Unhappy in Bangkok - relationship issues - need a change

[GF47]

This is a long-winded "unhappy in Bangkok" post so be prepared...

I have been living in Bangkok for 6 months now. My main purpose in coming here was to take photos and hopefully find companionship and some friends.The first part has been great. I have got some amazing photos, and leaving the country every few months has given me some other great travel opportunities.

The relationship part has mostly been a failure. I had a girlfriend for a few months, and she says she loves me, but we don't have much in common and she is keeping me a secret from her family (understandable), but since she lives with a family member and also lives just outside Bangkok, it means I almost never see her. So my basic needs are not being met. Last I heard she had gone back to her parents home for a month and they are now arranging a marriage for her.

So I have been trying REALLY hard to find new companionship for the last few months. I am introverted and can't just chat random women up at a bar, so I have been using the usual dating sites and mobile apps.

But I just can't seem to connect with anyone in Bangkok. I get plenty of "matches" - women who said they liked my profile - but when I try to take it further I either get shot down immediately or just plain ignored. I'm not saying anything weird, just basic getting to know you stuff. It seems they either lose interest immediately, or if I try to be aggressive and say I would like to meet or photograph them, they just laugh or say they are too ugly. Or I find someone interesting, but of course they live too far away to be a companion.

I'm not sure what the issue is. I'm mid-30s, in good shape, have a decent photography portfolio, a nice condo in Thonglor, plenty of free time, money in the bank, and am always polite and professional. I'm probably middle ground in terms of looks - not the best looking expat but certainly not the worst either.

My question is: is this a Bangkok dating experience, or is this a Thai dating experience? Is it a language barrier from women who can't say anything more than "Hi, how are you?" Are they all just too busy, stuck up, or getting so many messages from men that it's impossible to form a real connection? Would I be better off in Pattaya or Chaing Mai? Or is it likely to be more of the same?

I have 6 months left on my Visa, and am not sure what to do.

[lovelomsak]

Meeting women in bangkok is like falling off a log. It is too easy.I have met them trying to jaywalk at the same place and slept with her the next night. When I lived in Bangkok I met women all day. Could have dinner every night with a new women. I think maybe you should just get outside and meet them. Easy at Big C or any mall.At an eatery,just about any where you go. Bars are the worst places. Ice cream parlours,coffee shops just about any were. Just smile and make eye contact and be friendly too easy.Bangkok women are receptive to meeting new men.

[sunnyjim5]

How many successful relationships did you have in your own country?

If you are just looking for someone to satisfy your basic needs then such a relationship is easily arranged either on a short or longer term basis.

[Deserted]

Meeting women in bangkok is like falling off a log. It is too easy.I have met them trying to jaywalk at the same place and slept with her the next night. When I lived in Bangkok I met women all day. Could have dinner every night with a new women. I think maybe you should just get outside and meet them. Easy at Big C or any mall.At an eatery,just about any where you go. Bars are the worst places. Ice cream parlours,coffee shops just about any were. Just smile and make eye contact and be friendly too easy.Bangkok women are receptive to meeting new men.

Don't buy into that silly nonsense, its not easy at all. It sounds like you need to be a bit more patient. You can meet women if you want but I don't think they are the sort you really want to meet unless you think with a certain part of your anatomy like some apparently do. I would suggest spend a few years improving your Thai and broadening your social circles. It's generally who you know and their friends that make the difference. I think you need to take your time. Any fool can find a woman here but finding one that's right for you takes time.

[DipStick]

I believe that possibly the key to your issue, is your self description of being an introvert. Asian girls are very good at picking up body language, and you may be coming through as being negative and lacking in self confidence. And if that's the case, you won't Stoke many Asian female fires .. Think about it

[GF47]

How many successful relationships did you have in your own country?

If you are just looking for someone to satisfy your basic needs then such a relationship is easily arranged either on a short or longer term basis.

Not a ton, but I've had some successful long-term relationships. Enough for me to know that it is possible.

I tried the bar scene recently and found the price high and the service lousy. I'm 33, so I would have to spend 2,000 - 4,000 baht 3 - 5 times a week to be satisfied. I loved the bar scene in Cambodia, where I was popular and the prices were affordable, but Bangkok seems a little too high for long-term accommodation.

Edited March 8, 2016 by theoldgit
Quote fixed

[GF47]

I believe that possibly the key to your issue, is your self description of being an introvert. Asian girls are very good at picking up body language, and you may be coming through as being negative and lacking in self confidence. And if that's the case, you won't Stoke many Asian female fires .. Think about it

The Khmers and Phillipinas seem to like me. Main issue with that is I think those are not the best places to be walking around with a camera. Otherwise I'd move to Phnom Penh in a heartbeat.

[GF47]

Meeting women in bangkok is like falling off a log. It is too easy.I have met them trying to jaywalk at the same place and slept with her the next night. When I lived in Bangkok I met women all day. Could have dinner every night with a new women. I think maybe you should just get outside and meet them. Easy at Big C or any mall.At an eatery,just about any where you go. Bars are the worst places. Ice cream parlours,coffee shops just about any were. Just smile and make eye contact and be friendly too easy.Bangkok women are receptive to meeting new men.

Don't buy into that silly nonsense, its not easy at all. It sounds like you need to be a bit more patient. You can meet women if you want but I don't think they are the sort you really want to meet unless you think with a certain part of your anatomy like some apparently do. I would suggest spend a few years improving your Thai and broadening your social circles. It's generally who you know and their friends that make the difference. I think you need to take your time. Any fool can find a woman here but finding one that's right for you takes time.

I guess that may be the issue. I'm not sure I want to patiently practice Thai for years, when I'm not even sure if I want to spend another 6 months here. I had always heard that if you were a lonely western guy with a bit of money then Thailand was the place to be. I guess maybe that logic only applies to short-term bar-scene visits.

[JHolmesJr]

Even the horniest thai woman will NOT make the first move…it really is up to the man…they have told me this.

They like men with the guts to come up and say hello…yes, hello…that is all you need in terms of game.

Then invite them out…and go slow….unless she's a ho…which I gather you don't like.

If they bring a friend on a date, bail immediately.

Don't take any shit…and nip any gold digging behaviour in the bud by removing yourself from the situation pronto.

I would say good luck but you don't need any luck with these gals….just focus on the one you like and get in there.

Theres an old saying…any idiot can get a girl to fall in love with him…but it takes a a smart man to get a woman out of his life.

Cheers.

[DipStick]

Even the horniest thai woman will NOT make the first moveit really is up to the manthey have told me this.

They like men with the guts to come up and say helloyes, hellothat is all you need in terms of game.

Then invite them outand go slow.unless she's a howhich I gather you don't like.

If they bring a friend on a date, bail immediately.

Don't take any shitand nip any gold digging behaviour in the bud by removing yourself from the situation pronto.

I would say good luck but you don't need any luck with these gals.just focus on the one you like and get in there.

Theres an old sayingany idiot can get a girl to fall in love with himbut it takes a a smart man to get a woman out of his life.

Agreed but that's not the way of an introvert is it. All women like leadership doesn't matter where in the world you are.

Cheers.

[bino]

I would drop asking to photograph them from your chat patter. This might seem creepy to a lot of girls, especially on dating sites where they endure a lot of forward behavior from guys who are looking for sex.

[lovelomsak]

Meeting women in bangkok is like falling off a log. It is too easy.I have met them trying to jaywalk at the same place and slept with her the next night. When I lived in Bangkok I met women all day. Could have dinner every night with a new women. I think maybe you should just get outside and meet them. Easy at Big C or any mall.At an eatery,just about any where you go. Bars are the worst places. Ice cream parlours,coffee shops just about any were. Just smile and make eye contact and be friendly too easy.Bangkok women are receptive to meeting new men.

Don't buy into that silly nonsense, its not easy at all. It sounds like you need to be a bit more patient. You can meet women if you want but I don't think they are the sort you really want to meet unless you think with a certain part of your anatomy like some apparently do. I would suggest spend a few years improving your Thai and broadening your social circles. It's generally who you know and their friends that make the difference. I think you need to take your time. Any fool can find a woman here but finding one that's right for you takes time.

I guess that may be the issue. I'm not sure I want to patiently practice Thai for years, when I'm not even sure if I want to spend another 6 months here. I had always heard that if you were a lonely western guy with a bit of money then Thailand was the place to be. I guess maybe that logic only applies to short-term bar-scene visits.

Thai women are so easy to meet like I said. Even the very good ones are approachable. It all comes down to you. How you behave ,how comfortable they are around you things like that. That is why bars are the worst places.Start conversations,most speak a little english in Bangkok.Take them for ice cream.For Thai women its about how they feel around you and how you treat them. The more things you do with them that includes sharing the more they will like you. Simple sharing.Share ice cream,ice coffee anything that is giving and sharing. they just love that. If when you are with them you see something girly look at it with them and then buy it for them,they love that. It does not have to be expensive ,A keyring always works or hair clip simple and cheap.Never rush things, they will let you know if and when things can happen.Take it slow treat them good and the heavens open.The great part is it so much fun meeting them and doing these simple things,gives a guy good insight to who she is.

[wow64]

Op could we have your photo to have a better understanding of the situation.

It's a good idea if you open with the line can I take your photo.. Then you will know if you are interested in the same things.

[lovelomsak]

Op could we have your photo to have a better understanding of the situation.

It's a good idea if you open with the line can I take your photo.. Then you will know if you are interested in the same things.

He is right thai women love to have their photo taken. You cannot lose taking photos to share.

[GF47]

Op could we have your photo to have a better understanding of the situation.

It's a good idea if you open with the line can I take your photo.. Then you will know if you are interested in the same things.

Yes I'm flawed, but I see plenty of guys looking similar that have decent Thai women with them. Surely they are not all bar girls.

And yeah, I generally use the photography thing as a ice breaker. It's partially to meet new women and partially because I actually am recruiting new models, and I'm amazed at how many of them say no.

[wow64]

Try this pic... Might help. No need to talk then..

Edited March 7, 2016 by wow64

[GF47]

Try this pic... Might help. No need to talk then..ImageUploadedByThaivisa Connect1457369787.544711.jpg

Ok so the issue is I'm dark and don't smile enough. I've gotten that before - fair enough. But all of my dating matches looked at that same photo and hit "like"

[NeverSure]

^^^ You are a photographer but don't know how to take a portrait? You don't know that the wide angle lens you are using distorts your face including making your nose look big? The yellow light makes you look sickly.

I have a hunch that you are better looking than that photo, but if you're using dating sites you need to find a photographer.

Cheers.

[GF47]

^^^ You are a photographer but don't know how to take a portrait? You don't know that the wide angle lens you are using distorts your face including making your nose look big? The yellow light makes you look sickly.

I have a hunch that you are better looking than that photo, but if you're using dating sites you need to find a photographer.

Cheers.

I use that photo (and others like it) because I think it's a realistic representation of how I actually look in the daily life. I have used only good portraits taken by myself before, and you know what I got? A bunch of girls who were disappointed when they actually met me. The old "You looked better in the photos" kind of deal.

[elgordo38]

Try this pic... Might help. No need to talk then..ImageUploadedByThaivisa Connect1457369787.544711.jpg

Not bad looking no smile though and you seem to have a chip on the one shoulder. Your lucky you got some really good advice from what I can see usually the guys will take a strip off of the person posting your type of inquiry. Get a mirror practice smiling. Us old fat farts get the babes because we are retired here and not here for a 90 day Italian holiday. They like us steady Eddies and I see you like to come and go a lot. If they care they can be very jealous and suspicious. The nip any gold diggers in the bud is good advice. The culture here is sometimes hard to understand. I had one girl staying with me and the phone rang it was her mother in the hospital with a gall bladder operation. In ten minutes she had her bags packed and out the door never saw her again. Looking back now I am glad she did. If you go at this with a basic needs attitude well Soi Cowboy is the place for you.

[DogNo1]

Try some Toastmaster meetings. I've had some exceptional girls give me their cards there. All professionals with MA's or other advanced qualifications. Google for Toastmaster meetings in Bangkok. Good luck. I don't think that you'll find any girls looking for short-term relationships though. The really nice girls don't want to be used for short flings.

[uthaithanirules]

Meeting women in bangkok is like falling off a log. It is too easy.I have met them trying to jaywalk at the same place and slept with her the next night. When I lived in Bangkok I met women all day. Could have dinner every night with a new women. I think maybe you should just get outside and meet them. Easy at Big C or any mall.At an eatery,just about any where you go. Bars are the worst places. Ice cream parlours,coffee shops just about any were. Just smile and make eye contact and be friendly too easy.Bangkok women are receptive to meeting new men.

Don't buy into that silly nonsense, its not easy at all. It sounds like you need to be a bit more patient. You can meet women if you want but I don't think they are the sort you really want to meet unless you think with a certain part of your anatomy like some apparently do. I would suggest spend a few years improving your Thai and broadening your social circles. It's generally who you know and their friends that make the difference. I think you need to take your time. Any fool can find a woman here but finding one that's right for you takes time.

I guess that may be the issue. I'm not sure I want to patiently practice Thai for years, when I'm not even sure if I want to spend another 6 months here. I had always heard that if you were a lonely western guy with a bit of money then Thailand was the place to be. I guess maybe that logic only applies to short-term bar-scene visits.

I cant handle Bangkok, just generally stressed when I am there, especially constantly playing Frogger as a pedestrian

How much of you being down is really about the city itself

[GF47]

Meeting women in bangkok is like falling off a log. It is too easy.I have met them trying to jaywalk at the same place and slept with her the next night. When I lived in Bangkok I met women all day. Could have dinner every night with a new women. I think maybe you should just get outside and meet them. Easy at Big C or any mall.At an eatery,just about any where you go. Bars are the worst places. Ice cream parlours,coffee shops just about any were. Just smile and make eye contact and be friendly too easy.Bangkok women are receptive to meeting new men.

Don't buy into that silly nonsense, its not easy at all. It sounds like you need to be a bit more patient. You can meet women if you want but I don't think they are the sort you really want to meet unless you think with a certain part of your anatomy like some apparently do. I would suggest spend a few years improving your Thai and broadening your social circles. It's generally who you know and their friends that make the difference. I think you need to take your time. Any fool can find a woman here but finding one that's right for you takes time.

I guess that may be the issue. I'm not sure I want to patiently practice Thai for years, when I'm not even sure if I want to spend another 6 months here. I had always heard that if you were a lonely western guy with a bit of money then Thailand was the place to be. I guess maybe that logic only applies to short-term bar-scene visits.

I cant handle Bangkok, just generally stressed when I am there, especially constantly playing Frogger as a pedestrian

How much of you being down is really about the city itself

I love the city. Great street photo and architecture ops here. Just wish I had someone to enjoy it with.

[GF47]

Try this pic... Might help. No need to talk then..ImageUploadedByThaivisa Connect1457369787.544711.jpg

Not bad looking no smile though and you seem to have a chip on the one shoulder. Your lucky you got some really good advice from what I can see usually the guys will take a strip off of the person posting your type of inquiry. Get a mirror practice smiling. Us old fat farts get the babes because we are retired here and not here for a 90 day Italian holiday. They like us steady Eddies and I see you like to come and go a lot. If they care they can be very jealous and suspicious. The nip any gold diggers in the bud is good advice. The culture here is sometimes hard to understand. I had one girl staying with me and the phone rang it was her mother in the hospital with a gall bladder operation. In ten minutes she had her bags packed and out the door never saw her again. Looking back now I am glad she did. If you go at this with a basic needs attitude well Soi Cowboy is the place for you.

And to clarify I have a 1 year visa - I just have to cross the border every 90 days. I would be open to getting another Visa if I found myself with good relationships to stay for. I am not looking for a fling, and I always make that clear to the women.

Anyway thanks to those who have tried to help. Things just haven't worked out and I'm still not sure why. Maybe I'm just too weird for Thailand - but how is that possible?

[catman20]

I've used the dating site for a few years and had lots of luck there but you got to do the numbers but that fun also, I find if your looking for something special you wont find it when your just doing it for fun you end up finding a good girl. never had a problem with the language as 90% speak English ok. you need to relax and stick with it and enjoy yourself.

[rwdrwdrwd]

^^^ You are a photographer but don't know how to take a portrait? You don't know that the wide angle lens you are using distorts your face including making your nose look big? The yellow light makes you look sickly.

I have a hunch that you are better looking than that photo, but if you're using dating sites you need to find a photographer.

Cheers.

I use that photo (and others like it) because I think it's a realistic representation of how I actually look in the daily life. I have used only good portraits taken by myself before, and you know what I got? A bunch of girls who were disappointed when they actually met me. The old "You looked better in the photos" kind of deal.

I met a woman I'd connected with on a social networking site back in 2010, first thing she said was I looked better in my pic

I said "so did you"! Married for 4 years now. We were both right.

Once you've met up though it isn't about looks so much imo, but the general vibe. In my experience Thai women are extremely attracted to humour, just be funny and playful and don't be so hung up on looks. You're not Brad Pitt but you're not an unattractive guy - just smile a bit and be cheeky / playful and I'm sure you'll be fine.

"I want to meet up to take your photos" is probably a no no.

[klauskunkel]

I have been using the usual dating sites and mobile apps.

But I just can't seem to connect with anyone in Bangkok. I get plenty of "matches" - women who said they liked my profile - but when I try to take it further I either get shot down immediately or just plain ignored.

you've been chatting with the wrong Nigerians...

[BKResort]

Before finding the right one I dated a lot for few years. Finding somebody on Thai dating sites it is frustrating because most women on those sites are looking for a "sponsor", and most of the times they found the right one for them after dating dozens..at the same time. Also so few speaks good English, and just that creates a lot of misunderstandings and confusion. Do not worry. It is not your fault. They are too busy "choosing" and having "fun".

If I have to do all over again, I never will look for nice women in Thai dating sites. I wasted a lot of time and energy with that. Later, and for first time in Facebook, I found out that many good people and very interesting English speaking Thai women are Facebook users, and many are interested in contact foreigners for many reasons, friendship, business, and dating. Even wealthy women, very successful young business women, professionals, and many very beautiful.

Look in Facebook, Join a group of your interest meeting new friends.You will get a surprise like I did. https://www.facebook.com/photografs/?fref=ts

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Photography/108170975877442?fref=ts

https://www.facebook.com/groups/tcapgroup/

https://www.facebook.com/groups/785716181525936/875100815920805/?notif_t=group_activity

Just examples.

Good luck.

Edited March 8, 2016 by BKResort

[SOTIRIOS]

...you may be dealing with confidence issues....

...besides that...... contrary to the myth...this is not really the place to 'get into a relationship'.....

...as for meeting women, though....they used to say .....'the best place to meet a woman is at the grocery store'....

...not a dating service or a bar.....

...these women are 'light years ahead of you'.......they are mentored and hone their skills.....

...why even innocent university students apparently have a 'second wife service' going on.....

...it is an industry here.....

...good luck.....

[dotpoom]

Meeting women in bangkok is like falling off a log. It is too easy.I have met them trying to jaywalk at the same place and slept with her the next night. When I lived in Bangkok I met women all day. Could have dinner every night with a new women. I think maybe you should just get outside and meet them. Easy at Big C or any mall.At an eatery,just about any where you go. Bars are the worst places. Ice cream parlours,coffee shops just about any were. Just smile and make eye contact and be friendly too easy.Bangkok women are receptive to meeting new men.

Not easy to make "eye contact" with a lady these days.....while her head is buried in a phone???