Need Wedding Ceremony Advice (non religious) - Udon Thani Area

[Riverman]

From Learnthaiwithmod website :

Traditional thai wedding ( non-religious)

The water pouring is the most important part of the Thai wedding ceremony as during this part the couple officially become husband (สามี [saa-mee]) and wife (ภรรยา [pan-ra-ya]). Traditionally, this was all that was required to validify the marriage, but nowadays the couple are also required to obtain a marriage certificate (ทะเบียนสมรส [ta-bian som-rot]) from the Amper or local registration office.

Before the water pouring can take place the couple must seat themselves at the traditional water pouring tables (ตั่งรดน้ำ [Dtang Rot Naam]), with the bride to the left of the grrom. They will each have a ceremonial headdress (มงคล [Mong Kol]) , made from one piece of cotton to signify the joining of the couple, placed upon their heads. The Mong Kol will have previously been blessed by the Buddhist monks earlier in the wedding.

The couple will be fully prepared for the water pouring to commence once they place both hands (palms together), overhanging the water pouring table and positioned above flowers that have been arranged in a water tray, to capture the water that runs off.

Each of the elder guests in turn will take the ceremonial water pouring conch shell (สังข์รดน้ำ [Sang Rot Naam]), which has been freshly filled with holy water from the Buddhist ceremony, and pour a trickle of water from the base of the thumb to the fingertips over first the groom’s and then the bride.

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So all the OP has to do is arrange this simple ceremony at his house and invite some village elders along to do the first pouring of the water. (village headman comes to mind). Once they are done, remaining guests could also pour water.

After the ceremony, it's upto the couple whether they arrange a small meal for the gathering or not. I think this would be cheap and easy.

[Riverman]

Furthur to that :

The blessing of the cotton for headdress and the water can be done by his wife at the local temple beforehand so when the actual ceremony is held at home it would be non-religious - meaning no monks, prayers etc.

This is not how it's always done - in this case just trying to suggest a way for the OP such that it satisfies his criteria for non religious and yet also fulfils his wife's Buddhist traditions and also keeping it cheap.

[thaibeachlovers]

Go on the internet and look up wedding ceremonies. You will have a wide selection of secular wedding ceremonies available to you. Pick or assemble one to suit and have a Farang friend act as the wedding celebrant and read it out for the two of you. Pick a Maid of Honor and a Best Man to stand up with you (or not) and do the whole thing. No religious readings necessary. Take everyone to a moderately priced restaurant for the party after. Or not. Up to you.

In reply to the responders who "say just have a party"; not the same thing. Thousands of people come to Thailand every year to get married in a symbolic ceremony in which they want to stand up in front of their friends and relatives to proclaim their love and faithfulness to each other in a public display. Most are already legally married or will go to the registry office when they get home. A small percentage will perform a legal ceremony here.

I once performed a secular wedding ceremony for an Aussie couple at the overlook in the south of Phuket. She came from OZ land and he came from Afghanistan where he was stationed in the Aussie army. They had no friends or relatives attending so I just went through the tourists standing around; "you will be the Best man, you will be the Maid of Honor, you will take photos with her camera, the rest of you will be the guests". Had a great wedding and not a dry eye in the place. The couple had a few days together before he went back to Afghanistan and she returned to Australia. I was honored to perform the ceremony for them. I assume that if he survived his tour that they got legally married when he returned to Australia. But meanwhile they had proclaimed their fidelity and love for each other in a public forum and were comforted in their separation.

Sorry, but I don't get that. If I wanted to affirm my love for my wife in a ceremony, I'd want my friends there. If my friends couldn't be there, I'd wait till I was back in my own country to have the ceremony.

As for the Thai ceremony for his wife, either he will have to pay a lot of money which he says he doesn't have, or they can just have a party/ dinner for her friends, at which they will all get pissed at his expense, and talk in Thai, usually about the farang. I refuse to go to any parties with my wife as I am terribly bored not being a big drinker and not understanding anything they say, plus I don't like being gossiped about when I can't understand what they are saying about me.

whatever, the OP needs to decide if he is going to pay a lot or a little, and the choice will be limited by that decision.

I am sorry that you don't get it. You would 'want your friends there' is just your personal preference. Many people get married just for themselves. Re. the Aussie soldier and his girl getting married with no friends or relatives. Who is to say he wouldn't be killed in Afghanistan and not ever be able to marry his girl. People are entitled to their personal preference. The formal ceremony is meaningful for them and they want to do it whether the friends and relatives are there or not. The OP and and his wife want a 'real' ceremony which is a lot different from just signing some papers and paying 200 baht. And only a few of his friends are willing to pay the expense in dollars and time to come to Thailand and he is not financially able to or does not wish to go back to his 'home country' to get married. They are affirming their love and commitment to each other. You are entitled to your own personal feelings about how you would do it but who are you to project your preferences on to other people? I stand by my original post.

If the OP reads this: Regarding your income, I wonder if you would qualify for a US Social Security disability benefit as well as your military disability pay. Check it out.

The Oz soldier and his GF didn't get married, if you read the post. They had a ceremony in a nice scenic place. I'm fine with that, but I don't really understand why it was necessary to have a lot of strangers at a ceremony that had no legal status. They could have held hands and spoken vows to each other, but whatever. Any excuse to have a party.

From what I read the OP doesn't want a "real" Thai ceremony, he wants a non religious ceremony. She may do so, but this thread isn't about her.

Edited September 24, 2015 by thaibeachlovers

[williet98248]

Go on the internet and look up wedding ceremonies. You will have a wide selection of secular wedding ceremonies available to you. Pick or assemble one to suit and have a Farang friend act as the wedding celebrant and read it out for the two of you. Pick a Maid of Honor and a Best Man to stand up with you (or not) and do the whole thing. No religious readings necessary. Take everyone to a moderately priced restaurant for the party after. Or not. Up to you.

In reply to the responders who "say just have a party"; not the same thing. Thousands of people come to Thailand every year to get married in a symbolic ceremony in which they want to stand up in front of their friends and relatives to proclaim their love and faithfulness to each other in a public display. Most are already legally married or will go to the registry office when they get home. A small percentage will perform a legal ceremony here.

I once performed a secular wedding ceremony for an Aussie couple at the overlook in the south of Phuket. She came from OZ land and he came from Afghanistan where he was stationed in the Aussie army. They had no friends or relatives attending so I just went through the tourists standing around; "you will be the Best man, you will be the Maid of Honor, you will take photos with her camera, the rest of you will be the guests". Had a great wedding and not a dry eye in the place. The couple had a few days together before he went back to Afghanistan and she returned to Australia. I was honored to perform the ceremony for them. I assume that if he survived his tour that they got legally married when he returned to Australia. But meanwhile they had proclaimed their fidelity and love for each other in a public forum and were comforted in their separation.

Sorry, but I don't get that. If I wanted to affirm my love for my wife in a ceremony, I'd want my friends there. If my friends couldn't be there, I'd wait till I was back in my own country to have the ceremony.

As for the Thai ceremony for his wife, either he will have to pay a lot of money which he says he doesn't have, or they can just have a party/ dinner for her friends, at which they will all get pissed at his expense, and talk in Thai, usually about the farang. I refuse to go to any parties with my wife as I am terribly bored not being a big drinker and not understanding anything they say, plus I don't like being gossiped about when I can't understand what they are saying about me.

whatever, the OP needs to decide if he is going to pay a lot or a little, and the choice will be limited by that decision.

I am sorry that you don't get it. You would 'want your friends there' is just your personal preference. Many people get married just for themselves. Re. the Aussie soldier and his girl getting married with no friends or relatives. Who is to say he wouldn't be killed in Afghanistan and not ever be able to marry his girl. People are entitled to their personal preference. The formal ceremony is meaningful for them and they want to do it whether the friends and relatives are there or not. The OP and and his wife want a 'real' ceremony which is a lot different from just signing some papers and paying 200 baht. And only a few of his friends are willing to pay the expense in dollars and time to come to Thailand and he is not financially able to or does not wish to go back to his 'home country' to get married. They are affirming their love and commitment to each other. You are entitled to your own personal feelings about how you would do it but who are you to project your preferences on to other people? I stand by my original post.

If the OP reads this: Regarding your income, I wonder if you would qualify for a US Social Security disability benefit as well as your military disability pay. Check it out.

The Oz soldier and his GF didn't get married, if you read the post. They had a ceremony in a nice scenic place. I'm fine with that, but I don't really understand why it was necessary to have a lot of strangers at a ceremony that had no legal status. They could have held hands and spoken vows to each other, but whatever. Any excuse to have a party.

From what I read the OP doesn't want a "real" Thai ceremony, he wants a non religious ceremony. She may do so, but this thread isn't about her.

Well...again you 'don't understand". No one is legally married even if a church ceremony unless it is registered. So no, the Aussie soldier and his girl didn't get married legally. But maybe you could try to 'understand' that it was meaningful to them and made them happy. The 'nice scenic place' just happened to have a bunch of tourists standing around who were more than happy to step in and help out. And the OP said he wants a non religious western ceremony not a Thai ceremony.

[thaibeachlovers]

Sorry, but I don't get that. If I wanted to affirm my love for my wife in a ceremony, I'd want my friends there. If my friends couldn't be there, I'd wait till I was back in my own country to have the ceremony.

As for the Thai ceremony for his wife, either he will have to pay a lot of money which he says he doesn't have, or they can just have a party/ dinner for her friends, at which they will all get pissed at his expense, and talk in Thai, usually about the farang. I refuse to go to any parties with my wife as I am terribly bored not being a big drinker and not understanding anything they say, plus I don't like being gossiped about when I can't understand what they are saying about me.

whatever, the OP needs to decide if he is going to pay a lot or a little, and the choice will be limited by that decision.

I am sorry that you don't get it. You would 'want your friends there' is just your personal preference. Many people get married just for themselves. Re. the Aussie soldier and his girl getting married with no friends or relatives. Who is to say he wouldn't be killed in Afghanistan and not ever be able to marry his girl. People are entitled to their personal preference. The formal ceremony is meaningful for them and they want to do it whether the friends and relatives are there or not. The OP and and his wife want a 'real' ceremony which is a lot different from just signing some papers and paying 200 baht. And only a few of his friends are willing to pay the expense in dollars and time to come to Thailand and he is not financially able to or does not wish to go back to his 'home country' to get married. They are affirming their love and commitment to each other. You are entitled to your own personal feelings about how you would do it but who are you to project your preferences on to other people? I stand by my original post.

If the OP reads this: Regarding your income, I wonder if you would qualify for a US Social Security disability benefit as well as your military disability pay. Check it out.

The Oz soldier and his GF didn't get married, if you read the post. They had a ceremony in a nice scenic place. I'm fine with that, but I don't really understand why it was necessary to have a lot of strangers at a ceremony that had no legal status. They could have held hands and spoken vows to each other, but whatever. Any excuse to have a party.

From what I read the OP doesn't want a "real" Thai ceremony, he wants a non religious ceremony. She may do so, but this thread isn't about her.

Well...again you 'don't understand". No one is legally married even if a church ceremony unless it is registered. So no, the Aussie soldier and his girl didn't get married legally. But maybe you could try to 'understand' that it was meaningful to them and made them happy. The 'nice scenic place' just happened to have a bunch of tourists standing around who were more than happy to step in and help out. And the OP said he wants a non religious western ceremony not a Thai ceremony.

Agreed. I don't understand why these days it is necessary to have a big ceremony with a lot of people that one never saw before, and spend a lot of money so strangers can get pissed and eat a lot of food. Not talking about the Oz couple- weddings in general when auntie so and so that one met once years ago is invited with a lot of relatives that one probably doesn't even know. More so because many marriages don't last long- 50% failure rate is not a good statistic.

My parents had a small registry wedding with a few people that they knew well- seems reasonable to me. I never had a ceremony/ party at all. Just went to the office and signed the paper, then went home. No party, no big deal for either of us.

However, whatever makes them happy, I guess.

[thehelmsman]

I realize my only personal experience with weddings comes from deep Issan area. But, even the poorest wedding has a large gathering with Music, food and booze. I went to one in a nearby village where we sat for a long time with no food or drink, an occasional glass of beer. Alot of displeasure there.

Just a small birthday party for the kids is an event, with all the neighbors on the soi helping out prepare food. Eating, drinking and music.

[thaibeachlovers]

I realize my only personal experience with weddings comes from deep Issan area. But, even the poorest wedding has a large gathering with Music, food and booze. I went to one in a nearby village where we sat for a long time with no food or drink, an occasional glass of beer. Alot of displeasure there.

Just a small birthday party for the kids is an event, with all the neighbors on the soi helping out prepare food. Eating, drinking and music.

I think if one doesn't drink or speak Thai, it is not particularly enjoyable for a farang at a Thai party. I send my wife off to enjoy herself getting pissed and gossiping, but I avoid the boredom by not going myself.