How does one handle permanently drunk brothers of GF's?

[wvavin]

Just keep providing endless high potent booze for him to see how long he could last!

[KarenBravo]

Just keep providing endless high potent booze for him to see how long he could last!

........or, rent a high-powered motorcycle for a couple of days and let him use it.

A 750cc should do the trick.

[Barin]

The reality is, is that he is your girlfriend's family.

You don't want him around, you will either have to move away far enough where he can't visit, or, leave your girlfriend.

Yes, find another GF and forget this nightmare.

It's so easy in Thailand.

[godden]

buy him an fzr 1000

[alanrchase]

buy him an fzr 1000

Waste of a good bike.

[rockyysdt]

Thank you all for your experience and concern.

Although some quite heavy duty, I know many of you speak through first hand experience.

Many pitfalls.

Don't be concerned with me too much.

One of my attachments is being overly cautious, sometimes to extremes.

I have considerable experience both first and second hand with Thai GF's to know not to get involved as a partner.

Also limit sponsorship/help to that of charitable levels. Assisting those in need. 10% of what I make as their lifeline. Much better than indulging in self indulgence and toys.

Her home is just an annual affair.

What she does is up to her.

No strings.

My concern about drunks is more about self preservation while I'm here.

Definitely will not be putting on parties or alcohol

I asked the GF if her brother in pain.

She said, he came to her, after his last accident, in tears, saying he was unlucky, in much pain and no one cares.

She told him, that if accident OK, but accident with alcohol, she not care.

With her Buddhist background she told him that he makes his own Kharma.

Today the older brother appears a different man.

Very polite, and unassuming.

It's the unpredictability of those heavily intoxicated that makes me uncomfortable.

Alcohol really screws with some.

If he asks for dough, I will refer him to GF.

If he wants to party, I will refer him to Buddha's precept, "no intoxicants".

[rockyysdt]

buy him an fzr 1000

I happen to own a black 2001 FZR 1000.

[alanrchase]

buy him an fzr 1000

I happen to own a black 2001 FZR 1000.

Do not give it to him. Use it to ride off into the sunset.

[Ballbearing]

Sometimes tough love is the only way.

My wife kicked out her mother, father and elder brother for alcohol related problems.

Despite numerous "second chances" mother and elder brother have not been allowed back on our property for 3 years.

Father came back, gave up alcohol and we built him a small house on the corner of the property.

My wife did not lose any "face" in our village for her stance - if anything she gained even more respect.

If he is in pain from injuries then it makes the problem more difficult - Lao khao is obviously a lot cheaper than prescription painkillers.

Good luck whichever way it goes.

BB

[steven100]

You import a couple of bottles from India and give to him as a gift .....

[mikebell]

When I got my first Thai girlfriend, her two older brothers gave up work & existed on my GF's allowance. In the course of two years, her father drank himself to death (hospital bills paid by me.) The brothers' & therefore her demands grew ever larger. Despite loving her 8 year old daughter like my own, I walked away with A HEAVY HEART.

I have since married and banned my wife's older brother from my house when he turned up drunk with other girl-friends.

[maidee]

just kick him out ?

[AYJAYDEE]

Thank you all for your experience and concern.

Although some quite heavy duty, I know many of you speak through first hand experience.

Many pitfalls.

Don't be concerned with me too much.

One of my attachments is being overly cautious, sometimes to extremes.

I have considerable experience both first and second hand with Thai GF's to know not to get involved as a partner.

Also limit sponsorship/help to that of charitable levels. Assisting those in need. 10% of what I make as their lifeline. Much better than indulging in self indulgence and toys.

Her home is just an annual affair.

What she does is up to her.

No strings.

My concern about drunks is more about self preservation while I'm here.

Definitely will not be putting on parties or alcohol

I asked the GF if her brother in pain.

She said, he came to her, after his last accident, in tears, saying he was unlucky, in much pain and no one cares.

She told him, that if accident OK, but accident with alcohol, she not care.

With her Buddhist background she told him that he makes his own Kharma.

Today the older brother appears a different man.

Very polite, and unassuming.

It's the unpredictability of those heavily intoxicated that makes me uncomfortable.

Alcohol really screws with some.

If he asks for dough, I will refer him to GF.

If he wants to party, I will refer him to Buddha's precept, "no intoxicants".

dont either one of you give him money. give him enough food t

o live on, period. nothing more.

[Tarteso]

While you're there, he will use your help forever. The charity is humiliating because it is exercised vertically from above.

[rockyysdt]

While you're there, he will use your help forever. The charity is humiliating because it is exercised vertically from above.

Charity wrong word.

Call it fixed allowance to help out.

Care for another human being.

Up to you what you do with it.

Not dependant on absolutely anything in return.

No pretences regarding relationship.

Completely open.

Women prefer straight forward no lies.

Not see me, still assist.

This is the Buddhist way.

I have no obligation to give brother anything.

Only concern, loss of face during drunken period.

[AYJAYDEE]

While you're there, he will use your help forever. The charity is humiliating because it is exercised vertically from above.

Charity wrong word.

Call it fixed allowance to help out.

Care for another human being.

Up to you what you do with it.

Not dependant on absolutely anything in return.

No pretences regarding relationship.

Completely open.

Women prefer straight forward no lies.

Not see me, still assist.

This is the Buddhist way.

I have no obligation to give brother anything.

Only concern, loss of face during drunken period.

surely youre not giving him money for alcohol?? thats enabling!

[DrTuner]

Start drinking or get him a faster scooter.

[Jimlove]

This will eventually destroy your relationship with your GF so make the hard decision now : Leave your GF or Move away with your GF from her "brother" ...

[Ludwigdd]

Try to move away , and don't tell any one where you go , and stay away , you girlfriend can do that good , if not look for a new one . Sad but true .

Don't waist your money or time on drunks .

[rockyysdt]

While you're there, he will use your help forever. The charity is humiliating because it is exercised vertically from above.

If the recipient was used as some kind of trained monkey and made to perform tricks, yes, humiliating.

You need to experience this girl to understand.

Strong personality is an understatement. She is her own boss and definitely the leader in this family. Although she doesn't like her loser brothers behavior she's not intimidated or put out by him.

She won't take shit from me and lets me know in no uncertain terms if I'm pissing her off.

The relationship with her brother is 2 ways.

He helps out with the rice farming, fishing, mushroom hunting and catching bugs

[NickJ]

I still like my isea the best....but buying the FZR is still a step in the right direction.

There are very few Thais at this social level that can bull themselves out of the muck.

Your only options are evident.........Lots of us have written cold responses but the realitt is the reality. Right now you still have the control over what happens but you will lose it fast.

[rockyysdt]

While you're there, he will use your help forever. The charity is humiliating because it is exercised vertically from above.

Charity wrong word.

Call it fixed allowance to help out.

Care for another human being.

Up to you what you do with it.

Not dependant on absolutely anything in return.

No pretences regarding relationship.

Completely open.

Women prefer straight forward no lies.

Not see me, still assist.

This is the Buddhist way.

I have no obligation to give brother anything.

Only concern, loss of face during drunken period.

surely youre not giving him money for alcohol?? thats enabling!

I'm talking about my GF.

Zero transaction with him.

[rayongchelsea]

everything seems to be okay. your wife has a bit of land which she can spare and she can provide a bit of rice and fish when he can choke it down which wont be often. you dont buy him anything and he has chosen a slow death. when the time comes , the local public hospital will take him in to die. you dont need to do any more, every family has one or two. they die relatively soon.

Unfortunately this is the reality.

[mrfaroukh]

Say bye to the GF. She never leave him for you.

[rockyysdt]

When I got my first Thai girlfriend, her two older brothers gave up work & existed on my GF's allowance. In the course of two years, her father drank himself to death (hospital bills paid by me.) The brothers' & therefore her demands grew ever larger. Despite loving her 8 year old daughter like my own, I walked away with A HEAVY HEART.

I have since married and banned my wife's older brother from my house when he turned up drunk with other girl-friends.

Sorry to hear.

Looks like your first learned the hard way and lost everything.

My early experience is that the brother isn't flush, so can only get drunk when he comes across money.

Totally sober today.

Although he's being nice, the GF made it clear to him to lay off (No alcohol or money from me).

In fact, based on early description of her brother the GF knows it was touch and go whether I would visit.

Completely uncomfortable around drunks.

[slipperylobster]

Fight the urge to change him..just buy him a very fast scooter, and load him up with alcohol.

Get insurance on him first....it will all come back.

[AYJAYDEE]

While you're there, he will use your help forever. The charity is humiliating because it is exercised vertically from above.

Charity wrong word.

Call it fixed allowance to help out.

Care for another human being.

Up to you what you do with it.

Not dependant on absolutely anything in return.

No pretences regarding relationship.

Completely open.

Women prefer straight forward no lies.

Not see me, still assist.

This is the Buddhist way.

I have no obligation to give brother anything.

Only concern, loss of face during drunken period.

surely youre not giving him money for alcohol?? thats enabling!

I'm talking about my GF.

Zero transaction with him.

If she is buying him booze, you have a very stupid GF. tell her she's doing him no favours. there are plenty of weddings and funerals where he can cadge drinks.

[fred Kubasa]

Practice at the target range !

[SantiSuk]

Have a similar problem drinker in my extended Thai family. He and his wife (also increasingly drunk over her inability to cope with her loser husband) lived with MIL. We live nearby and the whole family is pretty close-knit - evening meal always taken group-mode.

My wife got them and family kicked out of the MIL's house. 6 months later my MIL relented and accepted them back to live.

I provide family support where it is needed have paid to help this increasingly drunk sister-in-law to get a school assistant's job and would pay to support her daughters if it all came to tears (I would do that in the UK in an equivalent situation; I'm not especially charitable (or stupid), just lucky to have had a good ride in life and a believer that families are important). I would never pay money for him other than a one-time attempt to get him proper help if I was convinced he wanted help.

My wife has never asked for help for him or his wife. It should not be assumed that all Thai ladies are helplessly bound to the family-first concept. They can be just as strong-minded as any Western gal, so don't fall into the trap of using Thainess as an excuse for sticking with a relationship or family situation that is driving you mental.

Even when you are not asked, it leaves you with a moral dilemna. They are both heading for the grave at 35. My wife is quite clear that the situation will only resolve if her sister kicks drunken bum out and it seems to me that it is only lack of confidence about a husband-less future (emotional and financial) that prevents this. It is quite possible that the offer of some financial support would lubricate the right result, but every piece of advice I ever read steers me away from getting involved. Being selfish I could paint many pictures where it goes badly for me (violent husband backlash being uppermost).

It's all the stuff of life in Thailand. Drives you mad but still way better than sitting on a promenade in Broadstairs or hacking round yet another windy golf course. What a barmy proposition that TV members seem to postulate here. Leave a perfectly good relationship in pursuit of some mythical invention whereby you choose a life-style on the basis of no extended family ties or some perfection of family ties? Save it for the bar-stool johnnies, many of whom probably never had a proper relationship in their lives.

[PeCeDe]

I've read a lot of replies to your enquiry, not all of them, but some answers have been very cruel and thoughtless, a few bordering on murder, but some are caring and thoughtful. Truth is alcoholism is a very desperate disease, life threatening to the alcoholic, as well as those around him / her. Many statistics are available, but the chances of your Brother-in-law (sic) recovering completely for long term are only about 5-10%. This means, it's you that has to make the long term decisions, and you can't do it alone, (that's why you wrote). My advice would be to find a medical practitioner who is experienced, (I would guess most MD's in this country are experienced) and discuss it with them.

Then bring your (Sober) members of the family together and create a plan. Bear in mind your potential of "Fixing" this man are very slim. Sad to say.