Bar Girl Psychology

[atyclb]

a friends been discussing this with me. wondering if they may self loathe due to needing to sleep with males they may find quite unattractive. say a late 30's intelligent and attractive gal that due to overwhelming unanticipated debt entered the bargirl business as the only way to make enough to get out of that debt.

[chrisinth]

I'm sure that they do, but they will improvise, adapt and overcome quickly. They may be on their last choice, but they don't go into the game with their eyes shut.

It is human nature and the art of survival for some of them. Use the assets available and climb out of the hole. I used to know some girls in the very same predicament as you described in your example, and admired most of them...................

[atyclb]

although i admire the work motivation

it is sad to c a previously bright eyed full of life person through abundant alcohol and endless workdays convert into the figurative frankenstein monster. looking like a zombie on autopilot

must be worth it to them to consume as many as possible drinks for the small commission. working, drinking all night, then a daytime job. 7 days/week

Edited October 2, 2015 by atyclb

[Seligne2]

it is sad to c a previously bright eyed full of life person through abundant alcohol and endless workdays convert into the figurative frankenstein. looking like a zombie on autopilot

must be worth it to them to consume as many as possible drinks for the small commission.

Sentence 1: What??? Frankenstein was the creator, not the result.

Sentence 2: Many bar girls drink fruit juice. Lady drinks typically contain just a piddling amount of alcohol. Going payout for a lady drink seems to be 50 baht most places.

[atyclb]

it is sad to c a previously bright eyed full of life person through abundant alcohol and endless workdays convert into the figurative frankenstein. looking like a zombie on autopilot

must be worth it to them to consume as many as possible drinks for the small commission.

Sentence 1: What??? Frankenstein was the creator, not the result.

Sentence 2: Many bar girls drink fruit juice. Lady drinks typically contain just a piddling amount of alcohol. Going payout for a lady drink seems to be 50 baht most places.

most people will understand frankenstein to be the creation not the creator especially in the context of my sentence. typically the creation is inferred unless dr. frankenstein is written.

watered down drinks dont tast too watered down to me. perhaps alcohol is a coping mechanism but sadly can lead to serios issues.

Edited October 2, 2015 by atyclb

[Fabricus]

Yep -- plenty of self-loathing.

A fair amount of self-medication, too. And from time to time a bit of self-mutilation.

Avoid this scene. It's a road to nowhere.

[atyclb]

Yep -- plenty of self-loathing.

A fair amount of self-medication, too. And from time to time a bit of self-mutilation.

Avoid this scene. It's a road to nowhere.

thanks

i must agree with you. so sad because i knew the person before. always self sufficient, had successful business, kind and sweet, intelligent IMO.

now not receptive to objective observation. i can see-feel the self loathing. best i can do is say a prayer

'Please come now I think I'm falling

I'm holding on to all I think is safe

It seems I found the road to nowhere

And I'm trying to escape

I yelled back when I heard thunder

But I'm down to one last breath

And with it let me say, let me say

Hold me now

I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking

Maybe six feet ain't so far down"

CREED

[Berkshire]

Maybe someday someone will do legitimate research on the topic. But anecdotally, the BG life does seriously mess up a girl's head. Not just the drinking night after night and going with men they don't want to go with, but just being in that scene with equally messed up individuals and losing track of what's normal and what's not. These are not bad people...just not "normal." I'd say 99% of them do it out of financial desperation. I can't believe they would choose that life if given reasonable options.

[MaeJoMTB]

Late 30s ??????????

You shopping in the wrong stores!

PS

Most bar girls started their p4p careers at 14 or 15 years old.

If you think they started in their late 30s, you're a bit gullible.

Edited October 2, 2015 by MaeJoMTB

[thrilled]

It can be A profitable life.I knew of girls that were n the business during the Vietnam war at Udonthani.They invested their money

And today they are living quite well.

But I do believe most of them live for the moment and end up self destructing.

[atyclb]

Late 30s ??????????

You shopping in the wrong stores!

PS

Most bar girls started their p4p careers at 14 or 15 years old.

If you think they started in their late 30s, you're a bit gullible.

hows about someone that whose previously good business went south due to real economic woes in society. lets say they had borrowed significant money to buy a car before the business went down. abruptly they stand to lose the car AND the downpayment loaned money unless a way can be figured out to make the most money in the quickest amt of time.

i think about 300,000 baht was borrowed.

the person in question did not speak ANY english when we first met as we communicated in spoken thai and or sms messages. i am well aware of the BG rouses and scams.

i've never been hit up for money and she often pays the restaurant tab before i can even ask for the check.

and i do as you do share the caution when dealing with BG's. truth is theres a high% of expert scammers. thanks for your post and input

[Crazy chef 1]

IMHO a few years back it has been the only chance for a sufficient income but nowadays there so many ( decent paid) jobs available that nobody has to go this route...

[atyclb]

IMHO a few years back it has been the only chance for a sufficient income but nowadays there so many ( decent paid) jobs available that nobody has to go this route...

university graduate starting salary supposed to be 15000 per month 20 months to repay 300,000 assuming room and board is provided free of charge.

the girl in question does not have a university degree.

[CharlieH]

Off topic posts removed, this thread is NOT about Frankenstein.

[Seligne2]

Late 30s ??????????

You shopping in the wrong stores!

PS

Most bar girls started their p4p careers at 14 or 15 years old.

If you think they started in their late 30s, you're a bit gullible.

Nonsense. I have never seen or heard of a 15 yo bar girl. But I have met many >35 yo (who speak no English, and can barely read/write Thai) who started when their marriage/business went kaput.

[elgordo38]

IMHO a few years back it has been the only chance for a sufficient income but nowadays there so many ( decent paid) jobs available that nobody has to go this route...

Decent paying jobs in Thailand?? I mentioned this to my g/f and she says where are they located? and what do you deem as decent wage wise. She speaks good English but tells me by the time girls are 30 they are "over the hill" job wise. To many young educated ones running around fresh out of school. If your a good looking girl here and have a "decent job" most bosses will ask you to have lunch at one of those "don't ask don't tell motels" with the green shower curtain that pulls across the back of your vehicle and the mirrors on the ceiling and walls. She keeps telling me that staying with me till I snuff it is her best option. Lucky me.

[Seligne2]

IMHO a few years back it has been the only chance for a sufficient income but nowadays there so many ( decent paid) jobs available that nobody has to go this route...

Ha ha! You must be joking. I know a woman, 30-something, the former manager of an upscale club in BKK, who cannot land a job in Phuket in the hospitality industry. Say, at a country or golf club. Her English: splendid. Classy looking, well coiffed and sharp dresser. No one will hire her, preferring 21 year olds. There must be hundreds, thousands, like her.

[Seligne2]

IMHO a few years back it has been the only chance for a sufficient income but nowadays there so many ( decent paid) jobs available that nobody has to go this route...

university graduate starting salary supposed to be 15000 per month 20 months to repay 300,000 assuming room and board is provided free of charge.

the girl in question does not have a university degree.

Starting English teachers I worked with fresh out of school at my government school in Amphoe Samoeng, Chiang Mai, started at 8K per month.

[elgordo38]

IMHO a few years back it has been the only chance for a sufficient income but nowadays there so many ( decent paid) jobs available that nobody has to go this route...

Ha ha! You must be joking. I know a woman, 30-something, the former manager of an upscale club in BKK, who cannot land a job in Phuket in the hospitality industry. Say, at a country or golf club. Her English: splendid. Classy looking, well coiffed and sharp dresser. No one will hire her, preferring 21 year olds. There must be hundreds, thousands, like her.

Your closer to the truth than the decent paying job guy. He must be a naive newbie. Yes there are 1000's like her. I often worry about my g/f after I pass. Her only option seems to be to latch onto another old fart like me. Hope he is a kind person. See to many expat opportunists here all the time. She is a great person but a bit on the naive side.

[benalibina]

For many ....decent looking ones......its a paid holiday....freedom....away from the responsabilities of the village/family.....

[wooloomooloo]

a friends been discussing this with me.

Top barstool conversation.

wondering if they may self loathe

They're wondering the same about your social ineptitude.

[wooloomooloo]

...away from the responsabilities of the village/family.....

Innate responsibilities are never far from a Thai lady.

If you think differently then you're on the wrong continent.

[Exsexyman]

So many guys on here who think they know what is going on in a Thai bar girls head. Impressive!

[Crazy chef 1]

IMHO a few years back it has been the only chance for a sufficient income but nowadays there so many ( decent paid) jobs available that nobody has to go this route...

Ha ha! You must be joking. I know a woman, 30-something, the former manager of an upscale club in BKK, who cannot land a job in Phuket in the hospitality industry. Say, at a country or golf club. Her English: splendid. Classy looking, well coiffed and sharp dresser. No one will hire her, preferring 21 year olds. There must be hundreds, thousands, like her.

Your closer to the truth than the decent paying job guy. He must be a naive newbie. Yes there are 1000's like her. I often worry about my g/f after I pass. Her only option seems to be to latch onto another old fart like me. Hope he is a kind person. See to many expat opportunists here all the time. She is a great person but a bit on the naive side.

Some examples...

The ladies in my kitchen( depends on position) between 20 000- 30 000

F&B same as above

Sales and marketing 30 000-50 000

Sales ladies from my major suppliers approximately 40 K

Even the ladies in housekeeping making 20 K a month...

My wife has her own shop and makes about 40K - 50 K

And don't tell me that a bar girl is earning much more considering she won't have customers every night and minus the loss of income when she has her menstruation...

[xylophone]

I'm sure that they do, but they will improvise, adapt and overcome quickly. They may be on their last choice, but they don't go into the game with their eyes shut.

It is human nature and the art of survival for some of them. Use the assets available and climb out of the hole. I used to know some girls in the very same predicament as you described in your example, and admired most of them...................

Nice post..............

Have met quite a few (and befriended some) over the years due to the fact that I have/had many friends who have owned bars, and one in particular in which I used to spend a great deal of time in helping out.

There are all sorts in my experience, from the girls who had been sent down by their mothers in order to get money sent back home, to the girls who wanted more money because they had seen what bargirls in the village had returned home with (gold, watches and nice clothes etc) and even some who wanted to experience the constant partying and nightlife which supposedly went with the bar girl life.

One particular very attractive girl springs to mind, not only because she was attractive, but because she spoke excellent English and was very particular with whom she went. Chatting about this one night, she explained that she had been to university and had a degree in marketing (I think) and decided that before she went out into the great corporate world she would do something completely different and try life as a bar girl!

She said she would give it two years and then give it away. I asked her whether she had changed her opinion now that she had seen what the life was like, and she said that it did get boring, however it was better than working in a 9-to-5 job. Bearing in mind she was extremely attractive and spoke great English, one has to remember that she only went for the "upper class" farangs (and never old/fat/poorly dressed farangs) and earned good money, according to her.

Another lady I have known for about five years has managed to send enough money home to just about complete a lovely single-storey house near Udon Thani (she has shown me the photographs) and intends to earn enough to finish it and go back home.

Yet another girl from up North who was out of a job decided to go freelancing and absolutely hates it, although at her peak she was earning over 100,000 baht a month and now all she wants to do is to settle down with a nice farang who will keep her and her family happy.

The stories go on and on, from others who have become absolute drunks to others who have turned to drugs. And I do know of a few who have shacked up with, or who have long-term farang boyfriends, and no longer work the bar scene and who are very happy with what they've got now.

In summary, I echo what "chrisinth" said, in as much as many of the girls do improvise and adapt and are able to compartmentalise what they actually have to do to earn the money, to live the life they live and support the family.

[atyclb]

a friends been discussing this with me.

Top barstool conversation.

wondering if they may self loathe

They're wondering the same about your social ineptitude.

concern and worry about a nice person that I actually care about and that actually is a friend (never expecting, seeking or asking for and refusing to accept money during what was a normal dating situation in the past) sharing concern by reaching out on this forum makes me socially inept in your mind ????

about 11 hours at a bar, then maybe continued work/non sleep with customer(s) then 11am normal day job til 4pm then back to the bar 7 days/week.

please excuse my social ineptitude

[atyclb]

For many ....decent looking ones......its a paid holiday....freedom....away from the responsabilities of the village/family.....

decent looking ones in dire financial straights will go for the highest bidders, typically not your brad pitt types. this is pretty standard behavior in clubs, discos, bars. exceptions seem to be those with normal jobs that occasionally need a little extra cash. those can and will gravitate towards someone they may have some chemistry with.

think about it, how would we feel as slim trim university students lining up to see which grandmother wants to be serviced-eaten ??

[MaeJoMTB]

Late 30s ??????????

You shopping in the wrong stores!

PS

Most bar girls started their p4p careers at 14 or 15 years old.

If you think they started in their late 30s, you're a bit gullible.

Nonsense. I have never seen or heard of a 15 yo bar girl. But I have met many >35 yo (who speak no English, and can barely read/write Thai) who started when their marriage/business went kaput.

p4p,

Starts in the local 'Thai only' brothels at 15+

Progresses to the 'Asian only' brothels at 20+ (maybe with a brief stint in Singapore/Malaysia)

Ends in 'farang bars' at age 30+

This is the normal progression and why you meet the bar girls aged 30+ who speak no English. Everything they tell you is a lie!

The idea that girls start suddenly selling themselves at 30+ due to a failed marriage or business is a lie, to deflect the white boys from thinking of the thousands of customers they previously had. Who would marry such a girl?

Note to the gullible,

in the brothels (first 15 years of their working lives) they will be servicing 5-8 customers per day.

The 35 year old, no English you met had probably already done 10,000+ tricks.

Edited October 3, 2015 by MaeJoMTB

[MaeJoMTB]

Some examples...

The ladies in my kitchen( depends on position) between 20 000- 30 000

F&B same as above

Sales and marketing 30 000-50 000

Sales ladies from my major suppliers approximately 40 K

Even the ladies in housekeeping making 20 K a month...

My wife has her own shop and makes about 40K - 50 K

And don't tell me that a bar girl is earning much more considering she won't have customers every night and minus the loss of income when she has her menstruation...

1. The girls in your employment earn considerably more than those employed by Thais.

Assume everyone is lying to you about their wages, have you ever seen a pay slip? I think not.

Assume the ladies working for you are paying 'someone' a 30% kickback for working there.

2. Bar girls are the cheapest end of the Thai p4p market, they are already used up, hoping one more big killing, marriage to a foolish foreigner, free house and car. White foreigners are their very last choice of customer. The disgrace of working in Asian p4p is nothing compared to the girls who service white foreigners.

3. Hookers don't stop work for menstruation, they buy a sterile sponge from the pharmacy, and stuff it up inside, you would never guess.

Edited October 3, 2015 by MaeJoMTB

[atyclb]

Sad eyes follow me

But I still believe there's something left for me

So please come stay with me

'Cause I still believe there's something left for you and me

For you and me

For you and me

Creed