Why are so many Thai men so jealous, possessive and insecure about their women?

[spidermike007]

You hear of so many here who kill their lovers, and spouses. The level of jealousy and insecurity here is insane. So many kill over love. Why not just walk away, and find a new woman? Why get so myopic, and blinded by love? What is up with that? Why such immaturity?

I often travel separately from my Thai wife. This week she is headed to Korat for a week, to visit some friends, and I am headed to Bangkok and Hua Hin to visit my friends. She often finds my friends boring, as we chat in english all day, about all kinds of things that mean little to her. I can say the same about her, and her friends, who chat in Thai, and even if I could understand it, not sure I would find it interesting or engaging. At least not for hours on end. We are both happy to do so. It is great for the relationship. We both trust each other, and are comfortable with being apart for a little while. She is trying to get some of her friends to join, and NONE of their Thai boyfriends or husbands will let them go. Not even her sister's husband! They are all so terribly insecure. They are all so terribly jealous and possessive. It strikes me as quite unattractive, and petty minded.

I realize some western men are equally jealous. I have met some. But, on the whole, I think many of us have enough self esteem, and enough faith in our relationships, and our women, that we do not have to stalk them, or own every minute of their time, in a pathetic effort to limit their behavior.

Personally, I could not live like that. For me, a little bit of space and independence, in a good long term relationship, is healthy and refreshing. My woman appreciates that too. She is always remarking on how surprised her girlfriends are, that I am ok with her traveling on her own, and how much she treasures that independence and trust. They say their men would never allow that. Seems a bit small minded to me. Such limitation, and such insecurity. Does that simply come from a relative lack of emotional development? I always felt that if one is secure enough in a relationship, you can trust your woman to be on her own a bit, and visa versa. What do you think?

Edited February 15, 2016 by spidermike007

[JHolmesJr]

You cant trust a thai woman.

[condo bought]

Little Man Syndrome.

Face.

Stupidity.

Combine all three..... voila.

[GarryP]

I too know very few Thai men who would allow their wives to travel separately. For that matter, many would not even let their wives or girlfriends go out for a night with the girls. However, they tend to be at the lower end of the income scale. Many of the same men do not see anything wrong in themselves travelling alone or going out for a night with the boys and the women concerned are supposed to just accept it. It probably has some basis in the culture - patriarchal society and all that.

As to jealousy, both Thai men and women can be extremely jealous. For the women, perhaps they have a reason if their hubby/boyfriend has been doing what many men do here, hostess bars, massages, brothels, etc. Having a minor wife does not even raise many eyebrows here either.

For the men, perhaps they are misguidedly judging the women by their own behaviour. Or perhaps it is a control issue.

[Blackheart]

So the Thai men are insecure it is said.

And the westerners are Soooooo secure in their relationships right.

Ba ha ha haaaaaaa haaaaaaa.

[GarryP]

So the Thai men are insecure it is said.

And the westerners are Soooooo secure in their relationships right.

Ba ha ha haaaaaaa haaaaaaa.

Regardless the nationality, there are those who are secure and those who are insecure in their relationships. However, there does seem to be a disproportionately larger number of Thai men that have jealousy and insecurity issues. I have seen Thai men fly of the handle for the only reason that their wives or girlfriends were speaking to another man for more than a minute. The men did not even wait until they got home but started something there and then. Now I know foreigners can be like this too, but I have never seen it.

[DavisH]

You can bet some Thai women are the same...especially with their farang bf/husbands.

We even have some women calling their husbands at their work during them asking them where they are

I may need to phone my wife for something and I get...."I'm busy, call you back" click...she's not the clingy jealous type

[Eclipse]

You cant trust a thai woman.

Why not?

I trust my Wife 100%.

She goes out with her friends but tells me that some of the ladies are not allowed to go.

Their husbands strictly forbid it.

I know what I would say if I were one of those women.

[GarryP]

You can bet some Thai women are the same...especially with their farang bf/husbands.

We even have some women calling their husbands at their work during them asking them where they are

I may need to phone my wife for something and I get...."I'm busy, call you back" click...she's not the clingy jealous type

I think that is understandable. In fact I encountered it many many years ago. My then girlfriend used to wait for me outside the office when I finished work to make sure I was not talking to other women. I was suffocating and it did not last long.

Many Thai women understand that the foreign man play the bar scene prior to being hooked and reeled in. Thus, there is the insecurity with their women thinking that playing around is normal for foreign man and they have to be monitored closely. Also, some of the women were from that background and that is all they saw. Thus, extreme control and jealousy issues.

[Lex Talionis]

Little Man Syndrome....

"Feeling smaller makes people feel paranoid, mistrustful and more likely to think that people are staring or talking about them, a study by Oxford University finds."

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/science/science-news/10603195/Short-man-syndrome-really-does-exist-Oxford-University-finds.html

[Laughing Gravy]

Come on OP. Whilst I am often questioning Thais I think it is unfair to make sweeping statements like ' why are so many Thai men'. They are not all the same. Different culture, different ways of showing how much they love their partners. I would say for this reason would answer your question.

[Blackheart]

I do remember a strange incident one evening.

I was simply walking and a woman who was selling various items from a little Street stall,mostly teddy bears, asked me if I wanted to buy one.

A man ran across the street and slapped her so hard he knocked her sideways.

How on earth is she supposed to make a sale.

[JDGRUEN]

It is a condition all over the world. I have tourist neighbors - a couple in their mid thirties. She is attractive - sexy - speaks English... He very fit and slim and decent looking enough - does not speak much English. They are from Ukraine. He is very controlling - she has no phone nor tablet nor laptop of her own. He looks like a wounded duck every time I talk to her... He is never gone from the apartment for more than 20 minutes.. She rarely goes alone from the apartment... then just to the supermarket. She just shakes her head when I give her a puzzled look. I have got to know them over 4-5 months but it is not easy being around them... I feel uncomfortable...

[GarryP]

It is a condition all over the world. I have tourist neighbors - a couple in their mid thirties. She is attractive - sexy - speaks English... He very fit and slim and decent looking enough - does not speak much English. They are from Ukraine. He is very controlling - she has no phone nor tablet nor laptop of her own. He looks like a wounded duck every time I talk to her... He is never gone from the apartment for more than 20 minutes.. She rarely goes alone from the apartment... then just to the supermarket. She just shakes her head when I give her a puzzled look. I have got to know them over 4-5 months but it is not easy being around them... I feel uncomfortable...

In that case, I would hazard a guess that it is not cultural. Perhaps, he has insecurity issues from previously being hurt, hurt by parents' divorce as a child, not being taught to share his things with brothers and sisters, etc.

It can't be healthy and I too would feel uncomfortable.

[cyberfarang]

Quote: You hear of so many here who kill their lovers, and spouses. The level of jealousy and insecurity here is insane. So many kill over love. Why not just walk away, and find a new woman? Why get so myopic, and blinded by love? What is up with that? Why such immaturity?

Such easy talk. Imagine you love your partner then discover that she`s been or is having an affair with another man? Would you still want to make love with your partner knowing that other men have been there? What would you do, say, ah well mai pen rai, next please?

Jealously, anger and high emotions in relationships is not a culturally Thai, it`s the same everywhere. I`ve been lucky it`s never happened to me but I can imagine that when a partner cheats it`s the most hurtful experience in the world. It is said that a divorce can be as devastating as grief, like losing someone after they die.

[Ghostmanthai]

Come on OP. Whilst I am often questioning Thais I think it is unfair to make sweeping statements like ' why are so many Thai men'. They are not all the same. Different culture, different ways of showing how much they love their partners. I would say for this reason would answer your question.

I disagree when I read this. Culture is used as a shield when used in some contexts. This is one of them, culture to be a jealous uncontrollable ass to your Wife/GF is beyond reason and archaic. No excuse other than being insecure culture has nothing to do with this.

[GuestHouse]

I personally know of two cases in which a 'Farang' husband/boyfriend beat, bound and imprisoned their Thai wife/girlfriend. These are occasions I have seen with my own eyes.

The first, in the UK, an English husband had been beating his Thai wife and locking her in the house to prevent her from having any contact outside the home. When social services where alerted they need the police to help release her from her home directly into hospital were she remained for a number of weeks being treated for malnutrition and longterm untreated physical abuse. The husband was gaoled.

The second, an Englishman in Thailand took to tying and gagging his Thai girlfriend before he went out on the town, a matter that came to light when the Thai woman's brother called to see her, perhaps aware of what was going on he, with the help of neighbours, broke into the house and released his sister - again she spent days in hospital being treated for the affects of the physical abuse she suffered. Her boyfriend avoided prison but did not avoid Thai justice. Once sufficiently recovered from the first bout of Thai justice, he left Thailand before receiving the next instalment.

There are plenty if violent abusive Thai men, but they were not imported. Thailand manages to add to their numbers by importing a sizeable batch of violent and abusive foreign men.

[1BADDAT]

I do remember a strange incident one evening.

I was simply walking and a woman who was selling various items from a little Street stall,mostly teddy bears, asked me if I wanted to buy one.

A man ran across the street and slapped her so hard he knocked her sideways.

How on earth is she supposed to make a sale.

And you said this in your above post...so which side are you on???

So the Thai men are insecure it is said.

And the westerners are Soooooo secure in their relationships right.

Ba ha ha haaaaaaa haaaaaaa.

[Gecko123]

Interesting topic, Spidermike.

A couple of guys in my village married women who inherited land from her parents. The guy's contribution is that he works the land and provides the family with income. But in the event of divorce, the wife would probably keep the land, and without land, the husband would most likely be unable to continue working as a farmer. So in some cases, trying to make sure that the wife doesn't run off with another man may be motivated more out of a desire to protect financial security than due to emotional insecurity.

I am also not sure the extent to which Thais buy into the Western concept of being platonic "friends" with members of the opposite sex. Especially if the spouse is younger and more sexually active, there's often an undercurrent of concern about the possibility of hanky panky. Not sure of the statistics, but extramarital affairs aren't unheard of here, so some guys might feel justified in staying vigilant.

I am friends with several of my Thai neighbors' wives. I can go over to their house and talk with them for a spell and the husbands seem comfortable with this. But then again, I'm getting up there in years and I'm not seen as a threat in the same way I once was in days bygone.

Edited February 15, 2016 by Gecko123

[khunpa]

I think a lot of insecurity comes with an often "childish" mentality and very simple way of thinking... A thing, that I personally think many Thais, both men and women, suffer under (not only in relationships, but also in many other situations too.)

Relationships of any kind, can quickly become "dramas" in Thailand. Simply because many grown people, think and act like teenagers here. Not being jealous requires trust in your partner and especially self-confidence. I guess it is hard for even a Thai to trust a Thai :-)

Edited February 15, 2016 by khunpa

[Berkshire]

Come on OP. Whilst I am often questioning Thais I think it is unfair to make sweeping statements like ' why are so many Thai men'. They are not all the same. Different culture, different ways of showing how much they love their partners. I would say for this reason would answer your question.

But that's the OP's MO, he observes some isolated incident and manages to leap to some ridiculous conclusion about a whole country of peoples he's never met. And of course, his conclusions are always negative about the Thais, especially the men. Talk about insecurity and immaturity.

So let me ask you OP, if I was married with a wife and kids, and my wife wanted to go for an extended vacation alone, leaving me to work and look after the kids, and I said "no." would you call me jealous and insecure?

That's the thing OP, your knowledge of Thailand and the Thais are so obscenely poor that you are almost always wrong when you express an opinion about Thailand.

[MaeJoMTB]

Some are, some aren't.

Wish I had killed my misses in the Uk, I would have been out by now with my pension, home and savings intact.

[swissie]

Thai's know Thai's. They grew up among themselves, right ? They know "how they tick". = Plenty of reasons for "jealousy" !

Cheers.

[AZBill]

As opposed to sexpats throwing themselves off of bridges and buildings when their rent a date goes wrong?

[1BADDAT]

Interesting topic, Spidermike.

A couple of guys in my village married women who inherited land from her parents. The guy's contribution is that he works the land and provides the family with income. But in the event of divorce, the wife would probably keep the land, and without land, the husband would most likely be unable to continue working as a farmer. So in some cases, trying to make sure that the wife doesn't run off with another man may be motivated more out of a desire to protect financial security than due to emotional insecurity.

I am also not sure the extent to which Thais buy into the Western concept of being platonic "friends" with members of the opposite sex. Especially if the spouse is younger and more sexually active, there's often an undercurrent of concern about the possibility of hanky panky. Not sure of the statistics, but extramarital affairs aren't unheard of here, so some guys might feel justified in staying vigilant.

I am friends with several of my Thai neighbors' wives. I can go over to their house and talk with them for a spell and the husbands seem comfortable with this. But then again, I'm getting up there in years and I'm not seen as a threat in the same way I once was in days bygone.

Are the husbands there when you are talking with their wives?

[spidermike007]

Come on OP. Whilst I am often questioning Thais I think it is unfair to make sweeping statements like ' why are so many Thai men'. They are not all the same. Different culture, different ways of showing how much they love their partners. I would say for this reason would answer your question.

But that's the OP's MO, he observes some isolated incident and manages to leap to some ridiculous conclusion about a whole country of peoples he's never met. And of course, his conclusions are always negative about the Thais, especially the men. Talk about insecurity and immaturity.

So let me ask you OP, if I was married with a wife and kids, and my wife wanted to go for an extended vacation alone, leaving me to work and look after the kids, and I said "no." would you call me jealous and insecure?

That's the thing OP, your knowledge of Thailand and the Thais are so obscenely poor that you are almost always wrong when you express an opinion about Thailand.

'

Fascinating conclusion. Much of this information comes from my Thai wife's mouth. She comments often, that many of her girlfriends cannot go out with her, without their husbands or boyfriends tagging along. And in the case of a trip up north, to visit friends, they cannot go, as their men will not allow them to be on their own for a few days. I am not making this stuff up. It is anything but an isolated incident. It is very commonplace. Of course it is safe to say I have never met everyone in the country. It would be quite a challenge to meet 68 million people. But, I have met alot, and I hear this opinion more often from the women, and from friends of my wife.

I think your analogy about being left with the kids for an extended period does not apply here. In the case of my wife, she has invited a few friends who either do not have kids, or are doing the Issan thing, and letting their folks look after them. So, this is a completely different circumstance. The gals want to go. They just are not being permitted to join the fun. I have lived in Thailand for over a decade, have many Thai friends, have traveled extensively in Thailand, and have a lovely Thai family. So, my knowledge is not quite as obscenely poor as you surmise.

In the west, I have some friends who are also quite possessive, but I also have many who are not, and their gals go out often with their friends, and it is not uncommon for some to travel without their husband or boyfriend.

But, as always, you are entitled to express your opinion.

Edited February 15, 2016 by spidermike007

[Gecko123]

Interesting topic, Spidermike.

A couple of guys in my village married women who inherited land from her parents. The guy's contribution is that he works the land and provides the family with income. But in the event of divorce, the wife would probably keep the land, and without land, the husband would most likely be unable to continue working as a farmer. So in some cases, trying to make sure that the wife doesn't run off with another man may be motivated more out of a desire to protect financial security than due to emotional insecurity.

I am also not sure the extent to which Thais buy into the Western concept of being platonic "friends" with members of the opposite sex. Especially if the spouse is younger and more sexually active, there's often an undercurrent of concern about the possibility of hanky panky. Not sure of the statistics, but extramarital affairs aren't unheard of here, so some guys might feel justified in staying vigilant.

I am friends with several of my Thai neighbors' wives. I can go over to their house and talk with them for a spell and the husbands seem comfortable with this. But then again, I'm getting up there in years and I'm not seen as a threat in the same way I once was in days bygone.

Are the husbands there when you are talking with their wives?

If the husband is present, it's true that I usually speak primarily with them, but not necessarily 100% of the time. Sometimes I primarily converse with the wife about subjects like gardening, parenting, schooling, pet care, and cooking even though the husband is sitting right there, or within earshot. I'm definitely not talking to these women in secluded settings; relatives and neighbors are always around. If the husband's not home, I always assume he learns of my visit in short order, most often informed by the wife.

[fey]

it all stems from penis envy. a small di@k. that's the root of all the problems you mentioned.

[moose7117]

it all stems from penis envy. a small di@k. that's the root of all the problems you mentioned.

exactly !

all us fallings have huge dicks and bulging wallets @

except me !

Falang ATM. mort lao !

rob

[Asheron]

Come on OP. Whilst I am often questioning Thais I think it is unfair to make sweeping statements like ' why are so many Thai men'. They are not all the same. Different culture, different ways of showing how much they love their partners. I would say for this reason would answer your question.

Do you understand the difference between the words "many" and "all"?