Can someone give me advice on falling for a Thai girl?

[roro1990]

Just looking for advice on whether i'm being an idiot for pursuing this Thai girl I have fallen for. Not even sure if this is the right palce to be post. I'll probably be ridiculed or laughed at but its pretty serious for me. To be honest i'm shocked it happened to me. I'm a 24 year old guy and I came to Thailand just hoping to have a good time and before I left I wasn't particularly into Asian girls. I met a Thai girl when I first arrived here two years ago in Chiang Mai. We spent 3 days together, she seemed very nice and we kept in touch via Skype. I came back to see her last year for another 5 days and then we spent 60 days together this year. Which was enough for me to decide that I really like her.

She is from the Buriram area and I know she is poor, but I have never sent her a cent. The only money she has got off me has been the gentlemanly courtesy of paying for meals when we go out and paying for accomodation when we are away from her apartment (she lets me stay in her room when I go to CM). She works in a massage shop. Alarm bells are probably ringing for people reading this already but i'm 90% sure it's not the sexual kind of massage shop. I was even in the shop when someone suggested something sexual to one of the girls and he got thrown out.

Anyway the whole me and her thing has not been without incident. I found out recently that between me visiting her, she had been seeing another bloke from England who was sending her money. I'm not sure why I was naiive enough to think she would only have me in her life when we weren't even officially together, but it was probably immaturity and ignorance on my part. After I had spent 60 days with her this year she <deleted> off to Vietnam to this guy (whilst telling me she was going to Malaysia to work) which made me particularly angry because after the 60 days we had pretty much decided that we really liked each other. I only found out after pressing her about it a lot. She only stayed with him for 1 day and rang me in the airport crying saying she wanted to come home. So she left this English guy and cut ties with him, even showing me the texts he had sent (basically he was angry she had chosen me and he told her never to contact me again) I then went off home to my own country. I was pissed at her for lying.

Normally I wouldn't bother with such drama but I believe people can change so I was willing to give her a second chance. I think deep down she is definitely a good woman but it obviously must be hard to make ends meet with little to no education. She has expressed deep regret about lying to me. She has put pictures of us together on facebook and line which pretty much shows any current farang on her facebook account that she is with someone now. So I believe she has the potential to change for the better as a person which is why I am still talking with her. I visited her again for songkran recently but now she has gone off to Korea to work. This time she really is gone to work.. To be honest though i'm concerned that the work will involve sexual activities in south korea because i dont know how the massage scene is there. She is there illegally aswell to make matters worse.

Anyway to get to the major point of my post and the advice i'm looking for. I want to know am I being an idiot for pursuing this girl? Is it fair to tarnish her and say that once she has lied she will always be a liar and that all Thai women from poor backgrounds are like this? I actually fell in love with Thailand as a country aswell and was looking for ways to move there - this girl has made me even more inclined to do so. I wouldn't be particularly sacrificing any career because I hated my job back home and if I make an attempt to live in Thailand it'll probably for a year or two and if it works out with the girl I will try bring her home with me. Just wanted some opinion on this and apologies for the long post. I felt all the information was important for people to come to an opinion. Should I bother with her?

[Costas2008]

"Anyway to get to the major point of my post and the advice i'm looking for. I want to know am I being an idiot for pursuing this girl? "

YES

Advice comes from an old fart that has seen a lot of crying and promising from women through his life.

Ignore her, find another one.

Edited April 17, 2015 by Costas2008

[givenall]

Just have fun and don't take it too seriously. You too young to get serious, there are too many fish in the sea especially in Thiland

[a99az]

You already know the answer, you just need to act on it and stop feeling bad. happy days.

[roro1990]

Just have fun and don't take it too seriously. You too young to get serious, there are too many fish in the sea especially in Thiland

Yeah that's my problem, i'm getting very serious with it. I'm thinking about her a lot. finding it difficult to concentrate on my own life. Missing her a lot. I'm actually staying in her apartment right now as she let me stay there while she went to Korea. I was thinking of going to australia on a working holiday which might be better for me to take my mind off her a little bit.

[Loptr]

You are obsessing over this girl... Download and read a copy of "Thailand Fever" and also "Private Dancer"... Both available in electronic format... You will thank me later...

[DeaconJohn]

Your education is just beginning.

[roro1990]

Any explanations as to why i should/should not pursue her? I mean yes, she most likely was going off with other blokes when i'm at home but that is fine, I don't own her any was never in an actual relationship with her. But I made my intentions clear to her and she seems like she is willing to change. I know i should be skeptical because it's the thai way to lie about this stuff

[tifino]

can you live with a virtual split personality?

she has it

and you will develop one

just laugh along with her, and join her in jest on the bedspread (the childish inflatable jumping castle game) when she's throwing all the johns' money up in the air.

This may at (many) times in future help, when she glumly looks and pouts to you when the money runs low, as she will again soon head off to earn 'her'self some more money

[roro1990]

It would be nice it at least one person posted a rational response, but i guess that was asking for too much

[tifino]

mine was a real-life experience...

[steven100]

What do you want to hear ? that she's ok .. ? that she is a good girl ?

The simple answer here is your better to just enjoy the company from visit to visit and thats it ...

or ... if you listen to her lies & BS .... which I promise you happens 99% of the time .... then your going to end up as most guys do !!

.. money gone ... girl gone ..... girl out looking for another bite !!

May not happen this week , this year .. next year .. but it will happen .... Three words come to mind .... run forest run !!!

[Morakot]

Roro, I don't think you are an idiot and I don't think it's really a Thai girl issue.

If you have genuine feelings for this girls, you need to ask yourself if the person's background is really an issue. If you are not particularly worried to date someone in your home country who comes from a life of poverty and low social prospect, why would it matter in this case. If, however, you think that you can fundamentally change the other person in terms of their aspirations and outlook, some might call you over-optimistic.

Social stigma about the under-educated and impoverished does also exist in Thailand, but it might NOT be a useful point for judgements whether someone is a good person. What I think is much more important, will you be a good match together? Have you got similar or compatible interests, values, and aspirations?

All the best!

Edited April 17, 2015 by Morakot

[cornishcarlos]

They are all rational responses.. But you don't want to hear them !

I say marry her, build a house for her and then post back here how it's all going.. Good luck, I'm sure she'll change

[Squeegee]

By the sounds of it you are not yet a fool but you know yourself that you are heading towards being one.

Like nearly all of the guys who post variations of this topic, you already know the truth but you are posting here in the hope someone is going to tell you what you want to hear, and when that doesn't happen you'll go into denial and carry on regardless.

Yeah right, she's a legit masseur who just happens to legitimately do it illegally.

[Squeegee]

As I said, you just want to hear what you want to hear and will be in denial:

It would be nice it at least one person posted a rational response, but i guess that was asking for too much

People like you are so predictable. You've been given very rational advice and it's you who is not being rational.

[Morakot]

As I said, you just want to hear what you want to hear and will be in denial:

It would be nice it at least one person posted a rational response, but i guess that was asking for too much

People like you are so predictable. You've been given very rational advice and it's you who is not being rational.

Rationality might be overrated.

The OP is trying to make sense of his personal, subjective situation and seems to hope for constructive feedback rather than "rational advice".

People should show some empathy.

Edited April 17, 2015 by Morakot

[roro1990]

As I said, you just want to hear what you want to hear and will be in denial:

It would be nice it at least one person posted a rational response, but i guess that was asking for too much

People like you are so predictable. You've been given very rational advice and it's you who is not being rational.

Rational was the wrong word. I meant to say more informative advice. Why exactly is it idiotic to pursue her? It's no good just saying yes or no. My reason for posting here was that my mind is in a bad place because I am falling for her and maybe failing to see the real truth here. I wanted it spelled out for me. It it an impossibility for this to work? I think we are similar people with similar interests and a well matched sense of humour so that is the reason i am falling for her.

[tifino]

good thing about being a Farang in this is that showing empathy is possible -

- we don't lose face enough to prevent us from admitting our weaknesses

[roro1990]

As I said, you just want to hear what you want to hear and will be in denial:

It would be nice it at least one person posted a rational response, but i guess that was asking for too much

People like you are so predictable. You've been given very rational advice and it's you who is not being rational.

Rationality might be overrated.

The OP is trying to make sense of his personal, subjective situation and seems to hope for constructive feedback rather than "rational advice".

People should show some empathy.

Thank you very much for your sense of empathy and understanding. I posted here because this is important to me. I knew some would scoff at me and laugh, but I thought it'd be worth it for some sort of good advice.

[tifino]

rest assured - nobody here is really laughing...

[Squeegee]

As I said, you just want to hear what you want to hear and will be in denial:

It would be nice it at least one person posted a rational response, but i guess that was asking for too much

People like you are so predictable. You've been given very rational advice and it's you who is not being rational.

Rationality might be overrated.

The OP is trying to make sense of his personal, subjective situation and seems to hope for constructive feedback rather than "rational advice".

People should show some empathy.

Rational advice is constructive feedback.

On the other hand, if yourself and the OP are really saying you prefer the rest of us to pussyfoot around or encourage him, that is not the best thing. Sure it may seem heartless if the flaws in this are pointed out, but it's a heck of a lot more constructive than your initial response which was more or less to encourage him.

What he needs is to be warned and shown where things don't add up.

This Thai woman has already lied to him and has a track record of collecting falang. Now she's off to illegally be a masseur in South Korea.

It sure would be ever so nice to just swallow everything at face value and trust and believe, but thousands - literally - of foreigners who got involved with women like this got burned. I would say your feedback is the least helpful in the thread.

[Morakot]

I think we are similar people with similar interests and a well matched sense of humour so that is the reason i am falling for her.

That's always a good starting point, otherwise you probably wouldn't be seeing her in the first place.

But do you think you will have enough in common to sustain this in the long run -- if this is what you're looking for? What is important for you? What do you value highly for instance in terms of material possessions, life style, education, family? Is this similar to how she feels?

Many people at your age don't fully know this yet. Explore; see what you think and find out what you want for your life? If similar or compatible to her, take her along! If not, you may find someone else. Be happy!

[Morakot]

Rational advice is constructive feedback.

Whose rationality? Yours, mine, the next man's?

[likewise]

"Anyway to get to the major point of my post and the advice i'm looking for. I want to know am I being an idiot for pursuing this girl? "

YES

Advice comes from an old fart that has seen a lot of crying and promising from women through his life.

Ignore her, find another one.

agree, but the heart does not always listens to sense.

[likewise]

Regarding working in Korea and Malaysia does involve sex of course, they make pretty good money there but are illegal. Know a few girls who do regular stints in Korea and Malaysia.

If you want to make an honest woman out of her you will have to put up some cash, otherwise she has got no other choice then "working", I kinda hate it when they use the word working for it !

[Brit_Doggie]

Some say ditch others say hitch theres your advice, now your a grown man and can decide for yourself, which you will do anyway regardless of what others tell you, but gl.

[Squeegee]

That's always a good starting point, otherwise you probably wouldn't be seeing her in the first place.

But do you think you will have enough in common to sustain this in the long run -- if this is what you're looking for? What is important for you? What do you value highly for instance in terms of material possessions, life style, education, family? Is this similar to how she feels?

Many people at your age don't fully know this yet. Explore; see what you think and find out what you want for your life? If similar or compatible to her, take her along! If not, you may find someone else. Be happy!

"If similar or compatible to her, take her along!"

He's not talking about the girl next door back home. This is terrible advice. He's talking about a proven lying Thai girl who is highly likely to be a sex worker. There's far more to consider than just whether they are compatible are not.

Another poster got it right: this boy needs to put up the cash to keep the girl and then he needs to ensure he's with her most of the time. That's the reality.

[rhodie]

Unless you live with her you full time, you have very little chance of making it work. The minute you are on the plane she is off with the next guy. In her case she was already off with other guys when you were in the country staying at her place.

I really don't think it can work, as that is the same pattern with most bar girls.

Good luck anyway.

[angiolo]

Plenty of girls around. Try another one . All these poor girls are after your ATM card so enjoy without love. You are just a good an actor,so enjoy their pleasure till the price gets too high. Do not look for LOVE it would end in TEARS