Can someone give me advice on falling for a Thai girl?

[EmptyHead]

Why not go out and meet lots of other women. It'll do your self-esteem a lot of good. Thailand must be the easiest place in the world for you to cure your confidence issues. The women here are very relaxed about talking to random people and going on dates, unlike western women.

Don't worry about the long-game she may be trying to play. It won't work since you don't have any money to play for. She would be a very dumb player in that case. Though she may just be keeping you on the back burner for the hell of it.

How will your self-esteem be if she IS just after you money and you fell for it? Why not just go out and have fun and boost you confidence with lots of different women? It'll be better for your mental health.

Keep her on the back burner and see how it works out over time. She has done nothing to deserve you throwing yourself at her and the best way to get a woman is NOT to do that anyway. She will respect you more.

[PokerFace]

I have lived in Thailand six months each year for the past 25 years. Have had similar experiences more than a few times and seen this happen to others more times than I can count. Chalk this one up to the Thailand learning experience and move on.

Short answer: Run like hell!!

[Gonsalviz]

Don't.

[Berkshire]

A good experiment for me to try but Part of my problem is low self-esteem. This girl has been supportive of me despite knowing I suffer with a lot of anxieties. So I feel attached to her in a weird way. Being blunt, i'm not the type guy who gets loads of action with women. I've had sex with three in my entire life. So it is not easy for me to go out there and meet women. Incidentally I don't think im hideous looking, I just have zero confidence. Hence my obsession with this girl. The fear is that i'll be doomed to loneliness if it doesn't work out with her.

I admire your honesty. I've always wondered about young farang guys seeking Thai women. When I was your age back home (USA), I'd prefer an American woman...i.e., a woman I could actually communicate with perfectly. But if it's easy for you to find a woman in Thailand, then it's pretty much easy for everyone, don't you think? There's a subculture of Thai women who seek farangs, usually for financial reasons. They are not top tier Thai women. They believe all farangs are rich or potentially rich. Nothing you can say will change their minds.

I didn't even come to thailand seeking the girls here as i outlined in my post. i came here for the typical backpacker trail but found myself going around with this girl for a while. note that this girl knows i dont have much money. ive outlined it to her several times which is why my scenario is probably atypical. yes i have had enough money to make a few trips to thailand but that doesnt mean i have enough to support her especially now that im not working. yet she continues to talk to me

Roro, allow me to repeat. These farang-hunting Thai females believe that all farangs are rich or POTENTIALLY rich. Which means that if you ever manage to get this girl to settle down with you and she finds out that you really are as broke as you've been suggesting, she will drop you like a hot turd.

[Stan42]

Oh the spoils of youth, how I miss thee. Be careful with your money and prepare for the worst, otherwise: Go for it buddy, you only live once.

[Squeegee]

3 pages might as well be 30. They know the truth. Even before the dozens of posts they argue against, if they didn't already know the truth they wouldn't have posted in the first place. Very odd psychology really.

Good luck to her, I hope she makes good money for her family.

[BKKBodhisattva]

All I know is that if I had a self-esteem problem vis a vis women, I wouldn't be asking for guidance on a forum of mostly older Western men in Thailand, many of whom can only get a woman to stay with them if they pay her a salary to do so.

[a99az]

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Hmmm...it is a difficult one alright. I will address your three main points.

1.) Her meeting another guy and going on holiday with him is not an issue. Why would it be? She barely knew you.

2.) Her not telling you about it is not an issue either. When you date a girl you barely know, do you tell her about all your other dates recently? No, you don't cos you barely know her and its not her business.

3.) The issue here is her job.

I have been here long enough to know there is virtually no such thing as a massage shop that doesn't offer sexual services. Or, to put it more accurately, a massage shop that doesn't have a member of staff (or two) who aren't willing to offer sexual services. They all have staff who will give a happy ending. To what extent depends on the individual.

Here is a social experiment i advice you to conduct:

The best education you can give yourself here is this: get an oil massage everyday in the so called "normal massage shops". Don't go to the obvious brothels cos you know what you are gonna get. Go to the regular places. The places around where she works, which appear to be the same sort of establishment as she works in, preferably. And for heavens sake, don't act all shy and wear your underwear during the massage, cos then you probably won't be offered anything. If you aren't shy, they won't be. But, you must ask for an oil massage, otherwise you won't be offered anything.

But it could be anywhere, in any part of the country. If you ask for an oil massage, more often than not you will be offered extras (to one extent or another). It could be a regular looking place and the masseuse could be an innocent seeming 60 year-old woman, it's still highly likely you will get a happy ending.

If you do this, you will learn a lot about her line of work. It won't tell you about her specifically, but it will give you a lot of insight. Trust me.

P.S. I would like to note, that i am not suggesting you get involved in prostitution. It would be against forum rules for me to suggest that here. I am suggesting you become a customer at the type of places where she works and see what goes on for yourself. And if you are offered anything extra, you may decline, of course. You say you are 90% sure, but i think if you take my advice for a few weeks, you will be down to less than 5% sure.

Good advice once you have done 10 straight looking massage places and had an oil massage you will very quickly discover the what goes on. Ploy one is the nudge this is when she keeps nudging the tool as she works until it has the desired effect. Ploy two is she manhandles your equipment out the way in slow motion often with some sort of compliment. Ploy three used when one and two tail, the direct approach "you want happy how much you pay". Yes you can find some that do not earn the extra by giving extra but you just might find them hard to find. Got to say I love having an oil massage with out the bells on and I finally found a little lady very close to where I lived and she charged 100B an hour and I could totally relax and enjoy being taken care of. Wish I could get one here in the UK my wife is good at it for about 10 minutes and then complains that she can't do more. Roll on summer holidays when I can once again get my massage.

[Whyamiandwhatamidoinghere]

Read your own story is the best advice anyone can give you. For me, I dumped a many of girls like her until I met a girl who I am her first love and lover. Painting on a new canvass is less problematic than trying to paint over an existing painting.

[Suradit69]

Just looking for advice on whether i'm being an idiot for pursuing this Thai girl I have fallen for

You certainly chose the right forum. Lots of expertise here on all of that. No better source for advice on doing foolish things and then lecturing others on how to do the same.

[AZBill]

She's dishonest and not worth your time. Plenty of honest Thai ladies despite what you read from this crew out here. If she's poor you will need to be funding her and the family at some point, which if she's a decent girl that's fine but the lying should be a deal breaker. That trait won't change.

[arunsakda]

Another troll....yawn

[Whyamiandwhatamidoinghere]

Doesn't sound like you needed advice. Sounds like you need a bigger sword to defend with...

[chicowoodduck]

Open your suitcase and hop in and don't look back.....you will save yourself a ton of unhappy memories when it all goes to shit...?

[dotpoom]

I was interested in all you had to say and admired your willingness to see life from her point of view.....but a big No No for me was when you asked if you being unfair to think of all poor Thai ladies...as liars....just because ONE of them lied to you. How in the name of God does one bad experience with one lady give you the right to more or less think and say....they must ALL be the same.

[thousandpercent]

Enjoy the casual, temporary thing you have. See other women as well. Do not open your wallet, ever, for anything. When it's not working, let it go. The thing most likely to hurt you is your own misconception that this is permanent, or can be permanent, or that it would be desirable to be permanent. Give up that fantasy. Enjoy what you really have, not what you dream you want to have.

[Dannyboy666]

They Never Stop Lying, They Only Get Better At It...

[Shiver]

I think she's probably quite fond of you at the very least, but you need to understand that they need security (which means money here), even if you're a perfect 10 for her. Security will trump nearly everything else (gambling and drugs seem to be an exception - but that doesn't seem to be an issue in your case).

If you can't be here 100% of the time then expect her to find other avenues. Don't be sending money from abroad. Be here or don't do it at all. I know it's a crappy situation, and I sense that you're going to continue to have some 'one-itis' with this girl. I've had the same issues with a different story behind it. Whether to fight or ditch is something none of us really can know. Logic would say move on, but when you care... you care. Good luck in whatever you choose.

[jacko45k]

It would be nice it at least one person posted a rational response, but i guess that was asking for too much

Rational meaning something you are prepared to accept?

Move on. You are too young to settle and commit to a life in Thailand. Have a career, make money etc.

She is keeping her options open, and you are one of them.

[EmptyHead]

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Hmmm...it is a difficult one alright. I will address your three main points.

1.) Her meeting another guy and going on holiday with him is not an issue. Why would it be? She barely knew you.

2.) Her not telling you about it is not an issue either. When you date a girl you barely know, do you tell her about all your other dates recently? No, you don't cos you barely know her and its not her business.

3.) The issue here is her job.

I have been here long enough to know there is virtually no such thing as a massage shop that doesn't offer sexual services. Or, to put it more accurately, a massage shop that doesn't have a member of staff (or two) who aren't willing to offer sexual services. They all have staff who will give a happy ending. To what extent depends on the individual.

Here is a social experiment i advice you to conduct:

The best education you can give yourself here is this: get an oil massage everyday in the so called "normal massage shops". Don't go to the obvious brothels cos you know what you are gonna get. Go to the regular places. The places around where she works, which appear to be the same sort of establishment as she works in, preferably. And for heavens sake, don't act all shy and wear your underwear during the massage, cos then you probably won't be offered anything. If you aren't shy, they won't be. But, you must ask for an oil massage, otherwise you won't be offered anything.

But it could be anywhere, in any part of the country. If you ask for an oil massage, more often than not you will be offered extras (to one extent or another). It could be a regular looking place and the masseuse could be an innocent seeming 60 year-old woman, it's still highly likely you will get a happy ending.

If you do this, you will learn a lot about her line of work. It won't tell you about her specifically, but it will give you a lot of insight. Trust me.

P.S. I would like to note, that i am not suggesting you get involved in prostitution. It would be against forum rules for me to suggest that here. I am suggesting you become a customer at the type of places where she works and see what goes on for yourself. And if you are offered anything extra, you may decline, of course. You say you are 90% sure, but i think if you take my advice for a few weeks, you will be down to less than 5% sure.

Good advice once you have done 10 straight looking massage places and had an oil massage you will very quickly discover the what goes on. Ploy one is the nudge this is when she keeps nudging the tool as she works until it has the desired effect. Ploy two is she manhandles your equipment out the way in slow motion often with some sort of compliment. Ploy three used when one and two tail, the direct approach "you want happy how much you pay". Yes you can find some that do not earn the extra by giving extra but you just might find them hard to find. Got to say I love having an oil massage with out the bells on and I finally found a little lady very close to where I lived and she charged 100B an hour and I could totally relax and enjoy being taken care of. Wish I could get one here in the UK my wife is good at it for about 10 minutes and then complains that she can't do more. Roll on summer holidays when I can once again get my massage.

Just be careful you don't turn into a sex addict. That is not pretty. Your stints back in the UK should help prevent that process.

[godden]

i suggest you marry her, come and work in Thailand have a couple of kids and if it doesn't work out do a runner.

[asdecas]

Is it the season for old chestnuts again so soon?

[mike324]

she's pretty much a scam with her sob stories, unless you are very rich then she won't leave you and may love you or your money for life, but if you can't provide fancy stuff and take her on trips, be prepare for her to leave or cheat on you. Its really simple as that, don't over analyze it, these type of girls play with your emotion to keep you glue to them. You already know she sleeps around with other blokes.

Massage scheme is just a cover for sexual services. She's off to Korea because she can get paid well for 1 hour of work, $200 plus compare to $80-100 here in Bangkok. If she is in the country side perhaps $70-80 and depending on the type of customer.

If you really want to test her out, move there to live for a couple more months, tell her to quit her job and just try to live a basic life, provide her with a small amount of money for basic living costs. If she is itching to get back to her job or has some excuse of not wanting you to follow her around, then she's not genuine because clearly she needs more money than you.

[stephenterry]

Roro, it boosts your self-esteem when a girl takes care of your needs, both physically and mentally. Seems like she's doing a good job, and why not, clearly she finds you worth hanging onto. Especially as you're 24 and in your child-bearing prime, rather than 64 and wrinkly.

Nevertheless, her main priority is providing for her family, and that could include a baby. Have you asked her? That means they expect her to send them money - and she will do so, however which way she can. Lying isn't regarded as anything more than saving face, it's expected, so don't bother to try, just accept she doesn't want you upset.

Now comes the crunch. If you want to stay with her long-term you will have to provide for her, her family, and your eventual children. That will cost, and it's a commitment. At some point she will ask for that. Half-farang children are sought after. At 24, though, I would suggest you have fun with her in your back-packing days until the newness wears off, and life's realities sets in.

Just for the record, I found my perfect partner with a massage lady - although we were both a lot older than you. And yes, she gave hand-jobs - to Thai women, it's nothing more than having a shit.

[micmichd]

She's a young woman, simply accept that she might want sexual experience sometimes - even if you're not there.

Be honest to yourself: would you stay away from all other girls because of this girl on the other side of the globe?

Better not, you're both young. Give it a chance, but don't pressurize.

How did you find out she's cheated you? Maybe your sources are not too reliable, don't trust self-presentations like Facebook too much.

Treat her like the girl next door, not like an exotic toy.

Edited April 18, 2015 by micmichd

[Luxfare]

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Just have fun and don't take it too seriously. You too young to get serious, there are too many fish in the sea especially in Thiland

Yeah that's my problem, i'm getting very serious with it. I'm thinking about her a lot. finding it difficult to concentrate on my own life. Missing her a lot. I'm actually staying in her apartment right now as she let me stay there while she went to Korea. I was thinking of going to australia on a working holiday which might be better for me to take my mind off her a little bit.

Vietnam? Korea? Exactly how much does she make as a masseuse?

She may well like you but from her likely impoverished background unless you support her fully she'll have to sell herself. Up to you though, you know the person better than us.

[IREBKK]

Not all Thai girls are the same. Anyone who tells you differently is most likely a sexpat who's always targeted the same type of girl or has had a previously horrendous experience.

By the sounds of it, the girl in question is extremely poor. What she's doing is done for survival. I don't condemn cheating or selling your body, but just remember the culture and difficulties she's been brought up with. It's very different to western belief.

You also need to think about the fact you're not 100% sure if she's travelling for sex work. Are you being too skeptical? Presuming that just because she's Thai, that's what she's doing. Talk to her.

At the end of the day, love is love. If you feel she can change and you're willing to give her a chance. Go for it! And the very best of luck.

@bangkokexpats

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Edited April 18, 2015 by IREBKK

[Thunderbirds20]

How can you tell when a Thai girl is lying? ...her lips are moving!

That is an over generalization, but in the case of Isaan girls, (and Buri Ram is in Isaan) it is pretty much the norm. Guys like you are like a winnig lottery ticket. Instant fortune for her and her family. Funny how Thai guys knock them up and then leave them to raise the kid on their own, with no repercussions, but a Farang guy comes along and if he does not fork out for her kids and family, he is a Cheap Charlie!!

They love money, not you. They will do anything for money, ... sell themselves for sex, pretended love or companionship. Do n ot fall for their lies and stories of woe, ...Daddy is sick, the buffalo died, the wheel fell off the pickup truck, school fees due, ..... always something to get your wallet out!

[Tatsujin]

You have 2 x choices ... accept her for who and what she is (and that will be based largely on how and where she was brought up) ... or move on ... based on your age, you have plenty of time to find a Thai girl who "will" be able to give you all you are looking for and that you can (with some provisos related to Thai culture) be able to trust ... this one has already shown you that she can't be trusted.

[1FinickyOne]

It is not unusal to lie if she feels that it will hurt herself or family in some way - she is willing to go and work somewhere as an illegal in another country… is that the type of person you want?

This is what you are saying: - You are living in her apartment for free? Do you not take pity on this girl from a poor family and at least pay the rent and utilities while you are there?

No relationship is perfect. There are more and less harmful untruths out there and you seem to have your eyes open. But with your eyes open, what are you offering her? You are not really offering her a hand up from poverty nor a way out… what is really in it for her when she likely feels that she has to support not only herself but her parents… and now pay your freight too?

sometimes we cannot help who we fall in love with - wanting someone to change is not a positive, maybe hoping to reach an inner her, a better way to put it. Try and see what she sees more completely. Sometimes these things can work out but the % is not in favor…

hope this helps, best I can guess from afar…