Afraid to go back home

[slipperylobster]

Here is a surefire plan...

Pay her to go out with you again for a short time.....and ask her if she has a friend (in the same barhook joint) that you can do a threesome with. Pay her friend for a short time too.

If she says yes...then it is probably all business. Now you can take both home to daddy...and you will impress the hell out of her "brother" and "cousin".

Of course...you are going to pay double...but your next post is going to be way more interesting.

Edited July 12, 2015 by slipperylobster

[everett kendall]

As Ben Franklin said " Fish and visitors smell in 3 days."

Friends and family......hmmm

My high school and army buddy and his wife offered to put me up on our upcoming trip to the US.

I would not stay longer than 3 days, it is just being polite.

There are real friends and then there are acquaintances.

[Crazy chef 1]

Nah, that's where you're wrong.

I've planned well and had the attributes to first, have good friends, and second, keep them.

There's absolutely no doubt that height, attractiveness, personality, wealth and class ensured that.

You're familiar with "natural selection"?

Just man up and accept the truth. This is the way of the world.

Jesus H, what the hell is WRONG with you?

You make sense on some of things you say then you go all Aryan master race.

You sound mentally unhinged and extremely angry.

When others - like myself, I'll admit - give some of the jokers on here a hard time, it's at least done with an element of a piss take but you take it to another, sinister and truly disgusting level.

Almost everyone I know who's enjoyed good fortune financially, socially and emotionally tends to have developed compassion for those less fortunate than themselves and a considerable dollop of humility but YOU . . . you seem hellbent on grinding down everyone who doesn't fit into your idea of what's right.

I wonder what that supposedly "glamorous" wife of yours would think if she read some of the nasty, arrogant and obnoxious crap you're throwing at people on here

You talk as if shit doesn't happen; as if best laid plans can't turn to dust. You talk as if it's beyond the realms of possibility that your idyllic little existence couldn't be turned upside down.

Well, here's hoping things continue to go well for you but if they don't, you won't have to look much further than the fascist BS you've spewed in this thread to know the source of your karmic retribution.

Holy mackerel I never thought this could be happen: I agree and applauding

[technologybytes]

I think all us long term expats have occasional urges to get back into the system.

I go through a phase every few years when I start looking at house prices in the UK and working out what I could afford if we relocated to the UK, then I sort of get to grips with the reality which is that I am much better off here.

Friends do sort of fade away. When I visit the UK and go see my old friends I am careful not to talk about Thailand, if I was to go on about Thailand when I see them they would get bored very quickly.

[DonaldBattles]

I have been back 2 times in 31 years. Once when my mother died and second when I took my now Thai wife to get married in Hawaii. Believe me relatives including children do not like you coming back and interrupting their lives. I came back to visit old NASA buddies and say goodby. I shall never go back again as I have no business there. Previously I have offered free tickets to my sons to visit and they have declined. They are too busy with little league baseball and their mother in law's birthday and other nonsense to visit.

[JLCrab]

I go to USA just about every year for 3 weeks. 2 weeks isn't enough and 4 weeks is too long.

[Emster23]

Folks ask me "When are you coming home?" I tell them I think here in Thailand is more or less my home... I usually go back to Pacific NW USA once a year to see family & friends. Came up with a couple country song titles: "I'd go home if I had one" and "Don't know where to go cuz I've got no where to go".

[Farang99]

Sad to say.....but I guess your "so-called" friends weren't really your friends then

I went back to australia 3 years ago,i asked my oldest son if i could possibly stay with him and his wife.Was asked for "how long"...i said 1 week.The response i got was 3 days would be ok!

Old Chinese proverb: "After 3 days fish and guests both stink"

[razer]

I prefer to be a foreigner in a foreign country than a foreigner in my native country.

[Macclad]

Last time I was in the UK was between April-June 2007 and it rained nearly every day ! It was so boring and expensive and I couldnt wait to get back to Thailand.

Over here you are,more or less,free to do what you want but,as an example,as a middle aged guy on his own in England its uncomfortable going in a pub on your own at night when everyone else are couples or families.....you are seen as "johny no mates" which I suppose you are.....in Thailand no-one bats an eyelid.

Both my parents are dead and I've got an older brother but we have never been that close.I retired at 50,over 11 years ago,and have gradually lost contact with most of my friends in the UK.

I very much doubt I would go back to the UK now.If I asked someone could I kip on their sofa for a couple of weeks they would rightly see it as a nuisance intrusion in there lives and I wouldnt want to be thought of as that.

I've made my life here and its my choice.Even if it all went pear shaped for me here in Thailand there are other countries in SE Asia or even South America I would try.

I suppose the big problem comes when you can no longer look after yourself.....a bit of a nightmare......but if you have had a good 20 years or so of retirement over here you will have some great memories in your life.....and staying in a nursing home in the UK,with a blanket over your legs and being spoon fed prunes and custard by some uncaring individual is just as big a nightmare.

[smotherb]

Friendships, like marriage need input. If not, they slowly fade away.

Frankly, if someone contacted me after being away seven years and asked me to put them up, I'd make excuses, too.

Doesn't sound like a friend. I we are discussing real friends, why would a few years make a difference?

[SOUTHERNSTAR]

This is a very interesting subject. My family just about never visted me at home, while I was staying in my country of birth. The visits always had to come from my side. Now they can't understand why I don't want to visit them. They don't understand that my life are now here, I don't have any connection to my country of birth. My kids are great and they come to visit us every year, they love Thailand which makes things easier.

[Toknarok]

A prievious poster stated that you have no control over whom your friends marry. My younger brother and I were quite close, and he got married. Things were fine for years, she and I got along well until she 'Found the Lord' and became 'Born Again'. Her personality completely changed and so did her attitude towards me. She didn't approve of my drinking and as for my fornicating - well I was headed straight towards Hell.

I put up with this for some time but in the end the hostility towards me drove a wedge between my brother and myself that was too difficult to remove. I would love to invite him to come and stay in Thailand but I know that his wife wouldn't entertain the idea.

[smotherb]

I have been back 2 times in 31 years. Once when my mother died and second when I took my now Thai wife to get married in Hawaii. Believe me relatives including children do not like you coming back and interrupting their lives. I came back to visit old NASA buddies and say goodby. I shall never go back again as I have no business there. Previously I have offered free tickets to my sons to visit and they have declined. They are too busy with little league baseball and their mother in law's birthday and other nonsense to visit.

Perhaps you weren't the greatest friend or parent. I too have stayed away from the States for years at a time--nine years this time, fourteen years once before, and three to five years on several occaisions.

I am an only child, both parents are dead; but my wife, our only child and only grandson are also here in Thailand. My expat life has always been family accompanied contracts, so being with my immediate family is commonplace. Consequently, I have never known an overpowering need to go back to the US. However, I am planning a swan-song visit next year, going to take the whole clan--wife, son, daughter-in-law and grandson--for a two month visit.

I have already made plans for visiting friends and the few relatives we have all over the States. Several have asked us to stay with them--and there are five of us. However, that means they need at least two spare bedrooms; most do, since their kids have grown. Of course, my friends and relatives know I am not a freeloader; my staying with them will not cost them--I do not stay with them to save my costs. In fact, I will include them in our good times.

That may be the crux of the problem. If you expect to crash at someone's pad just to save you hotel expenses; then you are not a friend, you are a freeloader.

[samuibeachcomber]

Sad to say.....but I guess your "so-called" friends weren't really your friends then

I went back to australia 3 years ago,i asked my oldest son if i could possibly stay with him and his wife.Was asked for "how long"...i said 1 week.The response i got was 3 days would be ok!

You see that is the big problem with blokes in thailand you sell it all to live in a 3 rd place like thailand and you can't go back home

I think you are missing the point,some of us dont want to "go home"...sometimes we have to visit for various reasons and the place we once called home does n't feel the same anymore.

[geriatrickid]

I have been back 2 times in 31 years. Once when my mother died and second when I took my now Thai wife to get married in Hawaii. Believe me relatives including children do not like you coming back and interrupting their lives. I came back to visit old NASA buddies and say goodby. I shall never go back again as I have no business there. Previously I have offered free tickets to my sons to visit and they have declined. They are too busy with little league baseball and their mother in law's birthday and other nonsense to visit.

Your use of the term "too busy with little league baseball, and their mother in law's birthday and other nonsense to visit" speaks volumes.

Perhaps if you had taken the time to be busy with your kids' lives they would want to spend time with you now.

You see a negative, but anyone who understands the value of an involved dad sees admirable qualities on display. If they have a positive relationship with their mother in laws, good for them. Those ladies are probably warm and caring grandmothers who don't reduce the grand kids to tears. Kids want to be near the relatives who were part of their lives. My nephews still talk about the trips I took them on, or the fun Christmases we had together. The visit from a beloved relative is not considered an interruption in most families. When I was a kid, it was a treat to have the grandparents visit.

I swear, this thread has become a case study on dysfunctional families. <deleted> is it with Thailand that it attracts so many deadbeat fathers? And the saddest part is that so many of these "men" are clueless as to why their kids want nothing to do with them. Gee, do you think it has anything to do with these guys being horrible fathers or just plain creepy losers? Being a good father doesn't require alot of money, but it requires time, love and patience, something several people don't comprehend.

[Ludacris]

This has to be one of the saddest threads I have ever read. The fact that so many people have cut all their ties back home and haven’t visited friends and family in so long and then try to justify it is truly shocking. Not going home for decades must be really emotionally distressing since our brains and hearts are wired for the environment, people, culture, language, food, etc. that we grew up with as children. Giving all that up for a culture that has a completely different set of values which doesn’t even allow us ownership of property or more than a one-year visa would be agonizing.

It really puts a lot of the posts I read on here into perspective. Should we really take advice from someone who burned all his bridges back home with everyone he’s ever known, and came to a developing country to live in poverty and didn’t want to or couldn’t leave for over 20 years?

It goes without say that it’s best to maintain a balance between both your home country and Thailand. This way you can enjoy the comforts of a developed country and maintain your relationships there, while still enjoying everything Thailand has to offer without the negatives grinding on you too much. While you’re away Facebook, Skype, Whatsapp, Line, etc. make it really easy to keep in touch with anyone no matter what the time change is.

I try to get back a least once or twice a year and can’t wait until my next trip home. Monthly vacation rentals can often be found for much cheaper than hotels, especially if you go in the spring or autumn when the weather is still decent but it’s not high season. Rental car insurance is covered my travel Visa card (never give up your home country credit cards or bank accounts for many reasons including maintaining your credit rating). I use the vacation rental as a home-base and stay with friends and family during road trips. That way I can keep my stays with family limited so we can enjoy all of our time together while still having the freedom of my own place.

There’s always ways to make relationships and visits back home work. I really wonder what has happened to many people on here....

[Pinot]

I'm worried about the taxes I haven't filed in 4 years. ?

How much money do you make that can be traced to you? Unless you're making an amount over say $20k with standard deductions you don't need to file.

The easy way to tell is to go to Turbotax and fill out a return for this year. If you don't owe anything, you probably don't have to file and you're worried about nothing.

This is the first year I didn't bother filing a tax return. I use to send one in even though I didn't owe anything. Between social security and investments, I still didn't need to file a return.

Turbotax doesn't cost anything unless you file. You're probably worried about nothing. And the IRS is not coming after you as your plane lands regardless if you owe them or not. You would know if the IRS had an issue with you...unless you're on the run.

[Friendly Stranger]

Left for 2 yrs, everyone except family was happy for me. Came back, as I decided to be snow bird instead between Asia/Canada. Family tried to stiff me of an inheritance - saying I was not around. Got the money, but the relationship is over. Friends are happy for me, and even stayed with one for 2 months for free, as he was lonely since his divorce, nice time, but felt I was imposing so next time will just rent a short timer until returning. Sad I don't have family other than 2 cousins that give a sh1t at 45, but life is better without the drama. Friends are top notch though.

Edited July 13, 2015 by Friendly Stranger

[Naam]

I went back to australia 3 years ago,i asked my oldest son if i could possibly stay with him and his wife.Was asked for "how long"...i said 1 week.The response i got was 3 days would be ok!

Reminds me of when I went back to the UK to visit my 3 young kids, about 10 years ago.

Asked the ex if I could sleep on the sofa for the night. Miserable cow refused and I had to sleep in my hire car in the middle of a UK winter.

Man, really really cold!! (the ex and the weather) ...

may i assume that your wallet must have been cold too?

[GarryP]

Not been back for a holiday in 30 plus years. Talk to my father by phone about once every 3 months. Will be going back next year but decided to only go for a week instead of two. Would probably get bored to tears for any longer. Lost all contact with friends years and years ago. Will stay in a hotel as I do not want to impose on my dad while I am there.

The very thought of going back to the UK, even for such a short time, does not really fill me with excitement, although there are certain things I miss about the country. I think I am in for a big shock (reverse culture shock).

[harrry]

I went back to australia 3 years ago,i asked my oldest son if i could possibly stay with him and his wife.Was asked for "how long"...i said 1 week.The response i got was 3 days would be ok!

Reminds me of when I went back to the UK to visit my 3 young kids, about 10 years ago.

Asked the ex if I could sleep on the sofa for the night. Miserable cow refused and I had to sleep in my hire car in the middle of a UK winter.

Man, really really cold!! (the ex and the weather) ...

may i assume that your wallet must have been cold too?

She was probably smarting over the bill for staying at that Phucket hotel

[Goldbear]

There are plenty of normal people with a less than perfect family life.

[smotherb]

This has to be one of the saddest threads I have ever read. The fact that so many people have cut all their ties back home and haven’t visited friends and family in so long and then try to justify it is truly shocking. Not going home for decades must be really emotionally distressing since our brains and hearts are wired for the environment, people, culture, language, food, etc. that we grew up with as children. Giving all that up for a culture that has a completely different set of values which doesn’t even allow us ownership of property or more than a one-year visa would be agonizing.

It really puts a lot of the posts I read on here into perspective. Should we really take advice from someone who burned all his bridges back home with everyone he’s ever known, and came to a developing country to live in poverty and didn’t want to or couldn’t leave for over 20 years?

It goes without say that it’s best to maintain a balance between both your home country and Thailand. This way you can enjoy the comforts of a developed country and maintain your relationships there, while still enjoying everything Thailand has to offer without the negatives grinding on you too much. While you’re away Facebook, Skype, Whatsapp, Line, etc. make it really easy to keep in touch with anyone no matter what the time change is.

I try to get back a least once or twice a year and can’t wait until my next trip home. Monthly vacation rentals can often be found for much cheaper than hotels, especially if you go in the spring or autumn when the weather is still decent but it’s not high season. Rental car insurance is covered my travel Visa card (never give up your home country credit cards or bank accounts for many reasons including maintaining your credit rating). I use the vacation rental as a home-base and stay with friends and family during road trips. That way I can keep my stays with family limited so we can enjoy all of our time together while still having the freedom of my own place.

There’s always ways to make relationships and visits back home work. I really wonder what has happened to many people on here....

My, what myopic emotional drivel. Some people have little desire to relate "home" to any one place. I was a military brat and lived all over the States as a child; as an adult, I was always an expat; living all over the world. My home is where my ass resides.

[micmichd]

This has to be one of the saddest threads I have ever read. The fact that so many people have cut all their ties back home and havent visited friends and family in so long and then try to justify it is truly shocking. Not going home for decades must be really emotionally distressing since our brains and hearts are wired for the environment, people, culture, language, food, etc. that we grew up with as children. Giving all that up for a culture that has a completely different set of values which doesnt even allow us ownership of property or more than a one-year visa would be agonizing.

It really puts a lot of the posts I read on here into perspective. Should we really take advice from someone who burned all his bridges back home with everyone hes ever known, and came to a developing country to live in poverty and didnt want to or couldnt leave for over 20 years?

It goes without say that its best to maintain a balance between both your home country and Thailand. This way you can enjoy the comforts of a developed country and maintain your relationships there, while still enjoying everything Thailand has to offer without the negatives grinding on you too much. While youre away Facebook, Skype, Whatsapp, Line, etc. make it really easy to keep in touch with anyone no matter what the time change is.

I try to get back a least once or twice a year and cant wait until my next trip home. Monthly vacation rentals can often be found for much cheaper than hotels, especially if you go in the spring or autumn when the weather is still decent but its not high season. Rental car insurance is covered my travel Visa card (never give up your home country credit cards or bank accounts for many reasons including maintaining your credit rating). I use the vacation rental as a home-base and stay with friends and family during road trips. That way I can keep my stays with family limited so we can enjoy all of our time together while still having the freedom of my own place.

Theres always ways to make relationships and visits back home work. I really wonder what has happened to many people on here....

If you can't make a clear decision, you also have a problem. You have no real home at all. Maybe oK for a passionate globetrotter, but once you've seen enough you might want to settle down.

These expats that burnt all bridges made a clear decision. They voted for Thailand with their feet. Of course you get alienated from Farang culture once you've changed sides.

I personally don't find it so hard to integrate into Thai culture, but impossible to reintegrate into Farang culture.

I grew up on a small chicken farm in post-war Germany. There are no such small chicken farms in Germany anymore, but in Thailand there are.

I was a hippy in the 60ies, with a passion for free love. No such thing as sex for fun in Germany anymore, but possible in Thailand.

So, why should I go back, and where?

I used to live in a small town, actually a museum (Heidelberg), and worked in the financial centre of Europe (Frankfurt). Two completely different worlds, one for the money, one for the soul. So which one should I call my home?

Edited July 13, 2015 by micmichd

[JLCrab]

When I go back to USA/Florida, as I will following Songkran next year, other than the various visitings, the highlight of my trip is going to the springs in 2 state parks -- no other place like them that I know of in the world. The one pictured is 400 million liters per day output.

Edited July 13, 2015 by JLCrab

[richard_smith237]

This has to be one of the saddest threads I have ever read. The fact that so many people have cut all their ties back home and haven’t visited friends and family in so long and then try to justify it is truly shocking. Not going home for decades must be really emotionally distressing since our brains and hearts are wired for the environment, people, culture, language, food, etc. that we grew up with as children. Giving all that up for a culture that has a completely different set of values which doesn’t even allow us ownership of property or more than a one-year visa would be agonizing.

It really puts a lot of the posts I read on here into perspective. Should we really take advice from someone who burned all his bridges back home with everyone he’s ever known, and came to a developing country to live in poverty and didn’t want to or couldn’t leave for over 20 years?

It goes without say that it’s best to maintain a balance between both your home country and Thailand. This way you can enjoy the comforts of a developed country and maintain your relationships there, while still enjoying everything Thailand has to offer without the negatives grinding on you too much. While you’re away Facebook, Skype, Whatsapp, Line, etc. make it really easy to keep in touch with anyone no matter what the time change is.

I try to get back a least once or twice a year and can’t wait until my next trip home. Monthly vacation rentals can often be found for much cheaper than hotels, especially if you go in the spring or autumn when the weather is still decent but it’s not high season. Rental car insurance is covered my travel Visa card (never give up your home country credit cards or bank accounts for many reasons including maintaining your credit rating). I use the vacation rental as a home-base and stay with friends and family during road trips. That way I can keep my stays with family limited so we can enjoy all of our time together while still having the freedom of my own place.

There’s always ways to make relationships and visits back home work. I really wonder what has happened to many people on here....

I agree with most of this...

For those who never visit their families or friends, or have lost their families and friends I wonder who truly is the weak link...

For some, understandably costs significantly factor into a visit... as would a place to stay. For those who've disappeared for a number of years and feel disappointed that no one wants to 'put them up'.... well, what could be expected?

On the face of it, it seems somewhat unhealthy to cut off ties in the manner some appear to have done. I wonder how truly happy these people are, I wonder how mentally stable they are. When reading some of the threads on ThaiVisa.com I can now more readily understand how bitter and twisted some can get in a thread, I can understand how some get themselves worked up into the most childish of p!ss!ng matches over the smallest and simplest of issues.....

Skype, FaceTime allows for frequent calls which are pretty much free... Visits are a hard one, it gets boring and hard work flying all that distance (with children)... but it takes effort to keep relationships alive... Perhaps some have simply been too self-centred or / and lazy....

I feel its incredibly important to see family very regularly, but understand not everyone has had the same stable family life, so milage may vary...

It very healthy to see friends and remember many great years gone by and discuss the future or simply enjoy being in the company of those you care about.

I have made some great long term friends in Thailand, those who I consider my closest (Thai and Western)... I also have many great friends back home. With a very happy family back home, sisters, nephews, niece, parents.... not visiting is not an option.

We go home at least twice a year (2-5 weeks depends on how much time I have), we create havoc, baggage, washing, kids toys.... there is aways some pressure to spread ourselves around, to make sure we stay at both sisters and parents... we also visit friends and stay with them..

I thoroughly enjoy living in Thailand, I thoroughly enjoy visiting the UK. I'd be happy living in either place and visiting the other regularly... all it takes is a little effort to maintain our relationships and not allow ourselves to become cut off.

I would hate to feel as some do here that my absence has created distance..... But if someone has allowed themselves to become cut off I'm not sure I would agree with their complaints or sympathise at the lack of welcome they may receive.

[HerbalEd]

I don't know the OP or his history, so I'll just speak generically:

Friendships require input and maintenance. Otherwise they fade and even evaporate completely. One can't not communicate for years and then expect to be taken in as a crasher.

As to someone's visit being unwelcome by their children: This probably says more about the parent than it does about the children.

Edited July 13, 2015 by HerbalEd

[n210mp]

I empathise with many of the people who are not welcome back in the UK, at least not by their families that is.

My own experiences with family in the UK are very sad.

The alienation between myself and my family springs basically from the fact that when I married the light of my life and after three years of marriage was totally satisfied that I had truly met a "soul mate" Hah hah hah I did what any proper man would do and made a will that left everything to her.

The reason I did leave everything to my wife in my will was that I had previously helped out my daugher and her ex husband when they bought a pub and then one year later faced bankruptcy.

Part of my assets bailed them out and then they bought with my funds a new house, they then divorced, splitting equally their/my funds.

My daughter subsequently remarried a great guy who I had introduced to her and within one year of her marriage to this chap had included him on the title of the house that I had originally financed, made a will with him as sole beneficiary.

My daughter who up finding out about my will in Wans favour and had acted normally upto this time now looked for and found an excuse to find fault with the love of my life, the straw that broke the camel's back was when delivering Christmas presents to her and my grand children she would not allow Wan into her house.

I basically said that she would have to either accept my wife or face me not seeing her anymore.

She called my bluff and Her reply was that she did not wish to see me again and that I must never contact here or especially the kids ever again.

For the last three years I have waited in vain for her to see sense or reason but it has not happened, the sense of sadness that I feel and also my wife Wan cannot be explained through words, the sense of loss, the sense of unjustness has been like a very bad bereavement.

However now I seem to be getting over the grief but there is a great sadness.

I have learned that life is neither fair nor just sometimes and even though as a parent I thought I was as good as any other normal Dad, I obviously made some mistakes along the line, I mean I must have mustnt I because what "normal" person can do what my seeming loving daughter did.

Not a question really just me me being a little cynical

The point I am making in my post is that there are on occasions when jealousy, spite can be the reason that people on here "burn their bridges" as it was in my case it was out of my control.

So dont judge us all by the sort of people who deliberately bail out of a situation for their own selfish desires.

[BB1955]

I went back to the USA after 4 years living here . Took me 4 days to semi adjust , after getting off the plane renting a car on my way to my hotel , I thought what the hell did I come back here for . Frightened some being so far from what is now my home . Hung in there for two weeks , it wasnt home anymore ....