning that so-and-so is liked, and so-and-so is not.

Try to talk about anything that is going on in the world and it will be lost on them......... the state of the US economy, the euro, the GFC and how it could affect Thailand and your income and so on, mean absolutely nothing.

I could go on and on however suffice it to say that any discussion on anything other than the price of vegetables, the local gossip and who is doing what to whom, is totally lost on these people.

Financially, many of them are hopeless and it is all about spend for today, because tomorrow there will be something which will turn up. "Who knows what the future will bring" is a lovely start to a sentence about planning for the future, which basically says they don't bother with it, and that is very true.

If you just want someone who fills up a space in a house and someone to have sex with, then all will be fine PERHAPS, until one of you gets tired with the latter.

So in summary, the difficulties I find are in meaningful conversation, entirely different beliefs and values, the complete lack of understanding how things and the world works, and the fact that they are only really interested in themselves and in doing what they have to do to ensure they come out of the relationship with more than they went in with.

If you are after a superficial relationship, don't like to be alone and think that the hot sex will last for ever, then you are in the right place.

Best comment I have read so far.

When I finally moved over here full time in 2009 it was with full knowledge that I would almost certainly end my days single. I lost count years ago of the number of 'potential partners' various friends have tried to hook me up with but do still go on the odd one or two. These days, anything less that a PhD means I am not interested in even meeting them. Such abysmal standard of education I find off putting (massively) but what I really find so objectionable is the near total absence of inquisitiveness. However, it does give me a huge amount of time to spend on research rather than being pestered by a dullard in a skirt.

Life is great and I love it here.

Why is it possible to understand your post and at the same time....pity your mindset......maybe ...growth....good luck.....

"Why is it possible to understand your post and at the same time....pity your mindset"

Idiocy? That would be my first guess.

[jcnbkk]

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My Missus needs a particular document. As per usual, she is pulling out all cupboards and emptying various bags trying to find it. This happens every single time she needs something and drives me nuts.

When she eventually finds it, does whatever she needs to do, she will leave it on a chair, on top of a wardrobe or whatever empty surface is available when she returns. I've given up telling here that she should have a particular place to store all such items and when she finishes with it return it to the proper place. Wasting my breath.

It's not just documents. I need a screwdriver and cannot find it because she has used it for something and simply left it where she used it instead of returning it to its proper place in my toolbox.

I feel your frustration. I've been trying to explain the meaning of the word 'organize' for 4 yrs.

[umbanda]

I don't understand how you get to the point of marrying someone when you can't effectively communicate with them.

That's may be true, and I will love if my wife learns to speak a better English... or myself speaking fluent Thai.

Will make a good difference, but after moving to Thailand I found out that Thai women "communicates" very well with body language.....and I am not talking about sex....I am talking about LOVE. It is really a surprise for me....and improving naturally with time. Sabai...sabai.

I was married 3 times before with a same language women...and ...."communication"... was very bad.

[umbanda]

Really interesting topic, and I glad that the OP opened the discussion to read so many opinions an situations, some very familiar....and most very positive. I may be wrong, but after few years here, single and now married, I believe that the sense of humor and a sabai..sabai...philosophy of life of most Thai women makes a difference for men with long life experience of BS.

[Guitar God]

That must be a "Thai" thing. My wife leaves things everywhere and then wonders why she can't find them. I have two 3 drawer file cabinet with one drawer for house papers, receipts, manuals and one drawer for her personal papers and one for mine. She leaves her's in a pile on top of it or on the dresser, or in the living room.

She left some bills and bank statements on the floor last week and the dogs ate them.

She comes home, takes off her watch, bracelet and rings and leaves them in a different place every time. She lost a small 30k 18k gold ring with 3 diamonds that matches mine (that I never take off).

Lost her ID card twice and DL once. I drove her car the other day and her DL was in the door pocket of the car. Lost her Tambien Baan "it's okay, can get new for 40 baht" but eventually found it buried under some other papers.

The only stuff she doesn't misplace are things that are locked in the safe and her necklace that she never takes off.

Replaced her ring with a new comfortable size so she has no reason to take it off unless she's repairing high-voltage appliances. If she does take it off and I find it laying around, it's mine.

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My Missus needs a particular document. As per usual, she is pulling out all cupboards and emptying various bags trying to find it. This happens every single time she needs something and drives me nuts.

When she eventually finds it, does whatever she needs to do, she will leave it on a chair, on top of a wardrobe or whatever empty surface is available when she returns. I've given up telling here that she should have a particular place to store all such items and when she finishes with it return it to the proper place. Wasting my breath.

It's not just documents. I need a screwdriver and cannot find it because she has used it for something and simply left it where she used it instead of returning it to its proper place in my toolbox.

I feel your frustration. I've been trying to explain the meaning of the word 'organize' for 4 yrs.