Expats in Thailand - what do you intend to do when you're old (70,80,90+)?

[apetley]

I will live a long healthy and fruitful life. My end will come either peacefully in my bed or at an event hopefully entertaining enough to make the front page.

Death by Custard???

Close

[VillageIdiot]

This is a topic that's discussed with what would some would call depressing frequency on the Chiang Mai forum where some expats don't even make the decision to relocate to Thailand until after age 70.

For example, this thread on Dok Kaew Gardens, one of the better known, longer established and reasonably priced cared home in Chiang Mai that is able to accomodate foreigners:

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/767980-assisted-living-at-dok-kaew-gardens-at-mckean/page-3

Unlike similar places in the west, the facilities in Chiang Mai are staffed by caring people who don't "slag off and neglect you".

From what I've seen (I'm president of the CM Expats Club, basically a club for retired people) the most successful older expats are those with a wide social network, who have kept active, both mentally and socially. Not necessarily those who have a Thai wife/GF, but those who have some close and caring western friends who they trust to step in if they are unable to take care of themselves. Accidents happen or people can get to the point that they aren't capable of remembering when to take medication properly or how to handle their finances. Those are usually the first two things to go when people start to have declining mental function. It's important to have someone close to you that is able and trusted enough to intervene before you get into trouble because you're not managing your medications and/or your finances properly. Often a Thai spouse or trusted maid isn't the person able to do this.

Your caveat about Thai wives and geriatric farangs is certainly worth considering in the cases where they have come here late in life.

Thais take care of their own; and that would include a farang who has long-term family ties and has raised children among them.

Family means everything here. Your position in the family determines who you are. Without one you are nobody... farang tao-nahn eng.

​Most farangs have come here too late in life. Set in their ways and unable to adapt. Too late to master the language and attain functional literacy. Too late to be anything other than a cash-cow for some mercenary woman and her greedy relatives.

At the first signs of age-related declining health get back to your own country.

Thailand is a place for farangs to live in - not die in.

[n210mp]

A little while ago my Mrs was not too well and all the family were worried about her.

Contrary to the commonly held belief on this forum that a large percentage of Thai ladies and families are only after the Farangs money I have found to the contrary.

There was no doubt in any of my relatives opinions where I was going in the event of losing my wife and that was with THE family! (I am in my 70s)

Before the chronically cynical, bitter and twisted make any sarcastic comments on the motives regarding my Thai family's decision that I would be taken care of by them , may I say that in the last ten years they have never asked or been given any money by either me or my wife and are fiercely independent and proud people

I am lucky in not only having a top class wife but also a top class family but I will say this you only get out what you put in and when there have been occasions in the past when Papa or a member of the family has been ill, we have been there showing our love and concern in practical ways. Not money intensive but definitely "love" intensive

[B1TcoinLife]

A little while ago my Mrs was not too well and all the family were worried about her.

Contrary to the commonly held belief on this forum that a large percentage of Thai ladies and families are only after the Farangs money I have found to the contrary.

There was no doubt in any of my relatives opinions where I was going in the event of losing my wife and that was with THE family! (I am in my 70s)

Before the chronically cynical, bitter and twisted make any sarcastic comments on the motives regarding my Thai family's decision that I would be taken care of by them , may I say that in the last ten years they have never asked or been given any money by either me or my wife and are fiercely independent and proud people

I am lucky in not only having a top class wife but also a top class family but I will say this you only get out what you put in and when there have been occasions in the past when Papa or a member of the family has been ill, we have been there showing our love and concern in practical ways. Not money intensive but definitely "love" intensive

Your lucky she didn't die, they would have buried you under the new crop of rice

[BritManToo]

I am lucky in not only having a top class wife but also a top class family but I will say this you only get out what you put in and when there have been occasions in the past when Papa or a member of the family has been ill, we have been there showing our love and concern in practical ways. Not money intensive but definitely "love" intensive

If you're in your 70s, how old is 'Papa'?

[nikmar]

Im currently training the soi dogs in my area to run errands, like go to 7-11 for beer and fags.

They will take care of me by bringing me essentials and running for help, Lassie style, when Im old and poorly.

Bless my little mangy pretties.

In reality, ive never really thought about it, but I am addressing it now. Thanks for bringing it up.

[AlexRich]

I don't plan to be here that long. I'm no where near retirement age but I'll be back in my own country before then. I personally would not want to grow infirm in Thailand without a loving and caring family around me, and that would include my own 'blood' children.

It's an interesting, though slightly depressing topic.

[ThaiKneeTim]

Provided I don't fall off a balcony in the meantime, I plan to stock up on morphine and bring about my own demise the day I'm unable to wipe my own backside.

I helped look after my father in his declining months after being diagnosed with cancer of the esophagus, and I have no intention of ending my days in the same way.

There's an Australian guy in the village who apparently had a stroke, if village gossip is to be believed he had lost control of his bowels and bladder. Fortunately for this guy he has a sister coming to help him, but I understand he has now been admitted to hospital, so I wonder if he is fit to travel, or facing his declining, and totally dependant, days in Thailand.

Me, I'd already be scattered to the four winds before that stage!

[The Deerhunter]

"What would your plans be if you reach a good age?"

I think we need to think about just what is a "good age".

I once asked my doctor how many years it would add to my life if tried to lead a "healthier life" no smoking, no drinking healthy diet and more exercise?

He asked me how many extra years of wearing a diaper I really wanted.

Just what is a good age if the quality of life sucks?

1. The living healthily and mentally together as an older person is one thing. I am there now!!!

Being dead is another.

3. One we can handle ourselves and the other we don't need to handle.

In the middle (stage 2???) is the possibility of up to several or even many years of frail mental and physical existence. It is alright being flippant abut the first and third stages but the question undoubtedly covers the middle stage which those of us who do not have the good fortune to go straight from stage 1 to 3 will have to live through and that's obviously what the OP asks about. I'm in stage one but like everyone else in a healthy stage one, have no idea about stages 2 or 3 hold for me.

I too am interested in hearing about sensible options for a dignified and caring stage 2.

Part 2. I do not smoke, I drink on average a can of beer a day maximum, get some exercise and have excellent health signs for my age. I have no natural children (that I know of) and 10 years into my second marriage to a loving supportive Thai 25 years younger than me. I am the youngest in the family, now in my late 60's and do not really have any family in my home country that i could impose upon in my real dotage. One or two nieces who could/would help have huge medical problems themselves and may not outlast me. It is a pretty bleak picture here if things go badly wrong, early and my current Thai wife is not able to help. Most of the rest of the family here would not be candidates for help beyond helping themselves. (There are a few exceptions.) I have moderately large assets back home but am not "still" rich, income wise, like when i had a business. I too toy with the idea that I may voluntarily remove myself somehow but the difficulty is that at the time I might not be able or cognizant to do it. Splatting myself from a balcony onto the parking area of a condo does not seem attractive, considerate or dignified and one may not be able to get the drugs and/or administer them correctly to do it cleanly. Perhaps the swimming thing mentioned by another poster, is a good idea, done at night. Yes, the whole thing is scary and yes it keeps me awake at nights.

Edited May 3, 2016 by The Deerhunter

[simon43]

The last people that I'd want to look after me/have control of my finances etc are my ex #2 and her family. Ex #3 is more trustworthy and doesn't have any useless family members.

That being said, I enjoy and value my own independence and simply do not want another person living with me, (I'm such a miserable git...). Of course, my view might change as I grow old and/if my health declines.

I'm of a similar view to The Deerhunter and others. I should be able to decide how and when I want to exit this world, before bits start dropping off me.

[dageurreotype]

This is a topic that's discussed with what would some would call depressing frequency on the Chiang Mai forum where some expats don't even make the decision to relocate to Thailand until after age 70.

For example, this thread on Dok Kaew Gardens, one of the better known, longer established and reasonably priced cared home in Chiang Mai that is able to accomodate foreigners:

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/767980-assisted-living-at-dok-kaew-gardens-at-mckean/page-3

Unlike similar places in the west, the facilities in Chiang Mai are staffed by caring people who don't "slag off and neglect you".

From what I've seen (I'm president of the CM Expats Club, basically a club for retired people) the most successful older expats are those with a wide social network, who have kept active, both mentally and socially. Not necessarily those who have a Thai wife/GF, but those who have some close and caring western friends who they trust to step in if they are unable to take care of themselves. Accidents happen or people can get to the point that they aren't capable of remembering when to take medication properly or how to handle their finances. Those are usually the first two things to go when people start to have declining mental function. It's important to have someone close to you that is able and trusted enough to intervene before you get into trouble because you're not managing your medications and/or your finances properly. Often a Thai spouse or trusted maid isn't the person able to do this.

Well if I'm that far gone I'd rather simply let nature take it's course. Old folk's home? No thanks.

[dageurreotype]

"What would your plans be if you reach a good age?"

I think we need to think about just what is a "good age".

I once asked my doctor how many years it would add to my life if tried to lead a "healthier life" no smoking, no drinking healthy diet and more exercise?

He asked me how many extra years of wearing a diaper I really wanted.

Just what is a good age if the quality of life sucks?

1. The living healthily and mentally together as an older person is one thing. I am there now!!!

Being dead is another.

3. One we can handle ourselves and the other we don't need to handle.

In the middle (stage 2???) is the possibility of up to several or even many years of frail mental and physical existence. It is alright being flippant abut the first and third stages but the question undoubtedly covers the middle stage which those of us who do not have the good fortune to go straight from stage 1 to 3 will have to live through and that's obviously what the OP asks about. I'm in stage one but like everyone else in a healthy stage one, have no idea about stages 2 or 3 hold for me.

I too am interested in hearing about sensible options for a dignified and caring stage 2.

Part 2. I do not smoke, I drink on average a can of beer a day maximum, get some exercise and have excellent health signs for my age. I have no natural children (that I know of) and 10 years into my second marriage to a loving supportive Thai 25 years younger than me. I am the youngest in the family, now in my late 60's and do not really have any family in my home country that i could impose upon in my real dotage. One or two nieces who could/would help have huge medical problems themselves and may not outlast me. It is a pretty bleak picture here if things go badly wrong, early and my current Thai wife is not able to help. Most of the rest of the family here would not be candidates for help beyond helping themselves. (There are a few exceptions.) I have moderately large assets back home but am not "still" rich, income wise, like when i had a business. I too toy with the idea that I may voluntarily remove myself somehow but the difficulty is that at the time I might not be able or cognizant to do it. Splatting myself from a balcony onto the parking area of a condo does not seem attractive, considerate or dignified and one may not be able to get the drugs and/or administer them correctly to do it cleanly. Perhaps the swimming thing mentioned by another poster, is a good idea, done at night. Yes, the whole thing is scary and yes it keeps me awake at nights.

I recommend everyone watch the film 'Chronic'. That'll put things in perspective for you

[sandgroper2]

This is a topic that's discussed with what would some would call depressing frequency on the Chiang Mai forum where some expats don't even make the decision to relocate to Thailand until after age 70.

For example, this thread on Dok Kaew Gardens, one of the better known, longer established and reasonably priced cared home in Chiang Mai that is able to accomodate foreigners:

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/767980-assisted-living-at-dok-kaew-gardens-at-mckean/page-3

Unlike similar places in the west, the facilities in Chiang Mai are staffed by caring people who don't "slag off and neglect you".

From what I've seen (I'm president of the CM Expats Club, basically a club for retired people) the most successful older expats are those with a wide social network, who have kept active, both mentally and socially. Not necessarily those who have a Thai wife/GF, but those who have some close and caring western friends who they trust to step in if they are unable to take care of themselves. Accidents happen or people can get to the point that they aren't capable of remembering when to take medication properly or how to handle their finances. Those are usually the first two things to go when people start to have declining mental function. It's important to have someone close to you that is able and trusted enough to intervene before you get into trouble because you're not managing your medications and/or your finances properly. Often a Thai spouse or trusted maid isn't the person able to do this.

Your caveat about Thai wives and geriatric farangs is certainly worth considering in the cases where they have come here late in life.

Thais take care of their own; and that would include a farang who has long-term family ties and has raised children among them.

Family means everything here. Your position in the family determines who you are. Without one you are nobody... farang tao-nahn eng.

​Most farangs have come here too late in life. Set in their ways and unable to adapt. Too late to master the language and attain functional literacy. Too late to be anything other than a cash-cow for some mercenary woman and her greedy relatives.

At the first signs of age-related declining health get back to your own country.

Thailand is a place for farangs to live in - not die in.

I asked my thai wife , where am i in her list of affection. She said Mama nr 1, papa nr 2 etc, me, nr 35. I asked if we have baby , what nr will i be, she said nr 36.

[gt162]

Those days will come and I hope I live long and prosperous with my marbles intact.

[simon43]

I asked my thai wife , where am i in her list of affection. She said Mama nr 1, papa nr 2 etc, me, nr 35. I asked if we have baby , what nr will i be, she said nr 36.

LoL, exactly why I now choose to be single. I got tired of being #2...#50 (and that also applies to when I lived in the UK with my 1st wife).

Now I am #1, and that ain't changing

[bamukloy]

When 80y.o;

Buy a house

think about it:

-You wont be needing the funds anymore.

-The fact you cant own it wont be such an issue.

- You will be setting up a Thai person for life..one who might never have been able to own a house.

-No need to worry so much about your choice of winner of the free house lottery.

-Said recipient will be glad she only has to wait a few years for you to croak it.

I cant see a downside

If shes a good girl she will nurse you in old(er) age until you croak it.

If otherwise, you neednt have to worry about waiting to have a long and boring drawn out life of incapacitated old age

[lovelomsak]

This is a real issue with me.I do not want to be old and frail.I have thought of hanging,taking drugs( but do not know to take or where to get them).to cowardly to jump from a balcony.Gun to the head may be ok. But now with violence growing inThailand and easy to get killed, I was entertaining the thought, of taking on few young thugs in a fight to the death.and may be take a few with me.That,s about all I could come up with...

[Merylhighground]

Not wishing to be overly cynical.

I doubt there will be that many Western 'expats' in Thailand in ten or so years time apart from the super rich/diplomatic staff/NGO workers or those with the business/work skills or experience to be of value to whoever is the ruling 'elite' and/or to improve their business interests.

Most Westerners in Thailand now, will be lucky to get more than two weeks a year, maybe a month tops the way things are heading....

The feeling of schadenfreude I feel when thinking of this after the mealy-mouthed bitterness at recent changes to immigration issues I read on this forum when turning to out and out panic when it comes to considering the future is exquisite....

[robertson468]

This is a topic that's discussed with what would some would call depressing frequency on the Chiang Mai forum where some expats don't even make the decision to relocate to Thailand until after age 70.

For example, this thread on Dok Kaew Gardens, one of the better known, longer established and reasonably priced cared home in Chiang Mai that is able to accomodate foreigners:

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/767980-assisted-living-at-dok-kaew-gardens-at-mckean/page-3

Unlike similar places in the west, the facilities in Chiang Mai are staffed by caring people who don't "slag off and neglect you".

From what I've seen (I'm president of the CM Expats Club, basically a club for retired people) the most successful older expats are those with a wide social network, who have kept active, both mentally and socially. Not necessarily those who have a Thai wife/GF, but those who have some close and caring western friends who they trust to step in if they are unable to take care of themselves. Accidents happen or people can get to the point that they aren't capable of remembering when to take medication properly or how to handle their finances. Those are usually the first two things to go when people start to have declining mental function. It's important to have someone close to you that is able and trusted enough to intervene before you get into trouble because you're not managing your medications and/or your finances properly. Often a Thai spouse or trusted maid isn't the person able to do this.

"Often a Thai spouse or trusted maid isn't the person able to do this". Are you always inclined to radical generalisation and putting people down only because they come from a different ethnic background, which you clearly believe is below that to what you were born to? I have seldom read such complete and uneducated tosh in my life. My Wife, who is Thai and is not only a very caring and loving person, but is highly intelligent having obtained Degrees in both Thailand and in Australia. I suspect she has far more compassion in her little finger than you have and a brain securely lodged in her head, which reading this racist drivel makes me wonder where yours is? Would strongly recommend that in future you engage brain before keyboard.

[Hedghog]

Dignitas can help.

Better than many options.

Obviously not to everyone's taste.

[Tchooptip]

The best insurance is to preserve your body and mind with adequate lifestyle.

Good idea. So hookers only every other night then?

---------------------------------

Get real .....at 70 years of age, a different girl every night is a thing of the past, my friend.

It's not every night but every other night Pffffff

[ChrisKC]

This has absolutely nothing to do with age and everything to do with attitude, state of mind and health.

Now I am 71 and can do ANYTHING a 25 year old can do (except join an under 25 Club) and could easily cope with a hooker every night if I wanted to.

If you want to know what I would do if I was physically or mentally lacking - I don't know!

[bamukloy]

This is a topic that's discussed with what would some would call depressing frequency on the Chiang Mai forum where some expats don't even make the decision to relocate to Thailand until after age 70.

For example, this thread on Dok Kaew Gardens, one of the better known, longer established and reasonably priced cared home in Chiang Mai that is able to accomodate foreigners:

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/767980-assisted-living-at-dok-kaew-gardens-at-mckean/page-3

Unlike similar places in the west, the facilities in Chiang Mai are staffed by caring people who don't "slag off and neglect you".

From what I've seen (I'm president of the CM Expats Club, basically a club for retired people) the most successful older expats are those with a wide social network, who have kept active, both mentally and socially. Not necessarily those who have a Thai wife/GF, but those who have some close and caring western friends who they trust to step in if they are unable to take care of themselves. Accidents happen or people can get to the point that they aren't capable of remembering when to take medication properly or how to handle their finances. Those are usually the first two things to go when people start to have declining mental function. It's important to have someone close to you that is able and trusted enough to intervene before you get into trouble because you're not managing your medications and/or your finances properly. Often a Thai spouse or trusted maid isn't the person able to do this.

"Often a Thai spouse or trusted maid isn't the person able to do this". Are you always inclined to radical generalisation and putting people down only because they come from a different ethnic background, which you clearly believe is below that to what you were born to? I have seldom read such complete and uneducated tosh in my life. My Wife, who is Thai and is not only a very caring and loving person, but is highly intelligent having obtained Degrees in both Thailand and in Australia. I suspect she has far more compassion in her little finger than you have and a brain securely lodged in her head, which reading this racist drivel makes me wonder where yours is? Would strongly recommend that in future you engage brain before keyboard.

I think NancyL was speaking in the context of a foriegner who relocates to Thailand in their 70's...as mentioned early in the post.

Being married or in a trusted relationship is an entirely different matter.

I'd have to agree with him/her, teaming up with a maid or spouse you've met on the run in Thailand whilest in your 70's (her presumably much younger) is not an ideal scenario.

[wwest5829]

The best insurance is to preserve your body and mind with adequate lifestyle.

Good idea. So hookers only every other night then?

---------------------------------

Get real .....at 70 years of age, a different girl every night is a thing of the past, my friend.

Ha! Must have been a past life for me. But feeling quite comfortable with two or three times a week now that I am pushing 70.

[chicowoodduck]

Well, since I live in Pattaya, I suppose sooner or later someone will push me off of some building or the like! ??

[chicowoodduck]

This has absolutely nothing to do with age and everything to do with attitude, state of mind and health.

Now I am 71 and can do ANYTHING a 25 year old can do (except join an under 25 Club) and could easily cope with a hooker every night if I wanted to.

If you want to know what I would do if I was physically or mentally lacking - I don't know!

Change your screen name to Bull shi* ?

[humqdpf]

The best insurance is to preserve your body and mind with adequate lifestyle.

Good idea. So hookers only every other night then?

Actually the reference to hookers is more appropriate than you think. When I was in Bangkok and used to drink in a bar where there were also waitresses who were available for extra-curricular (ahem) activities, an elderly European guy used to show up (at least 80 years old). His entrance was always the same. The taxi would full up in front of the bar where there were tables outside and the first thing that would appear out of the taxi would be the zimmer frame. Several of the bar girls would rush out (he was a good tipper) to help him out of the car and onto a chair at his table.

In conversation he told me that he had a medical condition that restricted his movement and drained him of his energy. He had tried to live in a special accommodation in his home country but he was lonely and the cost of the accommodation made him broke. So he upped and moved to Bangkok. There, with a much smaller budget he was able to live in a nice condo, employ an assistant during the day and go to a bar during the evening.

Later, in conversation with one of the bar girls, she revealed that he would inevitably take one of the girls home but "him no boom-boom. Cannot." Instead, the girl helped him to bathe, gives him a massage and helped him to the bathroom during the night. But this chap always tipped well and treated everyone with respect and courtesy. He was also a great conversationalist and humorist. Never short of people to talk to.

That was one person's response to the question. But it might not be the best response for everyone, especially those who are a bit healthier than he who might be and may live longer and want a more varied life.

The first and most important item is money. Either you can afford the lifestyle you want, including the health insurance or stay in your home country and work until you do. For me, I would not live in Bangkok. Fine to visit but not to live. I would find somewhere where I could make friends - not just the bar flies but people who you might share interests, whether it is golf or archaeology. Try to keep a good humour - no one wants to talk to some grumpy person who thinks the world owes him/her something.

Many folks like to have a retirement occupation. That is fine but it cannot be one where you risk a lot of money and therefore your future lifestyle. Keep your interests and hobbies. As regards a spouse, a friend with or without benefits or a housekeeper, you need to keep the roles well-defined and keep your eyes wide open. As you get older, it is so easy for someone to become your special friend who will then isolate you and gain control of you and your assets - I have seen it several times. There is no need to be paranoid about it but it is important to be realistic.

Always a good idea to avoid taking on large responsibilities, whether they be through marriage, business or property, unless you are the sort of person who thrives on that.

It is also important to have someone you trust, either a family member in your home country or someone who lives in Thailand who can intervene if things go really wrong (if you have an accident, start to lose your marbles etc) and would have your best interests at heard. Often a good idea to make a living will (one that states your preferences should you lose your mind) if that kind of thing bothers you. For me, if I lose my marbles, I expect that I will not know about it and so it won't matter so much and then they can put me in a home.

Once you have set things up in a way that suits you, try to enjoy life!

[ChrisKC]

This has absolutely nothing to do with age and everything to do with attitude, state of mind and health.

Now I am 71 and can do ANYTHING a 25 year old can do (except join an under 25 Club) and could easily cope with a hooker every night if I wanted to.

If you want to know what I would do if I was physically or mentally lacking - I don't know!

Change your screen name to Bull shi* ?

There is no need for nasty remarks! I have described myself as I AM, not what I wish to be. If you have evidence of my insincerity then I wish to hear it and defend myself. In the meantime, you know nothing of my capabilities and I reserve the right in the context of the OP, to say what is actually true.

[Colabamumbai]

I will be "found dead" as they say in Thailand.

[AlphaSoiDog]

Bit off topic (sorry OP) but related to discussion:

When I was still cycling in Oz one of the weekly rides had a guy I could never beat home. It was a 60km ride and he would just keep a steady pace, regardless of what the pelaton was doing. This meant that he was often putting in a lot more effort as he was behind and out of the draft. Yet he would always be near the front for the race over the last 6kms, then would generally be in the first group at the coffee shop. The age range for these rides was roughly 18 to 75 with 20 to 40 riders.

Great guy, smart, sharp, sensible, funny, strong and 75 yrs old. By the time I'm 75 I'm aiming to be as strong, fast and comfortable with life as he is now.