Alcholic Friends

[Ijustwannateach]

I have a young friend, early 20s, college senior. Recently, every time I talk to him I hear the same story: up to four at this bar or that party, I got sooooooooooooooooooooooo drunk, wow, what a great time.

Secretly, I suspect he's deeply unhappy. In the last 2 years, he's become a chain smoker and a very, very, very frequent drinker. He was a very promising young artist but his success, I think, has slipped since he entered into this drinking phase. He's making a lot of friends at bars and parties, but I wonder what they think of his heavy drinking, too.

Only one time I mentioned to him that it seemed like every time I talked to him, he was talking about how drunk he got the previous night. I suggested that alcohol seemed to be becoming a very strong influence in his life, and that I hoped he would be careful. He became very defensive, and I haven't spoken with him about it again.

Anyway, maybe there's nothing I can really do, but I feel better mentioning it here.

"Steven"

[meadish_sweetball]

Probably a good idea to tell him. If enough people tell him, he might realize he actually has a problem. Then the next step is being there if he needs backup.

[sabaijai]

I have a young friend, early 20s, college senior. Recently, every time I talk to him I hear the same story: up to four at this bar or that party, I got sooooooooooooooooooooooo drunk, wow, what a great time.

Secretly, I suspect he's deeply unhappy. In the last 2 years, he's become a chain smoker and a very, very, very frequent drinker. He was a very promising young artist but his success, I think, has slipped since he entered into this drinking phase. He's making a lot of friends at bars and parties, but I wonder what they think of his heavy drinking, too.

Only one time I mentioned to him that it seemed like every time I talked to him, he was talking about how drunk he got the previous night. I suggested that alcohol seemed to be becoming a very strong influence in his life, and that I hoped he would be careful. He became very defensive, and I haven't spoken with him about it again.

Anyway, maybe there's nothing I can really do, but I feel better mentioning it here.

"Steven"

Has the heavy drinking affected him or others around him in a way that seems off the rails? If not, maybe best to leave him alone. If he has really become a danger to himself and those around him, consider banding together with a few of his other friends and doing a brief intervention. Intervention is one of the most highly rated methods for getting a drunk to quit or cut back on their drinking. You could also ask the advice of a substance abuse specialist at one of Bangkok's many psychiatric clinics; some will help organise interventions, even lead them. Better be sure of your diagnosis first though ...

[Ijustwannateach]

You're right- it's an area where I want to tread carefully. It doesn't really do much good to try to help someone who doesn't want help, either. I've given him the hint and he can pick up on it if he wants to- I am a confidante of his, and he knows I care about him, so I'm here if he needs me.

The clearest potential sign I have of any effect on his public life is that last year he was winning 1st prizes, this year he's winning 2nd prizes- that could be due to many things, of course. But I bet alcohol is not unrelated.

Thanks for the advice, guys.

"Steven"

[Oleg_Rus]

Good luck, I beleive ther MUST be someone to save ppl from goin' under with booze. I've seen a lot, good guys became useless junk.

Sabaijah, is it sort of wisdom to suggest to :

"You could also ask the advice of a substance abuse specialist at one of Bangkok's many psychiatric clinics; some will help organise interventions, even lead them"

Next time just say "google.com" - will look shorter on screen to scroll.

[whooliggen]

Hey,

get your friend a copy of the book "A million little pieces" by James Frey and ask him if he wouldn't mind reading it.

If he does read it and doesnt batter an eyelid, then i think there is a lot more going on with him than a bit of youthful exhuberance and he will need good people around.

I would hope though that the book knocks into him a real sense of what can happen in the substances abuse game.

All the best for him...

[robitusson]

Hey,

get your friend a copy of the book "A million little pieces" by James Frey and ask him if he wouldn't mind reading it.

If he does read it and doesnt batter an eyelid, then i think there is a lot more going on with him than a bit of youthful exhuberance and he will need good people around.

I would hope though that the book knocks into him a real sense of what can happen in the substances abuse game.

All the best for him...

It's been exposed as b.s. It's a good read but it's fictional.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Frey

http://www.cbc.ca/arts/story/2006/01/10/frey-memoir.html

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/0104061jamesfrey1.html

http://www.whartonsp.com/articles/article....447011&rl=1

[ding]

Only the alcoholic can decide if he/she is an alcoholic. Pain is usually the key. Modern treatment methods include intervention, detox, and in-patient treatment.

Some folks say things to a drunk that, while not causing immediate sobriety, do plant a seed. And under the lashes of alcoholism, it might germinate.

[kayo]

hey ijwt,

I hope this finds you well.

As you may or may not be aware, I've recently undergone some positive changes from a state of alcohol abuse to a state of sobriety.

WHat can I say? There's, imho, no way to rescue someone who doesn't want to be rescued, as I think we can all agree. hints may be constructive, but more often than not, I found that even hints from the best of friends, with the best of intentions, would make me hide away even farther, deeper, in the illusion of the Party, or what I would dub "The Rock'n'Roll" life.

Funny thing is, I was always aware of the fact that these intentions of folk around me were for the best, but to face up to the reality was more than I could bear, for a number of years.

And never a day went by when I wasn't aware that my drinking was out of hand, and never a day went by that I was not doing myself harm, be it in my chosen career(s), my relationships with friends (including drunks) and lovers and what? I lost an important woman, I drank even more. I got into a drunk driving incident with heavy consequences... I drank even more...

Nothing would pull me out of it.

It was an escape from certain aspects of my reality I could not face up to. Which, imho always, is not necessarily a bad thing - for a while.

This year, earlier, my drinking got out of hand. Ugly out of hand, and even I, "rock'n'roller to beat all rock'n'rollers" realised that now it was, I was gone too far.

I had to stop.

I did, with a support network of friends and family, and a few stumbles, but I did.

And I realised that lately, the mental trauma's I had always been escaping from have dissipated. They are no longer traumatic.

Therefore my drinking was no longer just an escape.

It was like my mind is ready to move on, and ONLY NOW is the drink bothering my life.

So I dunno. That's just, in broad strokes, what I've recently undergone. There's no way to save someone from it, I don't think. But to be enarby, supportive, and ready to help when the time comes.

That seems invaluable.

2baht, added to your account.

"Klown"

[idle44mins]

Sounds very familair to me. I live with a young Thai friend for almost 2 years with up and downs. Now I can say (statistically) that the downs were caused by booze!!

After a 2 month break (he went to an army trainings camp) he came back to stay with me again and since then, he is a frequent customer of a pand shop......got rid of his mobile 3 times and my audio/video stuff is for the 2nd time in several shops and the next stop is some karaoke bar. Before he left for the camp thing he managed to spent 18,000 Baht on 1 night (luckily he stole the money from his sister)........I wonder if he bought the place!

So now I am pretty sure that My Lordship has a problem. Unfortunately I'm not an expert.......I know; a person with such a problem shouldn't be left alone, but I work all day and cannot support him every minute of the day.

Furthermore......he is Thai and I,m not. Communication is pretty good, but going deeper into the problem is not easy, someone or something Thai would help. We live in Pattaya and I know that there is some kind of drug rehab centre in Naklua, but do they do also alcohol or just jaabaa/ibub?

Can someone help me out here?

(Please don't come with the advise to dump the guy. For me he is still not a dog, but I will have to send him away if he declines any kind of help)

[kayo]

Does he have any family nearby?

[idle44mins]

Does he have any family nearby?

Yes Kayo,

his sister, mother and niece are living in Jomtien, but his mother has a real drinking problem and I give her 1 more year. His sister is the unfortunate one who lost 40,000 Baht on him.

So basically he has family nearby but there is no contact. I'm also trying to get him to talk to his family but that is easier said than done.

I am also trying to get him to work.......change of environment and most of all.....change of relations. But also in this case.......easier said than done.