advice needed - school required my daughter to dye her hair black

[Guest StephenB]

As the topic says. I live in the sticks otherwise I would send my kids to a private school, I would rather not have them playing russian roullete on the roads in some van. All my kids are in the primary (not high school).

So the school my kids go to is the local/goverment free one. Well as I understand it 1 teacher out of the bunch is requiring girls to have short hair. I told my wife I remember hearing that it is not a requirement anymore, so my thai wife refused to cut my daughter hair. This year the teacher said cut the hair or dye it black. My daughter's hair is the natural color light brown a little past the shoulders.

I just found out as I am abroad and saw her hair over video chat, and asked whats up with that.

Is this normal? My wife is scared to confront a teacher or anybody "official". I do not speak much thai, so I was wondering if this teacher clearly in the wrong, clearly in the right, should I just forget about it, or lawyer up. I don't want my daughter to feel like she should be ashamed for being half furong.

Please give me advice on my riddle.

Edited June 4, 2015 by StephenB

[lopburi3]

There are always dress requirement in Thai schools. Not unique to public schools.

[zeichen]

Sorry but having black hair is not a dress code of any sort in Thai government schools. Neither is having short hair for girls. The only reason short hair might be required is if there was a lice outbreak and they just wanted to manage it.

Did the school dye her hair? I would go insane if my daughter came home with a hair cut or dyed hair done by the teacher. I would physically grab the teacher and do the same to them. That is probably why I ask my wife to deal with bad teachers.

One dress code thing that most school require for girls with long hair is to have them tied in braids. As long as the hair is kept up and the girls aren't chewing on it in class, I have never seen a teacher make an issue.

I would have your wife go to the principal of the school. It would be better if you both went but I wouldn't wait until you come back. If her father is still alive have him go with her. If the school actually dyed her hair, I would bring a lawyer with me. Tell the principal that it is incredibly wrong to make a girl dye her natural hair color. It is not a fashion statement it is who she is. If her eyes were blue or light brown, should she wear contacts to look like everyone else?

Teachers need to be trained at the school to be culturally sensitive to all students.

[Guest StephenB]

Wife told me the teacher said dye it or cut it. My wife dye'd it. She also braid's her hair everyday before school.

This is in isaan.

I think if I had been home I would have waited for the school to make the first move. I am a passive guy, and don't wish to escalate. If I did, what is best way? A written complant to school director, or something.

[lopburi3]

This is Thailand and to escalate such issues publicly is not a good idea - the requirement is what officials say but it could have been discussed privately - but at this point it was your family decision to take the dye route as a refusal to abide by what everyone else did. Individuality is not a strong point in the education system and this will only result in trauma for your child I suspect. Please be careful - children can be hurt badly by our mistakes.

[colinneil]

OP are you trying to get your children noticed make them stand out or what?

You sent your children to that school. So now you have to accept their rules.

Why are you wanting to create problems?

[zeichen]

"

OP are you trying to get your children noticed make them stand out or what?

You sent your children to that school. So now you have to accept their rules.

Why are you wanting to create problems?"

What absolute rubbish. Do you even have children? Do you work in a Thai school? Or are you just another know it all keyboard warrior?

There is no policy at any school in Thailand that requires kids to dye their hair black. That is just absurd. This is a teacher and only the teacher. I am certain that if it was a school policy, then it would have been discussed before you sent your kids there.

Making all girls cut their hair to above shoulder lengthy isn't a government school dress code either. Hair can either be short or long. If it is long it is usually dress code to braid it in a certain way. If it is short, it needs to be a certain length. But there is no one blanket policy that says all hair for girls needs to be short.

Sounds like your wife didn't bother finding out if this was an actual policy or a teacher's whim. Any time a child comes home with a request from a teacher, it is the parents duty to find out.

My neighbors daughter came home with bruises on her hand because her teacher hit her with a wooden stick for not having her book on the right page. This is Annuban 3, 5-6 year olds. This is totally illegal and not school policy but teachers do what they want if not questioned. The parents didn't bother saying anything to the headmaster. Now the kid gets hit all the time and hates school. If parents don't stand up for their children, then who will? This is different than complaining or arguing with a teacher.

There are right ways and wrong ways to do things. But it isn't wrong to question ridiculous rules.

Every single kid at that school has short black hair? I don't think so.

Lopburi is right about conformity and children feeling at ease when they fit in. In situations like this I always ask my daughter. If it is important for her to keep her hair natural color, then I would fight it.

We are not talking about kids that dye their hair for fashion we are talking about people with different hair color because of ethnicity. It is totally wrong to make a child hide their ethnic differences.

Edited June 5, 2015 by zeichen

[MaeJoMTB]

Wife told me the teacher said dye it or cut it. My wife dye'd it. She also braid's her hair everyday before school.

This is in isaan.

I think if I had been home I would have waited for the school to make the first move. I am a passive guy, and don't wish to escalate. If I did, what is best way? A written complant to school director, or something.

Problem Thai teachers mistake passive behavior for weakness.

You need to go down and shout insanely at the headmaster.

The headmaster will then shout insanely at the teacher for causing a confrontation.

Works every time.

Written complaint, nobody there can read English, it will just be thrown in the bin.

[KarenBravo]

Wife told me the teacher said dye it or cut it. My wife dye'd it. She also braid's her hair everyday before school.

This is in isaan.

I think if I had been home I would have waited for the school to make the first move. I am a passive guy, and don't wish to escalate. If I did, what is best way? A written complant to school director, or something.

Problem Thai teachers mistake passive behavior for weakness.

You need to go down and shout insanely at the headmaster.

The headmaster will then shout insanely at the teacher for causing a confrontation.

Works every time.

Written complaint, nobody there can read English, it will just be thrown in the bin.

Have to agree with this.

All this "jai yen yen" and "greng jai" is a load of horse-crap. Even the Thais don't follow it. Just look at how the Hi-sos on the TV soap operas do things.

[Guest StephenB]

Next time I talk to my daughter I'll see if she likes her dyed black hair or her brown hair. My wife would never confront or shout at a teacher unless she has courage from the villagers, that leaves just me, and I won't be home for another 3 months.

[sanuk711]

,,,,,,,,,,and I won't be home for another 3 months.---OP

Then don't worry about it, it will all be forgotten by then, & by that time, there will be another family crisis that ThaiVisa can sort out for you............

Edited June 5, 2015 by sanuk711

[TerryLH]

"OP are you trying to get your children noticed make them stand out or what?

You sent your children to that school. So now you have to accept their rules.

Why are you wanting to create problems?"

That is one incredibly daft post!

[Scott]

I am not surprised. I have not run into this with students yet, but we have had Asian teachers who had to dye their hair black, even though it was naturally not black. A couple had very, dark brown hair, almost black, but that wasn't good enough.

[tx22cb]

"the school my kids go to is the local/government free one"

These schools tend to be more conservative, bureaucratic and very hierarchical. Their mission seems to be to produce uniform cookie-cutter students who possess traditional Thai values (including subservience to authority). Different traits do not fare well - e.g. very bright children or very slow children.

Your own plan "see if she likes her dyed black hair or her brown hair" is very sound. If she's OK with it (perhaps she does not want to stick out), let sleeping dogs lie. Don't make this an issue to be a clash between a Western dad's sense of individuality and(/versus) Thai state school societal norms (esp if you live in the boondocks without viable alternatives, and without you being continuously present to provide protection/support).

[Guest StephenB]

This is not a crisis, just looking for advice. Thank you for the helpful replies.

Edited June 7, 2015 by StephenB

[nellyp]

I would ask your daughter first, and see how she feels. I would then abide by her feelings. I would then let the school principle know about the dilemma you have faced, and let him/her know that you have acquiesced "only because of your daughter.

Your daughter should come first, but it is important that the school knows that there are rules to follow (and that you are prepared to follow them) which you will follow, but that the rules must come from above, not a little Hitler in the classroom.

[Mojomor]

On the other side, my daughter has brown and slightly wavy hair. She goes to a government school. Some time ago her Thai teacher told her, she would love to have brown wavy hair naturally. My daughter was slightly taken aback as she had never considered herself different.

[Rhys]

send in the dogs.

Edited June 21, 2015 by Rhys

[redandyellow]

It's unfair treatment and smacks of Racism, about as subtle as a simultaneous kick in the teeth and the groin.

What message does this send to your cherished Daughter? Not a good one..

Making your daughter dye her hair the "preferred" color of the "dominant class" is the thin edge of the wedge of passive aggressive Racism in action.

It's appalling, and only a few steps removed from the Yellow Stars forcibly pinned onto the Jews of 1941 Europe..as a prelude to the train ride to Dachau..

I'm exaggerating a tad of course, but this crap needs to be nipped in the bud before it does escalate to the next step..like the Goose Step.

Making your Daughter dye her hair black is also Bullying, to state the bloody obvious..

NOTE TO SELF: Why did they choose the color jet black?

[Oil Baron]

OP are you trying to get your children noticed make them stand out or what?

You sent your children to that school. So now you have to accept their rules.

Why are you wanting to create problems?

What absolute poppycock you are talking! I suggest that you have a strong word with yourself post-haste.

This sounds incredibly draconian.

I do hope that you get a positive and satisfactory solution for both yourself and your daughter.

Personally, I'd never compromise on this issue. I think the teacher is bang out of order, and a meeting with you, should be enough to put the said teacher in her respective position.

Good luck.

Edited July 16, 2015 by Oil Baron

[Phatcharanan]

colinneil is obviously a very passive, don't believe in confrontation type of person.

Others may liken it to being a 'pussy'

The point the OP is making is that it is the child's natural hair colour that is being denigrated by the teacher.

I would complain to the Principal as others have said.

[Guest StephenB]

Here is a update, I have been informed that the same teacher ordered another girl to hit my daughter in the back last week (either a kick or a with a shoe). Teacher and mother of the girl refused to come to village chief's house to discuss. Wife has gone to file complaint with police now. What a shame of a system (education) in Thailand.

Edited August 25, 2015 by StephenB

[Linky]

Wow, im afraid i would not be able to control myself if i found out such a situation. That teacher would be seriously abused in front of anyone and everyone.

[Guest StephenB]

A little more clarity, it was a kick to the back supposedly ordered by the teacher. My wife went to school to discuss after getting nowhere with village chief meetings, as nobody came to discuss, and was'nt satisified with what ever was spoken at the school. Then she went to police station. Yes I am angry, I will be home in a couple weeks, I don't plan on violence, It will be intresting to see how the legal system responds though. After a complaint is filed, then what? Do you ask for a copy of the facts after a the police have had a chance to interview?

I hope my experince can help others either avoid Thailand schools, or knowledge of steps that need to be taken if you find yourself in this situation.

[Guest StephenB]

Soooo, at the school meeting with village chief, and some older people without police present, the teacher stood up, and..... proudly admits he ordered the hit. LOL

He doesnt know my wife went to police. He will find out soon.

Waiting for police to investigate. I guess it takes around 3 days.

This is just 1 bad apple, my wife says the rest of the teachers are not like this, and are really liked by all.

Edited August 25, 2015 by StephenB

[Dibbler]

Sorry to hear this story. However these teachers are paid peanuts so your children get monkeys. thai public schools are free for a good reason. Your kids will be traumatized from their experience in a school like this.

[up-country_sinclair]

Any updates on this situation?

[Guest StephenB]

No nothing.

Wife plans to go back to police station to ask about progress this week. I'll be home the week after.

[rwdrwdrwd]

Perhaps you can persuade one of them to kick the teacher in the back

You seem quite restrained, I'd genuinely flip.. think my wife would as well.

Edited September 10, 2015 by rwdrwdrwd

[otherstuff1957]

No nothing.

Wife plans to go back to police station to ask about progress this week. I'll be home the week after.

This is a small town, right?

Unfortunately I would predict that nothing will happen. The ranking policeman and the teacher in question are probably cousins or went to school together or are neighbors. Even if they do not have a close relationship, they are in the same local social strata and will have many common friends or at least acquaintances. It is highly unlikely that anyone will rock the boat for the sake of an outsider.

I'm sure that the police will be polite and helpful and will promptly file the complaint in the 'round file' as soon as you are out the door.