I have cancer - a personal perspective

[Cpkt8]

Fact - I do have cancer.

My options today?

Treasure every moment with your loved ones. Enjoy every day that you have, with no regrets.

[fang37]

Live life as per my signature on TVF.

Regards Kalidasa.

[Sheryl]

Thank you for your reply Sheryl. I have no idea what is the exact drug name, just heard its Anti-Pd1 so I thought that's the name.

My husband has not been really in sober mind till now. He's been dozing on and off. He could not talk. When he's awake, I can't communicate with him either. He is recovering from shingles developed 10 days ago.

I've already an answer in my mind- not to continue with immunotherapy. He's getting weaker day by day. Didn't see any improvement after radiation. He can't take solid food now and has to drink fluid with thickener added.

I've been telling him every day every opportunity I had that how much I love him. Sometimes there's no response, sometimes his eyes turned watery. When he tried to speak out but couldn't, he got very frustrated and ignored everyone the whole night.

Doctor has arranged for hospice care. They should be visiting soon. My husband doesn't know the whole truth about his condition. How could I break that out to him? He knows he has brain cancer only, and has been so depressed. I can't imagine if he knows about the lung as well, how he's going to react.

You are doing the right thing, out of deep love, even though it is costing you to do so and I congratulate you for it.

Your husband already knows that he is dying, this is very apparent from his depression and how you describe him acting. To my mind then he already knows the "whole truth" of his condition and is struggling to come to terms with it as best he can. Details about the how and why (i.e. which organs) really do not matter.

Elizabeth Kubler Ross, who did pioneering research into death and dying, was once asked whether or not people should be told of their prognosis (this was back in the days when it was common to withold that information). She replied that there was no need to tell a dying person that they are dying: "They will tell you, if you listen well enough".

In my experience -- and I have done a lot of hospice work -- terminally ill people will control how much information they get according to what they are ready to handle, by the questions they do and do not ask. They will also flunctuate from day to day and moment to moment in this regard. It is not unusual for someone to talk clearly about their upcoming death, desired funeral arrangements and so forth one day and the very next to make unrealistic plans for the future. Don't be surprised if that happens, the next day it may reverse again. Just smile and listen,

I think there is no need to "tell" your husband anything more unless he asks. Simply listen, both to his words and his non-verbal clues. If he asks you what is going on, reply honestly but keep it simple. Offer short answers that give him the option of asking for more details if he wants to but also the option of dropping the matter if he feels overwhelmed. For example, "the cancer has returned" is fine by itself, no need to initially say "and is now in both your lungs and brain" unless he specifically asks. Should he ask you about treatment plans, or why he isn't seeing doctor X anymore, just say "the doctors have already done what they can". Or "there isn't anything more they can do that would really help". Of course if he asks you flat out if he will die, tell the truth, but usually people don't do that.

The main thing is to listen well and respond to his cues. Also, provide some diversions; even someone actively struggling to come to terms with their death doesn't need or want to do so 24/7. Reminence with him about past memories, remind him of things that would make him feel good. Any things he did that were good things, that helped others or made a positive contribution, are especially worth reminding him of now, as he is struggling to find meaning to his life. And to the extent his condition permits, arrange things he may enjoy e.g. a favorite video or music that he likes.

If he has any spiritual beliefs then support/encourage them (visit by a priest, reverend or rabbi or readings from appropriate texts) but if not, don't try to introduce it now unless he specifically expresses an interest.

[fang37]

Sheryl, as a cancer sufferer myself, I agree regarding listening. Too much talking but no listening.

Spiritual people - wonderful medicine for soul sickness.

Not speaking the whole truth - stupidity. But, it is surprising how many health workers think that withholding the truth is beneficial to the patient.

[Sheryl]

I am not in any way advocating witholding the truth from him. Just suggesting that the level of detail be left for him to decide. He knows he has cancer that has returned. This and that there is no more useful treatment to be had are the pertinent facts. Detailed explanations of where exactly the cancer has spread/how, if and when he wants that level of detail fine, but many people have already enough information (at least initially) just knowing that they have terminal cancer.

There are ways of conversing that are totally honest but allow the patient to determine the level of detail and when to end the discussion. This is not at all the same as trying to hide anything. There is no agenda to keep the patient from knowing anything, as much information as he/she wants (and for sure the key points, wanted or not) should be imparted. But blow by blow details are not always needed or wanted, or they may be wanted later but not initially...it varies with the patient. Some people have an appetite for every single detail but most do not, especially when they are still struggling to absorb the main news.

In my experience patients readily know who is being truthful with them and who is being evasive. When they get clear, short, truthful answers they know that they can get more details from that speaker just by asking, and ask they will if and as they feel the need.

[fang37]

I am referring to the medical fraternity in general. Nothing more - nothing less.

In due time, we all must face death's door - no exceptions.

I strongly urge an education in the art of dying. Too much fear associated with death at present, I think.

I have read that those who have made amends etc prior to death, die peacefully (usually in their sleep).

RIP!

[ronz28]

Got Turmeric?

http://www.greenmedinfo.com/blog/turmerics-smart-kill-properties-put-chemo-radiation-shame

http://nutritionfacts.org/2015/10/22/preventing-and-treating-colon-cancer-with-turmeric-curcumin/

[Cpkt8]

Hospice care came. They said my husband's condition is critical, suspect cancer has spread to bone as well. Today he's not able to eat or drink. He refused inserting tube for feeding. I know his body is in the process of shutting down. Doctor said weeks. But I think it's days. His condition deteriorated extremely fast.

He fell ill suddenly. Has not made any will. No chance to speak even till now. It's really a regret. Young or old, making a living will while still able to, is really essential. Unfortunately it's too late for us to realise that.

He always wanted to retire in Chiang Mai. He loves Thailand. Don't really understand why. We suspect he was a Thai in his previous life. I'll be living his dream. But really have no idea how to do so. Visa is a huge issue- I'm too young for retirement visa.

[Sheryl]

Take it one step at a time. Get through his death and the after arrangements, get the estate settled and then you can start thinking about next steps for yourself, at which point you can get information on visa options in the Visa forum here. (Probably better to first come as a visitor to see how you really like it...you can probably get a double entry non-O visa that gives you 3 months + 3 months).

Prostate cancer does usually spread to the bone and when it does, it can become extremely painful so a quick end is a mercy.

By refusing the feeding tube he is clearly signalling that he knows he is dying and wants it over quickly. (He is also quite right..the sooner, the less likely that extreme pain will develop as it otherwise will once bone is involved).

I would also suggest refusing IV hydration (slow IV for purpose of morphine drip is fine), just give him sips of water or ice chips, also flavored popsicles are very refreshing and easy for when people can't really swallow much; later when he is too weak to even sip, dip a cloth is cool water and squeeze drops onto his tongue etc. this will alleviate suffering from thirst. IV infusions for purposes of hydration delay death by days or even weeks. Soon he will be unable to indicate anything and it will fall to you to make these sorts of decisions for him.

What personal supports do you have in terms of family and friends? As now is not the time to be shy about asking for emotional support for yourself, you need it in order to help him. Get in touch with all friends and family, even ones you haven't contacted for years and let them know what is going on.

[Cpkt8]

Take it one step at a time. Get through his death and the after arrangements, get the estate settled and then you can start thinking about next steps for yourself, at which point you can get information on visa options in the Visa forum here. (Probably better to first come as a visitor to see how you really like it...you can probably get a double entry non-O visa that gives you 3 months + 3 months).

Prostate cancer does usually spread to the bone and when it does, it can become extremely painful so a quick end is a mercy.

By refusing the feeding tube he is clearly signalling that he knows he is dying and wants it over quickly. (He is also quite right..the sooner, the less likely that extreme pain will develop as it otherwise will once bone is involved).

I would also suggest refusing IV hydration (slow IV for purpose of morphine drip is fine), just give him sips of water or ice chips, also flavored popsicles are very refreshing and easy for when people can't really swallow much; later when he is too weak to even sip, dip a cloth is cool water and squeeze drops onto his tongue etc. this will alleviate suffering from thirst. IV infusions for purposes of hydration delay death by days or even weeks. Soon he will be unable to indicate anything and it will fall to you to make these sorts of decisions for him.

What personal supports do you have in terms of family and friends? As now is not the time to be shy about asking for emotional support for yourself, you need it in order to help him. Get in touch with all friends and family, even ones you haven't contacted for years and let them know what is going on.

Dear Sheryl,

Hospice gave him morphine patch but he is still in pain. They didn't want to do anything more (IV, tubing, etc) and advised me to let him stay as comfortable as possible.

The pain in my heart is indescribable. The loss I'm feeling now, I'm trying my best to hold on. I have no personal support whatsoever, except the advices I'm getting from this forum. He has been my whole world so far and I usually don't socialise with any friends or relatives. I'm trying to take things one at a time.

Thank you for your advices. Really appreciate very much.

[Sheryl]

Speak up to the hospice people if he is still in pain, and insist that they increase the dosage.

You are welcome on this forum at any time and I am also sending you a PM, if at any time you want to call me or talk on Skype (or Line if you have it) we can.

I still suggest getting in touch with old friends and family even though over the years you may have lost touch with them. People can surprise you in how supportive they can be and how much they are willing to do in a situation like this. Not all of them of course, but some for sure will step up if you let them know your need.

[hhgz]

Rather than using marijuana, try Marinol (dronabinol).

[alyx]

Take it one step at a time. Get through his death and the after arrangements, get the estate settled and then you can start thinking about next steps for yourself, at which point you can get information on visa options in the Visa forum here. (Probably better to first come as a visitor to see how you really like it...you can probably get a double entry non-O visa that gives you 3 months + 3 months).

Prostate cancer does usually spread to the bone and when it does, it can become extremely painful so a quick end is a mercy.

By refusing the feeding tube he is clearly signalling that he knows he is dying and wants it over quickly. (He is also quite right..the sooner, the less likely that extreme pain will develop as it otherwise will once bone is involved).

I would also suggest refusing IV hydration (slow IV for purpose of morphine drip is fine), just give him sips of water or ice chips, also flavored popsicles are very refreshing and easy for when people can't really swallow much; later when he is too weak to even sip, dip a cloth is cool water and squeeze drops onto his tongue etc. this will alleviate suffering from thirst. IV infusions for purposes of hydration delay death by days or even weeks. Soon he will be unable to indicate anything and it will fall to you to make these sorts of decisions for him.

What personal supports do you have in terms of family and friends? As now is not the time to be shy about asking for emotional support for yourself, you need it in order to help him. Get in touch with all friends and family, even ones you haven't contacted for years and let them know what is going on.

Dear Sheryl,

Hospice gave him morphine patch but he is still in pain. They didn't want to do anything more (IV, tubing, etc) and advised me to let him stay as comfortable as possible.

The pain in my heart is indescribable. The loss I'm feeling now, I'm trying my best to hold on. I have no personal support whatsoever, except the advices I'm getting from this forum. He has been my whole world so far and I usually don't socialise with any friends or relatives. I'm trying to take things one at a time.

Thank you for your advices. Really appreciate very much.

Hey, the only thing that matters now is for your spouse not to feel any pain

Whatever decisions you have made are the right ones.

You have to let it go for both sakes. Cherish the natural time left

[Sheryl]

Cpkt8's husband passed away last night.

[xen]

I never know what to say at times like this but my deepest condolences Cptk8 .

[simple1]

I never know what to say at times like this but my deepest condolences Cptk8 .

+ 1

[Cpkt8]

Thank you all for your past advices and support, especially Sheryl. Sheryl you are such an angel. You made special effort to message me every day, to make sure I was doing alright and sending metta to me.

My husband's condition deteriorated extremely fast. Though no matter how reluctant I was to let go of him, I was glad and thankful that he left so quick. Unfortunately he was not able to convey his last wishes nor enjoyed his last remaining days, due to the effect of the brain tumor.

Enjoy every moment you have with your loved ones. Live every day as a gift, so there won't be regret tomorrow. Make wonderful pictures and videos for memory sake. So that one day you or your loved ones have something to remember about. Living will (including your final wishes too) is extremely essential. There is never too much to say 'I love you' every day. There is never too much to give a simple kiss or a warm hug to your loved one every day.

I sincerely wish every one of you good health and happiness always.

[Sheryl]

You gave your husband a wonderful gift, enabling him to die peacefully at home rather than in a hospital hooked up to machines. I know it was not at all easy to do, it was a great labor of love. He was lucky to have you.

[fang37]

My personal perspective regarding cancer.

Just the name incites fear ie impending DEATH.

It gives one a golden opportunity to put one's priorities in order.

Do a "BUCKETLIST"?

Discover who your real friends are.

Gain a better understanding of real pain.

A time for self-reflection.

Start being selfish in a good way.

Is there really a God?

[fang37]

There are advantages of having cancer.

Now, I shave my face 2-3 per week.

Legs - never.

[TravelerVon]

My deepest condolances to Cpkt8.

I had a successful case of stage 3 lung cancer. The story is following: I decided to visit doctor’s office and get a full medical check-up. The reason for that was the fact that the I didn’t feel well, had cough, labored breathing and chest pain. I was getting tired very quickly and suffere from insomnia. Doctors sent me to do a chest photofluorography, the results of which showed certain changes. The X-ray image confirmed pathological changes. Some haziness and lung lump were discovered in his lungs. The suspicions were almost confirmed but for precise diagnosis they had to do the autopsy in vivo. After the biopsy doctors informed me of my horrible condition.

It was quite a shock. I was the only bread-winner in his family, and I couldn’t imagine how my family would live without me. My oncologist insisted on immediate oncotomy and radiation therapy, so I went through it but my organism didn’t accept radiation therapy well. Still, I got through the entire treatment process. It did not gave any promising results.

So I decided to turn to alternative medicine. I knew that the immune system was very important especially when it came to cancer treatment. After a while, I found some promising researches on this website http://paseka.us/cancer-types/lung-cancer/, and after some hesitation decided to try it. I have also started swimming. With time I started feeling better. With three bee house sessions, I felt better after each session, as if the bees were taking away my negative energy and filling me with positive one. Also, the great location of the apiary helped to abstract from problems.

So, step by step I returned to my normal life. Usually I am not the one to promote alternative ways of treatment incurable deseases. But since it was my own experience and I can totally rely on it, I'd recommend trying bee-medicine to anybody looking for some alternative ways of curing\preventing cancer.

[xen]

I am one week into my chemo , tomorrow being week two. I have had a few people telling me about alternative solutions and cures to cancer and not to do chemo as it is poison - i don't think anybody denies that fact. I have made the decision to go with chemo but also to try the raw food smoothie diet as with the side effects of mouth ulcers and mouth thrush, nausua etc then it may help a lot .

Tears from my ex wife and tears from my new wife doesn't make it any easier. And it is difficult to make the decision as especially between chemo and natural therapies, and ,like Travelervon in his third paragraph , talking about being the only breadwinner, and i now have 2 new kids to look after . But if i was to choice between being with both my families and with their support and love and if the price i have to render is this cancer then i will be far better off than going though this life without my family or the cancer. Sometimes the difficult times make you realise how blessed you are in other ways. Sorry , just being philosophical , and it is inspirational that Travervon beat his cancer .

Edited November 18, 2015 by xen

[Tolley]

I am one week into my chemo , tomorrow being week two. I have had a few people telling me about alternative solutions and cures to cancer and not to do chemo as it is poison - i don't think anybody denies that fact. I have made the decision to go with chemo but also to try the raw food smoothie diet as with the side effects of mouth ulcers and mouth thrush, nausua etc then it may help a lot .

Tears from my ex wife and tears from my new wife doesn't make it any easier. And it is difficult to make the decision as especially between chemo and natural therapies, and ,like Travelervon in his third paragraph , talking about being the only breadwinner, and i now have 2 new kids to look after . But if i was to choice between being with both my families and with their support and love and if the price i have to render is this cancer then i will be far better off than going though this life without my family or the cancer. Sometimes the difficult times make you realise how blessed you are in other ways. Sorry , just being philosophical , and it is inspirational that Travervon beat his cancer .

Chemo works quite well with some cancers but not most cancers and stats bear this out.

Further depending on the stage of the cancer surgery may cure the cancer even thou chemo is given after surgery as a back up even thou the chemo doesn't necessarily work.

I have no doubt there are non toxic alternative cures for cancer out there.

But there are so many charlatans out there promoting cures that don't work that it is difficult to trust them.

And what works for one person may not work for another person.

The best advice I can give anyone when deciding on a cancer treatment is to look at the statistics and question your doctor on the data.

If the data and statistics don't favour doing chemo for you stage or cancer type then I would start looking at alternative options.

[fang37]

"Alternative options" .............................. such as?

[xen]

I am one week into my chemo , tomorrow being week two. I have had a few people telling me about alternative solutions and cures to cancer and not to do chemo as it is poison - i don't think anybody denies that fact. I have made the decision to go with chemo but also to try the raw food smoothie diet as with the side effects of mouth ulcers and mouth thrush, nausua etc then it may help a lot .

Tears from my ex wife and tears from my new wife doesn't make it any easier. And it is difficult to make the decision as especially between chemo and natural therapies, and ,like Travelervon in his third paragraph , talking about being the only breadwinner, and i now have 2 new kids to look after . But if i was to choice between being with both my families and with their support and love and if the price i have to render is this cancer then i will be far better off than going though this life without my family or the cancer. Sometimes the difficult times make you realise how blessed you are in other ways. Sorry , just being philosophical , and it is inspirational that Travervon beat his cancer .

Chemo works quite well with some cancers but not most cancers and stats bear this out.

Further depending on the stage of the cancer surgery may cure the cancer even thou chemo is given after surgery as a back up even thou the chemo doesn't necessarily work.

I have no doubt there are non toxic alternative cures for cancer out there.

But there are so many charlatans out there promoting cures that don't work that it is difficult to trust them.

And what works for one person may not work for another person.

The best advice I can give anyone when deciding on a cancer treatment is to look at the statistics and question your doctor on the data.

If the data and statistics don't favour doing chemo for you stage or cancer type then I would start looking at alternative options.

.

There are a couple of choices to be made , not only dealing with alternative or complimentary in or conventional medicine but more importantly the choice between quality of life and just prolonging life which is the decision that needs to be made first before the methodology. Different cancers mean different treatments .The cancer i have has no cure . I accept that. All Chemo can do is give me a bit more time with my family and my friends . If it gives me that then i will go for it . I also think you can have it both ways - use conventional medicine and place your trust in the doctors and medical staff and use complimentary medicine and therapies like raw food diets, turmeric, Vitamin D 3 , massage and so on. As long as there is no major conflicts or compatibility issues then why not?

I just wish the politicians would get away from their conservative and backward morals and legalise medical marijuana. If it is n't legal by the time i need it i have been led to believe it will be still available though other sources .

[fang37]

Quality of life is everything. Without that, death is a superior option.

Medical marijuana. I used morphine for pain relief = primitive.

I asked the medico re marijuana.

Response -

a) We didn't learn about that at med school

Marijuana is illegal

End of story.

[Cpkt8]

I am one week into my chemo , tomorrow being week two. I have had a few people telling me about alternative solutions and cures to cancer and not to do chemo as it is poison - i don't think anybody denies that fact. I have made the decision to go with chemo but also to try the raw food smoothie diet as with the side effects of mouth ulcers and mouth thrush, nausua etc then it may help a lot .

Tears from my ex wife and tears from my new wife doesn't make it any easier. And it is difficult to make the decision as especially between chemo and natural therapies, and ,like Travelervon in his third paragraph , talking about being the only breadwinner, and i now have 2 new kids to look after . But if i was to choice between being with both my families and with their support and love and if the price i have to render is this cancer then i will be far better off than going though this life without my family or the cancer. Sometimes the difficult times make you realise how blessed you are in other ways. Sorry , just being philosophical , and it is inspirational that Travervon beat his cancer .

Chemo works quite well with some cancers but not most cancers and stats bear this out.

Further depending on the stage of the cancer surgery may cure the cancer even thou chemo is given after surgery as a back up even thou the chemo doesn't necessarily work.

I have no doubt there are non toxic alternative cures for cancer out there.

But there are so many charlatans out there promoting cures that don't work that it is difficult to trust them.

And what works for one person may not work for another person.

The best advice I can give anyone when deciding on a cancer treatment is to look at the statistics and question your doctor on the data.

If the data and statistics don't favour doing chemo for you stage or cancer type then I would start looking at alternative options.

.

There are a couple of choices to be made , not only dealing with alternative or complimentary in or conventional medicine but more importantly the choice between quality of life and just prolonging life which is the decision that needs to be made first before the methodology. Different cancers mean different treatments .The cancer i have has no cure . I accept that. All Chemo can do is give me a bit more time with my family and my friends . If it gives me that then i will go for it . I also think you can have it both ways - use conventional medicine and place your trust in the doctors and medical staff and use complimentary medicine and therapies like raw food diets, turmeric, Vitamin D 3 , massage and so on. As long as there is no major conflicts or compatibility issues then why not?

I just wish the politicians would get away from their conservative and backward morals and legalise medical marijuana. If it is n't legal by the time i need it i have been led to believe it will be still available though other sources .

Dear Xen,

It must be extremely tough on you physically,mentally and financially as well. Tears from your loved ones...it represents deep love and affection. Take it as an encouragement to fight on, don't give up. Strong will plays an important role in fighting illnesses. Though as you mentioned there's no cure for your case, at least you earn more time with your loved ones. And that is what you have chosen.

I can't think of more words of encouragement and consolation. I myself is still at a loss.

Don't lose hope. Fighting!

[dsurin66]

maybe OP can comment on

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/886770-has-anyone-ever-been-treated-for-cancer-whilst-living-in-thailand/