Met the gf's son on 3rd occasion today.

[mango66]

When I first met my Thai wife, who was 48 and looked early 30's, I had some concerns over the fact that she had a 25 year old son. I was in for a shock. One of the most polite young men you could ever want to know, CMU graduate as an Advanced Thai Language teacher, who had classes of students who totally loved him. About 2 years into our marriage we were having dinner with a few of my wife's friends who, fortunately for me, all spoke English (well, Thaiglish. lol) At one point in the dinner, one of the woman turned to Peter and asked if he ever missed his father. Peter leaned forward and placed his fore arms on the table and spoke slowly and clearly and told her, that he didn't miss his father, as he saw his father every day, then flatly told them: "Dean is my father". I admit that I had to hold back the tears.

3 years ago I asked him if I could formally adopt him. He said he would be very happy if I did that. So, off to the Amphur office go the three of us. Took maybe 20 minutes to do all the paperwork and forms. As we got up to leave, my son then asked me and my wife to wait outside. Another 15 minutes or so passes, and he finally comes outside and hands me his Thai ID. He had legally changed his last name to mine. When he was appointed to a new Gvt school in Arunothai, Chiang Dao, we went with him on his first day. Typically, all the students sit outside, the head master has his say, then introduced Peter, the new teacher. Peter told them "good morning", then said his name was Thapornchai "Peter"...short hesitation....Marsh, with a grin. That brought laughter from the students. Later the students asked him why he had a farang name. My wife translated and told me he said he had changed his name to honor the man who was his father.

When the 3 of us are together, he will remind his mother to speak English whenever possible so that I can understand what they are talking about. When I first wanted to buy a CBR 250, my wife was reluctant. In front of me, he told her, in English, that dad has given us everything. We have a life we never could have had without him. Dad only wants 2 things. A good computer and a bike. He already has the computer, so if he wants a CBR 250, you should shut up and let him buy it without hassles from you. She went with me the next day to help me pick out the bike I wanted.

When I had my stroke, he took a week's leave from school to come stay at the hospital with me, only leaving each day for an hour or so to go home, shower and change clothes.

He has never asked me for a stang, and has actually told me he didn't need a new laptop, the old one was fine. Didn't need a new motorbike, his was only 2 years old. I sold his 125cc PCX and bought a new 300cc Honda Forza for him while he was at school. He was totally surprised, but gave me a hug and said "Thank you my dad", before driving off like a proud peacock on it.

Yeah, there are tons of "horror stories" about marrying Thai women with kids, but you know what? There are some really good ones as well. I couldn't love or respect my now 32 year old Thai son any more if he were my own flesh and blood.

there are also many good thais,

but seems many TV posters beleave only bad ones,

maybee their behavier collect the bad ones to them,

or do they think on bad and agly places like Nana, pattaya they will catch the good ones ??

[Gecko123]

I gotta say one thing in Costas' defense.

Based on what I've observed of the behavior of Thai boys and young men, I, too, am of the opinion that the chances that the mother didn't instruct the son to hug the OP on his way out the door are practically zero.

I'm not being cynical or negative. Nor am I suggesting that there was anything insincere, or less than heartfelt behind the gesture. It's just that I have never observed a Thai boy or young man spontaneously initiate that type of physical demonstrativeness on their own.

[Saan]

Sucker.....you fall for it...........

It was just the instructions from the g/f to make you feel sorry for him and take him also to live with you.

Why some people.....take them sooooo long to understand Thai people.......If ever......

And that is not offensive.

[NoshowJones]

Going by your post, you seem to enjoy a good drink, maybe if you cut back a bit on the alcohol, you may

get to understand the Thai people better.

[NoshowJones]

I'm more concerned after 8 years here that the OP doesn't speak any Thai.

I would not be at all concerned with that, none of my local Farang friends speak any Thai, I can

only speak enough to ask for things. or tell someone something.

[NoshowJones]

I see the usual negative posters have woken up after nursing a 35thb Chang all night........See, I can be generalizing and offensive also.

Ever thought that the GF has told the kid she's being treat well and not to worry? Nah I guess not, that's a positive thought which most posters on TVF are no longer capable of.

Most posters on TVF?? No, I would say a small minority.

[NoshowJones]

I'm more concerned after 8 years here that the OP doesn't speak any Thai.

Ive been here over 10 and my Thai is terrible too although I know many words.

Perhaps you should make allowances for people who, like me, are tone deaf and the tones of many Asian languages are lost on us.

I do speak English, Russian and Spanish fluently though so Im not thick!

Being an ex professional musician, I'm certainly not tone deaf, but I do believe that if Thai

was not a tonal language, I would be fluent by now.

[Songlaw]

After about 5 years of mutually wai-less, semi-acknowledgement of each others existence, my FiL embraced me with a hug and an enthusiastic 'chok dee' as I was leaving one time for the airport and off to work. Like the OP, I was totally gobsmacked.

But once that had passed, I switched to a different taxi from the usual one, changed my flights to the following day and stopped in a hotel for the night.

If some measure of paranoia hasn't somehow slipped itself into your bag as one of your new personality traits, you have either been oblivious to your surroundings for the entirety of your stay here, or in the scheme of things, have not quite reached your 20 minute 'anniversary.' Anywhere else on earth, your response would be ridiculed as overkill. But in Thailand, it is S.E.A.L. level/Self Preservation 101. You can always backpedal on your distrust later. But only if you are alive to do so. The subtle humor was not lost on me. Way-2-Go, NanLaew. Possibly the funniest while poignant post I have read here.

[NoshowJones]

When I first met my Thai wife, who was 48 and looked early 30's, I had some concerns over the fact that she had a 25 year old son. I was in for a shock. One of the most polite young men you could ever want to know, CMU graduate as an Advanced Thai Language teacher, who had classes of students who totally loved him. About 2 years into our marriage we were having dinner with a few of my wife's friends who, fortunately for me, all spoke English (well, Thaiglish. lol) At one point in the dinner, one of the woman turned to Peter and asked if he ever missed his father. Peter leaned forward and placed his fore arms on the table and spoke slowly and clearly and told her, that he didn't miss his father, as he saw his father every day, then flatly told them: "Dean is my father". I admit that I had to hold back the tears.

3 years ago I asked him if I could formally adopt him. He said he would be very happy if I did that. So, off to the Amphur office go the three of us. Took maybe 20 minutes to do all the paperwork and forms. As we got up to leave, my son then asked me and my wife to wait outside. Another 15 minutes or so passes, and he finally comes outside and hands me his Thai ID. He had legally changed his last name to mine. When he was appointed to a new Gvt school in Arunothai, Chiang Dao, we went with him on his first day. Typically, all the students sit outside, the head master has his say, then introduced Peter, the new teacher. Peter told them "good morning", then said his name was Thapornchai "Peter"...short hesitation....Marsh, with a grin. That brought laughter from the students. Later the students asked him why he had a farang name. My wife translated and told me he said he had changed his name to honor the man who was his father.

When the 3 of us are together, he will remind his mother to speak English whenever possible so that I can understand what they are talking about. When I first wanted to buy a CBR 250, my wife was reluctant. In front of me, he told her, in English, that dad has given us everything. We have a life we never could have had without him. Dad only wants 2 things. A good computer and a bike. He already has the computer, so if he wants a CBR 250, you should shut up and let him buy it without hassles from you. She went with me the next day to help me pick out the bike I wanted.

When I had my stroke, he took a week's leave from school to come stay at the hospital with me, only leaving each day for an hour or so to go home, shower and change clothes.

He has never asked me for a stang, and has actually told me he didn't need a new laptop, the old one was fine. Didn't need a new motorbike, his was only 2 years old. I sold his 125cc PCX and bought a new 300cc Honda Forza for him while he was at school. He was totally surprised, but gave me a hug and said "Thank you my dad", before driving off like a proud peacock on it.

Yeah, there are tons of "horror stories" about marrying Thai women with kids, but you know what? There are some really good ones as well. I couldn't love or respect my now 32 year old Thai son any more if he were my own flesh and blood.

Just1voice, this is a brilliant story, and I would hope it will be an inspiration to other Westerners who marry Thai ladies who have adult

sons. It says a lot for the way your son was brought up. I wish every happiness for the three of you, and hope you are making a

good recovery from your stroke.

[NoshowJones]

Going by your post, you seem to enjoy a good drink, maybe if you cut back a bit on the alcohol, you may

get to understand the Thai people better.

I should add this post is directed at the OP.

[robertson468]

When I first met my Thai wife, who was 48 and looked early 30's, I had some concerns over the fact that she had a 25 year old son. I was in for a shock. One of the most polite young men you could ever want to know, CMU graduate as an Advanced Thai Language teacher, who had classes of students who totally loved him. About 2 years into our marriage we were having dinner with a few of my wife's friends who, fortunately for me, all spoke English (well, Thaiglish. lol) At one point in the dinner, one of the woman turned to Peter and asked if he ever missed his father. Peter leaned forward and placed his fore arms on the table and spoke slowly and clearly and told her, that he didn't miss his father, as he saw his father every day, then flatly told them: "Dean is my father". I admit that I had to hold back the tears.

3 years ago I asked him if I could formally adopt him. He said he would be very happy if I did that. So, off to the Amphur office go the three of us. Took maybe 20 minutes to do all the paperwork and forms. As we got up to leave, my son then asked me and my wife to wait outside. Another 15 minutes or so passes, and he finally comes outside and hands me his Thai ID. He had legally changed his last name to mine. When he was appointed to a new Gvt school in Arunothai, Chiang Dao, we went with him on his first day. Typically, all the students sit outside, the head master has his say, then introduced Peter, the new teacher. Peter told them "good morning", then said his name was Thapornchai "Peter"...short hesitation....Marsh, with a grin. That brought laughter from the students. Later the students asked him why he had a farang name. My wife translated and told me he said he had changed his name to honor the man who was his father.

When the 3 of us are together, he will remind his mother to speak English whenever possible so that I can understand what they are talking about. When I first wanted to buy a CBR 250, my wife was reluctant. In front of me, he told her, in English, that dad has given us everything. We have a life we never could have had without him. Dad only wants 2 things. A good computer and a bike. He already has the computer, so if he wants a CBR 250, you should shut up and let him buy it without hassles from you. She went with me the next day to help me pick out the bike I wanted.

When I had my stroke, he took a week's leave from school to come stay at the hospital with me, only leaving each day for an hour or so to go home, shower and change clothes.

He has never asked me for a stang, and has actually told me he didn't need a new laptop, the old one was fine. Didn't need a new motorbike, his was only 2 years old. I sold his 125cc PCX and bought a new 300cc Honda Forza for him while he was at school. He was totally surprised, but gave me a hug and said "Thank you my dad", before driving off like a proud peacock on it.

Yeah, there are tons of "horror stories" about marrying Thai women with kids, but you know what? There are some really good ones as well. I couldn't love or respect my now 32 year old Thai son any more if he were my own flesh and blood.

This is one of the most touching and positive stories I have heard on this Forum about being married to a Thai Girl, and yes it brought a tear to my eye also. You are clearly immensely proud of your Boy (and his Mum) and whilst I was very sorry to hear about your stroke, you will, I am sure, have consoled yourself in the knowledge that you are surrounded by deep and genuine love. I have lived in Thailand for 10 years and have been married to a lovely, intelligent Thai Women. She has no children and mine from a previous marriage (sadly she died) are very grown up. She has endeared herself to both "my Girls" so much so, they are happy that this kind and considerate Lady is taking very good care of Dad and they delight in coming to visit us in Thailand to share some quality time together. By all accounts, I should pop off to the "Pub in the Skye" well before they call time my my dear Lady, but the plan is that if I don't sashay away too soon, they will come and stay with her in Thailand, once they retire. This gives me a great deal of peace of mind.

I hope you make a good recovery from your stroke and are able to enjoy many loving years with your great Family. Good luck.

[krisb]

I gotta say one thing in Costas' defense.

Based on what I've observed of the behavior of Thai boys and young men, I, too, am of the opinion that the chances that the mother didn't instruct the son to hug the OP on his way out the door are practically zero.

I'm not being cynical or negative. Nor am I suggesting that there was anything insincere, or less than heartfelt behind the gesture. It's just that I have never observed a Thai boy or young man spontaneously initiate that type of physical demonstrativeness on their own.

I'd say she probably did tell him to give the guy a hug. I don't know many young guys that would do it out of thin air from any country. Thing is the kid could have said no way not happening, but he didn't and that's a good thing, they broke the ice. I'm sure the language barrier is a big thing, but that's their problem. The hug said a thousand words.

Point is why do so many believe it's all part of a bigger plan to empty your bank? I get tired of hearing that, it's called being in a relationship and having a family, man up and stop being a tight scrooge paranoid of being ripped off.

If you love the girl, you should also accept her kids and that means helping them,regardless what you think of the kids father. I'm not saying reward laziness, but there's nothing wrong with being a stepfather, it's something to be proud of.

[tx22cb]

Sucker.....you fall for it...........

It was just the instructions from the g/f to make you feel sorry for him and take him also to live with you.

Why some people.....take them sooooo long to understand Thai people.......If ever......

You know all about Thai people don't you?

To some people, there is only 1 good honourable Thai man - Mr Prayuth. With Suthep a close second.

[bbbbooboo]

I gotta say one thing in Costas' defense.

Based on what I've observed of the behavior of Thai boys and young men, I, too, am of the opinion that the chances that the mother didn't instruct the son to hug the OP on his way out the door are practically zero.

I'm not being cynical or negative. Nor am I suggesting that there was anything insincere, or less than heartfelt behind the gesture. It's just that I have never observed a Thai boy or young man spontaneously initiate that type of physical demonstrativeness on their own.

+1

[rijb]

I wouldn't read too much into it, until he introduces you to his girlfriend.

[Muzarella]

I believe that most 25 years old and mature men or women, Thai or Western, will not fake emotions easily, and probably was a totally sincere reaction. But....I definitely will not date again or get married with any woman with teenagers children....I did before.

In Thailand was good. The 15 years old kid gave me a favor.

The few times he was with her mother in few of our dates, he shows me not much appreciation, and her mother told me that he didn't like me much. Anyway, I suspected that her mother was dating other men too, because not every week she was available to meet me. After 2 weeks of her not returning my calls, I just shows up at her home, and only the boy was there, to tell me with pleasure that her mother was "vacationing" with a tourist in a hotel for the last 2 weeks. When I met her mother again to say goodbye, I asked for explanations. One of her "excuses" was that the visitor gained her son appreciation buying a 20000thb Ipad to him...and that I never gave him any gift.

[krisb]

Sucker.....you fall for it...........

It was just the instructions from the g/f to make you feel sorry for him and take him also to live with you.

Why some people.....take them sooooo long to understand Thai people.......If ever......

That's bullshit.

Actually ol' chum, Mrs.Trans has told her son (now 20) to respect me, as I have paid for his upbringing, his father has done nothing.........To this kid I am a "farang", nothing else.....A cash source, thats it..........Yep sad, but true.............I have tried everything to no avail.............

That's 1 kid Transam, not the whole of Thailand as Costas has put it.

Honestly a teenage kid who's not lazy is a rare breed.

[Songlaw]

When I first met my Thai wife, who was 48 and looked early 30's, I had some concerns over the fact that she had a 25 year old son. I was in for a shock. One of the most polite young men you could ever want to know, CMU graduate as an Advanced Thai Language teacher, who had classes of students who totally loved him. About 2 years into our marriage we were having dinner with a few of my wife's friends who, fortunately for me, all spoke English (well, Thaiglish. lol) At one point in the dinner, one of the woman turned to Peter and asked if he ever missed his father. Peter leaned forward and placed his fore arms on the table and spoke slowly and clearly and told her, that he didn't miss his father, as he saw his father every day, then flatly told them: "Dean is my father". I admit that I had to hold back the tears.

3 years ago I asked him if I could formally adopt him. He said he would be very happy if I did that. So, off to the Amphur office go the three of us. Took maybe 20 minutes to do all the paperwork and forms. As we got up to leave, my son then asked me and my wife to wait outside. Another 15 minutes or so passes, and he finally comes outside and hands me his Thai ID. He had legally changed his last name to mine. When he was appointed to a new Gvt school in Arunothai, Chiang Dao, we went with him on his first day. Typically, all the students sit outside, the head master has his say, then introduced Peter, the new teacher. Peter told them "good morning", then said his name was Thapornchai "Peter"...short hesitation....Marsh, with a grin. That brought laughter from the students. Later the students asked him why he had a farang name. My wife translated and told me he said he had changed his name to honor the man who was his father.

When the 3 of us are together, he will remind his mother to speak English whenever possible so that I can understand what they are talking about. When I first wanted to buy a CBR 250, my wife was reluctant. In front of me, he told her, in English, that dad has given us everything. We have a life we never could have had without him. Dad only wants 2 things. A good computer and a bike. He already has the computer, so if he wants a CBR 250, you should shut up and let him buy it without hassles from you. She went with me the next day to help me pick out the bike I wanted.

When I had my stroke, he took a week's leave from school to come stay at the hospital with me, only leaving each day for an hour or so to go home, shower and change clothes.

He has never asked me for a stang, and has actually told me he didn't need a new laptop, the old one was fine. Didn't need a new motorbike, his was only 2 years old. I sold his 125cc PCX and bought a new 300cc Honda Forza for him while he was at school. He was totally surprised, but gave me a hug and said "Thank you my dad", before driving off like a proud peacock on it.

Yeah, there are tons of "horror stories" about marrying Thai women with kids, but you know what? There are some really good ones as well. I couldn't love or respect my now 32 year old Thai son any more if he were my own flesh and blood.

It's stories like these that keep me a member on here.

Amen.

[Songlaw]

When I first met my Thai wife, who was 48 and looked early 30's, I had some concerns over the fact that she had a 25 year old son. I was in for a shock. One of the most polite young men you could ever want to know, CMU graduate as an Advanced Thai Language teacher, who had classes of students who totally loved him. About 2 years into our marriage we were having dinner with a few of my wife's friends who, fortunately for me, all spoke English (well, Thaiglish. lol) At one point in the dinner, one of the woman turned to Peter and asked if he ever missed his father. Peter leaned forward and placed his fore arms on the table and spoke slowly and clearly and told her, that he didn't miss his father, as he saw his father every day, then flatly told them: "Dean is my father". I admit that I had to hold back the tears.

3 years ago I asked him if I could formally adopt him. He said he would be very happy if I did that. So, off to the Amphur office go the three of us. Took maybe 20 minutes to do all the paperwork and forms. As we got up to leave, my son then asked me and my wife to wait outside. Another 15 minutes or so passes, and he finally comes outside and hands me his Thai ID. He had legally changed his last name to mine. When he was appointed to a new Gvt school in Arunothai, Chiang Dao, we went with him on his first day. Typically, all the students sit outside, the head master has his say, then introduced Peter, the new teacher. Peter told them "good morning", then said his name was Thapornchai "Peter"...short hesitation....Marsh, with a grin. That brought laughter from the students. Later the students asked him why he had a farang name. My wife translated and told me he said he had changed his name to honor the man who was his father.

When the 3 of us are together, he will remind his mother to speak English whenever possible so that I can understand what they are talking about. When I first wanted to buy a CBR 250, my wife was reluctant. In front of me, he told her, in English, that dad has given us everything. We have a life we never could have had without him. Dad only wants 2 things. A good computer and a bike. He already has the computer, so if he wants a CBR 250, you should shut up and let him buy it without hassles from you. She went with me the next day to help me pick out the bike I wanted.

When I had my stroke, he took a week's leave from school to come stay at the hospital with me, only leaving each day for an hour or so to go home, shower and change clothes.

He has never asked me for a stang, and has actually told me he didn't need a new laptop, the old one was fine. Didn't need a new motorbike, his was only 2 years old. I sold his 125cc PCX and bought a new 300cc Honda Forza for him while he was at school. He was totally surprised, but gave me a hug and said "Thank you my dad", before driving off like a proud peacock on it.

Yeah, there are tons of "horror stories" about marrying Thai women with kids, but you know what? There are some really good ones as well. I couldn't love or respect my now 32 year old Thai son any more if he were my own flesh and blood.

Powerful, in part because it is so well written. Love your site moniker, too, by the way.

[marko kok prong]

Curious if the op will be paying the boys sin sod,if he gets married?

[chrisinth]

<script type='text/javascript'>window.mod_pagespeed_start = Number(new Date());</script>

I cannot be in a relationship with a girl that has younger kids, especially misbehaved boys... they just get under my skin and make me run run run away...hahaha
Some guys were meant to be pre-made dads... good for you guys.

All truth be said, it is better the girl having younger kids rather than older ones.....................

If the kids turn out to be older than the girl, that would be a completely different adventure you would find yourself in...........................

[ToddWeston]

Sucker.....you fall for it...........

It was just the instructions from the g/f to make you feel sorry for him and take him also to live with you.

Why some people.....take them sooooo long to understand Thai people.......If ever......

Have you actually been involved with raising a Thai child ? There are lots of good stories, including mine, I realise there are some bad ones out there but your generalization is off base.

You used to be a solid poster & I enjoyed some of your posts, what happened ?

[billphillips]

It's just possible that the boy was trying to create a relationship that did not materialise before. It's totally plausible that he sees you as his new father figure and needs to bond, after a respectable waiting period. Good stuff.

It's equally possible that he needs a motorbike or wants to marry a local girl or needs some regular spending money or maybe just some cash to go enjoy the pleasures of his friends. Enjoy his company and bond well. I'm sure after a few months he will pick up the basics of polite conversation, such as remembering your name. Don't rush into anything, relationships develop slowly, as we all know. Take your time (a long time) and see how everything progresses. Once the motorbike etc. etc. is sorted, see what transpires.

[ALFREDO]

I cannot be in a relationship with a girl that has younger kids

So, I shall follow your path and leave my own 3 boys (10 years. 7 y. and 5 month young) my GF has with me?

[poweratradio]

Sucker.....you fall for it...........

It was just the instructions from the g/f to make you feel sorry for him and take him also to live with you.

Why some people.....take them sooooo long to understand Thai people.......If ever......

Have you actually been involved with raising a Thai child ? There are lots of good stories, including mine, I realise there are some bad ones out there but your generalization is off base.

You used to be a solid poster & I enjoyed some of your posts, what happened ?

I believe he hates Thailand now since his money nurse girl wife has to move his carcass to Pattaya to keep the money rolling in and keep him in his imported feta ouzo.

[MaeJoMTB]

Sucker.....you fall for it...........

It was just the instructions from the g/f to make you feel sorry for him and take him also to live with you.

Why some people.....take them sooooo long to understand Thai people.......If ever......

Have you actually been involved with raising a Thai child ? There are lots of good stories, including mine, I realise there are some bad ones out there but your generalization is off base.

You used to be a solid poster & I enjoyed some of your posts, what happened ?

I have, and seen many others.

Success rate for over 7 years old

boys 25:1

girls 5:1

Under 7 years old gives a much higher chance for success.

Also worth noting, the boys tend to put the boot in on the relationship with mum, while the girls just move on.

Edited April 1, 2015 by MaeJoMTB

[thehelmsman]

Sucker.....you fall for it...........

It was just the instructions from the g/f to make you feel sorry for him and take him also to live with you.

Why some people.....take them sooooo long to understand Thai people.......If ever......

Have you actually been involved with raising a Thai child ? There are lots of good stories, including mine, I realise there are some bad ones out there but your generalization is off base.

You used to be a solid poster & I enjoyed some of your posts, what happened ?

I've noticed a downward spiral since he was caught stealing papayas from his neighbor.

[lanng khao]

Sucker.....you fall for it...........

It was just the instructions from the g/f to make you feel sorry for him and take him also to live with you.

Why some people.....take them sooooo long to understand Thai people.......If ever......

Have you actually been involved with raising a Thai child ? There are lots of good stories, including mine, I realise there are some bad ones out there but your generalization is off base.

You used to be a solid poster & I enjoyed some of your posts, what happened ?

I've noticed a downward spiral since he was caught stealing papayas from his neighbor.

maybe he has lost his sense of humous...

[ToddinChonburi]

How sweet, how old is he and when are you buying him a car ?

[ToddinChonburi]

I remember back when I was talking to a women on Skype, her son walked in the room and started to talk to me. He spoke perfect English and was 10 years old. Everything was fine until he asked, are you going to be my dad ? I replied you already have a dad. He said my dad was dead. He had a heart attack. Poor child of a Farang. I wonder if anyone thinks about this with there wife and kids after they are gone.