Grounds for divorce.

[connda]

I'd like to know what 'grounds of divorce' are in Thailand.

I married an older Thai woman, now in her mid 50s. I paid off all her debts, made significant modifications to her home and land, put her kids through school.

When I met her my life stopped. I had planned to travel about Southeast Asia. There was a lot I'd like to see. My wife has no interest. It's always, “I no feel good. No want travel. Afraid fly airplane. We stay home.” But also I have “You must stay with me. I have no friend. I afraid be alone. Need you here all time.” So she has me completely smothered.

To use an analogy, when we first met she put me in a cage. A big cage at first, but now the cage is so small that she can carry it with she everywhere she goes. Hang me up on the back porch and go about her business and I'll be there when she returns. “Good boy”.

I'm going to end this very soon. I want a couple of days a week that are simply mine own to do as I want. If I want to go to on day trips, I go. But I can hear the wailing and gnashing of teeth right now.

So, the real question. I need time alone which she flat out does not want to give me. But one day I'm just going to get in the car, and tell her I'll be back in two days. I'll even tell her where I'm going. And one or two times a year, I'm going to take a vacation for a couple of weeks – incountry or maybe out-of-cournty.

So, what are grounds for divorce? Is me just leaving for two days and then coming home, or two weeks and coming home grounds for divorce? She has family in the village she can stay with or who can stay with her, but when I mention I want time alone to travel, 'No No No, Husband must stay take care of wife.'' My wife has been to the doctors for multiply test over the last year and they say there is nothing wrong with her other than menopause.

Being forced to stay in the village with no friends or no chances to travel is grinding on me. I'm older than my wife and would like to spend the last few years I've got attempting to live life.

If she is going to hold 'divorce' over my head, what grounds does she have? I've taken care of her, I support her, I just need to have time of my own. She doesn't want to come with me by her own admission, and if I am forced to stay in this situation, I might just cut my losses after 9 years of marriage. I might just call her on it. “Bluff, holding a pair of twos, or a full house.”

So, grounds for divorce. Would she have cause for grounds just because I up and leave once a week for one or two day and then come back, or leave for one or two weeks a year to travel? I have no gig, no mia noi, and I don't want any. I just want some of my freedom back.

And as long as we're on this topic, what exactly are grounds for divorce in Thailand and where can you find English translations.

[Jip99]

Try here:- http://www.thailandlawonline.com/article-older-archive/thai-divorce-law-and-legal-grounds

and here:- http://www.siam-legal.com/thailand-law/grounds-for-divorce-in-thailand/

Section 1516, Title I of the Civil and Commercial Code of Thailand provides that “Grounds for divorce” are as follows:

1. The husband has given maintenance to or honored such other woman as his wife, or the wife has committed adultery, the other spouse may enter a claim for divorce;
2. One spouse is guilty of misconduct, notwithstanding whether such misconduct is a criminal offense or not, if it causes the other:
   1. to be seriously ashamed;
   2. to be insulted of hated or account of continuance of being husband or wife of the spouse having committed the misconduct; or
   3. to sustain excessive injury or trouble where the condition, position and cohabitation as husband and wife are taken into consideration; the latter may enter a claim for divorce;
3. One spouse has caused serious harm or torture to the body or mind of the other, or has seriously insulted the other or his or her ascendants, the latter may enter a claim for divorce;
4. One spouse has deserted the other for more than one year, the latter may enter a claim for divorce;
   1. one spouse had been sentenced by a final judgment of the Court and has been imprisoned for more than one year in the offense committed without any participation, consent or in the knowledge of the other, and the cohabitation as husband and wife will cause the other party sustain excessive injury or trouble, the latter may enter a claim for divorce;
   2. the husband and wife voluntarily live separately because of being unable to cohabit peacefully for more than three years, or live separately for more than three years by the order of the Court, either spouse may enter a claim for divorce;
5. One spouse has been adjudged to have disappeared, or as left his or her domicile or residence for more than three years and being uncertain whether he or she is living or dead;
6. One spouse has failed to give proper maintenance and support to the other, or committed acts seriously adverse to the relationship of husband and wife to such an extent that the other has been in excessive trouble where the condition, position and cohabitation as husband and wife are taking into consideration, the latter may enter a claim for divorce;
7. One spouse has been an insane person for more than three years continuously and such insanity is hardly curable so that the continuance of marriage cannot be expected, the other may enter a claim for divorce;
8. One spouse has broken a bond of good behavior executed by him or her, the other spouse may enter a claim for divorce;
9. One spouse is suffering from a communicable and dangerous disease which is incurable and may cause injury to the other, the latter may file a claim for divorce;
10. One spouse has a physical disadvantage so as to be permanently unable to cohabit as husband and wife, the other may enter a claim for divorce.

[dragonfly94]

I would have thought being married to a Thai was enough grounds really But the above sums it up. Having just read the OP post I have some similarities, good luck in making the break and at least there are no kids involved. It's easier than it sounds to decide to end it.

[connda]

Try here:- http://www.thailandlawonline.com/article-older-archive/thai-divorce-law-and-legal-grounds

and here:- http://www.siam-legal.com/thailand-law/grounds-for-divorce-in-thailand/

Section 1516, Title I of the Civil and Commercial Code of Thailand provides that “Grounds for divorce” are as follows:

1. The husband has given maintenance to or honored such other woman as his wife, or the wife has committed adultery, the other spouse may enter a claim for divorce;
2. One spouse is guilty of misconduct, notwithstanding whether such misconduct is a criminal offense or not, if it causes the other:
   1. to be seriously ashamed;
   2. to be insulted of hated or account of continuance of being husband or wife of the spouse having committed the misconduct; or
   3. to sustain excessive injury or trouble where the condition, position and cohabitation as husband and wife are taken into consideration; the latter may enter a claim for divorce;
3. One spouse has caused serious harm or torture to the body or mind of the other, or has seriously insulted the other or his or her ascendants, the latter may enter a claim for divorce;
4. One spouse has deserted the other for more than one year, the latter may enter a claim for divorce;
   1. one spouse had been sentenced by a final judgment of the Court and has been imprisoned for more than one year in the offense committed without any participation, consent or in the knowledge of the other, and the cohabitation as husband and wife will cause the other party sustain excessive injury or trouble, the latter may enter a claim for divorce;
   2. the husband and wife voluntarily live separately because of being unable to cohabit peacefully for more than three years, or live separately for more than three years by the order of the Court, either spouse may enter a claim for divorce;
5. One spouse has been adjudged to have disappeared, or as left his or her domicile or residence for more than three years and being uncertain whether he or she is living or dead;
6. One spouse has failed to give proper maintenance and support to the other, or committed acts seriously adverse to the relationship of husband and wife to such an extent that the other has been in excessive trouble where the condition, position and cohabitation as husband and wife are taking into consideration, the latter may enter a claim for divorce;
7. One spouse has been an insane person for more than three years continuously and such insanity is hardly curable so that the continuance of marriage cannot be expected, the other may enter a claim for divorce;
8. One spouse has broken a bond of good behavior executed by him or her, the other spouse may enter a claim for divorce;
9. One spouse is suffering from a communicable and dangerous disease which is incurable and may cause injury to the other, the latter may file a claim for divorce;
10. One spouse has a physical disadvantage so as to be permanently unable to cohabit as husband and wife, the other may enter a claim for divorce.

No other women: no mia noi, no gig. Like I said, I've no interest. No desertion as per the the law, I just want to have time to myself. Thanks immensely for the info.

[brucegoniners]

Dude, just get out! You've got the rest of your life ahead of you.

I've got a younger Thai wife and there are similar issues. It goes with the territory.

Get out and STAY SINGLE!

Take some good advice from an older guy.

Sometimes divorce is the best thing to do.

[maprao]

If you are financially secure just tell her you are going. If she wants to come with you she is welcome. If not go alone and strangle the purse strings while you are gone. She will fall into line.

[F4UCorsair]

Sounds way overdue.

If I was you I'd go and stay gone because she sounds insecure and unstable enough to me to put a knife in you while you're sleeping.

[MaeJoMTB]

You need to grow some balls.

Else be a doormat forever.

[SOUTHERNSTAR]

I suggest that you invite her to join you on the trip infront of others, when she refuses to go, you inform her that you are going on your own.

[Just1Voice]

Personally, I'd hope I would never get to the point where you are. But if I did, I pray that I wake up some morning with enough sense to say "Screw this!", throw some clothes in the car and just LEAVE. Who gives a shit about a divorce? Peace of mind if much more important. Leave, cut the purse strings, and let her dwell on how SHE screwed things up. Of course, she won't, as in her mind she's the best wife ever, and you are just an ungrateful falang who was too stupid to realize how wonderful she is.

Leave. Move to another province if necessary, and live the way YOU want, and not the way she dictates.

[cocopops]

It really doesn't sound like she is in a good place either.

Consider that you and your wife might both need the same thing - a couple of mates to hang out with.

If that's the case, then perhaps it's fixable. And perhaps she will see it that way too. Although you may have to move somewhere that has others in your demographic to do so.

[smotherb]

Take the time off you need. If she complains and threatens divorce, so be it. Remember, it's just as easy to love a younger woman without children and debt; probably easier.

[Guest]

This reminds me of the old joke that women tell each-other:

A man is like a wooden floor, lay it right, and you can walk on it forever.

[Pik]

May I ask in which province are you

[nithisa78]

The greatest gift that you can give to others is the gift of unconditional love and acceptance.

Brian Tracy

[dotpoom]

You appear worried about giving her grounds for divorce, You must also have a great need for her in your life too. I suppose, as with all things in life.....it's about finding the "Balance".

[Wolfe]

I fought that for 2 years eventually leaving her for 6 weeks telling her I will go out when I want and come back when I want I need space and will not compromise on that, after 2 years of hassle I eventually left got back together and not been an issue for the last 6 plus years ya gotta put your foot down and let them know you wont accept there BS.

Now I travel when I want alone if she does not want to come and come and go at my own leisure.

[ntg187]

And here I am thinking how smothered I feel when I can't get the damn bar girls out of my condo before 5pm! Hope you are able to come to a beneficial resolution!

[12DrinkMore]

The greatest gift that you can give to others is the gift of unconditional love and acceptance.

Brian Tracy

Well, wonderful.

I'll try that with my next Thai GF, if there is going to be one.

The reply from the last one would have been, "I cannot eat your love, I need money". (She was remarkably honest)

You have one life, live it, not somebody else's.

She will certainly not divorce you. You are the meal ticket for life, at her age she has almost no alternatives. It is all bluff and manipulation.

Man Up!

[Always18]

Whenever I read such sad stories like yours Connda, it reminds me just how fortunate I've been in meeting my wonderful Thai lady.

The only words of encouragement I can give you are that there are some real diamonds out there - don't despair, just cut your losses and move on.

[lounger]

What is a divorce? The right to marry again ! forget the divorce.

As far as I know there is no method in Thai law for anyone to pursue you for debts. ie a court may say you owe her but there is no legal method by which she can obtain payment. ie she wont come after you. Thailand doesn't have bailiffs, but they do have rent a thug.

Of course logically abandoning her means you lose the right to any assets you leave behind. ie get organised.

She has no friends, hardly surprising, they got fed up too.

I cant understand why people stay with their problems. Make some rules, tell her, stick to them. One of my rules is a given amount of money, no more, thats it. Another is if they dont like it they are free to leave. I realised that I needed to change from her land to rented property that I pay for, it totally changes the power base.

Good luck

i c

[GoodThaiGirl]

your just week.dont tell her your going anywhere get your paperwork together,passport etc..n some clothes,and just go phone when you arrive at your holiday..dont say where you are..my husband does not take any trouble from me..he just goes and tells me he,s going i trust him.mmmm.like a poster said grow some balls..she will love the time to herself..i doubt you will do any of the above though...us women dont like soft men 100% of the time..and your old enough to know better..

[Straight8]

Start moving funds offshore a.s.a.p.

Try and get a small place somewhere, move your valuables and just disappear in the night.. far far away!!

Sorry to say, but how you got yourself in a situation like this, with a woman like this is bordering on disbelief.. but now is your chance to cut your losses, by the look of it quite substantial losses, move away & move on and enjoy your life with this parasite.

Other than your money, she has absolutely no need for you. Do it before you end up in a small pond with your hands bound behind your back and the case closed as suicide.

[mrfill]

Grounds for divorce.

1. You run out of money

That's it.

[RichCor]

Connda, you should feel free to negotiate any new living arrangement you want with your wife.

Changes can be agreed to and implemented over time, gradually. Some are yours, some are hers.

Find out what she has always wanted to do.

But be aware of the consequences of not negotiating in good faith, or impulsively acting out of character and possibly causing others around you to withdraw support.

You may be putting your next "Permission to Stay" in Thailand at risk

You may be denied access to your domicile, or personal property

You may experience how other forms or 'Thainess' work ...as others have stated.

If she is not open to negotiation then divorce may be your only option, and you should seek professional counsel to prepare for the repercussions that come with that.

You may be trying to find out how far you can push the marriage boundaries without any negotiation or even her knowledge, but go too far and the fallout may be major.

I would also suggest talking to a marriage counselor, but I'm not sure how effective that would be when married to a Thai.

[weegee]

connda...I think the operative word in your OP is .."Menopause"...It can last a couple of years or maybe 5yrs....you have to decide..

[bino]

Leave, cut the purse strings, and let her dwell on how SHE screwed things up. Of course, she won't, as in her mind she's the best wife ever, and you are just an ungrateful falang who was too stupid to realize how wonderful she is.

Got that right!

[Berkshire]

Connda, firstly, my sympathies. You're right, life is short and it's a darn shame to waste it. It sounds like this has been going on for a long time. You need to move on and make the best of the time you have left.

On a separate note, your situation kind of reinforces my theory. It seems that guys on TV who are the most negative about Thailand will typically have either financial difficulties or relationship difficulties.... or both. I hope you will have a better perspective about Thailand once your relationship issues have been rectified.

[bazza40]

And here I am thinking how smothered I feel when I can't get the damn bar girls out of my condo before 5pm! Hope you are able to come to a beneficial resolution!

5 pm? Don't you mean 5 am? Are you boasting or complaining?

[The Deerhunter]

If you are financially secure just tell her you are going. If she wants to come with you she is welcome. If not go alone and strangle the purse strings while you are gone. She will fall into line.

Yes it all depends on how much money/income/assets you still have in your original home country and how important the money is to you that you sunk into her life here. Condolences on the problems. Hope it all works out. BTW No need to take a traveler with you in most of Asia. I know you said that it is not the reason for your travel plans but company IS easy to find. If you decide she has no reason to ask for divorce, I like your idea of "Me Time." Just be street wise. Good luck I am late 60's & have a younger Thai wife & we definitely want to travel together as soon as we get the orchard rebuilt. You deserve to travel. Do it NOW! Enjoy many trips later in your happy future.